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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wasn't this a story on Fanfiction.net?
A bit of shonen mentality seems to have sprouted in chains, the Classic "I must get stronger so i can protect you" mindset that is.
While i am still a rabid fan of this fic, i really hope this won't turn out so that in the end chains will be this mountain of muscles who heroicly protects the frail shiwering damsel in distress Twillight.
Chains being gentle and a Little meek is one of the reasons i like his character so much, if he gets to manly he just won't be an interesting character anymore "In my opinion that is, i'm only speaking for myself" however i like that he tries to get in shape so his chances of being able to help increases slightly, i just hope he won't get TO Mighty.
It's funny because we know she's completely wrong.
And some ponies just don't know how to take a hint. Blue Star really thinks Twilight would ever want him at this point, with or without Chains around? Then again, given Celestia didn't have enough of a spine to keep slavery out of Equestria, I wouldn't be surprised to find arranged marriages were legal too, meaning he'd just have to trick her parents into it or something.
5527656
I dunno, I wouldn't mind seeing Chains take a badass level. I can picture him and Twilight becoming a Battle Couple, with Chains the warrior to Twilight's mage.
Bout time a good story got updated!
Cliche villain.
5527714 There are plenty of good MLP fics where there are big and Mighty heroes protecting the fair mares of Equestria, i do need some variation however when it comes to MLP stories and it's nice to read some fics where there is a weak human in Equestria that need some mare to look after him and chains was that guy.
That aside, i do like the idea that he isn't completly helpless and that he can give his friends a hand when they really need it, but i just hope he won't be this overpowerd hero at the end.
I'm... not sure how I feel about this chapter. I feel like there are a lot of things that could have been done better, but overall it wasn't too bad. The one thing I will say is that as the story goes on, Chains' status as a slave is progressively meaning less and less, and that bothers me. At this point there's really not even any point in calssifying him as one, since by the way every pony except his old nemesis acts, "slave" is just another word for "friend".
As much as I hate to say good things about terrible stories, that was one thing that Your Human and You did right that I feel is lacking in this fic. Even if most ponies in Ponyville are sympathetic and don't treat humans poorly, there would still be a distinct social divide between humans and ponies.
5527714
Yeah, a big part of Chains' appeal as a character is that he's not a badass. He's an academic. At the beginning of the story, that's what set him apart from most other humans. If he becomes an awesome fighter that totally protects Twilight from teh bad gais, he'll lose everything that makes him Chains. The fact that Twilight is stronger than he will ever be, the fact that she doesn't need his protection, is what makes their relationship so dynamic, and what should have made Blue Star's threats about her future have more impact on Chains than they did.
A brief summary of Blue Star's thoughts:
Wait a minute.... I left a comment akin to asking for an update and it updated...
Coincidence?
I believe so.
5527880
What really grinds my gears is that the motivation behind WHY they treat humans who evidently are more sentient than just mere apes like in YHAY is sooooo...SOOOOO horrible. The backstory was built up so much and the reveal was beyond disappointing. It crippled the entire story. You expect this big, complicated but reasonable explanation and it was just pitiful. Yet people ADORE this story despite the moral implications being pushed.
5528113
Well, the story definitely needs work, but there are a lot of good ideas here that can make this a really great story, there just needs to be some work put into how a lot of the ideas are executed. YHAY, on the other hand.... I tried to stick with it, just because HiE stories are a weakness of mine, but it jumped the shark so many times I couldn't stand it anymore. Comparing the two, YHAY needs a lot more work to reach the limits of its potential than this does.
But portraying and maintaining the status of humans as a lower lifeform is something that it does well, which is what I felt was the biggest flaw in this chapter.
5528113
most of the likes were given way before the past was revealed about how celestia allowed her ponies to enslave the humans, you cant really take likes away and most people that give likes wont give a dislike cause of a bad explanation. this story could have a very dark future, its quiet evident that many ponies feel humans are nothing but bugs from hundreds of years of conditioning so a civil war would be inevitable. celestia is a fool in this story and will suffer greatly, if she doesnt well then i guess we will have to see what the author wants to do and if it makes any sense.
5528171
The fact this story makes her a fool really bugs me. It makes her bend over backwards and screw over her best friend, a human friend, for the nobles of Canterlot. Which is reeeeaaally out of character and pretty darn stupid. It's so unbelievable.
