It's Not Too Late...
“Wow, this castle sure does look awfully smaller on the outside.” Sunset said.
“What do you mean? Did you see how tall it was when we arrived by the train?” Spike replied.
“It’s tall but it’s not very wide. I’m surprised it can fit so many rooms and hallways within it. Besides, who needs this many bathrooms anyways?” Sunset gestured to a row of bathrooms as they passed through a hallway. “Does Princess Cadance eat tacos often?”
“Tacos?” Spike laughed. “I doubt princesses eat tacos. I bet they eat super fancy foods that are about the size of an ant!”
“Now that’s just crazy. If that’s true, I think I’d rather return my crown.”
Sunset and Spike laughed to each other as they trotted to their guest room within the Empire. After their long journey to the Empire, Princess Celestia had told Sunset and her friends to rest for the night. Sunset was thankful for this and she could tell the others were as well. More specifically Pinkie Pie who after jumping around so much on the train ride was barely able to walk herself to her room. Sunset had to help her out a bit as the pink pony muttered things about coconuts and cookies in her half asleep state.
However, as much as she was relieved to head to bed, Sunset was also worried for herself. It had only been a few weeks ago since Sunset was given wings and a crown and she was already attending her first Princess Summit. It all felt like a dream that went by so quickly and she wasn’t so sure she was ready for all the new responsibilities she would have to fulfill now as princess. Was she good enough for this?
“Actually, that isn’t very far-fetched.” Sunset suddenly said, unpacking her things in her and Spike’s new room.
“What do you mean?” Spike asked.
“Well..What if I..Wanted to return my crown? And you know..Resign from princess. I mean, not like I want to right this second but..As an option perhaps?”
“Sunset, you can’t just do that. It hasn’t even been that long and Princess Celestia would be really disappointed if you just up and dropped everything after she just made you a princess. Not only her but our friends as well.”
“I know..I’m just having second thoughts, that’s all.” Sunset levitated her crown out of her bag, staring at it.
“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m sure if you're struggling the princesses will be more than happy to lend a hoof. But for right now, you should just try and relax. Besides, if you stress yourself all night you won’t get a good rest!”
“When do I ever get a good rest?” Sunset laughed.
“Well, no harm in trying right?” Spike replied, climbing into a small bed on the floor beside Sunset’s bed.
“Yeah..I suppose so.”
Sunset rested her crown on a small bedside table before climbing into bed. She seemed to have a hard time trying to get comfortable as she adjusted her wings, trying to get them to comfortably rest on her sides. She groaned out of frustration as she could hear Spike snickering from the floor at her struggling. She only rolled her eyes and continued to fix her wings until they finally stayed down.
She used her magic to turn off the nearby lamp as the room filled with complete darkness except for the illumination of the moon in the window. With her wings finally settled, she sighed and closed her eyes, letting her body relax and try to drift to sleep.
Spike seemed to have it much easier than her as she suddenly heard his loud snoring coming from the floor beside her bed. She knew that it wasn’t just her brand new wings that had been keeping her up because she had trouble sleeping even before she was promoted to princess. She considered going to Princess Luna about it but she wasn’t really all that familiar with her yet and as odd as it was to say, she was sort of terrified of the princess.
Sunset tossed and turned for awhile before she finally gave up on sleeping and carefully crept out of bed. She made sure to not wake up Spike as she stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind her.
With all the lights turned out in the castle and mostly everypony asleep, it was a rather creepy sight. Especially since the castle was made of crystal and every little light reflected off them making strange shapes on the walls. Sunset almost felt like she was in a horror movie and it made her feel incredibly uneasy being out here alone. Or so she thought..
“Who’s there?!”
Sunset jumped, startled by the sudden voice and the flash of a light in her face as she shielded her eyes with one hoof. She squinted at the bright light and saw that it was only one of the Crystal Empire’s guards on duty who was shining a particularly bright flashlight spell in her face.
“S-Sunset Shimmer?..” Sunset replied.
“Princess Sunset Shimmer? My deepest apologies, your highness. I thought you were an intruder that got into the castle.” The guard pony apologized, immediately bowing to Sunset’s hooves.
