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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Can't wait to see luna reaction to her big sister's enslavement of a entire species.
Will there be yelling?
Ooops, just finished my review over at Fanfiction, apparenlty never turned on E-mail alerts for the story over here. /fixes that.
Well, guess no point in typing it out twice, but I'll be making my comments here from now on, Fim > Fan as far as the sites go, so it only makes sense. Thanks for another chapter, and looking forward to the next one. May your muse and life plot together to allow you to write to your hearts content!
Commence read.
CHAINS UPDATE! Another part of this awesome masterpiece! Yay.
This day became 20% cooler for me, thank you kindly, sir
Hooreeh~
There wouldn't happen to be a human named Barrel anywhere around Ponyville, would there?
Yes, yes you will.
Also, great chapter.
1643355 I sure hope so.
You have returned!
Not gonna read but not gonna thumb down. No matter what alternate universe I just cannot think of Celestia allowing this.
1360185 Very good points and would probably make me not want to read with nothing making sense.
A new chapter! *reads it* I love it!
Its back baby!
Edit: For some reason I hear Lock and Stock in my head as Merry and Pippin.
Will Chains meet humans with less fortune?
Woot, an update my man. Good job!
As for the chapter itself, seems more or less like a re-run on what happened in the show with little difference but with great detail. It was a nice touch, however, to add some other human character besides Chains to compare his lifestyle, and interact with, to others such as Stock & Lock. Nice to see to that the twins have their own unique strength/perks/other things as a result for being on a farm as how Chains have grown up in a library with little physical strength but have insight and knowledge with Equestrian Education (lets face it, he's probably one of a few humans in Equestria who would have proper education, for a slave anyways). What we need now, in my opinion mind you, is to have Chains put in scenario where we can see him react to it and reveal more character whichever seemed to be favorable/unfavorable trait to see him more as a flawed & underpowered character, thus likeable, to help make him stand out compared to other human characters that has seen to be too far of a....pleasing trend with main male characters for a human (if you know what I mean).
But that'll have to wait as we discover the other main cast in this alternate universe where we see their stand point with human and their slavery that is surely different from others and uniquely different with each Mane6 cast themselves. And more human characters (may it male or female, young and old) for Chains to interact with that may make the character himself fell shame and uneasy as others are forced into hardship of slavery and looked at Chains with envy and respite (which may or may not be justified) for he is living an easy life with little hardship/beating as to how he interacted with the twins with little success in regards to manual labor.
I'm sure that you'll continue to make things complex & interesting as how you make things likeable and realistic for the setting you have clearly established for the story. So I wish you the best of luck for the next chapter and hoped things works out to your favor. Keep up the good work man!
Best regards,
It started being a good chapter after Lock and Stock got introduced.
Gonna be honest here, reading a episode isn't fun.
Please don't just copy straight from the show. I know that Chains is a quiet guy but a good amount of stuff would change with him just being there. Entire conversations would be different with him just standing there.
Basically what I'm saying is, don't copy the show word for word because it's boring and covers up whatever story you're writing.
Don't get me wrong, it's fine to do it a little bit, but not half a chapter.
(And there's my mini rant of the day.)
Holy shit! NEW CHAPTER!!! Been waiting for this to come out for what feels like months.
And just like that I've read it. I know 1643490 covered the part about not copying the show word for word. I should know that's a dangerous trap to fall into. Did it myself with my first fic. Well here's hoping you can type up more Chains chapters soon, and that each of the Mane 6 has a human "slave" and they somehow become part of the Elements of Harmony whatever its called. Can't find the right word for it. Just related to the EoH. Here's hoping.
1643450
That profile pic....I love you.
This is one story i will never forget!
Ive loved 4 stories so far
This one,soul reaver,gaurdians of equestria and The last mage.
To those who are awsome I salute the!
WOOHOO an update
Worth the wait
1643355
I hadn't thought about that.
They'd been enslaved while she was on the moon. I'm hoping there's going to be some interesting friction between them.
Lock, stock,... Do they have a sibling named Barrel?
As has been said above, the Lock and Stock portion was the real meat of this chapter. Are you dead-set on reproducing each portion? Because that would be a bad choice, reading the show is... boring, and you are far too good a writer for that. Please try to rewrite the script so it's your story, like any other AltVerse story(see Rainbooms and Royalty or Lunaverse) and not you just inserting your own scenes into the pilot
Glad ta have ya back, dude!
1643641 Yes, because I dough Luna would rekindle her relationship with her sister because of that.
Yay a new chapter! should be interesting when luna returns, can't wait to see what happens next
I will be entirely surprised if the Elements of Harmony would work for them in this situation.
Woohoo an update!
Come to think of it, so far we have only seen the male humans. Where are all the women and what are their roles as slaves?
1643706 Exactly how i feel.
"We represent all that is good in the world!"
