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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And the plot thickens!
Celestia his holding something back. Adventure awaits. ONWARD
1357416
why yes,my dear sir.
now to kick some pony plot
oh noes! spike's gonna replace him!
1358554
Nope, time to kick A LOT of pony plot.
1359482 where's spartacus when you need him
Moment moment?
????
Hmmm... some spelling/grammatical erros. The one that stood out to me the most though was "weather" when you wanted the word whether. ^.^
Also try to avoid using "suddenly" or a word with "ly" in it in a description. They're generally not a strong set of words and you could make your descriptions a lot stronger.
Also I like the concept of having humans in Equistrai as slaves. Don't really recall having there being any stories like this.
A brown eye and a light blue eye, disturbing Princess Celestia. Who else do we know that would have a seeming "pieced together" look like that?
Well, on to the next chapter.
1357416 you saying Twilight's getting fat
His two colored eyes remind of the book "Graceling"
It will be interesting to see how such a kind hearted ruler justifies slavery, then again in the actual show they do use cows as slaves, at least that's the general impression
this is an interesting story, but you seem to have minor errors with homophones and occasional spelling errors. I would suggest getting a good pre-reader in here to find all the mistakes so you can fix them.
... Okay, I haven't commented yet, but this is a really interesting idea, and even if it was a self-insert, somehow, I don't freaking care! This is great so far!
This shall be a good foreshadowing in the future, I can see it! good chapter. well done
1363328 I read that book too, it was pretty good.
Suddenly: Rainboom!
Awwww, does the human with heterochromia remind somepony of Dizzydl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png ?
1358649 And then Owloicious will replace the both of them, and thus the Circle of Life is complete.
Great chapter, I'm glad that I gave this story a chance.
1359883 Redundant Department of Redundancy
1364699
Don´t forget about the sheeps, they could talk and think as well, they´re intelligent as the cows yet not free.
Oh boy, MLP´s darker than i thought.
Lol
Well, this is great for Twilight, though i really hope you don´t let Chain play Spike onto the wall and not the other way around. I´d like to see both get equal or justified screen time as they´re both are pretty much Twi´s first friends, besides her big bro/Cadence. I hope those two will become good friends, the human slave and the dragon assistant, who will roll their eyes when Twi forgot to eat cause she´s reading a book, etc.
Great story so far
hmmmmm.........................................................................................................................
I just realised something.. If there are slaves, the they are filming in every episode and mlp:fim is just a propaganda show to covdr up a brutal civilization. Man mlp just got dark for me.. I'll never unsee this... T_T MLP will never be the same!!!
Congratulations... you have created a MLP universe where I would be totally okay with unleashing the Iron Hands Space Marine chapter upon the unwary citizens of equestria
Hmmmm, starting to wonder about that mature rating...
2451154
or the Angry Marines
1d4chan.org/images/4/49/Angry_Marine_Desktop.jpg
1d4chan.org/images/f/f7/Folding_chair.jpg
1d4chan.org/images/0/04/1218823369945.jpg
1d4chan.org/images/5/5a/IMPATIENTMARINES.jpg
I hereby declare Exterminatus on Equestria. Preferably pointed at Celestia's face.
2451154 Actually he's made one where I'd be fine unleashing the Nazis on. Does that make me a bad person?
Für den Führer!
Still trying to figure out how the Humans are enslaved but everything else is the same. I would have thought that something would have changed in their world....
Still reading. Not bad just seems like a problem.
3527753 well if humans were enslaved at an early stage (bronze age) the magic of unicorns would beat us fair and square due to its range and usability.
whether <> weather
1357416 Stop looking at Celestia's butt!
Dis is too good.
All I can say is that this is getting to my feels, you sir are talented if you have gotten to that dead and unholy place. In respect of your skills I give you a like and a favorite.
3527753 I agree with what oxyaction has said, and even in this modern era, it is still very possible for the ponies magic to over power machinery!
4823460 Only the narrow-minded think of magic or machines. Why can't they be combined? Look at what we've become with only technology and they with only magic and tell me
SimicArcanepunk does not hold infinite possibility.why does the castle have a dragon nursery if we rarely see any dragons
4828808 Because reasons
the only way to describe this story is
4828808 oooh i take ot you like fawkes as well? Or are you the once "great man" he knew?
I'm glad that I have started from the beginning again!
I'm starting over since it's been a while since I read it, and several updates got posted since I last read it. I want to know what's going on.
4909055 "Just in case anypony manages to actually hatch the egg I use for the tests.
Where is Shining Armor? Better question: if he does appear, will he FINALLY be portrayed a something other than a murderous ass-hole? This chapter was not terrible. I am glad at the fact that Chains (fucking hate that name) was happy for Twilight, but the state of this world is beyond sickening.
7739943
If I may be devils advocate, I think the world is good with how bad it is. Gives it room to become nicer. But, still, I hope his name gets changed to something other than chains.