“It’s okay. It is pretty quiet and dark around here..I can understand why you’d be cautious.”
“My princess, allow me to escort you through the castle so I may ensure your safety.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll be alright on my own. Besides, I have the magic to defend myself. Thanks for the offer though.”
The guard simply nodded and resumed their duty of watching the hallway. Sunset breathed a sigh as she trotted past, leaving the guest room hall. She was rather relieved that the guard listened to her and didn’t follow her like they offered. The thought of a guard hanging over her shoulder while she had a small stroll around the castle made her rather uncomfortable. It just wasn’t natural at all.
Once she made her way out of the hall, the space opened up into a more circular shape. It appeared she had made her way to the center of the castle through the darkness which was a bit of an accomplishment to Sunset since she barely knew her way around. However, it wasn’t exactly what Sunset was searching for..What was she searching for? It was like all her thoughts had drifted away within that moment and she wasn’t quite sure what she wanted at the moment.
She stared at the reflections of the moonlight bouncing off the crystal walls as she quietly shifted her wings. Her gaze was lost within the shiny material like she was being hypnotized by it.
A glass shattering noise sounded behind Sunset, startling her from her trance within the crystal. She looked behind her in confusion, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.
“What was that?..” She mumbled.
She turned around and tried to remember what direction she heard the noise come from and began to quietly trot in that direction. She was trying her best to not alert any more guards. She was a princess so she could get away with sneaking around like this but she didn’t want any other guards offering to follow her around and protect her.
After walking for a while, she was met with a door that was open just a tiny bit, allowing a mysterious blue light to pour out onto the floor below it. Sunset looked left and right to make sure nopony was looking and pushed open the door with her hoof.
Her mouth fell open when she found herself in a small back room of the castle. There were small antique vases placed on shelves, likely passed down throughout the ages and interesting paintings on the walls. What was most interesting though was a large horseshoe shaped mirror in the back of the room. It seemed to be the source of the strange blue glow as it softly illuminated the room with its ocean blue center. It was almost like staring into water itself.
Sunset cautiously trotted up to it and stared at her reflection, It was just a mirror yet she was so curious of it and interested. All mirrors had the capability to show yourself your own reflection so she didn’t quite understand what was so interesting about it. Why was there just a mirror sitting in a backroom gathering dust anyways? It didn’t make much sense.
“Yikes, I really need to brush my mane when I get back.” Sunset grimaced, stroking her mane with her hoof.
Her eyes widened when she noticed her reflection started to blur and wave around, quite like water. Her red and yellow mane began to warp and change into a straight dark blue mane with a pink and purple streak in it. Her face and body also turned to a light purple color as her wings disappeared off her back. She backed up, gripping her actual mane with her one hoof as she frantically looked at it and then the reflection in the mirror, unsure if she actually was transforming.
“W-What’s going on?..” Sunset asked worriedly.
By now, her old reflection had changed into a whole other pony that wasn’t herself. A light purple unicorn with dark purple eyes looked back at her from the mirror with an angry expression. Sunset couldn’t quite tell if this pony was real and if she could actually see her but she was mostly startled by what just happened.
“Um..Hello?..” Sunset said.
The pony started to warp and change just like the mirror once did before and it reverted back to being Sunset’s reflection again. Sunset looked hard into the mirror, making sure that truly was her reflection and not the other pony.
“Who in Equestria was that?..That for sure wasn’t me. I’ve never seen a mirror do that before..Maybe I should tell Princess Celestia.”
Sunset gazed into the mirror for a little while longer before she finally decided that she would tell the princess about the strange occurrence.
She galloped out of the room, not bothering to be quiet at this point. This could possibly be an emergency and if it was, she didn’t have time to be sneaking around and keeping her presence secret. It would probably be best if most of the guards were alerted by her noise anyways.
“Oof!”
Sunset was suddenly shoved hard in the side, almost losing her balance. She was able to catch herself on her hooves as she looked straight ahead of her to see a pony in a dark cloak racing to the guest rooms, right where she was headed.
