• Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
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David Silver

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Comments ( 92 )

Luna didnt have to interupt the ritual, just, deform it? :trixieshiftright:

I love the start, can’t wait for more ideas

Rarity isnt an Element here then as you dont just yank one of th detonation wies when its shielding fractures and spews sparks all over you without having a quality maintenance crew behind you?

Intresting vatiation, especially given the recent CYOA series.

"Hm?" Luna sat on her throne. "That is not what I said." She pointed to Luna. "Welcome the newest member of our team." She turned the hoof to Bright. "He is in charge of keeping her fed and safe, as well as keeping her walking on the bright path she claims she wishes to trot along."

I suspect there was a distraction in this sentence as Luna is pointing to another?:unsuresweetie:

The tension was high. She didn't mean to point at herself.

I don’t know how I feel about this story. It seems… lesser than most things I normally see emerge from Silver’s horse words. It is stupendously fast paced. We have gone through five separate plot points and their relevant conversations in 4000 words. Then the conversations (which make up most of what is going on) have logic that is full of non-sequitor and erratic to follow, as though bits of dialogue or important accompanying actions are missing.

It feels crazy moving to this after my last Silver story, as though we suddenly don’t have a plotline to follow and the outcome of each conversation is reached because we need to be there instead of reaching it organically.

I was asked to write a silly high action story that reads like a comic book or pulp novel of serial adventures.

I am curious though, what dialogue bits feel disjointed? Specifics are good.

I wonder what kind of tracks the expert didnt think it was worth warning the newbies about due to freindly fire? :twilightoops:

The requested style explains most of it, that is just not a style I read much of. I just reread a few parts with fresh eyes and have a better picture of it all now. Nothing seems to be left out specifically, just there were questions that I would have expected to be asked that were not. Most of which are likely due to Bright not caring about details (asking for or providing them) and just being excited to be here. Actually asking them would have detracted from the style desired, so that makes more sense now. I am pretty sure I just had initial whiplash from the unexpected speed that everything took off rather than there being inherent issues.

I do hope this silly adventure is amusing to read. Silly is the best word that comes to mind. I am not trying to abandon all logic, just following a more slippery and campy feeling logic, if that makes sense?

Uhoh, they found Cthulus Drop Box. :twilightoops:

But with it be an S rank, or just another Common drop? I swear, this Gatcha is rigged.

I wonder how many other Temple artifacts and rlics were being powered, kept from failing through that Vortex?

Bright is a Jackalope? :yay:

Not going to lie, I was kinda hoping that they would get punished this chapter. You know since they kinda did just destroy an entire ecosystem because of personal prejudice last chapter. Not exactly feeling like we're following the good guys here.

They did a bad. Not going to lie.

Oh dear, what you expenct from small horses?

Clip Clop?:duck:

Love the start and relationship of rarity and bright!!!!

Lunas looking to have a quiet night with Cupcakes and a nice Moonshine? :pinkiegasp:

The Wendigo Gremlin Fiddle of Hamlyn?

And why did the Orchestra quit first?:trixieshiftright:

And theres only one unaffected entity?

Oh hey, a Satyrbite? :duck:

Why aint you affected Rarity?

Because darling, this uncouth villein simply has no Taste.:raritywink:

That explains why Bright was about to fall victim.

And elsewhere, Luna didnt bring the right bottle, Celestia got angered and the Dragons got a new Caldera to bathe in that night? :pinkiegasp:

A nice red waistcoat with a gold pocket watch, Black top hat, and silver monacle for Rabbitall?:duck:

"Need is a strong word." Luna sighed with a happy smile. "But I did want it. I'm feeling 'chill' and didn't want to ruin that walking over there over the hot sand."

Isn't it Rarity that is speaking here?

Fixed, oops. No typos on the beach.

Ihad sen enought predjudies with Celestia and Luna should go as bad , It is euht to not know just from the comment as Igoyt sick of stories of predjudice

Something something go away pastry is owed to insect?:rainbowderp:

Shoo Chou bee due?:trixieshiftright:

Oh deear, Sombras heading out of town cos Twilight research is suffusing all over his experiments. :twilightoops:

Sunburst is more Orange than Brown, unless dust loaded, and I cant remember what colour Stygian was. Time turner is Brown, but an Earth pony?

Nice one Sweetie. The greatest fortification can fail but from the smallest crack. Lets see what that implement was treated with, next. :trixieshiftright:

Ah, the old divide and conk him method. Very successful. An intrestng way of keeping a good supply on tap as ewll, medical coma should keep Sombra out of action.? :duck:

Is it me or is this text based on using the XKCD Ten Hundred Words list as little as possible? :derpytongue2:

Bright is staying very quiet on electricity.

Humans went from codifying the phenomena, to throwing one of its greatest use in a machine clear off the surface of the world, on a journey so great that by Brights time, the machine voyager had left the safety of the sun that created it.:scootangel:

S.M.I.L.E are neither good nor bad. At least they are better than SCP foundation in this regard. Otherwise, they do what they have to do.

"But thought most becoming creations clearly crave further refinement before debuting, we simply mustn't monopolize Sir Bright's keen perspective monopolize on short notice yes?" Another subtle step closer to the hall as Pinkie hesitated, considering. "Perhaps we reconvene tomorrow eve to continue collaborating on charming unmentionables combining comfort and allure?"

There seems to be one too many monopolize in there.

Oops. One mustn't monopolize his time like that.


Looks like your girlfreinds place is the Penthouse suite, of Spook Central. :duck:

Magic and will fueling urgent steps, vampony and familiar pressed on through perilous drainage corridors. They slowed as the gloom gave way to glowing lines trailing every available surface.

Repeats twice along a few following paragraphs. Paragraph before repeats too, but slightly altered.

Zapped the mentioned one, trying to find the second...

There was only one repeated section and I think you've got it all.

Thanks for the mistake finding. :heart:

If Rarity is getting a bit sizzled where the pipes are glowing, its a good thing she didnt have to go near the point where if they only have one or two primary underground entry ducts, the thaumalogical and electrical energies would be deadly to all but exceptionally resilaint and prepared?

Im thinking Woodhead tunnel. A good chunk of country power through something far smaller than the larger sewers.:twilightoops:

Be careful Bright, you should remember that too much Sunny D turns you hyper. :pinkiegasp:

Oh dear. Twilights inventing the long range Bable Fish so that even more misinformation and mistaken thoughts can be offered to far more over a wider range far ore quickly? :rainbowderp:

Theres a really nasty variation possible with secure laser eye scanners these days, its a modern version of Newtons Rings. You transmit a laser scan thats the exact inverse of the eye thats supoosed to being scanned. If it is the correct eye, the two patterns sum to an effectively perfect null. If it isnt, well, thre can be a Lot of leftover laser power. :trixieshiftright:

In theory, phone networks already exist, but they're cumbersome due to needing to be by a corded phone to make use of.

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