please wake up
Rainbow Dash did not like her life.
In the morning, the unholy sobbing would scare Rainbow Dash half to death and fully onto the floor before she realized that it came from somewhere within her.
The exact same awful routine as always. Wake up screaming, crying, shake it off, brush her teeth. There was never time for breakfast, but she was never hungry, anyway. No, she woke up nauseous without fail.
Most ponies would say Rainbow Dash was lucky. Her house floated serenely above Ponyville. The large, spacious cloud home would have served to make Rainbow’s life easier. Since it was made of cloud, it was impeccably clean and bright white.
She would not agree.
As she stepped out onto the front of her home, the sky was bathed in that early morning colour. From way up high, it was blood red.
The clouds she lived on absorbed that false pigment, seeping in that dirty, bloody colour and forcing it to be right under Rainbow Dash’s hooves. It was like she was stepping in the sticky, warmth of that red she so desperately wished she’d never had to see.
Rubbing her eyes and stretching out her wings, Rainbow Dash sniffled and took to the sky, leaving behind her cursed home. No, it was not nice, and no, she wished she never had to be in it. But her parents had given it to her as a gift, which now that she had to provide for herself, was absolutely ridiculous.
If only she could be mad at them. She couldn’t be anything anymore.
The wind flowed through her wings, caressing her feathers with its cold grip. It was too early for the air to be warm, and instead, she suppressed a shiver as the cold crept through her primaries and into her skin.
Rose-red eyes drifted shut, and the wind ruffled Rainbow’s mane upwards.
She was falling.
“GAH!” Rainbow Dash yelped as the sickening sensation of unplanned free-fall finally caught up to her. She spread out her wings, allowing them to shoot her back up as the wind caught beneath them like a parachute. The sudden force of the wind against her wings made it feel like they would pop out of their sockets, but at least she hadn’t done that.
The screaming in her head came back. It was angry. Or sad? She didn’t know.
Shaking it away, Rainbow flapped her wings again, ignoring the pain until it completely drained away, and continued through the sky. Her hooves skimmed treetops as she flew further and further away from her home and from Ponyville. Afraid to look back, Rainbow kept her gaze forward to where the sun had been rising. Always forward, never back.
Her entire mouth felt parched, drier than the fields surrounding Appleoosa. Had she forgotten to drink water? Knowing her, probably. She wanted to stop, to find a stream or something, but she knew that if she stopped, she would end up back where she didn’t want to be.
The sky was blue around her, but the clouds that followed her were red. This time, a rusty red. The kind of red that would only emerge on an old bike left out in the rain for too long. The kind of red that a crowbar would be if left abandoned on a porch.
The kind of red that seemed to follow her.
Angrily, Rainbow flew. She flew for what seemed like hours until the trees below her became sand and dirt and dust. She flew until her wings wouldn’t work, but even then, she flew.
It was a cacophonous disaster all around her. Voices called her name, begging, pleading, crying. Voices that Rainbow Dash had known once. Voices she could pin to a pony, if only she was able to imagine them.
Her stomach lurched as she found herself in free-fall again. If her stomach wasn’t empty, she would have emptied it into the sky above her. For once, she was glad she had skipped breakfast. Holding down a mouthful of stomach acid, Rainbow Dash forced the wind beneath her wings to obey her and hauled herself back up the air.
It was like breaking through a barrier. Like flying through molasses.
The sun hung in the air, threatening to drop below the horizon. Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. She hadn’t gone far enough, she had seen the same things, heard the same screams, and gotten nowhere. The ground below her eroded into nothingness. A ditch of black sand that seemed tar-like, despite its grainy appearance.
Rainbow Dash pushed her wings into flapping harder. It felt like they were going to fall off.
Holding out a hoof, she pushed down the voices and winced. She was almost there. Almost there. Almost there.
The sun, just out of her reach, dipped under the world, and Rainbow Dash fell.
Tears streamed from her eyes as she screamed and opened her eyes. Every time, the voices grew more desperate. She was trying. She was. Rainbow Dash promised, but they wouldn’t listen, so she stopped listening, too. They didn’t understand. She had to do it.
Rainbow pushed herself off of the cloud ground. Soft bedsheets covered her still but were a jumbled, wrinkled, balled-up mess. Wiping a tear away and sniffling, Rainbow Dash walked into her bathroom.
The cracked mirror reflected her fragmented image back at her. Splatters of blood stained the glass, but Rainbow Dash couldn’t remember bleeding any time recently, at least not here. She knew it was not hers, and they roared at her. She was lying.