“Hey, stop!” Sunset called out.
The cloaked pony didn’t listen and quickened their pace. Sunset resorted to using her magic as she teleported in front of the pony instead. They bumped into her as Sunset and the pony went tumbling to the ground. Sunset felt the weight of the other pony pressing onto her back as she grit her teeth, not used to so much weight on top of her.
“Why are you trying to stop me? This doesn’t even concern you!” The pony shouted.
“But it does..You were trying to go after my friends weren’t you?..” Sunset asked, attempting to lift herself up underneath the other pony.
“I don’t care about your friends. I don’t even know who they are!”
Sunset finally lifted the pony off her and stood on her own four hooves. Upon doing so, she noticed a lock of dark blue hair with pink and purple streaks slip out from underneath the pony’s cloak and her eyes widened.
“You’re that unicorn from the mirror!” Sunset exclaimed.
“You shouldn’t know that..You shouldn’t know any of this. Let me leave.” The unicorn said sternly as her horn glowed a pink color, threatening Sunset with her magic.
“Wait! There’s no need for you to do this. I just want to know what you’re doing here.”
The mare sneered and attempted to gallop towards the guest room hall again as her cloak flew behind her, exposing her cutie mark. A large pink star with five other little stars around it. Sunset quickly used her magic to stop the unicorn in place.
“Please, just stop for a second! Why won’t you just listen?”
“I’ve always had to listen! Nopony ever heard me when I tried to speak, so why should I?!”
“I want to listen to you but you won’t give me the chance!”
“You’re lying..You’re all fake, every last one of you! You all don’t care about how I feel. You only pretend for the sake of yourselves!”
“Who does?”
The unicorn suddenly stopped fighting and dropped to the floor. Small sobs emitted from her as Sunset gently let her go. She barely even knew this pony yet she felt an ache in her heart for her. She wanted to help her but she didn’t quite know how.
Sunset sat down on the floor beside her, folding her ears. “I just want to help you. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to but I really would like to help you if I can.”
The mare lifted her head slowly and wiped away her tears. She refused to look Sunset in the eyes but she seemed willing to at least speak.
“I was supposed to be Princess Celestia’s student..But..She didn’t want me.” The mare’s shoulders lowered.
“Didn’t want you?..What do you mean?”
“You were her student. She cherishes you more than anything. I was just a mere unicorn trying to take a place that wasn’t mine..I worked so hard for it but it meant nothing in the end. There was somepony better than me..”
“Wait, you know me?” Sunset’s eyes widened.
“Of course I do. I always saw you by her side.”
Sunset furrowed her brow as she suddenly took the mare’s arm quickly. And just like that, her gift of being able to see into the mind of others was unleashed as she was transported into the past of the mare’s memories.
She found herself in a classroom full of unicorns chatting and casting spells together, trying to perfect their magic. There were books sprawled across tables and desks and all kinds of exotic plants hanging from the ceilings. She definitely recognized this as her old classroom where she first started after being accepted into Celestia’s magic school. It was strange being here after so long.
“Twilight, this is a really difficult spell to master on your own. It really would be best if you found a partner for this project.”
Sunset turned around at the sound of her mentor’s voice as she saw the Princess talking to the same unicorn who she was just with at the Crystal Empire.
“I’m sure I can do it on my own. I’ve tackled hard spells before!” Twilight replied confidently.
“I’m glad to see you working hard and taking your school seriously but you should make some time to have fun yourself too. Your whole life won’t just be studying and reading books.”
“I know it won’t but that doesn’t mean I won’t try and make it my life!” Twilight giggled as she trotted off back to her own table.
Sunset could see a noticeable amount of concern in Princess Celestia’s face as the princess watched the unicorn from afar. She seemed worried about Twilight’s obsession with books and studying. It reminded Sunset of her old view of ponies before she met her friend’s in Ponyville.
She heard the soft trotting of hooves as Sunset saw her old unicorn self trotting into the room up to Princess Celestia with a particularly big smile on her face. She saw herself levitating a bouquet of lilacs behind her as Sunset could even smell them even though this was just a memory.
