• Published 3rd Dec 2012
  • 9,321 Views, 51 Comments

Bro - TechyConversant



The blue pegasus constantly acts like you two are best buddies...and you're far from it.

  • ...
12
 51
 9,321

Bro

It's a lovely day in Equestria. Sun's shining, clouds are sparse. Ponies wave as you pass by, and you wave back with a smile. Your arrival in this world accepted with open hooves. You were on your way to Fluttershy's cottage, when...

"Hey, bro!"

Rainbow Dash comes flying towards you in a blue blur. Oh great. HER again.

You heave a heavy sigh. "Hello Ms. Rainbow."

She laughs at the formality. "Come on, bro, just call me Dash!"

Again with this 'bro' business. Every day it's the same thing with this mare. Trying to be your best friend. No thanks.

"Well, it was nice to see you."

At that, you walk past her towards the orchard. Without turning around, you know she's following you. You can FEEL her there.

"Ms. Rainbow."

No answer. You roll your eyes with gusto.

"...Dash."

"What's up, bro?" She happily answers to her preferred moniker.

"What are you doing?"

"I dunno, I'm up for anything!"

Your face is soon covered by your disapproving palm.

"No, Ms. Rainbow, not what WE are doing, I asked what YOU are doing."

Her hoof rubs lightly against her chin. "Is there a difference?"

You heave a heavier sigh. There SHOULD be.

After a bit of walking, and you arrive at Fluttershy's. You see her tending to some bunnies out back. Quietly, you walk to the backyard. The yellow pegasus is feeding the plethora of rabbits.

"Here's a carrot for you, Betty...and one for you, Felix...and one for you, Alexander..."

The bunnies adorably take the carrots from her. You whisper to the yellow pony.

"Good morning, Ms. Fluttershy."

She didn't hear you, apparently. You try whispering a little louder.

"Ms. Fluttershy!"

Still doesn't catch her attention. A certain blue parasprite is becoming impatient...

"HEY FLUTTERSHY!!!"

"EEEEEEP!!!"

The piercing yell causes the bunnies hopping off in different directions. Fluttershy remains petrified in shock.

"There we go!" Rainbow says with a triumphant tone.

You glare at her, then tend to Fluttershy.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Fluttershy."

"I-it's okay Anon, it wasn't your fault..."

Not willing to directly blame her friend, she drops the matter almost instantly.

"I assume you're here for the flowers?"

You nod in agreement.

"Ooo, flowers? What flavor?"

Dammit, Ms. Rainbow. You don't eat these flowers. Well, YOU don't. Fluttershy leads you to a small garden, filled with a beautiful assortment of flowers.

"The bees pollenate these flowers all the time...they should be perfect..."

Looking upon the garden, they certainly are! A whole assortment of flowers, of different shapes, sizes, and colors.

"Oh boy, these look DELICIOUS!" Rainbow picks a red and blue flower, munching down on it. "Delicious!"

Didn't even ask if she could have it. You sigh, then turn to Fluttershy.

"Ms. Fluttershy, would it be alright if I-"

She nods. "O-of course, take what you need."

You thank her, and begin your search. Yellow ones, pink ones, large green plants, small blue petals...

"Go with these, bro! They are SO tasty!"

Rainbow is still stuffing her maw with flowers. You aren't going for taste, however. Suddenly, you see the perfect choice. A small magenta flower with white speckles. It looks wonderful. You grab a few of them.

"These will be fine, thank you very much."

Fluttershy nods. "It's no problem at all, Anon."

You take your leave, Rainbow following.

"Oh man, those tasted GREAT!"

"You know, Ms. Rainbow, you COULD have asked her before taking them."

Rainbow shrugs. "Nah, it's alright with her."

It really isn't. After a short walk, you arrive at your next destination. Sweet Apple Acres. You spot Applejack, bucking some trees.

"Hello, Ms. Applejack!"

You shout and wave, hoping to catch her attention. It works, the orange mare stopping to check who called for her. Once she realized who it is, her face lights up.

