• Member Since 10th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 6th, 2016


I'm back


The Crystal heart has not worked. Rainbow Dash has managed to escape Sombra's grasp. Her friends are not as lucky as Rainbow Dash and are captured by Sombra and his Crystal slaves. Sombra is a great fighter but also a dirty one. Rainbow Dash comes to the decision that their is only one way to stop Sombra. Desperate to free her friends and save Celestia's rule, Rainbow Dash gives the ultimate sacrifice for her friends.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

You HAVE to continue it now! Otherwise you've ruined the story right in the description! Anyway, good to see you posting! (also First!) :twilightsmile:

thanks for the story in the description :trollestia:

and get yourself a fucking proofreader
then you be in business, yo

Comment posted by TheFineBrony deleted Mar 28th, 2013

I am thinking about being a proofreader and from what i've learn and espearianced you need more than 1 proofreader for every mistake to be caught.

Y U NO WRITE MORE?:raritydespair:

It's so good more I say more

Comment posted by TheFineBrony deleted Mar 28th, 2013

I. Like it so much can't wait till the next chapter:raritystarry::ajsmug::rainbowlaugh::twilightsheepish::yay:

1869368 you're welcome. it is amazing. I cannot wait for the next chapter... Ok, so, I guess I can, but I really don't want to!

Before I start a main part, you need to know that I'm a Pole. My English is like shit, and my fics are known to have one of the worst grama construction ever seen. Without pre-reader, my stories are unable to read and almost all critique about them is always about dammit grama.

Heck, I found somebody whose grama is almost as bad as mine.

For the love of Celestia... seriously, men. So many mistakes, so many reapeters, so many commas mistakes, so many basic NOT-TO-DO things ( like putting more than three "!" or "writing number with "4" instead of "four"".

Idea was actually quite nice, but you seriously derped plot in the later part. It's just... "unreliable" in shortcut.

I highly suggest to find a pre-reader/proof-reader/editor/whatever who will help you with all dat problem.

MORE PLEASE!! :rainbowkiss:

This seems like a very good story. Wow, this is quite a story, actually. I'm definitely keeping an eye on this. It has very high potential, because I haven't seen a scenario like this. By the way, maybe you should add an "Alternate Universe" tag for this, since it's different from what happens in the show. Just a little tip. Other than that, story-wise, it's fantastic. I really enjoyed reading this, despite some glaring issues with grammar, and that cliffhanger really got me. I can't wait to see the outcome of this.

The writing itself, overall, is pretty good. If you clear up the errors, clean it up a bit, it could look very good and strong. But that said, this can be so much better once this gets edited. I can't really say anything about it except this: One main problem I have that no one has said quite yet is the constant change of pretense. One minute, it says, "She says," and the next, maybe, "He ran." Or something like that. It can be very distracting, so pick one pretense--past or present--and stick with it. Like I said, the idea is strong, but can be executed better once smoothed over. :)

First of all rainbowdash lives because it said MANE 6 and if dash died it would of been mane 5, but it said 6 so she lives you just gotta think :rainbowwild:

But won't all there lives be affected? I mean if Rainbow Dash dies, her life would be different, it would be gone, right? Any way, I will leave that up to your interpretation I hope you liked the story.

I'm not favoriting this for the grammar, but for the story and heartfelt feelings in here. Awesome how she may or may not be dead. While it's true you said the mane six's lives, we can't be sure Rainbow's dead or not because being in a coma is still being alive. So it can change the mane six's lives by the death of Rainbow Dash (death is a type of change to one's life) but it can also change their lives by Rainbow's awakening :rainbowderp: Oh so clever :twilightsmile: Also, thanks, you've inspired me to write my own near death fic. I shall mention you in the Author's Notes


Cool, can't wait to see it. Send me a link maybe when your done. And yes sorry about my grammar.

I shall! And grammar's not everything. As long as it can be understood :ajsmug: Applejack Approval

MOAR!:flutterrage: Do you think you can make a sequel? I love this so much!:heart:

I'm not going to like or dislike this story. It's a good story but there are a lot of things wrong with it word wise.
1. You go from present tense (ex. Applejack and Pinkie back away slowly) to past tense (ex. Twilight held on to Rainbow Dash's hoof)
2. Oh my Faust so many run on paragraphs! Dude, I saw at least three times where you just made one big ass paragraph instead of two regular paragraphs!
3. Just some basic spelling errors.

None of this was meant to be mean, I'm just trying to lend a hand.:fluttershyouch:


Yeah, I understand what you mean and thanks. This was my first take at a fanfic before I got an editor.

COME ON:twilightangry2:
i damand a sequel

All da FEELS! :fluttershbad:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DASHIE :fluttercry::flutterrage::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::fluttershysad::pinkiegasp::raritycry::raritydespair::twilightangry2:
wait did dashie leave or did she chose life I don't know plz tell me I can not live not knowing if MY dashie lived or died....

Omg this was so sad! :applecry: But it was really well written! :twilightsmile: Sequel? :fluttercry:

Great :pinkiehappy: and sad :fluttercry: story, m8! *gives Cyber cookie*
I DEMAND A SEQUAL!!!:flutterrage::twilightangry2:


As do I!!

SEQUEL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

I request that you start the process of construction of a sequel for this story

Someone has probably made you aware of this already, but there is some inconsistency in wether the story is written in the past or present

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