Sunny…she’s always so optimistic that she can change things here in Maretime Bay, make everypony get along, and prove a point to our system, which is inherently Earth Pony-centric.
I don’t know what the other races are like. I’ve never seen them. But from what I heard about them…I feel Sunny is going to get herself either killed or something much worse should she keep this up. She’s my only real friend here in this town and I’m all she’s got. I don’t think she truly understands how dangerous this world really is.
This is the story of me trying to live up to the mantle of a responsible sheriff, protecting the town, and my friend, even if it means protecting her from herself….
Chapters (1)
And of course, none of these worked and Sunny was right all along.
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Yes, she was. Because you know, for kids!
Suffers from a lot of the same flaws common to G5 fics – compromised characterisation due to the "characters designed around the movie" nature of the flick, a plot proceeding on transparent autopilot – on top of diary writing that, common to such diary/letter stories, does not remotely feel like a diary Pro tip: more minimalism, not repeating details the character already knows, and making recollections more vague always helps. Try reading some of the more acclaimed letter/diary fics.
But the baseline emotions and desperation of Hitch shines through, and many of the invented headcanon details for the characters' backstories work and are sprinkled throughout nicely. Were the fic longer, I couldn't lean positive, but it's just short enough that it goes down before the issues start to grate. Not a bad place for a new-fish author to start from!
Rating: Decent
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Thanks for your feedback! I really appreciate it. Yeah, this is my first time writing a diary-based story, so it’s bound to not be the best. I’m still happy you enjoyed it anyway. Cheers! 🥂
I think Hitch says in the movie that Sunny would try to sneak into Canterlogic every year, but he would always stop her.
Also, Hitch was right. He had to put his hoof down and make Sunny realize that she couldn't go on like this.
"I'm the last real friend you've got in this town. Do you really want to lose me too?"
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To be honest, I would always load my journal entries with a bunch of details that I was well aware of. Not sure why.
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Excellent point! That aspect might’ve been lost in translation when writing this story, so thanks for pointing that out. I guess my brain thought that making it so Sunny always sneaks in would hammer in the point more effectively. I tried to make this as close to the beats of the movie as possible, especially since chronologically, this story would go right before the movie itself, considering the next day Sunny would sneak in again, Izzy would arrive in Maretime Bay, magic, the whole shebang. I appreciate the feedback very much. Thanks for your comments.
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One more thing I feel like I should point out: some of the things Hitch mentions Sunny doing are actually rather serious crimes. Not something law enforcement would overlook even if the perp was a friend.
Signal hijacking? I don't know if they have an FCC or FBI equivalents, but that's a serious matter in our world.
Breaking into a school, even if it's to preach friendship? Yeah... no. Just no.
Maybe edit some of the serious felonies Sunny committed out/make them more silly-ish? Just something that jumped out at me.
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I wrote it that way as there are very real activists who would go to such a length to get their message across. There are lots of good ones who protest peacefully, but some go to more extreme measures. That section was essentially a subtle commentary on the more radical wing of activism in our society. If I was to edit that section, the desperation Hitch feels would not be as impactful in my opinion and the message wouldn’t come across as effectively.
Hitch knows he has to do the right thing and enforce the law, but his friendship towards Sunny presents a roadblock for that. Essentially, it’s a mini character struggle that makes the time where Hitch does call out Sunny after he escorts her out of Canterlogic in the movie make more sense with the proper setup. She’s gotten reckless, she’s committed several serious felonies all in the name of her message. And it’s time to stop.
I don’t think I can edit that out without losing the core element of this story, sorry. But thanks for your feedback on it.
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No problem. I enjoyed the story, even if it has some flaws.
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Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it.
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"Come on, Sunny, what did you think was gonna happen? You give a little speech and what? Everypony just magically welcomes Unicorns and Pegasi into Maretime Bay? You keep saying that there's nothing to be afraid of, well then prove it!!"
A well-written bit of dialog. Sunny's silence in reaction says: "Huh. That's actually a really good point..."
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Yeah, I’m one of the people who appreciates that the first half of the movie was bold enough to call out the rampant cliche in MLP that singing a song or giving an impassioned speech about friendship always works. Especially, the propaganda was well-ingrained into the ponies of Maretime Bay that no amount of speech-giving or any other stuff was going to change that.
Up until it was undercut by that exact same thing near the end. Oh well.
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Hitch calling Sunny out for her stunt at Canterlogic.
AKA, the exact moment Hitch became best pony.
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Exactly.
Sequel?
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The next one is going to be a story about Izzy. Stay tuned!
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Thanks!
Recorded for the audio version
I fixed this bit for the audio reading
but starring starting three years ago, she began to…
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Oh woopsie! Ugh, I hate grammatical errors. Thank you so much for fixing that in the audio version. You’re a lifesaver.
Terrific. I always loved the relationship between Sunny and Hitch in the first movie. That's why I ship that but that's beside the point.
I always felt like deep down Hitch always needed Sunny in her life. To make him dream of bigger things. She has so much life to her.
Honestly I actually feel like in some ways it would be harder for Hitch if he stopped being friends with Sunny than vice versa. I think Sunny would still at least have her goals and dreams but Hitch would be left with the boring world without her.
Anyways great fanfic. I love these character exploration fics. I hope to do these types of fics when I start writing. This is short and simple yet very insightful. Great work.
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate your insight.
Right! I think the other general races live happily as well slope game.
I love hitch
He's really honest
He doesn't hate the other tribes
He just wishes to protect the sunny
AI review: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews/thread/520774/im-looking-out-for-you
Tomorrow things are going to be very different and you're going to be very surprised of the future friends you're going to meet
Very interesting story and hitch really has a pretty big dilemma when it comes to choosing either the ponies in the town or his childhood friend that he knows his entire life which it's always tough for him but he is a good friend and he really does care for her I kind of ship those two as well but anyway it looks like tomorrow will be very surprising that's for sure this was pretty good keep up the good work
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