Zipp has been acting strange lately. The looks she gives her friends, her movements, the fact she is barely sleeping. Something is wrong with her.
So when the pegasus princess suddenly vanishes, it is up to her friends to find her and try to figure out what is wrong with her.
Can they find her and stop whatever is troubling Zipp? Or will their friend fall to what she fears most: Herself
Disclaimer: Contains moments that could be seen as self harm. Rape is mentioned, but not performed. Proceed with caution if these upsets you.
Edit: This story’s barely been up for an hour and already it’s getting featured. Whoo-hoo!
Chapters (1)
This was a beautiful; story. It really was. I have to say, I really relate to how Zipp is feeling here. It’s hard to trust yourself when stuff like getting controlled by a necklace that amplifies your dark thoughts happens. It can be scary and your story actually gives more insight into Zipp’s character that didn’t occur to me the first time around. She has deep insecurities about herself that manifest themselves in various different ways. She likes to be in control of the situation, which is probably more princess-like than she’ll ever admit, and when things spiral out of control, she doesn’t know how to deal with it.
While I thought the rape mentioning part was kinda unnecessary, I can see that it was needed to show how far Zipp’s dark thoughts are driving her to the point of insanity. The moment she was about to kill Pipp had me on edge for the briefest of moments, thinking that she was actually going to severely harm her sister before flying off, and her outburst at the cave just wrecked me inside as it just feels very raw and real coming off the page. You’re very good at writing Zipp and that’s been shown two times in a row. I think you have a deep understanding of both her and Pipp’s sibling dynamic, and I hope that you’ll write more for them.
Wonderful story!! Here’s the fav.
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I’ll admit that the idea of rape is a little off putting, but I feel that I emphasizes Zipp’s growing madness. Madness of Queen Zipp if you will.
Also, while she says she was going to, I feel that she was probably more likely going to make out with him (which might still qualify but nowhere as bad as thought) and only said that as she was trying to get him to hate her and leave her to root in her prison, showcasing how deep she’s fallen.
While I was reading this story my mind would not stop repeating some of the lyrics to the villain song from the movie Anastasia
Edit: I just realized that nobody would understand what im talking about unless your old like me so heres a link to what im referencing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_k6hAVmn8Q
I'm starting to see a pattern here...
I officially declare you the "I love to see Zipp braking into tears for no reason" number one stand!
Jokes aside, this was really well done! I agree with Admiral Producer that the rape part was a bit unnecessary, but it did showed pretty well how insane Zipp was going before almost killing Pipp (if you actually have done it, I would be saying not so nice stuff to you, sir
).
Also, now you got me curious with that main story you're talking about...
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Well, I did and I’m only in my early twenties if that makes you feel younger.
And this is a song I’ve known about for a long time
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appreciate it I'm in my late twenties so yeah that's why I assumed
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Yeah, I really need help with that.
As for my main story, it’s not a pony fanfic. It’s on the main fanfiction site under Dinosaur King (essentially when Sega made Pokémon with dinosaurs if you never heard of it before)
Just look for the one titled Retold that has the appropriate cover image. Or the fic with the most faves and follows. That’s mine.
That was pretty dark, but also a solid read. Kinda reminded me of Lead us Not, another G5 story about a character struggling with dark thoughts, though this one ended much more happily.
It'd be interesting to see a story like this from Misty's perspective. All the years of wearing the necklace on top of the emotional abuse she took from Opaline would probably mean she's pretty messed up.
Okay, so…
Characterization, phenomenal. I'm admittedly a sucker for characters who are tough on the outside but hurting on the inside, but I what you did with Zipp. She’s a creature of habit, she overthinks things, she’s afraid of appearing weak… her psyche is just waiting for the perfect storm to knock everything down. But the rest of the mane five were also very well done, especially Izzy (who’s a character that’s really easy to get wrong).
That being said, I agree with Admiral Produce that rape mention was really unnecessary, but I would say that Hitch hitting on Zipp towards the end was also kinda bad. I mean… if someone tells you that they’ve been thinking about hurting themselves, now is NOT the time to make a move on them.
I also saw in your author’s notes that you decided against making this story into multiple chapters. I understand your trepidation, but this definitely could have been longer. Take the scene where Izzy confesses that she knew something was wrong with Zipp but decided against doing anything. A good scene, sure, but it easily have been the plot of an entire chapter and would probably have been even more impactful that way. And as someone who does have experience with intrusive thoughts, I did feel your description felt a little… lacking at times.
That being said, I do appreciate the ending of this story. A lot of writer seem to think that having dark subject matter means that your story has to be an angst-athon, so I appreciate you avoiding going down that route and keeping this story a character study.
TLDR, a little rough around the edges but overall well done, especially considering that you probably wrote this quickly. I look forward to seeing what you do next.
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I see your point, but I don’t know if that could’ve been a whole chapter’s worth of content.
I will admit that not having a scene with Zipp and Izzy at the beginning is probably my biggest regret with this story and I might edit a scene in just so Zipp interacts with all of her friends in her growing insanity.
This is an incredible story.
10 / 10
I liked this story so much! Zipp was so needing of a big hug