After brushing her teeth purely for the sensation of having something to do, Rainbow Dash galloped out of the house. The bloody clouds stained her hooves this time. That was new. She wondered if anything else would change as she glared at the light she would chase again.
Heaving tear streaks permanently etched on her face in red, Rainbow Dash took off. She followed the light, flying faster and faster as the world disappeared from under her. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up.
No. She was awake, in a way. She knew that. She was living in a nightmare. Rainbow Dash swallowed the saliva building up in her mouth as she rationalized the thought again. She wanted to escape. She wanted to sleep and never wake up.
“I’m alive,” she lied.
She wasn’t happy about it.
Without warning, red, sticky liquid spewed from her mouth. It tasted like syrup. Rainbow clenched her eyes shut and the unfamiliar sensation wracked her body with sobs. At least there was one thing she could recognize.
Freefall.
She didn’t know if the screaming was her this time, or them.
It must have been them, her mouth was too full of BLOOD for it to have been her. It poured down her chin and onto the ground below her, catching her in its wet, warm embrace. She hated it.
Trudging through it, wiping her mouth mostly free of it, Rainbow Dash extended her wings. She did not fly. She did not take off.
Glued to her sides, her wings rested limply against her flank. If it wasn’t for the brownish-red substance holding them there, Rainbow Dash was sure they would have been on the floor instead.
She glared at the sun. There was still a chance. She could reach the light.
It stuck her to the floor, at least, it almost did. She ripped her hooves off the red glue and moved forward, inching closer and closer to the light. With every step she took, the hysterical sobbing intensified.
It never made any sense. She drowned it out.
Her legs grew heavy and her eyelids became anchors. Rainbow Dash couldn’t move. It was all white noise as the sun disappeared and she fell to the floor.
“Rainbow.”
Her eyes shot awake. The clouds were red already. She had slept in.
“Rainbow.”
Rainbow Dash looked around. There was no time. She ran out the front door and was met with her shattered, bloody reflection in the bathroom mirror.
“Rainbow.”
Her hooves were bloody with the remnants of the mist. It never disappeared.
“Rainbow.”
She soared through the sky, reaching for the release of the light. She was never fast enough.
“Rainbow.”
The ground disappeared from under her. Inky darkness taunted her. She would have to be fast enough.
“Rainbow.”
She fell to the ground. It was hard, and she felt like she should have exploded, but she didn’t.
“Rainbow.”
She should wake up. Wake up. Please Rainbow Dash. You have to wake up.
“Rainbow.”
Rainbow, please. Please wake up.
She is awake.
Wake up! Please.
“Rainbow.”
The sun disappeared, but Rainbow Dash did not. She lay on the ground in a pool of BLOOD. Would someone find her? She hoped not. She had deliberately flown far, far away, where everypony could just forget her.
“Rainbow.”
She did this to herself. She hid, and hoped nobody would find her. She just wanted to escape, to reach the sun. But they would never understand.
“Rainbow.”
I would understand. Please wake up. You didn’t have to do this.
“Rainbow.”
The Element of Loyalty lay in a broken representation of herself. Red, sticky liquid surrounded her. Bawling ponies watched her twitch, chasing something they couldn’t see.
They each called her name, pleading. Their calls fell on deaf ears.
“Rainbow please wake up. I’m begging you please wake up. You didn’t have to do this, you should have just told us how you felt. We could have helped you.”
“Rainbow.”
“Rainbow please!”
“Please just wake up! They’re on their way.”
“We need you, Rainbow!”
I need you.
Finally. She reached the light and everything else faded away.
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Wow.
That was intense. I felt the panic. I felt the pain.
You get a like for this.
Jesus that hits hard.
10958992
10959019
Thank you both very much :> Glad the intended emotions seemed to bleed through (pun unintended)
What a delightful story
;)
Great work as always, really visceral and haunting stuff. Love the ending with the fading text too. Fantastic as everything from you is!
10959117
Oh thanks! Yeah, I don’t usually write stuff like this but I think it’s fun. Considering it’s from a panic, I don’t think I did half bad :>
Thanks for the comment Red! And for the kind words :AAAAaaaAAAa:
I sense some witchcraft in this one. Intense story, and very visceral with the imagery and colors. Nice job.
