nukestar
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Well that started out Dark. Good but dark.
I'm so looking forward to see where you take this.
11765184
Lol, blame Hasbro. They're the ones who decided that Gen 5 would start with none of the Gen 4 characters anywhere to be found (even the immortal ones), the three major tribes alienated from each other and magic not existing.
11765187
Aye, not a lot of people did like what they did with the ending, and with Gen 5 being in the same universe after Twilight and soon after, it just makes Twilight look like a failure for how else did things end up like they did. And I can see how something there looks small like changing Twilight's sex can be big enough to changes everything. So I am really looking forward to what you got planned.
11765193
The Gen 5 start is even more significant if you have the headcanon that alicorns are living personifications of aspects of reality. Then, Magic being sundered from ponykind implies unfortunate things about Twilight.
Fate is vulnerable to For Want of a Nail. The smallest causes cause the biggest effects.
11765198
Fully agree there, for with how everything is set up, it looks like Twilight did it to the world.
The same can be said about the Apple family, for how does a family line like that just die out? They make what happen in the time between Gen 4 and 5 look really dark.
11765204
And that's exactly what happened - would have happened - if not for the intervention of Discord and the Tree of Harmony. Twilight destroyed herself so utterly that she sundered Magic itself. And with the Fire of Friendship being long since extinguished the three remaining tribes turned their back on each other.
Of course it wasn't really Twilight's fault, she was handed a truly dire situation. A society that was ripping itself apart at the seams beneath a paper thin facade of calm. It was simply beyond the capabilities of a single mare - no matter how powerful - to fix.
The dark times that followed Twilight's Annihilation made even the Dark Age pale in comparison, and there were no Orders Stalwart to stand up and protect the common pony.
11765211
Aye, so it's far better to spin the wheel and see what else might happen. Which Discord should be more then happy to do, for such a thing can curse a lot of Chaos.
11765213
The problem with shattering Fate is you have absolutely no control of what happens afterward. You are cutting the Butterfly Net and letting loose a million small changes that all compound upon themselves and each other. All prophecy and foreknowledge is rendered Null and Void and things that would have never happened in a thousand years are suddenly commonplace.
But sometimes the alternative is so much worse.
11765213
Also there is a reason why I decided that Discord should not be able to do so alone.
👁️👍
11765225
Thank you.
11765218
Aye, he and the tree together is the perfect choice for this, for Discord's plans alone has a history of failing hard, but with the Tree's help. Well who knows what might come of it.
11765232
I do, lol.
11765237
Aye, that you do.
11765239
In all seriousness, I actually have a plot planned out. And character arcs and themes and a coherent set of metaphysics, cosmology and history. That can't be said of the previous two versions of this story.
And, oh my God, I've done way too much worldbuilding for my silly little parody harem-comedy that I started writing when I was 17.
Well, consider me hooked.
11765258
Glad that you like it.
11765242
I think many can be guilty about that, for I will be honest I have made my own fair share of world in my head, ideas for games, stories and other things for it's far to fun thinking about such things. So seeing others idea's and stories is fun.
11765260
I have more ideas than I know what to do with, yet this story is the only one that I have ever actually written.
Well that is a very different start. I'm curious to see where this goes.
11765322
I mean, the next chapter would be where the original story starts, the setpieces of chapters 1-3 are likely to be fairly similar (albeit I am still working on Chapter 1, so no promises). I added a prologue for
foreshadowinguh, reasons.How much of a story change have you planned compared to the original?
11765381
Honestly, I'm trying to be as conservative as possible about major plot changes, the rewrite is a lot more about writing quality, characterization, pacing and plot integrity.
That said, Twilight is going to spend more time in Ponyville at the start of this story.
11765389
I understand. Then, remembering our previous encounter, it would probably be better for me to stand aside.
all the best.
11765396
Ah, yes, I remember. If it helps, nothing in this story is intended to be allegorical to IRL situations.
11765399
I'll take a peek sometime.
