• Published 1st Apr 2022
  • 1,026 Views, 40 Comments

Civilized Species - Reviewfilly



"Just because they walk and talk like us, that doesn't mean they are harmless."

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Ending the Cycle

“Finding a new species sounds like a dream come true to any biologist. Figuring out that not only is this species sentient, but also intelligent and capable of building their own civilization under our very noses is something that goes beyond one’s wildest fantasies.

“It has been my greatest honor and, recently, my greatest regret to be the pony who made first contact with the equidae called Vespiquines. I know many, even in this very audience, far prefer to affectionately call them “wasp-ponies” due to their remarkable similarity to us, but I personally refuse to use this nomenclature and would kindly request all gathered here to do the same. The reasons why will soon become quite evident.

“The newspapers have already discussed to death how I accidentally stumbled upon their hive deep below Canterlot in search of what I believed to be an elusive species of fungi responsible for a variety of odd symptoms experienced by some of the locals. I’m also already quite sure all of you have heard about how, despite being different species, they treated me with impeccable hospitality and how quickly inter-species... relations between us began.

“Allow me get to the point. I’m sure you have all received the memo about this meeting’s confidentiality. The fact that only the highest echelon is present should also give you a clue that this isn’t some courtesy-conference. I have full faith that what leaves my mouth next will stay in this room forever.

“Sun and Moon... We were fools.

“When did we fall so low? Was it merely wishful thinking that made us accept these Vespiquines into our midst without due investigation? Did we merely become so naive over the years that if a creature doesn’t outright want to kill us, we immediately assume it to be a friend?

“As we quickly discovered, they walk and talk like us. Their society, though far smaller, is similar to ours. They create art, have aspirations, hold grudges. They, just like all ponies under the Equestrian banner, are capable of the fundamental virtue: Friendship.

“Yet, fillies and gentlecolts, as much as it pains me to say, in the form of these Vespiquines, we have found our most insidious enemies yet.

“There is only one part of their life we weren’t privy to, until very recently. After all, etiquette demands prudence. With the blessing of hindsight, it should have been obvious that something was amiss. But who in their right mind would have imagined this?”

...

“Please, do not avert your eyes. I understand how appalling the sight is. I myself haven’t slept for almost a week now. However, I cannot stress it enough that you have to see it for yourself to understand why we are here today.

“Indeed, as you may have already figured out, this macabre sight is the result of the Vespiquines’ reproductive cycle. As you can see, most of the victim’s internal organs have been completely consumed from the inside out, along with parts of her mane and fur. And, perhaps most shockingly, her eyes are missing as well. We believe this particular form of dismemberment isn’t the result of cruelty, but rather of a pragmatic strategy.

“As confirmed by other victims, Harmony rest their souls, infection occurs during intercourse. Based on testimonies and experiments, during fertile periods Vespiquines secrete potent pheromones capable of affecting both sexes. Once the ‘couple’ retreats to privacy, the Vespiquine injects a substance, which, upon coming into contact with the victim, induces unconsciousness and short-term amnesia. The Vespiquine then uses its characteristic stinger to inject a larva into the incapacitated host before retreating. The coma is non-lethal by design and wears off after only a few hours. The victim awakens, without even realizing anything wrong has happened, and goes on with their day, perhaps a bit disappointed that they somehow dozed off during what they expected to be the “most exciting sex of their life.” ... Ahem.

“The infection’s cruelty is in its slowness. Larvae are careful not to touch vital organs until they have grown to sufficient size, causing an agonizingly slow deterioration in the host. Though we can detect the parasite’s presence, there is sadly only a short window of time during which it can be removed, lest we cause the death of the host too.

“When the time comes, the larva chemically directs its host to seek shelter, far from prying eyes. There it completely paralyzes its victim, before emerging fully and consuming the final ‘nutrients.’ It then disposes of the corpse and joins the hive, beginning the cycle anew.

“This is why we are here today.