5527709 Never played Assassins Creed
5528209
alternate universe,
besides dont think for a minute he would forgive her. when he found out what she was doing (she was going to keep him so he would at least have a very nice life) he opted to kill himself. there is no forgiveness for her she will always remember that she betrayed her closest friend and he killed himself.
the only thing that i know is gonna make me mad is that we are gonna get a reveal that chains is the offspring of the royal human family and im gonna go "UGH!'
5528261
Even in AU things still have to remain the same, like the personalities of the main characters. Why are all of them untouched but Celestia is a backstabbing idiot who sold out instead of doing the logical thing and telling the nobles to suck it or she would exile them to the moon?
5528433
cause she was emotionally distraught over the loss of her sister and realizing that she murdered her only friend left in the world. kinda surprised she didnt just commit suicide honestly
Missing opening quote.
You're missing quotation mark at one point.
5528517
5528552
fixed
May updates come sooner now? Please sir, I need more gruel. (Please get the reference)
5528988
MOOOOORE!?!?!?!?!?!
And I cannot say for certain if they will or will not. I will try my best.
5529024 You just have to love Kevin!
Okay, I'll just hope till the next update!
Why do these type of people never learn? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
this updated?
Why would Chains, an intelligent and reasonable person, not tell Twilight about Blue Star? His actions are literally the most important thing he could tell her right now due to him clearly wanting him gone and actually trying to kill him just then, but he decides 'nah, this persistent psychopath that wants me gone totally just gave up and will never bother us again'. I cannot think of a single legitimate in character reason why he wouldn't let Twilight know that Blue Star is back and is still trying to get to her by getting rid of Chains. Chains couldn't be so stupid as to think that this is the end of it, and he clearly isn't so spineless to not be willing to tell Twilight out of some asinine fear.
5529248
makeameme.org/media/created/Hes-right-you.jpg
5529248
I mean Twilight already knows Blue Star is an asshole. I don't know why Chains didn't say anything either.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/127/1/3/thor_and_mlp_meme_for_fimfic_by_ponpheonix-d64fsvg.jpg
PLEASE!!
How about no. Your gonna get your ass kicked.
Chain's decision to not tell Twilight is a bit of a stretch, but considering how he cares more about keeping her happy than himself, it doesn't come off as forced. Still illogical though
I agree with most of the comments. I hope Chains doesn't become more than able to defend himself. There's still a lot of potential for this story. I look forward to the next chapter.
5528498 Because, if Celestia wasn't like that there would be no story. It's just a contrived plot device.
5528113
To be honest, the main reason I'm still following this story is that I'm now addicted to hating this Celestia. Holding onto the very slim hope that Luna will depose her after an epic sized This is the Reason You Suck speech emphasizing just how pathetically stupid her self-pitying excuses are.
5529248
Yeah, he's gripping that idiot ball so tightly it's going to pop.
5527656 I would just like to say: not all of the best warriors were the biggest and strongest. Many won because they were faster or smarter than their enemies (i.e. Percius and Medusa, Beowulf and the troll dam, The thief king in Celtic lore) and as you and others pointed out, he would not be a brawny "bash and whacker" fighting for a weak damsel but an intellectual samurai in service to a noble lady.
5527716 You could say that again!
Why do I have the bad feeling that Blue Star will find out about the twins and use that against him? (And on that note, shouldn't he be in jail or something? Even though humans are seen as property rather than beings, wouldn't there be something along the lines of jail time for damaging property?)
Three chapters later, still waiting for Luna to do what needs to be done.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/4/418644__safe_solo_animated_angel+bunny_clock_watch_stopwatch.gif
My reaction any time Blue Star does anything :D
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/55981936.jpg
Dude probably needs a trip to the spa himself!
Alright, I have read this far... Faved and liked. Now... 3 words:
Where
Is
CADENCE?!?
e08595.medialib.glogster.com/cherrystar/media/de/de3f5fde9eb2d63aad283332859569cd4667b87f/princess-cadence-s-gala-gown-by-ladyamaltea-d5uv9uo.png
You know: The alicorn who took care of a certain foal and wooed around with Shining. Is this not happening in this AU or are we going by the numbers here? If so, I dread when Discord makes an appearance.
But think about it. This story is becoming this day aria with roles reversed.
With Chains' attitude right now, Cadence would love him to pieces and surely aid the young feller.
Also, Chains...
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/payday/images/8/80/ChainsIcon.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140220175829
The idea is so omnipresent.
5534357
Never played Payday 2
5531572 the one that hates humans.
5529248
Because this story has been running on contrived bullshit from day one, and has no intention of changing any time soon.
