Remains

Source

Silverstream, after being locked away with her friends for more than a thousand years, has been released, and sees an empty Mount Aris, looking for answers, led by one of the heirs of harmony.

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Last minute entry to the Reunions: A Swapped Role Contest. Won second place.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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Vardoger

Vardoger #1 · Jul 1st, 2021 · 1 · ·

This is a pretty good oneshot. I was intrigued by the world, and the differences therein, and the emotional core landed for me. Sometimes AU oneshots leave me feeling that they SHOULD be a part of larger story, but this one is structured tightly enough that it doesn't feel like any important plot details were "missing." In no small part also because the main character is just as new to her situation as the readers are, so they will probably be left with the same questions she has.

In terms of what could be improved, this fic has just a little bit of something I hear people call "narrative explanation" where instead of events occurring naturally, the narrator explains what's happening in the narrative. Take this part for instance, "It had been easier than she had thought it would be, pointing out both mundane things that were different - tapestries on the walls that had long been replaced. New paintings done of relatives that she could not name, but gave some silly suggestions for what their names could be." Now, narrators are fine and are especially helpful for introducing information outside the current time and place of the scene, which this fic does do and well at that. But it's all about reader engagement, and I can't help but feel that having a scene where the reader gets to see Silverstream point out the differences in the tapestries and give them names would be more engaging.

But aside from that I'd say this was a solid fic. Ya got a thumbs up from me!

Nitro Indigo

Nitro Indigo #2 · Jul 1st, 2021 · · ·

Good news! This was posted just before midnight in my timezone, so it qualifies for the contest!

Unity Bringer

Unity Bringer #3 · Jul 1st, 2021 · 2 · ·

10883020
Thank you so much for the comment and critique! I'll definitely be on the watch for that in the future in my writing with the narration parts. I'm glad that I was able to make a world that piqued interest while keeping it in the small contained narrative that I wanted to write for the contest.

10883161
Huzzah!

SigmasonicX

SigmasonicX #4 · Apr 21st, 2022 · · ·

This was really neat, and I loved how the worldbuilding worked out. The idea of Silverstream coming back after the Storm King's attack and having no idea what happened is fascinating, and the memory orbs are cool. The character writing was good, including how it incorporated their changes in history.

The Red Parade