Loves to read and write, I decided to try writing fanfiction after a long hiatus thanks to ponies
The Writers' Group56,470 stories ·9,300 members
Looking for Editors3,383 stories ·5,416 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,383 stories ·3,071 members
Twilight awakens to find that her teacher has failed her and demands her to return to Canterlot for punishment. The friends that she has made seem to be...off. Her trusted assistant gone, and her life torn to pieces. Why? How can she come back...and what is up with the strange cat that has been following her.
(crossover with a villain from Aladdin tv series, don't have to watch the show in order to understand her)
Page generated in 0.122 seconds
Total duration
716 users online
1,031,264 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Space after Ellipses, unnecessary slash.
Any why not use 'forever'? Splitting it up into two words seems like a waste.
Space after Comma.
Since when was the letter attached to her horn?
No space after Quotation marks, you do this a couple times.
Surrogate is the proper spelling.
Also, Egyptian should be capitalized.
Recommend an Interrobang.
Mismatched quotation marks.
Oh, I remember her all right...a certain old foe of a certain '90's Disney movie hero voiced by a certain "Cheers" actress...
Just for you I am editing it
1816885
An editor...for me? Thank you!
No seriously, thank you...I always appricate ANY help, I cant get better without it
1816870
Great screenname... Yes, she is one of my fave villans from the show
1816809
Okay, onto the edits.
-I heel really stupid about those mismached quotes and how did I put a space onto forever I never do that! *wallbangs*
- I guess I should've put down "dropped from the magic of her horn" or something to that extent huh?
-Interrobang..what is that?
Thank you all...this is why I prefer going here than fanfiction.net...I feel like I actually have a critique.
1816918
An Interrobang is basically '!?'. It's application is in situations like above, where things were rather tense and Twilight was asking both an interrogative question and making an exclamation.
Amazing, fuck all the typos, make MOAR
Nice to see this updated. Also liked Mirage's disgusted reaction/reference to Chaos...looks like she still hasn't gotten over him manipulating her into helping Al that one time.
1921418
Thank you, I figure she is never one to forget such an insult.
This deserves more upvotes than it has.
You know, Mirage is starting to repeat the same mistakes Nightmare Moon made...after performing those same mistakes herself in "Eye of the Beholder", you'd think she'd know better by now...
2158483
Eye of the beholder is one of my fave "Aladdin" episodes...just to let you know.
and you are correct, villians never seem to learn do they?...But then again, Mirage is evil...not smart. If she were smart then she would be Xanatos
I like this whole concept and am quite surprised that it has received more down-votes than up-votes.
2159949
Thank you, I think the reason why it has so many more is because the first chapter has several spelling and grammar errors.
Not a bad story. I like all the scenes with the ponies interacting with each other. On the other hand every SINGLE scene with Mirage bores me to tears and just jolts me out of the narrative. It is that whole 'Ooh look at me, I'm such a dark evil being, OoOohhh...' , it just feels so overplayed and artificial. I vaguely recall Mirage from Aladdin and if this was how she acted then I would say that is the disney theme shining through. Not really feeling fitting for here.
2205771
To tell the truth, I hadnt planned on Mirage making appearences like this. I was thinking of having her only appear at the beginning of the tale, be the reason for Twilight and Trixie's fight, and then never appearing again until the last chapter. However, I felt like if she didnt she would just seem less of a villian to the audience. But I canunderstand where you are coming from
I am glad you enjoy the girl's interactions though, I was hoping to do that right
This review is brought to you on the behalf of the group: Authors helping Authors
Name of story[/b]: Equestria's Mirage.
Grammer Score:7 out of 10
Pros:
An excellent, albeit short introspective on the traits of the Mane Six plus Trixie.
The characters were in-character for the most part.
Mirage is an awesome villain.
Cons:
Twilight figuring out what was wrong with Fluttershy was a bit confusing as she mentioned that the dimming meant that she was dying before she realized the problem.
There are some annoying typos and format errors.
There needed to be some better lead-up to Mirage's backstory in the last chapter.
Notes:
This is an interesting story. It gives some mild nostalgia with Mirage being the Big Bad. There are some typos here and there and the formatting needs some work. Some of the dialogue gets confusing at times. The story is pretty good however and the characters are pretty well intact.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by reviewing my story: "Royalty"
Holy shit.... while I read your story, or I could think of was "wtf are you doing? you're killing off every character... wtf wtf wtf"
... then the ending came... AHHH~ OKAY NOW IM INTERESTED. will read the rest later.
2311489
then my work here is done. It was what I was going for
2312138 its alittle too unbelievable. If people dont have the patience to tolerate all of it, they'll just think its some badly written fic
O.o huh? Kindly explain to me how dashy woke up? O.o....
P.s. Fix your grammatical and spelling mistakes pleeeeeeease. Not to mention punctuation
Oh my. This chapter actually moved me... Son, this is a great story,.. But you've GOT to fix those mistakes at the start.
Oh man. This felt real... Like it could have been the mane 7 for season 4 (since season 3's first episode is known lol)....
still, i cant stress the importance of grammar, punctuation and proof reading your work first... This could have recieved much more upvotes, snd less down votes...
But for now, faved :D
The end confused me. But I liked it still. So lemme get is straight. The cat was Luna? And the whole thing was to help free the element berrors from the void? Right?
2392056
Yes, the blue cat that Twilight saw at the beginning of the fic (The one that showed her being in a nightmare) was Luna, the egyptian cat was Mirage watching her toy suffer. And yes it was a plan to get the bearors out of there. Luna let Trixie go there first in order to help Twilight get the other bearers out of their voids. Luna decided to get Twilight first, just in case Trixie couldnt find the others.
Holy fucking shit, man. I j-just love this fic. Fav'd. Nao. You're in FBC now.
This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society
Story Title: Equestria's Mirage
Author: Alchemystudent
Reviewed by: Shahrazad
Equestria’s Mirage is a character drama with some good action thrown in. It’s a fun story that anyone can read. It has some flaws, but it’s worthy of a light read. Despite the rocky start, it shows what an author can do when a good idea is allowed to run its course.
Full Review
Score: 7.0/10
Wow...that's about all I got. This was really good and needs more views. Approved for Twilight's Library
The idea of pinkies other half being caged, and actively using said other half to protect herself in this situation was quite brilliant, though it also makes it clear to Twilight and them that...theres a lot more to Pinkie..and it needs care as well
This is freaking epic man, So EPIC Ending!
Does Chaos appear or is at least mentioned in this story? What about the sequel?
4847151
Yes, he is mentioned
That is a very interesting concept I had not considered before.
Is it me, or did Trixie just trick Rainbow Dash into doing all the work?
6261799
Yes, yes she did.
It took me awhile but I realized the references.
And good job on making me go WTF there.
Now you have my undivided attention.
I do believe I know the song Trixie was singing.
Good choice.
I prefer to call that part of Pinkie "Diane", because it just sounds better than "Pinkamena"
Really liking this story.
All around brilliant story.