5527880
>"As much as I hate to say good things about terrible stories"
>praises Chains
Snarky comments aside, this story does suffer from a lot of issues that are holding it back from being, well, good.. As you pointed out, the pony treatment of humans is incredibly inconsistent throughout the story. In chapter one we get a lengthy description of the random acts of sociopathy the guards commit for fun (and the incredibly light penalties for accidentally killing a slave), Blue Star is only charged with property damage and poor conduct, and so on. Then here every fucking pony treats Chains like an equal, Rainbow's a full blown abolitionist, Applejack considers her slaves to be family...yeah, okay. No. The fact that this story constantly shifts around like that makes everything seem clumsy and unbelievable. Like how earlier on Celestia just mopes in self-loathing after seeing Chains, then she basically tells Luna she's been funding anti-slavery revolutionaries. If Booky was trying to build up to the reveal that Celestia has been covertly working against slavery, he should have been implying it earlier (ESPECIALLY when Celestia meets Chains and after Blue Star gets kicked out of the military). Likewise, if ponies aren't supposed to be a completely brutal society then that should have been shown earlier, instead we've got Ponyville two days from declaring itself a "slavery-free zone" and Canterlot looking like something out of a poorly-researched documentary on the evils of slavery.
Another example of this is how in one chapter, all of this happens--
-a group of ponies conspire to commit genocide because of a single murder
-Celestia fails to talk them out of it, convinces them to resort to slavery instead (and never brings up any compromises like making all the humans leave Equestria)
-the genocidal ponies are disturbed by the idea and compare it to something Sombra would do despite having just outlined a plan to do something worse
-over the next 200 years pony society goes from being opposed to slavery (again, even the genocide conspiracy crowd was uncomfortable with it) to having gladiator arenas and valuing their slaves so little that killing one is only punishable by law if it wasn't your slave
-in other words, over the course of 300 years they've gone from being allied nations whose rulers were dating to one species having less rights than a housecat
The basic concept is kind of interesting but Booky's contradicted himself so many times that at this point the only way to fix the story would be to reboot it with each character's attitude towards slavery properly planned out, a vague idea of what legal protections are available for slaves, and so on. That way the story would actually be internally consistent, instead of this mess of "humans are the lowest form of life, except when they aren't" and "Celestia has done nothing for the humans, except when she has, feel sorry for her but also this is mostly all her fault". I do want to clarify that suggesting that he reboot the story isn't meant as an insult; I've told other writers that it might be a good idea or encouraged them when they talked about going back and re-editing their entire story. This isn't professional writing, and unlike professional writers not many people here have the luxury of going over their story after it's fully written and adding/removing/adjusting early scenes to fit where the story will be going.
That said, we agree that Your Human and You sucks. I tried to get into it but I found it to be mostly just a mix of weird and boring. That, and after 400,000 words the story should have had time to resolve itself twice over. From what little I can tell I think he's still just foreshadowing shit.
5531112
I know, as much as I rag on this story it's kind of fascinating. If nothing else I kind of enjoy analysing all the myriad ways that this version of Celestia is badly written. I've read some pretty bad Celestias, but most of them were just one-dimensional tyrants or were clearly just there so the author's favourite character could yell at her. It's kind of amazing seeing a character so detestable written by someone that seems to like her, and unlike Chatoyance Booky seems willing to let my criticisms stay up instead of deleting them.
5539292
The thing about slavery is that slave owners are rarely consistent. Let's just look at the slavery of Africans in the American south. Some masters were, relatively speaking, kind. Others treated certain slaves as trusted advisers. Some were absolutely vicious.
Or take ancient Greece or Rome. A slave could rise so far up in his owner's household that he could be trusted to conduct official business on behalf of his master. Some slaves were trusted with the education of the elite's children. While the same societies also fed slaves to lions or working them to death in mines. So the idea that some ponies would treat human slaves better then other ponies is actually fitting. It would be absurd to imagine that an entire society would be uniform in how they treat slaves.
Let's circle back to the American situation though. Abolition didn't spring up overnight. Slavery wasn't opposed as an institution at first. It began with some people feeling that slaves deserved to be fairly treated. That, over time, grew into the belief that slavery was immoral and had to be stomped out. Applejack may not have an ideological opposition to the institution of slavery at first, but she treats her humans well. And she sees a friend treat her slave well too. That's how these ideas start. Not with major revelations but through the slow evolution of ideas.