"Anon!"

She unhitches herself from her applecart and trots over to you.

"So nice to see ya again! It's been too long."

You bend down, and she gives you a quick hug, which you return. Rainbow Dash audibly groans. You roll your eyes.

"And a good morning to you too, Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash doesn't respond. After a few moments, you break the silence.

"SO! I'm here to grab a basket of apples. Making some pie later."

The blue pegasus fistpumps a bit. "Aww yeah, I love apple pie!"

It's not for HER... Applejack shakes her head at Rainbow's behavior, but returns her attention to you.

"Ab-so-lutely, sugarcube. Hey Rainbow..."

Rainbow raises an eyebrow to the country pony.

"Would ya mind grabbin' Anon one of the baskets from the silo?"

She grins widely. "Of course! I'll grab them in 10 seconds flat!"

True to her promise, she bolts off towards the silo. 10 seconds was a welcome silence, however.

"Gosh, Anon, you two stick together like double-sided tape."

"I assure you, the tape VERY is one-sided."

And Dash has returned, a bucket of apples in tow. Handing them to you, she brushes off one of her wings.

"See? 10 seconds flat!"

You don't respond, giving Applejack the appropriate amount of bits.

"Impressive, huh?"

You return Dash's bravado with a sigh. "Quite."

"I know, but I'm JUST that amazing." Even one word is enough for her to expand her ego.

"Thank you very much, Ms. Applejack."

She bows, bending her front hoof. "T'was mah pleasure. Don't be a stranger now! You too, Dash!"

With a wave, you turn and leave, basket of apples in tow. Ms. Rainbow is still following you.

Annoying.

She continues to trail you all the way to your next stop, Carousel Boutique. As you approach, you can hear the disapproval in her voice.

"Ugh, this place? It's so boring! Why don't we go play some Stormball?"

"I can't." You retort.

She grins widely. "No problem, bro! I'll teach you!"

"No, Ms. Rainbow, I literally can't."

"Why the heck not?" She responds, slightly annoyed.

"I can't fly."

"...Do we have to chill here?"

You're starting to lose it. "If you don't like it, LEAVE."

"Nah, bro. I can hang."

This 'bro' thing is getting old, fast. Especially today. You knock on the door a few times. After a moment, a white mare answers.

"Welcome to Car-ANON! Oh my, it's always a delight to see you!"

"Same to you, Ms. Rarity."

Rainbow doesn't show any form of greeting whatsoever.

"Ah, yes, and a hello to you Dash! Always nice to see you two on such a fine day."

Rainbow lightly scoffs. "Of COURSE it's a beautiful day, I'm the weather control, after all." She states, smirking towards you.

Rarity stifles a nag or a scorn, as do you. Proceeding to walk inside her shop, it looks as organized and neat as ever. All her materials separated with care. Each mannequin sporting a different outfit. After marvelling at her establishment for a brief moment...

"So, I assume you know I'm here fo-"

She raises a hoof. "Say no more, I have JUST the thing." She trots into a back room, and using her magic, floats over a few black clothesbags. "Here you are, try these on."

You take the clothes, and walk into the changing room she gestured towards. Well, it wasn't really a changing room. More of a refurbished closet. You were one of the only creatures who cared about 'No Nudity in Public'. And she respected that.

"Hurry up, Anon! If the sun goes down, it'll be too dark to play!"

Even though her intentions aren't aligned with yours, she has a point. It WILL be sunset soon. Putting on the first ensemble, you step outside. Rarity's eyes sparkle as she gazed upon you.

"Oh my, Anon! It looks positively-"

"Stupid." The blue pegasus clearly didn't approve.

Rarity is dumbstruck. "I...I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me! It looks dumb, it's not right for him at all."

Perhaps fashion advice from Rainbow isn't the best thing to follow.

"Oh...maybe...ANON! Try on one of the others!"

"I, well, okay."