“Equestria until now always chose the softest path possible. Integration or, if all other methods fail, retaliation until we once again have the peace we so cherish. However, this time we must make the first step.

“The Vespiquines cannot be allowed to continue existing. We are talking about a species which has nearly the same level of intelligence as us and which doesn’t consider its method of reproduction immoral. Even if we drove them from our lands, they would cause suffering elsewhere, without even realizing it.

“Our rulers were quite clear on their terms. Direct extermination of a race that accepts Harmony would be sacrilegious.

“We are a civilized species, after all.

“Instead, the royal alchemists recently discovered a chemical capable of destroying immature parasites in ponies and causing infertility in Vespiquines. By introducing this concoction into our water supplies and exports, we will effectively solve our problem without a drop of blood. The Vespiquines’ last generation will pass into oblivion in peace and prosperity.

“I’m sure some of you are outraged now, perhaps rightfully. But, before you raise your voice, consider your own foals in the place of this poor pony. Consider yourself. I know I have.

“The aides will explain the details. Forgive me for cutting my words short, but I’m afraid I’m running out of time. I will be visiting my relatives now. I hope you will make the right choice. Goodbye.”

Comments ( 40 )

>There's just one thing about them that's eating her up inside.
OOOF

This fic expressied my greatest fear, and did it bloody well.

Good job, now I won't sleep tonight:raritydespair:

11198685
I was struggling with the description when this expression came to me suddenly and I just knew it has to be the one.
11198702
Wasps and other parasites are bloody terrifying. At least they aren't capable of doing something like this to us.

11198711

At least they aren't capable of doing something like this to us.

Not yet anyway.

Ah yes, the short story that caused an entire thread to crash and burn into the ethics of genocide, and it inevitably came back around to National Socialism.
Good thread, interesting idea.
I much prefer the idea of Wasp Pone that isn't murderous and just tsundere, personally.

this is my comment of me posting it here...

SQA
SQA #7 · Apr 1st, 2022 · · ·

I love reading "ethical arguments" by people without even a slight grasp of what makes an ethical dilemma work. And by love I mean hate.

All I can think of right now is a line from the novel Ender’s Game.

“Nature can't evolve a species that hasn't the will to survive. Individuals might be bred to sacrifice themselves, but the race as a whole can never cease to exist.”

Or as I’ve also heard it expressed, a species can’t commit suicide.

Instead I’m just gonna note that MLP does present possible alternatives to, I guess we’ll have to call it mandatory stealth abortions. Twilight’s demonstrated the ability to turn herself and others into different species, and of course the Magic Mirror likewise presents this as an option that can even have a permanent effect, albeit possibly at the cost of racial exile. In that case we get the cessation of the vespiquine species while still allowing family lines to continue, though based on their breeding method it’s probable that they don’t really have families as we use the term.

I suppose it also needs must be asked if the parasites have to target ponies or if this could instead work on a non-sapient livestock species. Probably not…parasites tend to be specialized. Still, it’s worth considering. Magical alterations, perhaps?

But yeah. This is a heady subject, but at the end of the day the pony and vespiquine species can’t readily coexist. It’s absurd to think ponies would be okay with some of them being consumed. It’s equally absurd to think that the vespiquines would be okay with being wiped out completely. But barring any viable alternative that allows the vespiquines to reproduce without harming sapients…

11198775
Stealth genocide is best genocide.

You know, I was expecting much worse. Reason being that I didn't realize this was a Thousand Words Contest Entry.

Good work.

11198775

Twilight’s demonstrated the ability to turn herself and others into different species, and of course the Magic Mirror likewise presents this as an option that can even have a permanent effect,

In that case we get the cessation of the vespiquine species while still allowing family lines to continue,

Now, there's some fresh material for The Conversion Bureau subgenre...

11198845
To some extent the idea comes from the ending of Animorphs. Spoiler for a kids’ book series that ended in 2001…

The main conflict of the series involves a species called Yeerks, who are brain parasites that take over hosts, invading Earth covertly, and being fought by a bunch of kids who gained the power to turn into animals from another alien race called the Andalites.