“I was able to find some lilacs for this afternoon’s lesson, Princess Celestia!” Past Sunset announced proudly.
“That’s wonderful, Sunset. You can place them on my desk over there.”
The proud unicorn placed the lilacs on Celestia’s desk before leaving the classroom to do some other task. Present Sunset watched as she saw Twilight watching the whole thing with a bit of jealousy. It was only for a few moments before the unicorn returned to her studies but Sunset could definitely start to see where this was going.
The scenery suddenly changed as all the desks and tables faded away and were replaced with a hallway within the school. The hallway was empty except for Princess Celestia and Twilight who seemed to be having a serious conversation alone.
“I worked so hard but you didn’t even consider me..You saw how hard I was working.”
“Twilight, it wasn’t just my choice. I may own this school but I also have to keep in mind the opinions of the other teachers and staff here. They saw Sunset Shimmer’s performance and potential and chose for her to be given the award. That doesn’t mean your hard work meant nothing.”
“But..It wasn’t enough.” Twilight lowered her head, looking down sadly.
The scenery changed a third time as it seemed to be outside Canterlot Castle. Dusk had fallen and the glow of the many lights in Canterlot illuminated the city. Sunset stared up at the shining moon in the sky, the same dark shadow of a mare was within it that she had seen years ago.
“Twilight, wait!”
Sunset heard Princess Celestia call out as Twilight threw open the doors of the castle. The unicorn ran right through Sunset and down the stairs, ignoring Celestia’s calls for her to come back.
“I’m not coming back! I’m done trying for a dream that I’ll never reach!”
She watched as Twilight disappeared into the distance as the memory suddenly faded away and disappeared. She found herself in the dark room of the Crystal Empire with the present Twilight now, her hoof still around her arm.
“What are you doing?!” Twilight swatted Sunset’s hoof away.
“Twilight..Twilight Sparkle. That’s your name! I remember now. You were also chosen to go to Princess Celestia’s school and you were also really good at magic!” Sunset said excitedly.
“W-What?..How did you..What did you-”
“Look, I can explain it after but..I know what happened. I saw what happened and I’m really sorry that things didn’t go the way you wanted. But I do know that Princess Celestia does care about you and always wanted to see you succeed.”
“No she didn’t. If she did she would have shown it. She wanted you as her student..Not me. Seeing as you're a princess now, she really did choose..”
“She never chose anypony. You ran away and she tried to stop you..She tried to make you see that she cared about you. She just wanted the best for you and for you to be happy. If you stuck around, I’m sure she would have taken you under her wing too.”
“How are you so sure that’s how it would have gone? You don’t know everything about her. She hides many secrets.”
“Well, so do we. Princess Celestia might have not done everything right but she’s a caring pony and I’m sure you know that too. We can’t always make the best decisions but we can change their outcomes.”
Sunset held out her hoof to Twilight, smiling warmly at her. “And I want to change this outcome. I want to be your friend and help you. Princess Celestia would be more than happy to welcome you back as well I’m sure. You just have to give her a chance.”
Twilight stared down at Sunset’s hoof unsure.
“But what if the same thing happens again..”
“It won’t, I’ll make sure of it.”
Twilight folded her ears as her eyes filled with tears. Sunset put her hoof away and instead wrapped her arms around Twilight, hugging her tightly. Twilight sobbed loudly as Sunset rubbed her back.
A few moments after, the two could hear somepony trotting behind them as they both let go of each other. Princess Celestia was quietly approaching them, a look of surprise and curiosity on her face. Twilight immediately flinched at her and backed up, seeming to be frightened of her.
“It’s okay, she won’t hurt you.” Sunset attempted to reassure Twilight.
“I-I..”
“Twilight? What are you doing here?”
Twilight suddenly got up and galloped away from them in the other direction.
“Twilight, no!” Sunset shouted.
She began to chase after Twilight through the dark halls, trying to keep up with her. It was happening all over again. Twilight was running away and somepony was chasing after her. She didn’t want this to happen again. She couldn’t lose Twilight.
