(He/They) Sometimes you just want to hear your favorite story told a little different
New in town, Twilight joins a club with Rainbow Dash and Applejack. In their great search to discover who they are the newly founded Cutie Mark Crusaders have many strange adventures. From bullies to babysitting, pets to parties, hang gliding to hanging out, grand schemes to groundings these three will do anything to get their cutie marks. No matter what the risks are.
A story in the universe of Age Swap
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I'm just wondering if Pipsqueak as a teacher, would use his full name
Wait... how can there only be three blank flanks? I guess if you are keeping the CMC paradigm. Never could figure why other blank never are mentioned or join up. Guess they are not as obsessed as the CMC.
While the idea is intriguing and unique I seem to see problems still shifting about.
First and foremost, something that seems very common to occur with writing is short and somewhat choppy flow of the story. In essence, you need to try to add more information that will satisfy the reader. While it's fine to have good amounts of dialogue, it also helps to describe the scene as well as you can.
Also, how would it have happened that Twilight knew the name of Pinkie Pie, without having met her before. (I wouldn't know if she was in the class with Twilight.)
Could we also get characterization? Although we probably already know how the characters should react, it seems that the main 3 might have differing attitudes to what their standards are.
Otherwise, I really rather like the idea, and hope you will create more chapters.
"A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting." - Henry David Thoreau
3011899 Thank's for the advice. I'll be sure to use them all more.
Sometimes the story calls for short sentences. I try to use them when I'm building suspense. I do need to work on putting in more description though.
On the thing with names, they DID meet. In the first story Twilight met all of the 'mane six.'
I need more.
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Okie so is this how it iz? Me= Scootaloo Twilight= Sweetie Belle and AJ= Apple Bloom?
3011941 I will read later. Personally, I think it would make more sense for it to be Rarity instead of Twilight (given the parallels of Rainbow Dash and Applejack). Still it sounds like a cute idea. Do I need to read your other Age Swap stories to get this one?
3016061 You should probably read the first one just so you know everyone's roles.
This. More.
Now.
You should honestly make a Age Swap group so others can write for this universe, and keeping up with all the stories will be easier
3017112 Good to know, thanks!
This is really cute. I'm following this.
Note: there are two their/there mistakes in the intro.
“We should do Cutie Mark Acquisition Program.”
Nice one!
3060613 If people keep saying Rarity instead of Twilight I might just have to write a story with The Dashing Rainbow Rangers.
3060624
I enjoyed this chapter with Twilight, Rainbow and Applajack. It's up to you to put in the characters you want.
I love your age swap stores!
I was not expecting this update. Good Job though.
Intresting concept. Pretty funny
3060624 I'd read that got sure.
Re-reading this, I think this is my favorite story set in Age Swap universe, it's just so cute.
*Giggles like Pinkie Pie on a monster energy high* This was terribly adorkable and well worth the wait to read. More my fault than yours on that part, but I'll be looking forward to seeing more chapters. The writing was well done here and I loved the fast pace with this cute slice of life. Good job. (Though remember fast pace ain't the best on everything.) I alos liked how you used Pip, that was interesting enough. Mr. Pip. Should have called him Dr. Pip. :D
Well this was interesting enough, though I was hoping to see if the tortoise would actually ride the wagon and go at super duper speeds... And then he'd crash and Rainbow Dash would be worried but he's a turtle so he'd be fine! So after she realized that she'd be impressed and want to do all sorts of stunts with him and and they could have a durby race and... OK I'll stop now. I really like this chapter, it was really nice and long too. Cute as an angel in hell. :3
Hey there. Sorry I took so long to get back to reviewing your stuff, but this is pretty darn good. I get that you have a hard time coming up with the time and/or inspiration to do these stories. Quality over speed, after all. Excellent job, of course, on the exchanges, emotional content and humor in both these chapters thus far. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Hey there. Superb piece of work on this series of course. Excellent exchanges, humor, characterizations and future story set-up in all the right places. I have a few story ideas (other than the one I shared in the appropriate thread in your "Age Swap" group, but I'll share them via Personal Message in order to minimize potential spoilers. :-D
LOL! Great job on this latest chapter. :-D The humor and emotional content are BOTH well done. :-D I'll definitely be looking forward to more stories in this series as soon as you can think of them. :-D
Awesome chapter
Twilight wins with the best escape ever "LIGHT SCREEN"!!
waiting for more!!!
Wooh. It's updated. I missed it, but it did. Now it seems like there might be some awkwardness between Spike and Sweetie.
great story so great
Tangerine Blast i like it and i don't hate you
I really like this story so far hope to read more soon
Twilight needs to be Rarity
I was hoping for Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack for that
Really good story, really hope it's not dead