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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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...I feel like Chains is gonna walk in on AJ when he gets to the farm.
That better not be mother bucking Blue Star coming to Ponyville. Pinkie don't like it when little bitches find their way into Ponyville.
img.neoseeker.com/mgv/587872/872/63/mlfw1054_131946710557.jpg
Doing good. Keep writing.
Soooo, Chains is either really sweet and considerate and want to help out some Ponys he knows needs it, or he will go there to lift Heavy things to buff himself up.
5117769
Why not both?
5117769
Much like the author, you're Randomly capitalizing words in the middle of Sentences, when they don't need it. *ponies
Uhm, Authordude. They're small horses, not big cats. (Or dogs, or foxes, or birds, or...) The only bit of feeling they have in their tail is the dock; the rest is just hair. Like on your head, but coarser. Setting it on fire wouldn't make them flinch, until they noticed that things were rather warm about their nethers and they were on fire.
5117906 Well taking into consideration that English isn't my main language i say that it's somewhat decent.
5117884 Huh, good Point.
"two cents"
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
5118172
How do know that she just wasn't trying to throw away her smell and taste?
5117941
Oh it's not the worst thing I've seen, far from it. It just pops up and I can't help but grimace.
the mysterious pony could be a certain former guard
5118172 could also be "two bits" since it's referring to money
I bet 10€ to say its Trixie....
5118646 The hooded figure? Clearly stated as being a 'he'.
5118838 naa i dont see it being a he
*Cough*BS*Cough*
Chains does not need to keep Twilight, the most powerful unicorn of her age, protected. Maybe to protect himself better.
Ponies wouldn't feel a bite on the tail. It's like if you pinched a girls hair. She wouldn't feel it at all. If you pulled her hair, though...
Also, Ponyville is not a hamlet; it's a village. Says it right in the name: Pony"ville".
I known that asshole will pop up.
I found something you may want to edit.
That should be "too".
5118838 5118856
That is the entire body of text about the 'hooded figure', complete with seven references to him being male.
I misread the very first sentence as saying "burning the mountain dew" instead of "burning the morning dew."
I was confused for the rest of the night...
Not trying to sound offensive but, the story arc with Celestia and Luna is much more interesting.
I'd rather if Chains/Twilight were only side characters, rather than full-on protagonists.
Perhaps a secondary story from Celestia's point-of-view?
5120102 there's a large physical difference between males and females however.
A simple glance and you can tell the gender.
5121548 That... has nothing to do with my statement. It also in no way supports the argument of the person I responded to because there was no physical description provided except "hooded" and "stallion".
5121543 You're an idiot. There is no way someone would fail to take offense at being told their story's main characters should only be side characters.
"Hey your characters are boring! Fuck your characters and this story! You should be making the story about someone else... stupid."
... Yeah, no possible offense there.
5117636 I'm pretty sure the end of that chapter would be about how Blue Star was never heard from again.
5121599
...
Mate, that's just crude.
What I said about offence was me saying "This story is interesting, but wouldn't it be more interesting from a different point of view?".
And Vates, the author (possibly, I'm not him/her/it) had shown it is so simple to figure out what the gender was. There is no need to sugercoat it.
Also, don't call me an idiot. We are respectable people and we don't need to pathetically insult eachother.
And, if it makes you feel better, ignore my previous comment on the hooded figure.
5120102
5120102
...... male trixie?
5121599
That's not even remotely what he said, though. He just said that the side characters were more interesting. He didn't insult BookyBrony or even criticize the main characters, he just said the princesses were more interesting. That said...
5121543
I don't think a focus piece on the worst character in the story would be a good idea. This thing is already falling apart because of how incredibly retarded Celestia's characterization is; actually showing her spend 300 years not doing anything would just make it worse.
5123298
Well, with age comes insanity and depression. Besides, how would you feel if you had a deep connection with someone you love and you either kill/put them in jail?
She simply had depression for 300 years. I'd honestly believe if anyone (mainly mothers) lost someone close to them, they never be the same.
Even after death they'd feel depressed.
5123567
Sure, but that doesn't make her more sympathetic. That and the actual scene where the slavery is agreed upon by her and her council shows her to be both an idiot and lacking in basic ethics. Also note that even before her boyfriend killed himself, she completely failed to even suggest laws for how ponies can treat their slaves. So even before her depression she was a moron.
When I first started reading this, I regarded it as the best HiE I'd ever read, and looked forward to reading new chapters. However, as time's gone on, I've begun to lose interest. Ever since they left Canterlot, it feels like things have been going down hill. It took this chapter to make me realize this story is boring. The dialogue is dull, and the characters have become uninteresting.
The only thing I found likeable since the decline was that one scene with Luna and the cultists. Other than that... I'm sorry.
I can see that there might be some conflict coming up, so I'm going to stick around and see if maybe, hopefully, it can grab my attention like it did when it first began.
YES NEW CHAPTER
Rarity says Darling way too often here
FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY
Awesome! More please!
Eh, this kind of took away a good conflict in the making. But still, it was an okay chapter.
5126361 a lot of alternative universe stories have that problem when they overlap with the existing episodes. Most of the times you feel like you are reading the transcripts of the episodes from the TV show. Its a hard thing to do well as a writer, but usually the minor changes pile up and thing go in their own direction quite fast. Personally i believe that there would be only 1 or 2 more chapters like this, each of the focusing less on the original show and more of the universe the author is building.
The only thing i can imagine would be similar is the big events, the two part-ers.
But yeah, i kind of skipped most of the nighmare arc, only focusing on the parts where chains was a char...
5150951
The thing is I typically don't mind the whole rehashing episodes in a slightly different way thing, as long as it's done well. I think it's more along the lines that maybe this story isn't as well written as I originally thought. It's like the writing style as a whole is beginning to annoy me.
There were a few typos, but good overall. What I don't understand is why Celestia try to convince the council to hire out the humans as labor these days rather than as slavery. I mean let's face it, blood is going to get spilled no matter which way you slice it, all Celestia seems to be doing is prolonging a wrong that should not have been done in the first place.
5117595 Even if he did, what would he see? I mean she said that they don't do that with family and aside from her hat, she never wears any clothes to speak of, so what is there to see?
wonder who that stallion could be... maby somepony foreshadowed in this chapter and was in a previous chapter.{the one that attacked chains... just a guess.}
5152076 her mastrubating... just saying.
5151053 cool avatar bro.
5163346
Thanks. Made it myself.
5163848 got mine from a friend on tumblr.
You mean residents
GUYS! Bookybrony just made a group for Fan fictions written by chain's fan's set in the chain's universe!