• Member Since 12th Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 36 minutes ago

CuTiE_PoNY-JacKie


Comments ( 59 )

Run Shining Armor ruuuuunnnn you did absolutely perfect

This is absolutely amazing, and not bad for a guy whos first language isnt english. KEEP IT UP!

I am not a native English speaker but I'm willing to help at least. I've had experience talking/communicating with Russian artists at the very least.

This has potential.

But the first part is unnecessary exposition that doesn't add much to the story.

Remember: show don't tell.

10919435
Thank you. And yes, in fact, the story was written before the seventh chapter, so new chapters are already on the way, I will try to translate them not very long and monitor the quality.

10919415
Thanks, I will be glad for any help and if everything goes well, I will definitely indicate you as my editor. It's just that in Russian there is a slightly different structure for constructing phrases and sentences, and I sometimes forget this and write the English text, as I would have done it in Russian. If you want to help me, could you please check the text itself and point me to such moments, if any. If you need to, I can send you a Word document with a chapter.

10919906
I'm here and in Discord if you need me.

Just “help me..” as Shining’s signature.. LMAO

The unicorn rolled over on its other side and saw Cadence, who was making these not very melodic sounds.

Wow, so they both snore?! I wonder what else they have in common with each other

10928834
Actually it seems that Chrisallys wasn't snoring, just with her long tongue on his cheek and drooling over him. Cadance was the one snoring.

10928960
Ah...at that point Id prefer the snoring.

actually Celestia could do something. Legally she married Shining and Cadance, not Shining and Chryisalis. so the marriage is not valid

to be honest Chryssy. you should take the secdond wife position. did you actually date Shining? Or did you take over after the weddign was annouced. you want to at least be peaceful with Cadance then give her that position. you unhandedly stole her fiance

Shining Armor man just leave the country go start a new life at this rate you might not end make it to the end of the week you should let them find a foal and a dark alleyway and they take it in

I have a question if you can answer; Are the characters anthropomorphic? Reason; the panties because ponies don’t wear underpants… except for clowns and Big Mac in a dress

10931478
Are you sure? I mean, yes, they didn't wear them in canon, but nevertheless, fans have drawn them in their underwear more than once, so why not? This is especially true for those who have a horn. Putting on panties is not difficult at all, when you have a magic ;)
derpicdn.net/img/2021/8/8/2673399/large.jpg

10931483
Did not know that. Mostly… Seen humanoid MLP characters on certain sites I go to and cannot tell due to fear of banned for showing indecent sites

Can't wait to see where this goes.

10931727
Tee-hee, a lot of interesting things))) I'm already translating my third chapter, so I'll post it somewhere this next week :pinkiehappy:

Good chapter, but I think a mature rating might be better suited for this...

(And now with the wives alone?! That mansions gonna be a nuclear site.)

The picture for this fic already makes me want to read it xD

10943818
Why? Just because some backwater nations don't believe that teens know about sex and can be responsible about it?

10944858
Fair enough. It was merely a suggestion, and the story could work with either rating. I've just had an admin or two attack me on rating before, so I made sure to at least throw the thought out there.

10974503
There will be more. I am in active translation :pinkiehappy:

Here’s hoping Shining is not left in the dust by both Cadance and Chrysalis, as both mares seem to have more chemistry with each other than with Shining :rainbowderp:

But despite all attempts to stop the wedding, it still took place and at the appointed time all the guests and Twilight’s friends came to the ceremony solemnly dressed and happy without her. They thought she could not come to terms with defeat, and preferred to spend the day in her room, and could only guess what made her dislike Cadance so much. Maybe she was envious? Or even jealous?

I gave you my heart, and then you turned around

I was honestly thinking that we weren’t going to get more of this.

This is rather true to life in the sense that, when you have sex with your roommate it becomes a whole hell of a lot easier to not be annoyed by each other's bullshit.

Halfway through the chapter

"JUST BUCK ALREADY!"

Oh they did

Twilight was definitely jealous of Cadance. I think you should better reveal these feelings in the story. It is often difficult for an aspiring writer to fully reveal a character. Therefore, you can find out more info about things like greed and envy, in Arthur Miller's The Crucible free essay example. This is a wonderful play in which the author revealed the negative sides of his characters as deeply and clearly as possible. I strive to achieve this level in my stories and recommend it to everyone.

intersting spin on an old idea, the pic reminds me of the title card for another changeling centric rom com 'changeling courtship rituals'

Good news, friends, today I finished this story in my native language and now it will be easier for me to translate it into English. Well, for those who know Russian, you can read it by following the link on the title page. :raritystarry:

Okay, this is getting interesting. And I think that Twilight's attitude goes beyond a simple mistrust of Chrysalis

11185463
Overreacting to the point of going a little crazy is something we all know Twilight is good at. And here all she’d need to do would be to convince herself hard enough that Chrysalis has mind controlled both her brother and her favorite foalsitter this time (or worse, tucked them away in cocoons already while the “Shining” and “Cadence” everyone sees are just her minions in disguise) and, well...

The relationship between the three is starting to feel genuine.

I can't wait for more.

11060441
It’s quite interesting and was able to learn something new for myself. I was interested in reading Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. We were recently assigned an essay in college. We were each given the title of the book we were to write an essay about. I got “Death of a Salesman,” and I wasn’t too happy about it since I got to read the book. I found good examples of essays here https://papersowl.com/examples/death-of-a-salesman/ and because of those examples I was able to figure out what to write about. A little later I finished the book to the end.

Just saying, if you're gonna have "sex" and "fetish" in the tags you might want to make the rating mature.

I go witth Twilight as the bad guy.

I'm pretty sure Twilight is the kidnapper.

10943875
There is a fine line between comedy and failure of suspension of disbelief, not everyone can pass a plot or story detail they believe makes no sense. As long as they are not rude about it or attack the author, they are perfectly allowed to state their opinions about the story, at least to allow other people to comment on it or counterargument it.

While the kidnapping plot is good, you've made the relationship between these three plausible and I commend you for that.

Police Academy blue oyster are they going to take the Crystal Empire and will King Sombra be a mare

11328296
What makes you think he's going to be a mare? :pinkiehappy:
By the way, there were a lot of other references there too :raritywink:

Had a feeling it was purple bitch behind it.....

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