anonimo
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It's good for a new story so keep it up and It
will be an amazing story
11521127
Thanks, I appreciate the comment.
You're welcome
Interesting so far.
This is good.
I like it.
Grammarwise, it's not bad.
I cannot wait to see what happens next
11522919
Thanks, I spent 4 hours and 51 minutes fixing all the grammar, believe me, I was pretty bad at certain points, not to mention that they turned me into fluttershy, instead of she, it was he.
Thanks for the comment, and have a nice day/afternoon/night.
11522979
Thank you
do you publish it in spanish somewhere?
11527105
Not for now, maybe another day, are you interested?
The Storys is getting good so keep it up this will go far
11527110
Yes, although I am used to reading English, I prefer my native language, Spanish forever... until I learn Gaelic at least!!!
11527193
I will consider it, I don't know where I will upload it, but later, I will upload it in Spanish.
How stressful to wait for the next chapter
I assume cutie marks are called mana marks in Spanish?
There were some confusing parts in this chapter such as the quote below you talk about a male cat but you use the word she instead of he. So you may still need an English proofreader.
11527439
Thanks, I hadn't noticed, that's where I fix it.
If you have any "English proofreader" that you can send me, I would appreciate it.
11527675
Here’s some proofreader groups on fimfiction The Proofreader Group, Proofreaders, Editors, Authors, and Idealists and Looking for proofreader
11527689
Thanks, I'll try to do something in the next chapter, if that keeps causing those kinds of errors, I'll find an editor for those groups.
11527439
I had completely forgotten to answer you at the top, sorry about that.
To answer you, yes, they were called that, although I hadn't really thought about it, the name of the brands seemed too... cute for what they are, especially because of how I'm going to treat the story, they may be talking about a serious topic , and let it be said cutie mark... yes, all the drama lowers me.
You keep on saying he when twilight is being referred to
11533423
Fixed :D Thanks for the information.
11533427
You are welcome. I'm curious to see what happens next
Unfortunately there is a lot of grammatical errors in this chapter and to list them would take at least a page you really need to get a pre reader.
Good chapter, the bad thing is to wait for the next chapter.
have several times in each chapter you refer to a female character and HIM/HIS/HE
11535586
In one of the earlier chapters I am pretty sure the author says they DO NOT MAIN ENGLISH and is using Google translate and attempting to proof read with an ai
11535917
I say it in the story entry, not even in the chapters.
I got an editor, and he is currently working on the chapters, a quality improvement is expected.
I don't really care about some minor spelling mistakes, it doesn't really change anything vital, anyone that ever tried to play a machine translated japanese game toughed it out through much worse, so I have no idea why such insistence on the issue. I've seen english speaking people writing worse.
In any case. Good stuff, would read more if there was more.
11539412
It is in it, in the description of the story, at the bottom, you can see how many words the next chapter has written.
In case you want to calculate more or less how much the next chapter is missing.
Normally, I would comment on the syntax and grammar used in the story. There is definately a weakness there that detracts from what is a very interesting plot. However, the fact that you are working to improve it makes my comment a moot point. One reason for writing anything at all is to improve your own skills. You are currently chasing that goal. Enough said. I'm also guessing from your comments that you're primary language is Spanish and you are working to translate your ideas into English. My apologies if I've mis-read this interpretation. Just keep on working. It's an interesting story and will only improve with time, age and polish. Welcome to the world of writing.
Radical Gopher
Ahí te equivocas en la adrenalina, en si está bien eso de que da oxígeno, pero también es el último impulso de fuerza sobre humana para asegurar tu supervivencia, la adrenalina así funciona, es el último impulso para asegúrate para sobrevivir.
11549663
Uh, un comentario en español, que extraño.
Ahora sobre tu comentario, te equivocas en una cosa, la adrenalina no solo la produce tu cuerpo cuando esta en un impulso de supervivencia, si no, te cito textualmente de una pagina medica, para ser preciso la pagina ecoceutics:
Usando esto como referencia, puede haber muchas razones por la que uno libera adrenalina, no es un ultimo impulso, es una acción de nuestro cuerpo ante emociones o situaciones, no ante el peligro directamente, es una de sus razones principales por la que se libera, pero no es la única.
Pegasi is the term used for more than one Pegasus
It is a good story one small thing all his should mostly be change to her beside that excellent story
More good
Where did the sword come from? It wasn’t mentioned anywhere, and then MC has it and starts practicing with it.
So… MC’s only flaw is that he has a big penis?
Not really sure where the story is going. Fluttershy says that Canterlot is the most xenophobic city, and MC seems very intent on being unseen by ponies; yet, he accepts facilities from Twilight in Canterlot instead of nearby the Everfree or her own castle property?
And for what purpose? Why does MC need money? What’s his goal? He mentioned to Twilight that he doesn’t want to make weapons, and they both acknowledge Celestia’s blacksmith has that market; but the first thing he makes is a sword? Why?
11725099
Chapter 1: "I put it in my backpack, one of the only new things I had next to my training equipment, I fixed my gaze on my hunting knife, although it was more of a sword since it was 97 centimeters long, I stared at it for a few seconds and I also put it in my backpack, I would need the sword if I couldn't get anything to eat anywhere, I would only have to hunt."
11725114
No, the MC has several defects, they are not noticeable because everything is from the MC's perspective, you do not actively look at your defects, there are even several that you do not know about yourself, the penis thing was nothing more than an indicator that the history will have no problem with those types of descriptions, a way to alienate people who are not interested in those things from the beginning.
11725183
The MC is changing, his body is the most noticeable thing, although he doesn't show it, he doesn't want that, he just wanted to be normal, so much rejection for his eyes and... other factors, led him to that need, to move to Canterlot It is to go to a city that is close in familiarity to where you live, the work and money is also familiar, as well as a good distraction. Not to mention the fact that the forest is not safe and his survival in it scares him, because it is an obvious sign that he is changing. And making a sword as the first object is simple, it was the first thing he learned to forge in the past, and it was a way to remember the entire process that forging involves.
If you have any questions or criticism, don't hesitate to comment, they always help to improve my writing.
11733087
Ah I missed the part in Ch1. Sorry.
I do look forward to more!!
I love the story so far. I hope you write more of it. I also hear you do DBZ stories and I'd like to check them out as well if you have them posted anywhere to be read.
11736239
Alright, but keep in mind that I am not translating it, it is being published in Spanish, maybe in the future I will translate it, but for now, it is in Spanish, Here is my profile, if you want, you can read it, I have 3 complete chapters, but only published the prologue and chapter 1.
Can you fix the he she it thing you have going at some point it would make it easier to read but great story other then that