10967724
Thank you! I'm glad the intensity came through as intended
Aaaaugh, I remember reading this when it was written for the original prompt, and it's just as terrifying and heart wrenching now as it was then. The details erupt, overflowing like a blocked up sewer pipe, spilling effluent and assorted bits of nastiness everywhere. And I use that metaphor not as an insult to call this story crap, but as a way of showcasing how much the feel of it is toxic, from the one feeling it.
Suicidal feelings are like that, you know. They hurt you. They do everything they can to convince you that you don't belong here anymore, that you're helping everyone by getting rid of yourself, that maybe, just maybe, you can finally rest and never have to worry about struggling through yet another horrendous day.
I know that feeling because that's how I so often feel these days. Like walking not so much through molasses as through some kind of superdense ultrafluid, some scientific breakthrough version of molasses that holds you in place and lets you get just far enough ahead you feel like you've made progress, until you look down and realize you've barely budged an inch. Except then it keeps you propped up in place and won't even let you fall over, so you can do it all again the next day.
I don't know what could cause Rainbow Dash of all ponies to feel like this, but I know the end result. I'm so sorry Rainbow Dash. I only hope that whatever it was that caused you to feel this way, you can find some peace.
10981379
Wow now that was some cool prose in this comment! As for how suicidal thoughts feel, I'm well aware of it myself, and I'm sorry to hear you can relate. *hugs*
As for your kind words, thanks! I'm glad the pure nastiness of the story still pushes through (haha lol I am going to describe all my heart wrenching stories as that now). I guess having such a confident pony feel like this just makes it all a bit sadder.
Thanks!
Howdy, hi!
I'll admit despite the abstractness, I was still uncomfortable reading because I'm squeamish around suicidal themes, but that shall not hinder my enjoyment! I liked the imagery you worked with and I loved the ending bit with the fading text, that was incredible. The symbolism was good with the red sky and feeling of freefall, you definitely got your point across and I applaud that.
But, I also couldn't help compare it to "But Would Anything Matter" (BWAM). This story is good but the abstraction felt... okay this is going to sound weird but not grounded enough. BWAM was super tight storytelling-wise and hit its themes super well, this one felt off as the imagery, though powerful, was all over the place. The pacing felt super fast and I found it really hard to follow along with everything that was happening. I think it would have been better to establish a "normal" than abstract it out from there, take more time to dwell on Rainbow's feelings and observations.
That being said, it was an excellent read. Thank you for the fic!
10981643
Heyo! I agree with your point. I think the reason it feels a bit all over the place is cause I wrote it during a panic and had no idea what to write until I wrote it ahaha but yeah! Glad you thought it was aight anyway despite the flaws. Thanks for the comment! Always something to work at I suppose :)
Jay I swear, I relate to this story way too hard.
Everything about it is so haunting; the red, the reawakenings, the voice. It all comes together cohesively, yet distantly. Everything connects, like how she doesn't want to see the color red, which is also the color of her eyes. It's not exactly hiding what it is, but it's also so layered I could go on and on. However, I feel like the story is better if it just speaks for itself.
It is a bit chaotic, but I feel like that just enhances the story. Waking up, not remembering when you fell asleep, and just continuing with your existence.
The endless routine is something I'm familiar with, and this just hurts me on a deep level.
Bravo!
10985871
Well you’re right about it being a bit chaotic. I like leaving this story up to the reader’s interpretation, though it’s easy to piece together what happened here. I think the parts that are missing are the parts that, left up to the reader, make the story what it is. It was purposefully disorienting, and yeah, it all kind of comes together in a messy, but still complete, way. Sorry to hear you can relate, though I guess that makes it all the more worthwhile.
Thanks for the comment :>
loved the contrast between the pristine, luxurious cloud home others saw, and how it appeared to Rainbow Dash : an unwanted gift from her loving parents, whom she resented for not being able to resent them for it because they really were very kind and giving and supportive. what a great metaphor for, well, Rainbow Dash's life itself! the red and the blood seeping in, and the text fading back out as the dream repeats over and over were neat devices. really liked how it was introduced, in particular:
10987101
Hehe thank ya kindly! Means a lot. I'm surprised that most people seem to enjoy (I guess is the right word) the fic and the visuals. I expected more of a... confused reaction, but it seems most people get what I was trying to put down :)
I didn't understand anything but great story.
By the way, how did you make the words disappear at the end? I'm curious.
11546923
Seems to be a common takeaway haha, but thanks.
And I used the opacity function that the BBCode that this website used to format its text allows. I’m pretty sure there’s a section on the website that shows you a rundown of all the stuff you can use with BBCode.
11546949
oh ok, thank you.