HOW DO YOU PAY TAXES ON THE MOON???
Nightmare Moon had recently come back from her banishment on the moon. Standing on the balcony in the town hall building, she did the all-too-famous speech of hers.
“…Did you not see the signs?” She asked the crowd of ponies below her.
Suddenly the door opened with a resounding BANG, and several teams of agents ran into the building.
“FREEZE, BY ORDER OF THE EQUESTRIAN TAX ADMINISTRATION!” They yelled up at Nightmare Moon, who had stopped her speech. “YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR TAX EVASION!”
Before Nightmare Moon could even say a word, she had a magic restrictor placed on her horn, and her legs hoof-cuffed together. A team of ETA agents wrestled her down to the ground as ponies began to gather near the balcony.
“What is the meaning of this?” Nightmare Moon asked, panicking. “I have committed no such crime! I demand you release me at once!”
“No can do, Nightmare Moon,” one of the agents said. “You’re going in the lockup until we can figure out a trial.”
The agent informed her of her rights, and she was escorted to the police carriage, as onlookers took photos and gawked at the sight.
The door of the jail cell slammed loudly, shutting Nightmare Moon in. One of the prisoners across the hallway noticed her and started small talk.
“Hey you over there, what’d you do?”
Nightmare Moon looked up. “Apparently I committed tax evasion, for a thousand years.”
“Interesting, I’m here for mass murder,” he said back
Nightmare Moon’s muzzle contorted into a look of disgust, and she turned away from the cell door.
“I believe I’m innocent, and shouldn’t be here,” she thought. “On the other hand, I would have sentenced that other prisoner to death for his heinous crimes!”
Nightmare Moon walked into the small room. It contained a phone booth and a small chair. A guard walked next to her, making sure she wouldn’t try anything funny.
Nightmare Moon picked up the phone and dialed the number of the only lawyer she knew would be able to get her out of this situation.
“This is Saul Goodman, attorney at law speaking, how can I help you today?”
“Well, I’ve been indicted for tax evasion, and I think I didn’t do it. Can you help me get out of this?” Nightmare Moon said.
“Yeah that’s totally possible. Say, do you happen to know if we could meet before your trial?” Saul said through the telephone.
“That can be arranged,” Nightmare Moon replied. “Although I don’t happen to live in Albuquerque. Think you can help a client…in a different dimension?”
“That’ll cost a lot of money, but I’m willing. As long as transportation is available,” Saul said back.
“Perfect. This will certainly benefit the both of us,” Nightmare Moon said.
“Glad we could arrange something.”
The day of the trial arrived, and Nightmare Moon was seated in the correct location. Several other ponies were acting as jury, and several others were seated behind Nightmare Moon, including the Mane 6, Celestia and several other prominent figures.
The judge and several others were starting to get annoyed waiting for Nightmare Moon’s lawyer, but finally she managed to teleport him into the room.
“Court is now in session,” said the judge. “Nightmare Moon is the defendant, and the Equestrian Tax Administration is the plaintiff. The honorable Saul Goodman will be defending Nightmare Moon in court.”
“Your honor,” Saul started. “I believe my client is not guilty of tax evasion. You see, she has been imprisoned on the moon for a thousand years. How could she have paid her taxes when she has no job, no way of sending tax returns back and forth, and certainly has no way of knowing that she needs to pay the taxes. Therefore, it would have been impossible for her to actually pay her taxes and file returns. There’s also the fact that the returns were filed under ‘Luna,’ not ‘Nightmare Moon’.”
“Plaintiff, do you have a rebuttal?” The judge said.
“We believe Nightmare Moon was fully aware she was avoiding paying her taxes and that she was able to receive tax returns. Whoever was sending them to her was likely missing the target,” the ETA agents said. It was subtle, but you could hear the shaking in their voice, as if they were trying to cover up their mistake.
The court continued back and forth, before the jury got up to decide the vote.
“The evidence is all there that she was unable to file her taxes and pay them off. She was on the bucking moon for Faust’s sake!” Said one of the jurors.
Several other jurors nodded in agreement. Almost every juror believed that, even though Nightmare Moon was an evil being, that she was unable to pay her taxes while imprisoned on the moon.
The jury took a vote, and declared Nightmare Moon not guilty of tax evasion. They walked out and pronounced her not guilty, and the judge slammed his gavel, signifying the decision.
The ETA was in shambles. They had been required to compensate Nightmare Moon $100,000 for their actions against her during the Summer Sun Celebration, as well as pay for all the court charges.
Nightmare Moon and Saul Goodman walked out from the courtroom.
“Thank you, Mr. Goodman, for your hard work on my case,” Nightmare Moon said.
“Please, call me Saul,” he said back. “If you ever have any other legal issues, just call Saul!”
Nightmare Moon chuckled. “I will. Ready for teleportation home?”
“Send it,” he said.
With a flash, Saul Goodman was gone, and Nightmare Moon was cleared of her tax evasion charges. She later used the $100,000 compensation to finance the rebuilding of her old castle, which had been destroyed in her battle with Celestia. She later went on to start her own legal firm, and helped many ponies win their own cases.
And Saul? He went on to help a drug producer named Heisenberg stay out of the DEA’s grasp, but that’s a story for another time.