Honestly, you think it looked fine. Then again, suits weren't your strong point. You retreat into the changing room for a second time. Slipping on the second set, you step out. Now this one HAD to be approved. Even you thought so!

"Marvelous! Superb! Fascinating!"

"Lame."

Come on, Ms. Rainbow. "Rarity, I think it's-"

"No! Everyone must think it looks great! Try on the last one!"

Her compulsive desire for perfection is taking over. Ah well, you comply. She knows her clothing, after all. You take off the second suit and prepare to put on the third. Suddenly, the door opens.

"Come on, dude! We don't have all-"

She can't finish before you slam the door in her face. NO SENSE OF PRIVACY. You throw on the third suit and stomp out the door.

"It looks fine, Ms. Rarity. I'll be taking my leave now."

You drop the bits for the suit on a table and leave in a hurry. Rainbow, of course, follows right behind you.

"Glad we're finally out of there!"

"Why didn't you like those suits anyway?" You ask angrily.

"Because, dude, we can't play Stormball with those!"

You could feel the strain on the last nerve you had left.

"So what's next, bro?"

Calming yourself, you turn to face her.

"Wanna play a game?"

She springs up and starts flying around.

"Heck yeah I do! Whatcha wanna do? Tag? A Race? Hoof Wrestling?"

"No, Hide and Go Seek!"

Her happy demeanor fades slightly.

"Aww, that game's not as cool."

You shrug, and continue walking. "I suppose your right. Besides, not many ponies are good at it, figures you wouldn't be either."

Checkmate, you knew it. In a split second, she flies in front of you.

"I am SO good at Hide and Go Seek! If they had a Young Flier's award for THAT too, I'd have it!"

"Alrighty then!" You bury your face in the clothesbag and begin counting.

"1...2...3..."

At this, she dashes off in a random direction.

...

...and she's gone. FINALLY. You pull your face up and breathe a sigh of relief. It's time to get this night underway. You carry the flowers, apples, and clothesbag back to your house. It was nothing special, but it was yours nonetheless. You swing open the door, and place the flowers on the table, and the clothesbag on a hanger in a closet.

It was time to get to work. Bringing the basket into the kitchen, you slap on an apron. Don't want to get your suit dirty, after all. You break out the flour, and start preparing. Slicing the apples, preparing the dough... You have a record playing in the background. While Ms. Scratch may have created the disc, it's one of Ms. Octavia's ballads. Very soothing.

You roll up your sleeves and begin kneading the crust. Once it's of a proper consistency, you line the pie tin with it, leaving a bit of an edge to create a flaky crust. You go to the oven, and set it to preheat. Placing the sliced apples in the pie tin, you cover it with a thin top-layer of crust. Perfect! Before the oven is ready, you take off your apron, and start wiping the counters clean of flour, making the kitchen neat.

The oven makes a noise. Preheating must be done! Seems a bit quick. You take the complete pie and hold it in front of you as you walk to the oven. Hm. It says it's not ready. You open the oven to check the heat. And a blue winged ball tackles you.

"You found me, bro!"

The pie...

"See, I TOLD you I was good at this!"

It's smashed all over your chest...

"Now it's your turn to hide!"

Your suit is covered in crust and applesauce...

"C'mon, Anon!"

Everything's...ruined.

"Bro?"

Bro, bro, BRO. Your hand comes up and punches Dash square in the jaw, knocking her off you.

"HEY, that hurt bro!"

In an instant, you were standing, towering above her. "You have NO RIGHT to call me that!"

You can see a visible wince of fear. Good.

"You BROKE INTO my home, and hid in my oven?!?"

"I didn't break in, dude! You never lock your upstairs window!"

"Get. Out. Of. My. House." You sternly raise a hand.

She cowers, fearing another hit. You simply point towards the door. Once she looks from behind her hooves, she tries to speak.

"But br-"

"OUT."