But Yeerks aren’t a monolithic hive-mind or anything like it; each Yeerk is an individual with their own wants and needs, just like humans.

The entire reason most Yeerks are okay with their conquest and parasitism of other species is because in their natural bodies they are blind, nearly deaf, tiny little worm things that can’t ever leave their pools, and their Gedd “natural” hosts that co-evolved with them on their home planet aren’t really much use at tool manipulation either, and also Gedd don’t breed fast enough to give every Yeerk a host. The only chance Yeerks have at becoming more than little slugs stuck in pools, fully sapient but unable to enjoy or utilize that sapience, is to infest and control subjugated species.

But then one of the kids finally hits on the solution that had been right in front of the Andalites and the Animorphs themselves the whole time: morphing, the very weapon being used against the Yeerks. Give the Yeerks the ability to morph and you free them from the Yeerk pools while also giving them an option that doesn’t require them to be slavers.

It means the extinction of the Yeerks as a species, yes, but not the extinction Yeerks as a society or culture, though of course that’ll undergo major upheavals. It’ll change…but it’ll still be Yeerk in origin and it gives them a chance to define Yeerks as more than just parasitic slugs that take over peoples’ bodies. It’s the best possible solution for everyone.

11198864
Dang, I should've picked up Animorphs when I was younger...

I remember being kinda turned off by the weird cover art, and I'd always thought of the series as low-key magic rather than sci-fi.

11198864
11198881
Ah, I think I've had two or maybe three of the Animorphs books when I was younger. Neither of them were the first story, so I did feel a bit lost with them, but they're fun enough. Doesn't the story go really batshit insane in the later parts though? I remember reading about it how much of it was actually ghostwritten by several other authors.

11198890
Applegate wrote most of the major stories plus the side-stories (Andalites Chronicles, Hork-Bajir Chronicles, Visser, and Ellinist), but yeah. To Applegate’s credit the dedications pages were often to those ghost writers.

As for it getting batshit…kind of? More just we learn more and more about the larger universe and history outside of what’s happening on Earth. Basically the Yeerk-Andalite War turns out to be something of an unknowing proxy war between two godlike aliens and we occasionally deal with that. But for the most part the series remains on Earth and concerns the stuff happening on Earth and stopping or stymieing the Yeerk invasion.

Well that was interesting. I'm surprised the wasp ponies don't get done for murder, as they are committing a crime by choice even if it is for reproduction.

Instead, the royal alchemists recently discovered a chemical capable of destroying immature parasites in ponies and causing infertility in Vespiquines.

Cue a bunch of local conspiracy theorists saying that the government is trying to kill them with chemicals in water. But their problems quickly solve themselves when they end up infected.

Eh. That’s a concept.

11199243
Isnt that basically what happens? The crime is involuntary mass murder, the sentence is genocide.

11198773
by all means, elaborate.

11199650
Even if they are made infertile, they will never be properly punished just the next generation. If a regular pony killed another, they would likely be imprisoned for their crime. The wasp ponies need to be shown murder is wrong and the law applies to them. Otherwise they may believe other lesser crimes are fine.

Saying that, I wonder if they would come running to the princess, when a pony's family member comes looking for revenge?

Save me Princess! This pony is trying to murder me, because my children ate his wife!

11199663
I dont accept that death innately is morally wrong. Whether or not a death is a murder is an ethical question, and there are a bunch of scenarios where it's not
For example a wild fox hunting rabbits, a tornado, dying of cholera, etcetera isn't murder because ethical questions do not apply to things that do not have moral consideration. These things are not good or evil, they just are. This is also why it's not morally repugnant generally to kill animals like clearing a mouse infestation, slaughtering cattle, exterminating smallpox etc.
"But Rak, the wasp ponies are intelligent and are capable of moral consideration"
That's true as well, but even in the case of deaths caused by things with moral consideration, whether that is suicide, euthanasia, self defense, or execution its relatively difficult to argue that all of these are ethically wrong, especially the first two examples.