*enslaves entire species*
Awesome chapter, can't wait for more. Quick question though. Lock and Stock were there, but where was Barrel?
>>Bronybro 117 unless of course luna A)might not snap out of being nightmare moon in this case if there is a human element invoveled
B) she might be FOR enslaving a species
C) Or maybe like in other fics where Luna gets visions while she is nightmare moon and knows some hidden secret about humans
Others have complained about the copy/pasta of the script for the first episode, but in this case I think it worked. It was really only the same up until she actually talked to someone from Ponyville, and then it went off on its own unique tangent. But as they said, now that the story is off into its own territory, try to keep it there. Having the transitions be the same as the episode is one thing, but the actual encounters should very definitely be different. I'm interested to see how the meetings with the others change based on the fact that Chains will be with her since, aside from MAYBE Rarity, I don't foresee any of the others actually owning a human.
Anyway, nice to see you back and keep up the good work dood .
Booky Are ya trying to make a Human version of the elements of harmony? Like wen the mane 6 have theyr elements, the humans also have their versions too appear?
An update!!?? EXSELSIOR!!!!!!
There are things that must be explained also known as encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT92OtKsb6aQ7KZaTIX6OwSX89eiyUpXdgC25li2QSziJwSmldg
Wow, I forgot about this story. Nice to see an update.
I luv it!, I luv it! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Dear author, I'm so glad to have you back.
Still can't come up with any decent reason for the enslavement of Humans, but I will gladly wait for The Great Revelation and I am enterily sure we won't be dissapointed.
I would also reccomend to everyone to amplify this fic with some thematic soundtrack. That is what have worked for me.
Yay! more chains!!
wait... that came out strange...
...Whatever, Yay!
YES! A new chapter.
The chapter is very.
I'm on the fence with how this story is going. Oh well as long as it dosn't become a 100% retelling of the episodes I'm cool with it.
Maybe around 50% would do.
How are they going to defeat Nightmare Moon? I don't see how the elements of harmony are going to work for a slave owner. Sorry Twilight but slavery is kind of the opposite of friendship and harmony.
1644032
Well remember that "Friendship and Harmony" just has to remain within the main 6. See if Fluttershy was horrible to others but not to her friends then the magic of friendship isn't broken.
1644032 Right, but you're forgetting that slavery is socially acceptable and doesn't reflect Twilight as a 'bad' pony. I doubt Fluttershy would hate Twilight, maybe be disappointed or not approve, but not hate.
MOAR!!!!! MOAR!!!!!!!!
1643451
That's kinda the whole thing that makes this story interesting; why would Celestia ever allow slavery?
The author seems competent, so I am fully expecting a good reason for why slavery exists that doesn't take Celestia out of her canon personality.
Otherwise it'd just be your boring Planet of the
ApesPones fic that makes no sense.1643706 Why wouldn't they? Twi and AJ treat their humans like family or friends rather than slaves. So why would it affect them? But yeah, I foresee complications either with the elements or Luna being pissed about slavery
HE LIVES! REJOICE, MY FELLOW BRONIES! REJOICE!
hahah, to all those who commented on how boring it is to read an episode. Imagine how it was to write it watching the episode, pausing it, rewinding, over and over again. That's why it took so long, but I wanted to keep true to the show somewhat. I'll admit, I see the next chapter being pretty boring, but after that, if I can get to Nightmare Moon's appearance things will get much more exciting ^^.
Also, about the idea of the Elements of Harmony working for them or not. Not every Pony in the actual series is a good pony, not by any stretch of the imagination. Flim and Flam were con artists, Sombra was a tyrant, if you remember he was just a Unicorn, a very powerful one, but still just a unicorn. My point is, the Pony race doesn't represent the Elements of Harmony, Applejack is still Honest, Twilight is still Magical, Fluttershy is still Kind, Rarity is still Generous, Pinkie Pie still likes bringing Laughter to the World, and Rainbow Dash is still Loyal. Slavery wont harm them in the use of the Elements.
By all means, if you think you have a better way to take this concept you are free to write your own story on it. I'd be glad to see other peoples interpretation on this concept.
26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1xj6lGQcG1qi0mi7o1_400.gif FINALY
Yay more, and I remembered the pictures involving Twilight, her slave and a riding crop again, which I had in my mind the last time I read a chapter of your story.
A number of comments about how the EoH probably won't work for slave owners, but it's worth remembering that they've all been brought up to believe it's perfectly fine to own slaves. Without doing a lot of heavy thinking on the subject, none of the mane six are likely to even realize how wrong it is without having it explained to them, and none of them are really philosophers (Twilight is closer than an of them, but relies heavily on other opinions--opinions that so far haven't had a bad word to say about slavery). Treating their slaves as equals makes them more virtuous than any other pony seen in the story so far, even if the reader can still see that the slavery in and of itself is an abomination.