Your first story being a novel-length release is impressive. Kudos. Hope to see more from you.

11232054
Yeah bro, this got a little out of hand ngl.
I think the best length for a story+clopfic is 30k words. I was originally inspired by the famous Lyra's Confession clopfic by Puss Puss, as the perfect clopfic.

My next story I think will be TempestXHuman. Trying to put some content out for charaters that are sorely lacking.
Any other Ideas on good characters to write about? I was thinking maybe Vapor Trail, Rain Shine, Marble pie, or Moondancer?

Ghost Buster

11232054
NB4 being yet another Skirts Alt.

Love the story!

11232236

Nah, I made it a Minotaur so she'd have a reason to be scared of Anon, and then strangly attracted to him. I didn't end up elaborating on it much in the story, but it's still there depending on how far you want to read into her motivations

11232246
Currently Reading a Fic called Slipstream, which I am enjoying that has a similar concept. Anon is is going to have an angry Griffon on his hands when he's been to busy fucking to meet his deadlines

11232300
Thanks!

11232305
The Cutest thing on this God forsaken site for sure!

11232329
Thanks! they were a free comission from years ago. I think they are pretty decent for that. I think the artist has been afk for years, but I'll try and find if they still have a DA page.

11232346
Hope is not lost yet! Anon is about to do his thing!

11232442
Thanks, Theyre fixed.
I haven't had a proof reader so there is going to be a few errors. I have spent much time combing them out though, so I'm hoping it is still readable

11232483
HIE fics are known for their originality!

I was looking for Sassy Saddles stories a few months ago, shame how few there are, and now this gets dumped all at once? Oh my stars and garters what a treat. Was it hidden until recently as the feature even though the publish date was 24th is odd

11232483
11232605
I'm actually thinking about a fic where the present day is just eons in the past, and equestria is just million of years in the future. Ponies have evolved from normal modern day ponies over time.
Therefore ponies have a primal fear of humans, but also have a need to be compliant to them and be 'broken in'.
Celestia has heard humans are evil from her parents and tries to kill one when he inexplicably gets teleported forward in time. Luckily she uses a magic blast and the human is not affected by magic.
This really scares Celestia, and she has to learn to trust someone, who she does not have power over. Something she has not done in a long time.
And then they fuck...
I think this idea is actually in the depths of my idea list somewhere. I'll dig it out after i've done a TempestXHuman and a StarlightXHuman fic

11232997
It's a bit of a niche, but it's still cute even if you're not really into it. It's one of my favorite chapters too

11232782
I want to write about Charaters that should have more content. That's why my next fics will be TempestXHuman and a StarlightXHuman.
Because it was my first story, it had to be read and approved by the moderators, and being long and clopy it took a while... If submititng a long story, I'd recomend submitting a short E rated story first, then Publishing the long clop after auto approval is enabled.

11232797
Fixed!

11232845
11233062
I made it a Minotaur so she'd have a reason to be scared of Anon, and then strangly attracted to him. I probably should have elaborated on this a bit more, but it's still there depending on how far you want to read into her motivations. I was thinking a Minotaur that whist still sapient, is a brutish tribal being that lives in the dark forest and wanted to eat her

This was surprisingly well done. Im looking forward to more from this Author.

The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller

11233166
I look forward to it! The last Starlight fics I got invested in just kinda died out as some do sadly. Also a big fan of Tempest as a character so that also sounds great

What a pleasant surprise six years in the making!
Really enjoyed this story, we'll be following your career with great interest

Man I kinda wanted to see more.
Like there is no real conclusion to this story. I know its porn and all. But ya made me feel for these characters and such I wanted a bit of an end.
It also went from 0 to 100 real quick on the sex. Which is fine because its porn. Tho I do wanna see a little more DRAMA

Anyways, Still good all in all
~Reggie

11233485
Thanks, Fixed

11233753
It's just a short descriptor to get a piciture of what the resturant looks like. You as the reader are presumably a human living on earth (I hope), so you know what that looks like. Plus Prance and Germania are Fanon at this point, so there has got to be some Italy equivalent. Although the story is Third person, it is kind of told through the perspective of Anon, and he'd describe it as an Italian restaurant, since he is from earth.