Even in the case presented in the fic, theres no suggestion that frayed arrow was raped, just she got way more then she bargained for. Even putting aside the specifics, now that you sign the death warrant of a peace loving harmonious race, what precedent does that set for considerably less peaceful races like changelings, griffons, dragons and unicorns.

11199678

theres no suggestion that frayed arrow was raped

Well...there is that "potent pheromones" line. Without further elaboration we can't know exactly what this means, but I'm inclined to believe that we're talking about more than just smelling attractive - we might be looking at an intoxicating effect and thus Frayed Arrow and other ponies weren't actually capable of giving consent.

now that you sign the death warrant of a peace loving harmonious race

A peace-loving and harmonious race that reproduces exclusively by killing members of another race, who were not privy to this knowledge and are very unlikely to consent to it even if they were. That's a little caveat that makes all the difference. Dragons, changelings, griffons and unicorns are not required by their fundamental biology to kill ponies. Vespiquines are.

SQA
SQA #24 · Apr 2nd, 2022 · · 2 ·

11199654
I'll pass. The fewer people that read the stupidity that spawned this story, the better. It's much more pleasant to imagine this story was created in a vacuum, as to know where it comes from will deal a serious blow to your respect for the people who use this site. It's not worth your time and it sure as shit isn't worth mine.

11198775
Yeah but transforming them all too another species would still technically be genocide wouldn't it?
The species would have been wiped out even if it's people still existed.

Reminds me of the changelings, that reminds me of one where to stop the fighting a powerful mage had transformed the entire windigo species into changelings, unable to remove their need to feed on emotion they changed them so they fed on love instead of hatred. I've read several others that speculated a connection.

And that's why windigos don't exist anymore.

11198864
There's a fic here with I think it was kelpies that did something similar, I hated that one because of how stupid the entire race and others had to be for the story to work, and how moral quandaries kept getting brought up and then never returned to in a satisfactory fashion. In short they ended up having to work with them to defeat a demigod resulting in the kelpies getting the power of the demigod which they said they would use to at some future point remove their need to feed on sapient beings.

11199833
See with all those options they don't have lethal biology that they didn't have a choice to use and still persist. They didn't choose their fundamental biology, and have the harmonious friendly culture.
Dragons, changelings, unicorns, griffons etc didn't have that kind of biology and still regularly choose to be a bunch of assholes anyways. If you can justify genocide for something they have no control over, then you can certainly do so for creatures who choose to be evil.
>who were not privy to this knowledge
That is easily a potential cultural misunderstanding. A tragic one for sure, but resolving that doesnt actually require genocide, and if most of the potential willing participants are no longer interested once they found out its the kind of thing that you can only do once? Thats fine. Punish those who force the issue, it doesn't require poisoning every mare stallion and foal to achieve this.

11199866

Yeah but transforming them all too another species would still technically be genocide wouldn't it?

It would, but surely that is preferable to extermination. Like I said, the current status quo is completely intolerable to ponies and it's completely unreasonable to expect them to accept it when it involves them being victims - hitherto unknowing victims, which by the way raises some awkward questions as to whether or not the vespiquines knew that the ponies wouldn't look kindly on their method of reproduction. While I am sympathetic to the shit hand that nature has dealt the vespiquines, the fact of the matter here is that barring the discovery of a nonsapient livestock species that can replace ponies as hosts, this is going to end in genocide. The only question is whether or not it'll also end in death.

11199903

Dragons, changelings, unicorns, griffons etc didn't have that kind of biology and still regularly choose to be a bunch of assholes anyways.

As did earth ponies and pegasi as well, I'll remind you. And I think it's a little silly to presume that every vespiquine is a saint except for the reproduction thing. I'm sure that as harmonious as the culture is, it produces its share of Suri Polomares and Lightning Dusts, and even the occasional Cozy Glow or Tempest Shadow.

