Why is everything so numb?
I wonder how I am going to feed Owlowiscious tonight? It will be quite hard to feed him without hooves. Maybe I can use my wings to grab the food, but it might be hard to do that if they are not on my body anymore. My ears hurt, that constant ringing won’t come out, I guess they are still working, or maybe the ringing is just an illusion created by my mind. I remember reading a book about that, the stages of physical trauma by Dr. Fritz Horn, one of the last books he wrote before he died in a carriage accident. Ironic really, he saved so many people from dying of severe physical trauma, only to die of severe physical trauma. I wonder if he would be able to save me, I doubt he was familiar with Alicorn physiology, but I am willing to bet it is not too different from your average pony. He dealt with both unicorns and pegasus, although he specialized in pegasus. Fun fact, pegasus are 50% more likely to die in physical accidents than unicorns, and 20% more likely than earth ponies. I guess I will be the first case of an alicorn dying of this kind of trauma, but again, I am not really an alicorn, at least, not the kind Princess Celestia is.
I wonder if Celestia would have been able to survive that blast, I wonder if Spike would have survived the blast if he was home, probably not. He would have been on the second floor, probably sleeping around this time, thank Celestia I sent him out with Owlowiscious before hand. Considering the construction of the tree house, and the source of the explosion being in the basement he would likely die as the tree collapsed. Owlowiscious might have been able to survive, he is smaller than Spike, and could fly, but, I doubt he would have been able to fly out of the way of the falling debris, perhaps a 40% chance of survival. I wonder what my chances are… I don’t want to calculate that, I am not ready yet.
Something is beginning to break through the ringing in my ears, pattering, I hear pattering, rain? I don’t remember the Pegasus scheduling a rainstorm today, that blue Pegasus would have told me if there was. What was her name again? The one with the rainbow-colored mane, I know it has something to do with the rainbow. Rainbow pink perhaps, no that does not sound right. I should remember her name, I have known her for so long, yet it seems it has just slipped my mind. I wonder if this is a side effect of the physical trauma, I do think there was a chapter on this in Dr. Fritz Horn’s book, what was the book's name again? I feel numb, and tired. I am not in pain, I guess I am either in too much shock to feel it or my brain is so damaged to a point where I just can’t feel it. I can feel the presence of water dripping on my fur, but mostly just the weight of the water, I don’t feel wet, I just feel numb, I feel numb everywhere. Has an alicorn died before? I don’t believe an Alicorn death has ever been documented, imagine the first Alicorn death being to something so mundane, my own stupidity caused this, my own incompetence, I can see it now, Princess Twilight Sparkle dies because she is stupid and should be sent back to Magic kindergarden. If I survive this I wonder if Celestia is going to send me back to magic Kindergarten, I certainly would deserve it.
“Stop gawking and help move these pieces of wood, the princess could be in there”
I hear a pony’s voice, a Stallion, his voice sounds stern, maybe he is a royal guard, who knows. What would a royal guard be doing out in Ponyville at this time of day. Maybe Princess Celestia sent him, maybe Princess Celestia saw this coming. I have written to her about my experiments, but why had she not tried to stop me if she knew. Would she have been able to stop me? Maybe it was not a royal guard, just a good citizen who wants to help. I wonder what his face is going to look like when he sees me. I wonder if I will get a chance to see him, or will I bleed out by then, am I bleeding out? I have no idea, I see light, such a bright light, is this the end, is this how I am going to die, is this what death feels like. I could feel an anticipation growing. I wonder what death would be like, it would certainly be a great subject to learn about, maybe I could write to the Princess about the experience, It would make a fine addition to my studies. My eyes adjusted, and the light dimmed into nothing but moonlight.
It had just occurred to me that my eyes had been open this entire, why did I think they were closed? The piece of wood which had obscured my vision was magically lifted, no.. it was lifted in the air in front of me, and thrown away. An orange Stallion with a blue mane looked down through the hole, it was Flash Sentry, I remembered his name, there was a look of sheer shock on his face, I wonder if that was a bad thing. I did not care too much about it, I felt so tired, I think, I think I am going to take a quick nap, and when I wake up, I can go and feed Owlowiscious.
Beep… Beep…. Beep… Beeepp
My eyes finally opened, I could feel my hooves again, heck even my wings, maybe it was not as bad as I thought. Yet something was missing, I had no idea what but something was missing, I looked to my left, and saw the heartbeat monitor I was hooked up to, it was steadily beeping, I guess that means I am alive.
“Oh, Hello there Princess Twilight Sparkle”
Twilight Sparkle, that was my name but, something felt wrong, something felt off, my attention sharply turned to the voice addressing me, it was a white unicorn nurse pony, with a small clipboard floating in front of her, as well as a quill. I guess she was using her horn, but something felt so wrong about it floating without any physical support, I had never felt that way about magic before.
The nurse pony tilted her head slightly and asked me “Can you speak Princess?”
I opened my mouth, and let out a weak, “yes…” the fact that I could speak surprised myself, the nurse pony smiled, and then floated a pen and then checked some box small on the clipboard. The nurse pony then looked back up to me “You have many visitors Princess, they will all be glad to hear that you are okay, for now let me ask you something, how are you feeling?” I weakly responded with “Thirsty” I could feel a sickening dryness climb in my throat, and some water would be nice to quench it. “There is water to the right of your bedside Princess”, “You.. you don’t have to call me Princess.. Just call me Twilight.”
I usually dislike it when people call me Princess, I don’t feel like a princess, not yet anyways; this time it felt worse, her words felt harsh, like a whip striking at me for having such an undeserving title. I wonder why it was like that this time. I focused my magic and lifted the cup of water to my right, and floated it towards my mouth. Except, it didn't do that, the cup did not budge an inch, I focused harder, maybe this was just my horn readjusting after the shock, I read something like that in Dr. Fritz Horn’s book. “Nurse… Why… why can’t I use magic..” I looked away from the cup and towards the nurse, her smile dropped into a sad frown, as she looked down at me in pity. “Princes- I mean, Twilight, maybe you should get some rest”, my tone lowered and I spelled out my words one by one, I was not asking this time “Why can’t I use my magic” I demanded an answer. The nurse looked down towards the floor, unable to look at me in the eyes, suddenly her horn glowed a white aura, and she magically levitated up a small mirror in front of me. The cruel reflection told the horrific story. My… horn.. It was gone, not damaged, or destroyed, but gone, nothing but a reddened mark left to signal that there was ever a horn there in the first place. I was no different to a pegasus now, an alicorn without a horn. I felt like I was going to puke. Tears began to well up in my eyes, everything was wrong, everything was so wrong, why did this have to happen to me, why did I have to be so stupid. Why did I even survive, to live an entity without magic, I should have just bucking died, what is even the point, the element of magic without magic. Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why.
Without magic, I am nothing, and I wonder if I will ever be anything again, I should have just died, and maybe, I should just die. I should just end it all.
I heard the door to my hospital room swing open, I did not bother looking up, but I did hear a multitude of different hoove steps enter in. Suddenly I felt something embrace me, my vision was suddenly engulfed by a pink visage. My friends were there, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Spike, and even Owlowiscious were all there for me. I know it is going to be hard from here on out, but at least, I am not going forward alone.