“Please, you don’t have to leave!”
Sunset’s eyes widened when she noticed Twilight was headed straight for the room the blue mirror was. She tried to quicken her pace but Twilight already made her way in there before her.
“Twilight, don’t do it!”
She came to a screeching stop when she noticed Twilight standing in front of the mirror, the unicorn’s waving reflection staring back at her. Twilight’s hoof touched the mirror as it glowed brightly, disappearing into the mirror momentarily.
“You don’t have to do this..You can still turn back from this.”
Twilight turned around and looked at Sunset with a sad smile as tears streamed down her face.
“You know..I probably could. But I don’t think anypony would want me to.”
Twilight walked into the mirror and with a bright flash, she disappeared into the mirror. Sunset’s legs gave out and she dropped to the floor as tears fell down her face.
“I’m sorry..Twilight.”
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Eh
Wait. Did Twilight run away to Canterlot High? I couldn't really tell. But I do love the story. Talk about Twilight being petty though. Definitely not completely the same as Sunset used to be and wanted that's for sure. Which is nice.
Kinda hoped she would've gotten a happy ending though.
10878630
Yeah, she's been living in the human world like Sunset did in the canon. I wanted her story to be a little bit different from Sunset as in she wants respect and love from Princess Celestia rather than power and ruling Equestria but the story still somewhat lines up with Sunset's.
Also, I thought about giving it a happy ending but I felt like perhaps Sunset would go after her eventually into the human world and help her out so I just left it off like that. I'm glad you still enjoyed it though!
10878595
no u
10878595
Honestly not sure what that's supposed to mean but uh- okay?
So there be a second part?
10878759
I didn't plan for a continuation but maybe. I'll consider it if enough people want it.
10878688
On the bright side, I can't see Twilight ruling over C.H.S. as Sunset did. And if I read it all right, she never made friends with the human Mane 6. Even if she does know them as fellow students.
She really does need a happy ending though. I wouldn't be too shocked if the Rainbooms (even though they're not that in this universe), have tried to help her. But Twilight always pushes them away.
10878764
I did actually have that idea that while in Canterlot High, she mostly has her head in a book and doesn't talk to the other Mane Six in that world really. They might have tried to interact with her but she sort of just brushed them off because she was too busy studying and being introverted. Pinkie Pie might be the only one who thinks she's friends with Twilight and repeatedly tries to be close with her even though Twilight keeps pushing her away.
I'll consider doing a continuation though of this where Sunset follows her and tries to reason with her once again. Maybe she'll be able to get her to stop and accept her friendship. x3
that was good.
you know when i read the description the first thing that came to mind was that sunset found a way to switch places with twilight, and trap her in the mirror, with the only one remembering how everything was supposed to be being twilight herself. which is why sunset would find her familiar but not not actually remember her. its would be interesting to see how that interaction could of gone, defiently a few ways it could of gone.
10878798
That's a pretty dark and interesting idea. I'd feel bad torturing Twilight so much to that point that everyone doesn't even know she exists anymore.
Although, I had to follow a theme for this because it's for a contest but that is an interesting idea to play with. 🤔
10878807
yea, i only noticed it was a contest entry after reading it.
its very much a darker take, that's for sure. quite a freaky situation to find yourself in. who's perspective it would be from would also be something to consider. the length of a story like that would also affect how it goes. like would it be long term with twilight becoming some reacuring, poorly understood 'villain', or just struggle to deal with the world around her if she escaped the mirror. short term would be just the conversation between sunset and twilight in the mirror, with maybe some other shorter events like sunset asking celestia about the mare they obviously know nothing about.
maybe its an idea you could use later, or anyone else that comes across the comment
I politely request MOAR
Ooh, nice work! Would like a continuation, but I know this was meant to be a one-shot and it's your story so I'm just gonna see if there ever is :)
10878774
I'd definitely read a continuation of this with a setting like that. One day I'll be brave enough to finish and post the first chapter of my Sunset story lol
If you do feel like doing a second part, it would be interesting to see Sunset pursue her, though I can't really see this version of Twilight being very different from Sci-twi in the human world.