The thing is that vespiquines have that, and a biological need to possibly rape and certainly kill ponies. It's an extra layer that cannot simply be overcome by trying to make ponies understand that it's okay that vespiquines will occasionally kill ponies. I am sympathetic to the shit hand that their biology dealt them, but that shit hand is no excuse for ponies to tolerate some of their number being horrifyingly killed by the vespiquines.

The thing with griffons, dragons, and changelings is that there is no fundamental wall preventing them from changing, as we see by the fact that they do, in fact, change over time and adapt to living with ponies even as ponies adapt to living with them, because doing so does not require any fundamental harm come to the ponies or the other races. And in the case of dragons and griffons, at least, if they found interaction with ponies completely undesirable, or vice-versa, they could isolate themselves from ponies without causing harm to themselves.

But the vespiquines can't do that. Their biology forces them to interact with ponies in an intolerable way. Ponies by contrast do not have anything forcing them to interact with vespiquines in a way that vespiquines find intolerable. So if the two want peaceful relations with each other, it is the vespiquines that have to change, in either their biology or their host species.

And if that's impossible...well, it's a completely reasonable response on the part of the ponies to prevent themselves from being preyed upon.

11199924
I can't actually think of any earth pony villians in canon
Or pegasi for that matter.
>Their biology forces them to interact with ponies in an intolerable way.
Maybe I'm too autistic but personally what consenting adults do in the privacy of their homes i can't exactly call "acting intolerably" even if doing so is hazardous to the health of one or more of the participants.
Moreover all those other groups have no biological excuse for their shitty behavior. They choose to be pieces of shit.

11199939
And then changed. The other races were shitty when we were introduced to them, but they also either mostly kept to themselves (griffons, dragons) or at least had the excuse of being led by an evil tyrant (changelings). And they changed when presented with the opportunity, because they were capable of doing so because nothing in their biology fundamentally required them to harm ponies. Even unreformed changelings, we see via Thorax that they're perfectly capable of getting the love they need to survive without hurting others.

But vespiquines are not capable of that at a biological level, and that cannot be ignored. They are not capable of making a choice not to harm others without also dooming their species to extinction, but that doesn't change that they are harming others and if they want to continue their friendly relations with ponies, something needs to fundamentally change.

Or pegasi for that matter.

Your fanfiction isn't canon. I hate a lot of how Seasons 8 and 9 played out too and I certainly despise the finale of the show in almost every aspect, but we can't pretend that Cozy Glow didn't exist. And anyway like I said, all three tribes certainly produced ponies who were dicks, like Lightning Dust and Suri Polomare. It's not like we ever met griffon or dragon villains on the scale of Cozy, Nightmare Moon, or Discord, after all.

even if doing so is hazardous to the health

"Hazardous to health" is taking small amounts of arsenic to make your skin paler. This is certain death.

I'm not saying that there aren't some ponies who would be into that, but look at this from the vespiquine perspective: are you certain there will be enough ponies willing to consent to their own deaths - painful deaths, it must be emphasized - in order to maintain the vespiquine species, were the vespiquines to come out with their reproduction method and ask for volunteers?

Like I said; a species can’t commit suicide. What’re the vespiquines going to do when their prey species no longer consents to being prey?

11199969
I unironically forgot that Cozy glow was a pegasus. I thought she was a unicorn this entire time. Mea Culpa Mea Culpa
>And they changed when presented with the opportunity,
And they could just as easily change back. Sombra is a great example of the distant past. Twilight is a neurotic freak, Starlight glimmer is... Well, you get the idea. Hell you dont even need to be as bad as these, Being generally as bad as Neighsay, Garble, and Gilda is plenty.

>"Hazardous to health" is taking small amounts of arsenic to make your skin paler. This is certain death.
I fail to see the problem. If you and a bunch of friends want to do Krokodis in a burning building that you own I dont see why its my business to stop you. That's between you and all your consenting adult friends.
> painful deaths, it must be emphasized
We actually don't know that, It doesnt say one way or the other in this fic and the greens i wrote on the topic, though are a different headcanon then here, avoids the problem of the death being painful.