The end.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Samey90 · 1.6k words · 153 7 · 1.6k views
- ThePeer · 1.2k words · 72 5 · 1.4k views
- Bespectacled Brony · 21k words · 28 2 · 604 views
- Darkevony · 16k words · 27 2 · 401 views
- I Vicious I · 1.1k words · 87 6 · 1k views
- Shaslan · 3.9k words · 57 0 · 1.1k views
- ScarFox9700 · 1.4k words · 44 8 · 789 views
- AutoPony · 3.8k words · 155 0 · 2.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.055 seconds
Total duration
885 users online
1,195,182 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
LMAO
THE SAUL GOODMAN CAMEO
Heisenberg was first a shape-shifting super-robot from the future in Phantom 2040...
And before that Heisenberg was an undead cat.
11726843
Yeah, that part was the main punch line of the entire story. Having NMM hire Saul to help her out of 1,000 years of tax evasion sounded WAY too good.
I was too tempted to include the “Did you know you have rights?” bit from Saul’s commercial in BCS, but decided against it since it’s likely copyrighted.
She's royalty. She's where taxes go (to die, if you want to insult the concept). There's also the fact that if you haven't done anything that affects a country at all then they won't charge you taxes. These are the reasons Mystic Sunrise is facehoofing at you.
EDIT: The essence of the joke can be preserved by having one of the Pillars try to fill out their tax returns. One for every year they spent in Limbo.
11726865
And of course before all of that he was a scientist who discovered that some knowledge was mutually exclusive.
"My client wins because fuck you, alicorn princess."
"Case dismissed. On another note, what happened to that sadist paedophile you were supposed to defend?"
"I ate him."
11726865
Taxes are by no means an issue in Equestria
The concept was attempted in the post windigo society before, but that was also the birth of the pinata when the unicorn and his bully colt pegasus were roundly strung up and had the greedy ass hat beaten out of them.
11726916
If that's a song, then yes. You can't include lyrics from non-MLP songs in a story. Never watched BCS, so I don't know if it is or not.
Pat of me is scared to wonder how much Nightmare Moon would have owed if she was successfully changed for tax evasion. I mean 1,000 years worth of unpaid taxes plus any penalties on top of it...ouch.
What a crossover
Related:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/10/16/2467776.png
Source.
11727103
It’s not a song but it is a part of the show. Figured that I probably shouldn’t include it, just to be safe.
11726942
Eh, it’s a joke story anyway. Don’t wanna deal with facts and logic!
11727184
Huh? Why does it say you replied to me?
11727185
Was trying to reply to a different person, and I accidentally hit the reply button. Doing this all on my phone lol.
A good lawyer is worth every penny
Wow, what an excellent attorney! I am curious to see what happens next with this "Heisenberg" character.
11727090 Only GRIFFONS pay taxes!
Dang beakies...
REALLY good one-shot. Of course, Nightmare should consider herself lucky. Even the Joker isn't willing to take on the I.R.S., and HE makes the Justice League look like just a bunch of super-schlubs. Of course, Mystery Incorporated has a better track record against the Joker than pretty much anybody who is NOT a member of the Bat-Family, but that's another matter.
But anyway, really good work on the humor and wrap-up in this AU one-shot.
11728641
Thanks a bunch! One-shots are super fun to make, especially the super ridiculous ones! Had a good time making this one, especially when Saul Goodman made his way onto the scene.
Taxes pay her
This implies that:
A: Nightmare Moon has heard of or met Saul Goodman.
B: Equestrian phones can reach other universes.
C: Saul Goodman is immortal.
I think the ETA really fucked up.
They clearly missed all those candies that were donated to her on Nightmare Night for the substantial majority of the 1000 years that she was on the moon--that certainly counts as "income"....
Also, the Equestria Department of Justice needs to look into that, since those donations were "given under duress"--aka "extortion"
11728855
Saul Goodman is so prolific he crosses dimensional borders!
I would imagine Nightmare Moon used some sort of magic to dial Saul’s number (though it isn’t implied so it’s up to you on how you interpret that).
11728859
Then again, it can be determined Nightmare Moon never wanted to gobble ponies up. It’s likely a conspiracy made up by the candy companies and book publishers to sell more candy and books pertaining to Nightmare Moon.
I think the ponies who made the legends saying that Nightmare Moon ate ponies are defaming her! Nightmare Moon could file suit against the booksellers propagating the false story that she eats ponies (and probably win).
Maybe I need a Chapter 2
11728943
I love how you don't even debate implication C.
11728964
…I don’t even want to begin…
11728943
I can see those points being brought up in court!
Followed up with NMM suing Celestia for wrongful imprisonment.
11729142
I think Celestia had a valid reason for sticking her up there for a thousand years; Nightmare Moon was going to commit omnicide if she made eternal night a reality, whether she knew what she was doing, or if she was simply ignorant (I’d like to think the latter is the case). She’s also a very powerful being and imprisoning her in a normal prison probably wouldn’t contain her.
While Nightmare Moon probably couldn’t sue for wrongful imprisonment, she could sue Celestia for the mental and physical abuse she had to go through while imprisoned on the moon. No pony, evil or not, deserves to go through what she did while she was up there.
Maybe I’ll make a separate fic about Nightmare Moon’s legal battles, with more thought and care put into it than this
11727184
Then you can add it. If nothing else, run it by a site mod and see what they say. But if it's not a song, I seriously doubt it would be that much of a problem.
Short, sweet, simple. Overall good read
as long you can communicate in anyway with saul goodman, he will anyway be there for you