Get hyped for V3.
11765404
That's all I can ask, I won't be angry if you drop my story because its themes cause you stress.
11765408
Aye, the rewrite of the rewrite is here, lol.
I think this certainly helps set the new tone to the rewrite of the story, again, and add a new shine feel to make it stand out from the others. At first glance I thought you might have lightly overdid it with the theatrics to what originally felt more like a light hearted humor/drama/romance gender bender story to an dramatic epic story, it could also be I completely misread your previous incarnations of the story. But with the all the foreshadowing it at least helps build up some anticipation to the reader, even if it might be overdone.
The appearance of Discord in the story is certainly new, and not all unwelcome, and you certainly do a good job in characterization, of how powerful and alien he is, as well as how he views history and time. Some tidbits of his past was interesting and certainly steers away form the idyllic world of Equestria which we would expect and felt incongruent at times how everything we've seen in the show to be a a thin vail of lies, and that the Gender imbalance and mare dominated society; I would guess it was a difficulty to set the tone you were looking for. I would guess Discord will purposefully avoid Twilight in the story or will indirectly intervene off screen and out of sight, and will have a perfectly lame excuse why he can't come help Twilight get his previous gender back, or make a impossible deal that he knows Twilight won't agree to it, or flatly just say no that he likes him as a Stallion and could use a hoofball show buddy.
With the hints to G5(thank god it's over now), I would wonder if Opalin will come into the picture. I would guess the filly in the statue is probably Cozy Glow, unless you didn't see the show ending still. The Apple Jack son part was interesting and the colt was interesting. the part that Twilight had apparently 'fixed' the gender imbalance without needing to change gender in the first place, so I am guessing that the gender imbalance will be less of the focus to the story. I wonder why Queen Twilight's was so cold and detached and I wonder if having Twilight being a stallion will make it worst?
You also seemed to let yourself loose with the whole drama and changing destiny thing, makes me wonder if this prologue is a methadone of your previous attempt to write this story(I am pretty sure I didn't help matters with my constant nitpicking) and that this is supposed to clearly mark this is your definitive resolution to make?
11765417
Eh, the impression I've always got from this story is "a thin veneer of shenanigans disguises a whole bunch of Dark Souls lore and supreme angst." It’s strange, and a little dissonant, but I find it far more enjoyable to read than 99% of fiction on this site.
Well fuck you too, Celestia. It's one thing if there is no way to change back to how Twilight is supposed to be. But this is cruelty for no real reason I can see.
11765417
"My Silly Harem Comedy Should not be This Epic", lol.
In all seriousness, (lol, puns) I take this story way more serious than any sane man would. As I told Xalok, I have done WAY too much worldbuilding for this silly harem comedy. That said, I have matured a lot as a writer and I hope that this version will be a more mature story, and I'm not using that word euphemistically to mean "more sexually explicit", "more violent" or "darker".
Discord is a difficult character, there is a reason why he never appeared in the previous two versions of this story. With how arbitrarily powerful he is, he kind of breaks canon. Discord in this story is still powerful, he is far from omnipotent and his powers are actually pretty limited. Functionally, he cannot cast any magic that would reduce the total amount of chaos in the world (this often results in monkeypaw type effects), and the world is far more chaotic with Twilight a stallion.
"What do you mean I'm more Chaotic like this."
"You just growled at me and attempted to gore me with your horn. Mare Twilight would never do something like that, toodles."
Opaline is unlikely to appear although I can't rule it out.
Twilight managed to solve the sex imbalance but, well ...
"Suddenly the elderly mare’s expression changed, gone was the anger, leaving only cold hatred, she spoke slowly – letting Discord read the words from her lips – ‘yah took mah son’." and
"'Much like the Apple colt – indeed his entire generation – was a tool to you. And, may I say, you’re a lot rougher on your tools than dear Princess Celestia ever was.'"
... what was the cost?
The coldness of Twilight is pretty important and will be a major plot point in the first couple chapters. A thousand years ago, a foolish princess decided that she didn't need emotions any more.
