I hope you're having a good day, but if not, I hope it gets better :)
I wonder how I am going to feed Owlowiscious tonight? It will be quite hard to feed him without hooves. Maybe I can use my wings to grab the food, but it might be hard to do that if they are not on my body anymore. My ears hurt, and that constant ringing won’t come out of my ears, why is everything so numb?
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Ah, I see.
Clever.
Why is there a tragedy tag when this story had a happy ending?
11441159
An individual losing what they believe makes them, them, what defines who they are, is a tragic development. Like Applejack losing the magic that helped grow produce at the farm. Or Rarity losing her sense of fashion and no longer being able to see the beauty in the mundane. Or Fluttershy losing her ability to understand what animals are saying to her and hearing nothing but the same noises that anyone else hears.
11441159
If you are scrolling down into the comments, move your curser around this wall of text, it spoils the whole story
If you accidently moved your curser into this wall of text, I am putting this here so the first words you see is not said spoiler. Well, she still lost her horn, which is a massive part of her identity, and the majority of the story is focused on a singular tragic event. I was still a little iffy, putting on the tragedy tag, but I still put it on because the story is ultimately about a singular event which causes great suffering, i.e a tragedy, although I can see why you might have expected a tragic ending, as that is common for the tragedy tag on this website, but I interpreted the tag as not necessarily meaning a tragic ending which is why I put it on anyhow.
Quick heads-up: unless it was an intentional representation of Twilight's dazed state, you seem to have written Celestia's name as "Celestria".Other than that, nicely done! Congrats on the first fic!
From the title and description, I assume this is a story about dementia. Let's see if I'm right.
the beginning really drew me in
11441207
Oopsy
11441152
At least she still got her friends to comfort her
The power of friendship is still there
I think this was pretty great for your first fanfic. I like how well you showed the only slightly coherent thoughts of someone who's near death.
11441225
Unfortunately, you are wrong, but
you may have just given me an idea...
11441306
Thanks :D
Well, that was interesting
Intriguing, I feel like you could move further with this.Twilight really getting to grips with the idea that just because she lacks the ability to USE magic, doesn't mean she's unworthy to REPRESENT magic. Afterall, friendship is magic, not magic is magic. Its a "Are you the god of hammers?" Kind of situation.
Oof
This was a nice story. I just wish it was longer, showing Twilight's struggles with adjusting to her new body and so on. Maybe... you could give a sequel a thought
?
11441631
11441803
I certainly could write a sequel, it might take me a little bit to think of good ideas for it, and it will have to be longer and maybe even multiple chapters to lay out the long road which is recovery.
I can't say I will 100% write a sequel, but if a good idea pops up, I might
11441899
Or maybe a prequel.
I still dont understand how she got in that situation.
11441899
11441992
Yes. My first thought was "This is an AU version of Magical Mystery Cure (the S3 finale) or possibly Twilight's Kingdom (S4 finale).".
But, no. So, IMO, the question becomes "Just what WAS the experiment? Another spell in Starswhirl's book, perhaps an attempt to open a portal?"
Oh & IMO it definitely needs the AU tag & it would be helpful if you dated it, at least to "Which season is this?".
11442069
11441992
It takes place during the 4th season, she has wings, but still lives in the tree house
About what caused the explosion I purposely left that vague and for the reader to interpret on their own, it could be an alternative to the magic mystery cure or maybe she was trying to open a portal to the human world, it's up for the reader to interpret on their own, a canonical reason she was not thinking of what caused the explosion is the shock she experienced due to said explosion. I did not put the AU tag because it was not branching off any particular episode in specific unless the reader interpreted that way. ALTHOUGH, if I write a sequel, I likely will go more in depth on what caused the explosion itself. I maybe should have been more specific, I will try to be a little more specific in future writings; if I think it fits well, and maybe make it a bit more obvious when it comes to the date, I sometimes forget that the reader does not know everything that I know, which may have caused some confusion.
11442085
The Voice of Experience
When I got hit by a car, almost the first thing they asked was "What do you remember?" & I didn't remember the accident at all.
This is perfectly normal & is called (retrograde?) amnesia.
How far back does this go?
AFAIK, at least a minute or 2 & maybe longer if there is head trauma or a concussion. For sure, they'll test for that.
One thing they do is give you 4 or 5 words to remember, talk to you for awhile & then ask you to repeat the words. You can't & it's A Really Bad Thing
11442085
I think you did a fine job with this story. It was a good point to stop at and if you do a sequel you almost have to be specific and come up with a reason why it happened. You would also have to go in depth with handling the grief of loosing the most beloved extremity (Not that one you pervs!).