The only character I'd say is troublesome is Celestia. She clearly regrets doing what she did, but she's done nothing to really rectify it. Still, I don't think that's a failing of the story. It's just a failing of her as a character. Which makes the story more interesting.
It's also understandable to a degree. Yes, you could ask her why she hasn't done anything in three hundred years but I imagine you can lose track of three hundred years if you're an immortal sun goddess.
5540298
Yeah, but pony society shifts too much. Unlike the Greeks, they're a society basically founded on the ideals of friendship and harmony so already they should collectively know better. On top of that there's the complete lack of legal protections I mentioned earlier, which doesn't fit with the fact that by now roughly two thirds of the ponies we've seen treat humans just like they treat ponies.
The comparison to abolition in the US doesn't really apply because slavery was legal before the United States were even a nation. Equestria clearly did not practice slavery or hold a high opinion of it ("not since Sombra has ponykind practised slavery"), yet they've descended to the point where the first chapter explicitly states that slaves are often executed for trivial things and that getting your pay docked for killing a slave is considered a harsh punishment.
5540636
Athens was the birthplace of democracy. The Roman Republic was founded after the overthrow of a tyrannical king. The United States was formed in response to injustices on the part of the British crown, and had as its founding principals the ideals of "life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness." All three had institutionalized slavery at some point in their history. Yes, Equestrian society is founded on the ideals of friendship and harmony. They should know better, but they don't in this case. Which is, sadly, historically accurate.
While slavery didn't exist prior to the enslavement of the humans it's not inconceivable that it would be accepted. The British colony of Virginia originally went with indentured servitude to deal with its need for hard labour. The problem with this was twofold. The first was you eventually have to free them. The second problem was that they expected to be treated as equals in society after they were freed, not as an underclass. Both of these issues led to Bacon's Rebellion, which very nearly succeeded.
The elite of the colony responded by importing African slaves to replace the indentured servants. As slaves they had no expectations of freedom. In terms of the social order? Even the poorest whites who had no real stake in the system felt like they're part of it because there was an underclass to feel superior to. So those poor whites would be disinclined to rebel as they felt connected to the system as a whole.
Both factors could have led to ponies, by and large, accepting human slavery. First there was the fear of the humans, which formed the rationale for enslavement. As slaves they would provide a means for even the lowest pony to feel like they're part of this great friendship and harmony cycle along with Celestia herself because they're not a human. Humans are slaves. The lowest of the low. They're ponies. Even the lowest pony on the social ladder now feels superior and part of this divine state of affairs. Add the economic benefit of free labour? Ponies accepting all of this doesn't seem so far fetched.
5540636
I think this mostly stems from wanting to show the Mane 6 as all good ponies who would never treat humans as less than ponies. Because we haven't seen any interaction with the rest of ponyville, it gives the impression that the whole town is equally enlightened (which may or may not be the case in this story, I'm not sure). It could be that opinion varies wildly from city to city, with Canterlot being a cesspit of evil. However, with Ponyville so egalitarian, and all pegasi being near uniformly abolitionists (confirmed earlier), this reflects even worse on Celestia. It was one thing when it looked like Pony society was 100% behind slavery and would have fought viciously to their dying breath against any kind of reform (it was still bullshit and entirely Celestia's fault). But if Equestria is actually that divided on the subject, if about a third of the population is composed of staunch abolitionists by default (not including the non-pegasi opponents in other cities), then Celestia's lack of action is even less defensible. Not only does she have that whole 'sun goddess monarch worshipped by the common pony' advantage, but a sizable percentage of the population is already screaming for abolition.
5527442 it should. I first read it there.
5540707
Firstly, if any of this is the case then it should be explained in the story. The readers should not have to come up with extensive theories to make sense of critical plot points.
Secondly, none of that addresses the fact that even the guy that suggested genocide was morally uncomfortable with slavery. This isn't a society like the Greeks or Romans (who were still incredibly barbaric by our standards) or even the just-founded USA, this is a society that abhorred slavery so much that even the worst pony in the country thought the idea was evil enough to make him do a double take. This isn't like trying to introduce slavery to a society that already had indentured servants and was relatively okay with other empires practising slavery, this was introducing it to a society that immediately brings up the most evil pony they know of when the suggestion is made.
That and the timeline is still ridiculous. Again, three centuries for all this to happen? If pony society was shown to be more like the old empires from reality that had slavery, then it would make more sense, but trying to merge the brutal slavery Booky describes in early chapters (and shows a couple times) with the way Equestria is depicted in the show just doesn't work.