11233754
There is a last chapter coming soon that'll round things up. I have thought about a sequel, but long fics take many hours, and I want to write about other characters first.
Spoilers:
Rarity and Amp do the walk of shame to his workshop to get a morning after pill. Anon, and Flortentine arrive to start work, Sassy is also tagging along. It's awkward but they all open up about their feelings and laugh at joke, like an ending of the show itself. Then an angry chef bursts in and shouts like gordon Ramsey "Wheres my fookin' Microwave!"
Then it'll flash forward a few months. I haven't started writing on this bit yet but I think the Idea will be that they both wake up in eachothers embrace and neither of them want to get up. and they think back to the happiness they've felt over the last few months together.

I do take your point about the drama. Next fics will be improved in this regard. Good things seem to happen a little too easily for Anon.

11234133
Anon had a big smile on his face as he left the trendy Griffin restaurant. This was not the place where he was usually seen, but it was the griffin kitchen that was most suitable for human nutrition. When the financial situation was sufficient to afford to indulge in delicious dishes prepared by the best chefs-griffins. Anyway, he definitely wasn't going to eat hay! However, he was given a special task. He strode down the street, eager to get to work as soon as possible. A stocky griffin with a black mustache and a chef's hat waved at him with a clawed paw from the doorway behind him, and wished a good day to one of the most unusual customers of this restaurant.

Maybe it would be better this way? I still think that even if you write a porn story, you should not forget about the world building either.

The best example is "Xenophilia".

This fic is made to soften your heart and harden your dick.

c.tenor.com/AET3FD31-rgAAAAC/slow-clap-cheers.gif

11232193
You think I'm going to publish a second story?

In all seriousness I think 20K words is good for a well fleshed out clopfic. 10k of story, 10k of sex

11234238
The man himself! I love your longer fics!

I've voted for Spitfire on the Deep Tissue Massage fic.
I may have to take matters into my own hands for more Spitfire x Human content

11234396

I've voted for Spitfire on the Deep Tissue Massage fic.

Yes, I saw that. Good luck to your nomination in the voting!

I think, tag "porn" does disservice to this.

Yeah, a lot of erotic content done quite tastefully. But not only. Would it have more fluff to connect parts, it could become not a bad novel. Five characters with unique background and one accident changed their lives in chain reaction.

What could be:

1. Give Anon a name and face, make him more individualized. Original idea of green question face was self-insert and second person story (which I fervently hate to try and read), where reader associates themselves with him. He is already unique snowflake here, that won't happen.

2. A little more "show, not tell". Anon's story is quite interesting. Sassy apparently got lots of hidden luggage

3. Why Luna did what she did? How she knew? What would be next Luna's move?

It could be a spin-off.

To be honest, for a first story.. very good.

But you did write before, right? Or you had a very good mentor and academic practice.

11234167
Ooh, Xenophilia transcends that

I don't think they used a condom

11233753
It's a restaurant specialized in the cuisine of an old Griffin nation called Grand Italonia, but anon doesn't know that. To him, pasta and tomatoes = Italian.

11234706
For me porn has to have a story. Hence why we are all here instead of on Derpibooru.
I get what your're saying but by weight about half the story is sexual, so a think the porn tag is needed.

I think most stories with Humans in them are meant to be self insert on some level. As you said the author has a choice bettween Second Person, Anon, Or an original character with a name. e.g. Chris.
Second person sucks, and I went with Anon over a new character because he's familar, and it's kind of understood that he can be taken as a self insert for the reader, or not depending on how much they associate with the character. If the charcter is a photographer for example, but you don't like photography, It can be difficult to feel in tune with him. However, if Anon likes photography you can just skip over that and insert yourself back when he is doing something that you associate with. Like fucking.