This style of writing is "first person (or 'pony, in this case) stream of thought", and not a bad job of it, I think.
Writing tip: you cannot have two characters speaking in the same paragraph. When another character speaks, you need to start a new paragraph even if it means having single-sentence paragraphs. This is a big issue; this one mistake alone often causes people to instantly dismiss what could've been a good story.
Quick No spoiler review? looking to put some fanfics on my Kindle!
not gonna lie i did not read this but from the name of the story and the prolog i thought this was owlowiscious eating twilight from first glance.
11442294
Thanks for telling me this
I will keep that in mind in the future
11442562
Do ponies taste good?
11442103
I have fortunately never been in an accident similar to your own, the most severe accident I ever had was tumbling down a rocky hill, so I honestly don't have any experience on the specific details, of shock, memory lost, ect. My depiction of it is based entirely on the depictions from other writers, and my own knowledge regarding the subject, not personal experiences. In the future I will try to be more accurate too reality and do more research, your comment helped me better understand the Reality of shock when it comes to this subject matter, and I will encompass that in my future writing. I hope you got better from your accident, and I wish you well regarding what you had to go through.
Stay Safe in the future, and I hope you had, or currently having, a speedy recovery
This was a fun (if that is the appropriate adjective for a story about catastrophic magical trauma) read. Had a bit of the old nostalgia reading this as it reminds me of many of the stories back from 2012 with Rainbow Dash.
I have never had an injury so bad that I have blacked out and had memory issues, so I cannot comment on the strict accuracy of your descriptions, but I will say you have certainly captured the feel rather well. It got a bit grim towards the end with her... injury... but I am happy to see that it ended on a hopeful note with her friends providing support.
All in all that was a pretty solid first published story
11442752
Wow, Thanks for saying that,
When I wrote this I had it in my head that this was going to suck, but apparently, I did a half decent job
Your comment was very encouraging
I hope to write more in the future
11442725
OK, based on personal experience.
]If you're bedridden, blood clots are a BIG problem & serious threat. I got a daily anticoagulant shot. No blood clots but a real danger if you get cut.
Daily rehab sessions. How to stand up, how to use a walker (roommate had crutches, also taught to use them)
I had a roommate. There is a sliding curtain between beds. The episode where Dash is hospitalized, she too had a roommate.
The really poor were in a ward. As Princess, Twilight might have a private room. Every bed has a call button to summon a nurse if needed. In the Intensive Care Unit, it was one nurse in a common area between rooms. They reckoned "You are here because you are
REALLY hurt & might die. Worse, your next of kin might be able to sue." I never had to wait more than 5 minutes, usually under 1 minute.
The hospital bed can go up & down. There's a right height to be easiest to get in & out of bed. You can also raise or lower just half the bed. You can't get to the toidy, they give you a bed pan, a piss bottle, hand sanitizer, towels. You drop something, you can't lower the bed enough to reach it, you have to summon a nurse.
You don't potty every day, they give you a laxative Wether you think you need it or not.That don't work, they try suppositories. THAT don't work....let's just say they go after it. Google "opioid induced constipation".
There is also going to be pain meds. Probably opiods. Opiod addiction is a serious problem & accidental OD a leading cause of death.
Twilight will also probably need psych counseling.
Never had that, you're on your own there.
In short, being hospitalized is No Fun At All.
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That does not sound fun at all
I am sorry you had to go through that
Wow, this was intense. The ending was a surprise. Are you thinking of doing a sequel?
I believe a more cathartic way to end the story would have been something along the lines of:
Right there and then, I saw a spark — no, I felt it. I knew this spark. It was the same one that flashed before my eyes when everything had seemed helpless against Nightmare Moon — when I had seen the candle of our last hope extinguished beneath those fiendish hooves. That spark — which ignited the Elements of Harmony within each one of us: the spark... of friendship!
My friends were there for me.
I was there for my friends.
Suddenly, I washed over by that exact electric feeling flowing through me, banishing my numbness away. I felt engulfed by it like back during that fateful night.
Despite my failures, they still cared about me, and I cared about them.
I am Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship.
And friendship is magic!
Though I'm aware that such a way of marking the end of this story would make it even harder to classify the story under the "tragedy" tag.
11599422
not bad writing, although a bit wordy.
But, ya that would kinda get rid of the tragedy tag