>What’re the vespiquines going to do when their prey species no longer consents to being prey?
Well that would be a different prompt, and the moral question, at least to me, is solved. Just because they'll die out without hosts doenst give them the right to force it on others. Self defense doctrine is plenty.

11199909

It would, but surely that is preferable to extermination.

Sure, it's unethical but it's still the best of the available options, the threat is eliminated with almost the minimal possible disruption, it's unethical but it's still the most ethical of the unethical options. There isn't an ethical solution to this without the aforementioned substitute being found but it won't be and wouldn't fully solve the issue because it's a key point of the story and they don't see anything wrong with killing ponies to reproduce so even if they had an alternative it would be an uphill battle to convince them to stop.


That reminds me of the optimalverse (FiO) which revolves around a ai that builds a digital equestria and converts humans into digital ponies, the ai is well intentioned as it reasons that the real world is dangerous so it's saving people by converting them, it's not allowed to convert people without their consent but that consent does not have to be fully informed of the situation, like making someone believe that they will be killed by an angry mob if they refuse even though they are in no danger, or pretending the building is on fire.

On a larger scale it causes the collapse of human civilization as while it easily could assist humans in having better lives as humans it sees it as pointless as they will eventually die but they'll be effectively immortal if she converts them, this combined with human greed causes the rapid collapse of human civilization as the people on the bottom rungs of society jump at the offer for a happy comfortable life which results in a worker shortage.

Which puts more strain on the remaining workers who then also decide to convert, resulting in no one being left to make anyone's burgers, sure they could have mostly stopped that at any time with better pay and working conditions but instead greed kicks in and they let society collapse. This results in wars and famine which further pushes people to agree to conversion till eventually there is no one left.

Great universe for an existential crisis, my main complaints with it is the arbitrary the ai can only make people into ponies restriction and it's a idyllic dystopia as once inside the ai prevents you from seeing most of what's going on outside as it would likely make them unhappy to know that society is collapsing and the generates an entire town of virtual ponies to keep every person converted happy part, which is horrifying by itself.

Comment posted by SQA deleted Apr 2nd, 2022

Terrifying, truly.

11198775
My first thought was also "couldn't they use magic to alter their reproductive process? Surely you offer to do that first, then go to quiet genocide if they refuse." Some parasitic wasp species grow inside plants. Maybe they could try that.

On the other hand, the brainwashing pheromones are a problem all their own. Once the Vespiquines are aware you're trying to get rid of them, that becomes a problem in and of itself. Even proposing a solution might raise their suspicions. It's a creepy thought to be sure.

I have come to review your fic. However, please note that I read the story & wrote my notes on an airplane, so I may have been more critical than usual. Oh well!

The first thing I noticed was some clumsiness (and minor mistakes) in the opening sentences. I don't think there's anything interesting to say about that. It was just... a bit bad.

The next thing to point out would be that the speaker asks the audience to refer to this new species as "vespiquines", rather than "wasp-ponies", and states that the reasoning will be clear later. However,

  1. "vespiquines" basically just means "wasp-ponies" anyway,
  2. I'm assuming that "vespiquines" is a scientific name invented by Frayed Arrow or some other pony, so it's interesting (though not necessarily a problem for the story) that the vespiquines' name for themselves is never brought up, and
  3. The reasoning for this insistence is never actually made clear, unless the idea was just to frame them as a species rather than as a kind of pony, which I suppose is a pretty good reason. Just not very obvious.