That final word made her move. She stood to her hooves, and without a sound, walked out the front door. As soon as she left, you collapsed to the floor, sitting against your kitchen counter. You never lose your temper like that. A few minutes pass, and you finally calmed down. Good thing too, because soon-

*knock knock knock*

Oh no. She's here...She's here EARLY. The pie was supposed to be don-THE PIE. It's not done. It's all over your chest. All over your SUIT. That's ruined too. At least the flowers are still there.

*knock knock*

Ugh. You can't answer the door like this. You get up, and look around. Busted pie is all over the floor. Dammit. Suddenly, the door opens.

"Hello? Anon, are you here?"

The mare carrying the voice walked into the house, and turned to see you awkwardly standing in a messy kitchen covered in pie. Wonderful.

"Ah, hello...Ms. Sparkle..."

She stands there for a few moments, then begins laughing. You're a laughing stock, way to go. You hang your head in shame. When you look up, Twilight is right in front of you, wiping your suit clean with magic.

"Anon, I'm pretty sure this is why we let Pinkie do all the baking." She giggles at her own joke.

"Heh, yeah..."

Looking over yourself, the pie is gone. Good as new.

"Thank you, Ms. Sparkle."

She sighs. "So polite! You can call me Twilight, you know."

"Okay then, Twilight."

You walk to the table and offer her a seat, opting to leave the kitchen mess for later.

"Thank you." As she sits, she notices the flowers. "Anon, these are beautiful!"

As you go to thank her, she takes a bite.

"And my favorite flavor!"

...you can't help but laugh a bit at that.

"Anon, you went through all this trouble for one of my weekly visits?"

"Of course I did!" Way to word vomit that out almost immediately. She visited you weekly to learn about humans and human culture. "Easily one of the things I look forward to the most is you spending time with me."

A visible blush creeps across her face.

"I tried to make this one a bit, well, special. I kinda mes-"

She got up from her seat and silenced you with a hoof.

"We have some work to do, don't we?" You nod, her hoof still shushing you.

"I was thinking we would start with something we haven't touched on yet." Removing her hoof, she leans her head in closer to you, whispering, "Anatomy..."

-

Meanwhile...

"Ugh, Anon can be such a tool sometimes."

Rainbow lies back on a cloud, chatting to the open air.

"He had all those dumb ERRANDS to run today. And for what, baking pie in a clown costume?"

She scoffs. "Lame. Then when I surprise him all awesome-like, he throws me out!"

She stands on the cloud, standing in a prideful pose. "Obviously he didn't want to chill with the coolest mare in Equestria that night."

"...Or any night." Her pose begins to slump.

"Oh well, I'll catch up to him tomorrow. There's no way he can stay mad at me for that long. After all..."

She looks off into the distance, to Anon's house. She falls onto the cloud as she notices the last light go off.

"...he's my bro."

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Comments ( 51 )

Do you even bro?

Ok... not really sure what to think of this...

BRO I feel like to dancing to skillet and bash my head against the keyboard at the same time but its probably impossible

I liked it. It was pretty good. :pinkiehappy:

The fic is well written, not to my taste in humour however. I mostly just felt sorry for Rainbow Dash, who came off as being obsessed and needy, especially at the end. Still, I have no doubt it comes more down to personally taste rather than quality, so by all means, enjoy your upvote.

Have a nice day
BlackWinter

This reminds me of the infamous "Fluttershy" series where she wants Anon to ravish her, but is unable to and tries to discover the Anon's fetish.

1731091
oh god i remember those.
gosh, i haven't seen those in ages!

I don't know if I should laugh or feel sad. That's the mark of a good fic.

I very much enjoyed Anons refined way of speaking. That coupled with Rainbows "bro" stuff made this an enjoyeable read. I would like to see how Rainbow could ruin Anons day in other situations.

why would anyone punch a pony if so...... SUFFERRRRR!

1730829
ROFL, had to read that poem for school! It was boring, but when you put it like that, it's hilarious!:rainbowlaugh:

1730723 ... this isn't mature clop.....

RETURN TO UR DOMAIN FOUL DEMON *holds out cross*

naah but good story made me laugh :rainbowlaugh:

1756798 *Your

DO YOU EVEN ENGLISH?