I'm trying to get better with 'show not tell'. I don't think it's too bad here but it's definitely a skill that takes time.

Luna does need to get some scarce Human D at some point. Luckily Sassy is not opposed to sharing!

But you did write before, right? Or you had a very good mentor and academic practice.

Nope, this is the first story I've ever written. I started it to get better at my written English. I could speak it well, but my I knew my college assignments were suffering form shit language, even though I was doing Engineering (Anon is my self-insert lol).

Plus I've spent a LOT of time editing grammar and wording. Total editing time on the word document comes to 667 hours in total!
I should have walked before running, but I like the result I'll write 20k words 'clop with story' fics now I think...

11235032
Makes sense. I'll reword it.
One thing that bothers me in this story is how thoughts are expressed. It's too big to fix in this story, but for the future there must be a better way of expressing thoughts without saying 'he thought' all the time?

11235059
Heh, fair enough. Just refreshing to see a character genuinely able to care about another's insecurity. And Rarity powering up the meta lore of genre.

11235066

meta lore of genre

I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean?

11235059
legit mad props my dude. fuck that's fucking focus and dedication. I hope you feel hella good about yourself.

I take it English is a second language for you? Reminds me of Aragon, one of the best authors and comic artists on this site is a fucking spaniard. It's beautiful. def check out his stories and blogs shits fucking wild.

For me porn has to have a story. Hence why we are all here instead of on Derpibooru.

God bless the "clopfic in the comments" and "clopfic in the description" tags.

11235074
Coffee at 3am :P

11235059
the first one? i'm impressed... not so easy to write a good clop with a plot and not just pure clop fic written for the sex.

will be interesting to read more stories in the future

11235084
Haha, happy you caught that

11235222
Maybe the problem is me. However, I believe:

1) Italian restaurant.
And
2) Griffon restaurant, which may resemble a similar institution from the planet Earth. (That is, similar to an Italian restaurant).

These are very different things. And this is an important subtlety when the author writes about another world.

And the last thing. If this story is considered one of the "Alternate Universe", then it would be nice to have an appropriate tag. Then such a plot can be quite perceived from any point of view, including the pun of a pony. And the fact that they have human technology in their cities.

Although, you can always describe it in one word... Magic.

Literary language implies a beautiful and more detailed presentation of thoughts in the text. This is done in order to better immerse the reader in the described world and plot.

P.S. Hah, and thanks for the Star. A trifle, but nice.

11235921
This is a good criticism

I think most of these are caused firstly by me self editing. It can be dificult to find stuff like this after reading it so many times.

Most of these weren't caught because they are still correct in the emotional subtext they are displaying:

• For example, when Sassy says she is going to eat ice cream on the weekend, what it's conveying is that she is going to be sad and lonely like the first chapter. When she is saying she is saying she doesn't normally allow herself to have treats, It's displaying she is grateful that Anon would buy that for her, and she also doesn't want to refuse him buying her something. She is willing to do whatever her crush wants, even if she'd normally refuse.
• I sort of based the Interspecies relationship here on the Interracial dynamic from real life. It's fairly normal, but I'd definitly be worried what my parents would think. It's just Sassy worrying, that's all.
• When Anon tell's Rarity he is from another universe, he is basically trying to kill the conversation. He doesn't want to talk to her about his old life, and really doesn't want her to feel sorry for him. This shows in his short, and not exactly truthful response.
• As for Rarity's coldness, and then sudden flirting, she did this delibrately when she had processed that Sassy had a crush on him. She just wanted to get a reaction out of her.

I was trying to be much more 'show not tell' in this chapter, but I may have made it a bit too subtle. Yeah I can see they don't physically make sense, even if emotionally they do.