The "infection occurs during intercourse" bit implies that the parasitic larval stage of their reproduction cycle is how they reproduce, but that really doesn't make sense, unless they're asexual. Real parasitic wasps reproduce via sex with, you know, other wasps - the parasitic element comes in when the female wants to lay her eggs. This is part of the cycle. However, the idea that a roughly pony-sized creature might have to lure and pacify target hosts in order to reliably lay their eggs, rather than just latching on and sendin' it as real wasps do, does make a lot of sense. And tying this to some sort of evolved trans-species date-rape system is a neat idea. In this essay on the "honey pot" tactic, I will [notice: the critic was rightfully shot and killed before he could finish this sentence]

Anyway, the explicitly rushed ending was really disappointing - leaves it lacking some impact that could have been introduced through more audience reaction, as they come to terms with what has to be done, or perhaps what has already been done. The method that Frayed Arrow mentions could very well be implemented without anyone's knowledge or power to object, and perhaps this becomes known somehow.

Overall, I didn't find it very horrific or uncomfortable as some readers did, and as perhaps was intended - but maybe my standards are just fucked up. To me the most interesting part of it (without getting into whatever the hell is going on in the comments...) was the philosophy and politics involved in finagling a "bloodless" genocide into the framework of Harmony. Unfortunately, that idea could not possibly have gotten the treatment it deserves in only 1000 words. But good job for trying! It was pretty neat and I enjoyed reading it.

PS: I just realized, based on the description and the beginning/final sentences of the story, that Frayed Arrow might be infected? Which means she was recently raped, and will soon be murdered-by-proxy? If that was the intention, I feel like it really should have been more evident in the story. Or maybe I just didn't read it goodly. Very cool concept either way.

Oh, this story. I had a long discussion on a Discord channel with several others on this... and honestly, what really got me was the artificiality of the problem. Every time someone would alter an alternative—a different host species, a magical/medical surrogate, outright transmutation—someone would shoot it down with an increasingly contrived explanation for why it wouldn't work. And the real reason it wouldn't work was because it defeats the purpose of the moral dilemma. The trolley is speeding down the track and you're at the switch. There's a clean, binary choice of two horrible options; how dare you try to find a third alternative? Never mind that real life is almost never that clean-cut...

Mind you, I'm mapping unrelated people's argument onto the story itself. What did I think? Well, some of that same artificiality is still here. It's a top-down design; let's make a nightmare personalized for Equestrian society and work backwards to justify it. I think the real killer here is the word limit. Given more space, you could've explored the concept with greater detail and subtlety. As is, it's still rough around the edges.

Still, thank you for the submission. Best of luck in the judging.

11253197
Hey, sorry for only now getting back to you, I was a bit occupied with a lot of other things. Thank you for the review!

The reasoning for this insistence is never actually made clear

The intent there was that to show the narrator's disdain and to dehumanize (deponize?) the species.

Real parasitic wasps reproduce via sex with, you know, other wasps - the parasitic element comes in when the female wants to lay her eggs.

This is a very fair point and largely a result of the word limit. However, just to go to a bit of Word of God territory, just because that's how real life wasps work, wasp ponies don't necessarily need to. In my personal headcanon the offspring takes on characteristics of both the parasite and the host.

Anyway, the explicitly rushed ending was really disappointing - leaves it lacking some impact that could have been introduced through more audience reaction, as they come to terms with what has to be done, or perhaps what has already been done. The method that Frayed Arrow mentions could very well be implemented without anyone's knowledge or power to object, and perhaps this becomes known somehow.

Yeah, I was a bit disappointed that I had to cram so much into so few words, but I was working on inspiration and I wanted to publish it while it was relevant in the thread where the prompt was posted. There is a lot more in this concept I feel.

Overall, I didn't find it very horrific or uncomfortable as some readers did, and as perhaps was intended

No worries, it's my first attempt at writing something horror-esque, obviously I didn't expect an instant masterpiece.

Unfortunately, that idea could not possibly have gotten the treatment it deserves in only 1000 words. But good job for trying! It was pretty neat and I enjoyed reading it.

I'm very glad to hear, thanks for giving the story your time and thoughts.

PS: I just realized, based on the description and the beginning/final sentences of the story, that Frayed Arrow might be infected? Which means she was recently raped, and will soon be murdered-by-proxy? If that was the intention, I feel like it really should have been more evident in the story. Or maybe I just didn't read it goodly. Very cool concept either way.