Do you even lift, bro?

1733130
Obviously never had your name replaced with "Bro".

I found the whole thing amusing, but the ending crushingly sad. This was better then I expected by a long shot.

My god.. I never read a fic like this one before

That ending..

I think half the humor was lost on me. I don't believe I have read the kind of story this is parodying.

Still fun I guess. But I felt sorry for Dash as much as for Anon, maybe more.

Perfect...
This probably just made my night....
:moustache:

A nice spin on an old idea, though that ending makes me want more, but there is no more is there? Ah well...

Definitely felt for Dash at the end. Poor persistent Dash...

4739507 crest of friendship...
it fits the comment and the site

Now i would like romance story for them, it seems like you could make a good one. i would prefer a romance/slice of life, not only sweet and caring things, but normal stuff like this here too. I started a bit further in the middle, but could not stop reading. I like it.

See the rainbro, taste the rainbro.

Rainbow Dash is way too stubborn. She can't take a hint, even when Anon is angry as all hell.

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/421/615/f34.gif

As much as I can sympathize with Anon, I felt really sorry for Dashie at the end. She's just trying to be close to him, only she's got that idea as a nail so deep in her brain she doesn't really act as herself, and keeps forcing it. He must mean quite a lot to her to justify the extreme behavior.

Yo Rainbro, I'll be your bro, bro. That Anon faggots no good for you, bro. I'm the bro you bro with, bro.

1760947
this Anon reminds me of a human version of Ulquiorra Cifer from Bleach.
That ending was kinda sad, but it also made me wonder WHY Dash was acting so obsessed, clingy, and needy, to the point of being OOC.

While I do understand Anon's point of view, that was still a bit harsh hitting her in the jaw.

5749708
...I'll say this
If someone I tolerated BROKE into my house to jumpscare me
a punch to the face seems tame

Woah, bro.

Every one is sympathetic because it's Dashie.
Not realizing that this is a crazy stalker who is obsessed with him. He struck her and she wants to go back thinking he just didn't want to hang out that day.
And yet I really think he should not have hit her. Unless in defense of self or others a man should never strike a woman. That's how I was raised.

Jeeze, pretty soon we're gonna see her standing over a dead body.

"Y.. You don't understand, I did this for US bro!"

Until she formally apologizes to both Trixie and Gilda for treating the two of them like trash during their first time in Ponyville, I will never be Rainbow Dash's bro, bro. She should have never interrupted Trixie's show, and she should have realized that something was wrong with Gilda.

7714909
Alternatively, the fine minds over here at Twisted Minds Emporium have come up with several solutions to this "problem":
First: You could ask her to kill herself, a lá Doctor Who.

Second: you could use her to get anything you wanted, all while giving her token gestures of appreciation. Such as, say Twilight Sparkle's birthday was coming up, and you had no idea what to get her for it. Sure, you could get her a book, but she lives in a library. You could ask her, but a rule of thumb when dating someone is never flat out ask the person what they want for their birthday, as you are expected to already know. So, the obvious solution here is to ask Rainbow Dash to ask Twilight Sparkle what she wants for her birthday, without mentioning that she's asking for you, and then tell you what Twilight says.
Third: Have her sign a blank piece of paper, and then go to a courthouse and get that blank piece of paper turned into a restraining order.

Damn, RD was annoying as hell in this : (

Anon, you have crush on Twi?
:moustache:me gusta

I would have pulled Rainbow dash to the side and explain to her the need for personal space.

7511076
Technically, though, it could be construed as self-defense. I mean, she did shock him, and humans CAN have heart attacks from shock. Ergo, what he did could have been construed as self-defense.

9939177
I know it's true. That's why I said it.

9939295
I was agreeing with you. No need to be a jerk.

9939724
You're the one who started this by implying that the main character of the story, Anon, was not as morally righteous as you are. Therefore, what goes around, comes around.

i don't like this , it is not bad, the contrary... i still do not like it

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