Eh, the prologue is excessively dramatic because I is excessively dramatic. But I actually enjoy your nitpicking.
11765426
I'm not that familiar with Dark Souls but if what you mean by "Dark Souls lore" is "The world is in a horrible place because of thousands of years of compounding bad decisions" then that's exactly what the lore of this story is like. Although I am trying to tone down the turbo-angst a bit, V2 was started at a time where I wasn't in the best headspace.
11765431
Eh, I would say that she has a good reason for that.
Doesn't Discord appear in Gen 5? in the comics? Why wouldn't it show him? I think he is the only one though everyone else is still gone.
Edit: Also Spikes is still around and he appeared in the cartoon not the comics
Heres some stuff from the wiki
11765478
This isn't 100% canon compliant and I have not read the comics nor watched any of Gen 5.
11765483
Fair, I haven't either i just picked it up, from videos
I haven't either I find it weird that of all characters spike is apparently still around, I don't think Discord said anything about what happened, and I wonder what Spike will say about it he of all characters should know what happened
11765478
I also don't really consider the comics canon, and Discord doesn't really care whether Spike is alive (have the two characters ever actually even interacted?).
11765487
Uh, yeah, they have. Dungeons and Discord? Did you miss that episode?
11765503
I've 'missed' every episode since halfway through season 4, lol.
11765505
.
11765506
Also, that episode is in S6, this story takes shortly after S4 ended.
I always find Celestia forbidding Twilight from doing thing's in stores hard to believe seeing as Twilight is of same rank, and rather ooc of Celestia in general. I know this is your story, but it makes it hard to immerse myself in a story like this. There simply wouldn't be a kingdom without Twilight's efforts and sacrifice.
11765508
Eh, Celestia and Twilight might both be princesses, but they are not of equal authority or station. Hell even when Celestia and Luna ruled together, Celestia ended up with more authority (partly why Luna went Nightmare), and now Celestia has literally thousands of years on Twilight; it's absurd to assume that they would have equal amounts of power.
Oh I have been waiting for this one. I really loved the original. I can't wait to see where this one goes.
11765519
Thank you.
11765465
Then I hope you plan out the pacing out the story more evenly this time around and not mix too many treats at once. Seriously RD was like talking to at least three soul shards in the same day/hour(?), allow her a few days to pass to get used to them one at a time and give the occasional time to pass for the Mane Six and Ponyville to get used to the new situation even if it's just an overview of what happen, like allowing Twilight to groan in embarrassment, or at least becoming an alcoholic, those are juicy moments for me. While the last time the ideas were great there were just too many plot treads going on so closely to one another, it was frantic.
11765533
Pacing is actually one of the major reasons why this rewrite is even happening, because the pacing of V2 went off the rails, lol.
11765518
Yes and no. Celestia's rule was only possible by twilight as well as the hero of equestria. All Twilight would have to do is refuse to help with different matters till Celestia was forced. Twilight might not have the experience of Celestia but she holds most of the cards in the end putting her opinion far more credibility and pull that Celestia can't really refuse. One miss step and Celestia's castle of cards comes crumbling down permanently.
Even though Luna was feared by the ponys didn't mean she had any less pull. It just ment they didn't pay her the attention Celestia had. Luna just wanted appreciation for her work.
11765536
Off the rails with no crazy train in sight
11765558
Sigh, for someone who opened with a complaint about Celestia being out of character, you don't really have a firm grasp on Twilight's character.
Sure, Twilight could force the issue, and possibly even win. But this is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about, you know, the pony who has gone into multiple neurotic downward spirals of madness from worrying about disappointing Princess Celestia.
And once again, Princess Celestia has a very good reason for her denial.
Also, why are you trying to tell me what the canon of my story is? I am telling you - as the author of this story - that Luna - despite being Celestia's equal on paper - had a position of lesser authority and power, and that this contributed to her becoming Nightmare Moon.