It was meant to be fairly vague and hey, you did figure out. It's a bit of extra info, not strictly necessary for the plot, to make the narrator's rashness a tad more justified and to make the situation seem even more desperate.


11262997

Oh, this story. I had a long discussion on a Discord channel with several others on this... and honestly, what really got me was the artificiality of the problem.

Oh, I'm honestly super happy that it reached this far. It made quite the argument in /fimfic/ too, the place I originally wrote it for. We filled like two and a half threads with arguments about the wasps. If you don't mind me asking what was the final consensus, if there was one at all?

There's a clean, binary choice of two horrible options; how dare you try to find a third alternative? Never mind that real life is almost never that clean-cut...

Admittedly this might be an unfortunate by-product of the fact that the story was written in a few hours.

What did I think? Well, some of that same artificiality is still here. It's a top-down design; let's make a nightmare personalized for Equestrian society and work backwards to justify it.

Well this is what the prompt asked for (not the contest's, but the one I based this story on.) But yes, I definitely see what you mean and it's not even really meant to be an excuse.

I think the real killer here is the word limit. Given more space, you could've explored the concept with greater detail and subtlety. As is, it's still rough around the edges.

I haven't fully given up on the concept yet, so maybe in time I'll be able to write something extended which fixes the issues of this story.

Still, thank you for the submission. Best of luck in the judging.

I'm not exactly expecting much seeing the competition, but I feel like even if I don't win in the contest, I've already won something much better. That is a lot of discourse about one of my stories. An author could hardly ask for more.

Thank you very much for spending your time on the story, ever since joining the site I hoped to get a comment from you. :twilightsmile:

Delightfully dark and intriguing, but the story only manages to pose the question more than the answer. It's a really fascinating problem that can't really be explored in depth in 1k words. I also came to notice the description tie-in after reading some of the critiques down below.

Still, I very much enjoyed it! Thank you for writing this

I know many, even in this very audience, far prefer to affectionately call them “wasp-ponies” due to their remarkable similarity to us, but I personally refuse to use this nomenclature and would kindly request all gathered here to do the same.

very relatable! everypony is always crystal pony this, bat pony that

Did we merely become so naive over the years that if a creature doesn’t outright want to kill us, we immediately assume it to be a friend?

well, to be fair, in the canon run of the show that principle has worked out pretty well!

“When the time comes, the larva chemically directs its host to seek shelter, far from prying eyes. There it completely paralyzes its victim, before emerging fully and consuming the final ‘nutrients.’ It then disposes of the corpse and joins the hive, beginning the cycle anew.

loved this description of just what horrible thing the Vespiquines do! definitely sells the horror of it

“We are a civilized species, after all.

it is funny how this line is only ever said before describing something horrific that said civilized species is about to do. oh hey, title drop!

“The aides will explain the details. Forgive me for cutting my words short, but I’m afraid I’m running out of time. I will be visiting my relatives now. I hope you will make the right choice. Goodbye.”

ah, this fits the meta of the story well, needing to be cut short because of the wordcount!


a lot left unsaid here! the line

Even if we drove them from our lands, they would cause suffering elsewhere, without even realizing it.

is very interesting! maybe an evolutionarily-driven selective agnosia to the immorality of how the species reproduces? which means that reasoning with the species based on ethics is impossible. to them their reproduction will always be at worst morally neutral, and it would be as if an alien species threatened humanity with extermination if we kept creating more humans, with no justification that makes any sense to us.

it's a fascinating moral dilemma! but from a story perspective, i am bothered by how matter-of-fact the scientist's solution is stated, right at the end, and i think the story would have been served better with said solution coming off as more of a proposal than a done deal, which lets the story's exit fade into the larger questions rather than everything coming to a hard stop all of a sudden in the last hundred words. (and i'm sure the author intended questions and debate, and not an assertion that a gentler genocide is the only logical solution!)

in any case, a great series of questions to pose to our utopian pony society that really made me think. thank you for it!

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