Thanks so much for the feedback, I'll look for this in my next work,

Ghost Buster

They all form a big herd with Luna. 😎

11235274
Not gonna say you're wrong, NOR am I gonna say that anyone here is a problem, but I do have to disagree with you on the whole "Italian Restaurant" thing.

In some writing cultures, there's a thing called "Perspective", which can be altered based on the character of whom the chapter is focused on. As the chapter in question is focused on Anon, who's only been in Equestria for a short amount of time (and has yet to truly experience the REST of the world, from the looks of it), using the word "Italian" can easily be dismissed as its DEEPER meaning being "Italian-like", or "The Equestrian Equivalent of Italian, of which I, the CHARACTER, do not know, yet".

Using Italian in THAT regard would be an easy way to validate the use of "Italian" in Equestria, despite it being an entirely different world. And regardless of whether it's told in First, Second, OR Third Person, the story's narrative is NOT immune to this kind of manipulation, and has been done in MANY works in the past, even from professional writers.

That said, though, maybe the writing styles are different in Russia and America? I can't say I know for sure, but I DO know that several countries have their own different writing styles that mix in with word usage and all that, like China and Japan. Rather than "I am here, my friend!" I believe Chinese would be spoken more like "Here am I, friend of mine!". COULD be wrong, but it's essentially a similar regard.

11236775
You replied to the wrong person.

11236802
Nah sorry. You'll have to wait for the sequel. My mind needs to think about something else for a bit!
I'm thinking of doing shorts with all the tall mares I can think of (Luna, Celestia, Sassy, Fleur, Amira etc.)

11237993
69th comment lol

Well this was fun!
Now to ponder on the aftermath...

11243294
Glad you enjoyed!

There is a last chapter/Epilogue coming soon, but I have a mandatory change of job roll in the next few weeks, so it might be a small while.

Damn I love this story great job

11261251

Are you aware that you responded to this comment after a long time?

I don't need your advice "don't read if you don't like it". Because I'm doing it anyway. Otherwise, I would be a masochist or something like that if I forced myself to read something that does not seem to me to be something that brings me pleasure.

In addition, I do not condemn the work of the author, but just make a hint in some details in the text. Which may be quite logical. Yes, this story was written primarily to show porn scenes. But if the author tries to describe the World Building at least a little, this is another level of writing. And in this case, the higher the attention to detail, the more correct visual effects from reading the plot.

If you think I don't understand anything about this, then I'm ready to listen to your arguments.

At the same time, what you wrote about Anon is that he is a person who may have thoughts about home... And despite the fact that he has already adapted enough to life in this world, then why is it not written about it in the text? For example, as a personal monologue.

Is such a detail not important to you? But, I see in this a distortion of the literary presentation. That is, in this case, a simplified style of presentation is used. Well, the Porn tag probably implies that at this moment you need to think not with your head, but with what is between your legs. Soglsen! I also think with a different head when I write a porn scene! But if this is the part of the plot in which there is a description of life and everyday life in the society of the characters, then I will not miss the opportunity to pay attention to important details and subtleties.

But apparently we will have different opinions on this, if only because I have a Russian mindset. And I treat creativity with a Russian soul.

I wish there were more fics like this on fimfiction. Clop with plot type stories are rarer to find than they should be, especially good ones like yours. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading the potential sequels

11276751
You realise you're reading My Little Pony porn right?
Not exactly somthing the Bible teaches.

In fact, if God had more foresight into the future he would have added it as an 11th commandment.
"Shall thalt not fap to My Little Pony"

I mean seriously, what would your Pastor think, jerking off without him?

11280083
Thanks Bro!

This was one lovely story. I will be eagerily reading the sequel if it comes into the existence :D

11277063
hehehe... hehehehahahahaha! nice mate haha

11276751
I know you've already thoroughly been roasted but the two things aren't exclusive. Even if you completely ignore any evidence of evolution humans are factually part of the great ape family.

I know the Bible said God made Adam and Eve in his image but does it say anywhere that God's not just a giant monkey?