That's actually a pretty interesting story and how you switch role of Twilight and sunsets but I hope Twilight doesn't go crazy even though things did not go very well for her either way this was a pretty good story keep up the good work
And it looks like you made it to the top on the feature page that's awesome
10878980
There’s no rush but don’t be afraid to put your work out there! A lot of the time I think my work is really lazy and low effort but people seem to like it so to be honest a lot of it is in your head preventing you from doing it. Although, do it when you feel comfortable.
10878982
Yeah, Sci-Twi and Twilight before having friends are pretty much just the same for the most part. Although, I’m sure the idea would still work out even so.
10879105
Yeah! I’m really happy about that. Never got up this far before xD
Also, I’m glad you enjoyed the story! ^^
The story is very nice
..Good Job !!
10879119
Aw, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
So sad
An interesting take on how the two of them first met each other. I was expecting Twilight to be an exact copy of Sunset in that sense but instead she was someone I couldn't help but feel sorry for. I'll admit that I could relate to her problems on a personal level. I also liked how Sunset was portrayed as questioning her own merits whilst wanting Twilight to be given the same accolades.
10879161
I actually wrote Twilight's struggle from the heart and my own experiences because I know exactly what that's like and still feel like that sometimes. She tried her hardest to gain Celestia's attention and to prove she was a strong unicorn but someone else was in the way "shining brighter". It's a common feeling a lot of us can relate to and often makes you feel alone and unloved by the ones around you. I'm sorry you've felt the same way though, it really sucks.
But, other than my own feelings, Twilight has always seemed to be the type who longs for Celestia's attention and always tries to be the best rather than looking for power and ruling Equestria like Sunset wanted. I thought it fit her well and I'm happy to see most agree. ^^
Haven't finished reading yet, but I recommend you fix this error.
10879214
Fixed!
10879168
That's interesting. When I was in school, I never wanted to be at the top, because I considered being at the top to be a bad thing, as those at the top got extra work and such.
I most likely would have liked being in Twilight's place (good, but not good enough to be noticed and given extra work) in this story than canon MLPFIM.
But I'm probably the weird one here :) Still, a good story. If there is a continuation I will read it.
10878595
you're very hard to impress, aren't you?
10879721
They most likely didn’t even read it so I’m not surprised.
10879736
they've posted the same sort of one-word review on several other fics before though so it's probably just a tactless case of "I have incredibly high standards"
10879721
I don't think that's very fair. I wouldn't have said anything otherwise, but now I have to defend them. I agree that this isn't one of the greatest fics on this site, and more importantly that this fic doesn't produce a clear message. Twilight's background is left completely unclear. What was her dream? What happened to her? Are we expected to empathize with her because she lost an award to a better student? Are we expected to sympathize?
This is untrue, given what we are told. No one chased after Twilight the first time, which is the bigger problem. Celestia called after her, which is only one step above letting her go completely uncontested. There would be more weight to this if Celestia did chase after her. We would understand that Celestia does have some emotional connection, rather than seeing her as another student.
This is undeserved. Sunset Shimmer has no emotional connection to Twilight, and to say that she does after seeing a few short flashbacks is unfair to Twilight, suggesting that the sum of Twilight is a few disappointments. This story isn't emotionally evocative, and I think "Eh." is a fair review to give from someone uninterested in spending more time on it.
10879736
This is just rude.
In any case, you may be speaking from your heart, but this kind of story deserves more. Half of the fic above is dedicated to setup, when none of that really needs to happen. The relevant story begins when she encounters the cloaked pony, and remains half-told. Why is Twilight here? You've brushed that question off as if it doesn't need to be answered, but it does. There's no context—is she here to steal something? To attack? To yell at Celestia? We don't know who Twilight is now. Is she angry? Ashamed? Just looking for closure? Why is Sunset so sure that Twilight is leaving permanently? There's no suggestion that she can't come back the next day. Why is Twilight so confident that no one wants her back? Why would anyone not want her back?
I can see that you have a story you want to tell here, but this is only a first draft.
10879784
To be fair, "eh" isn't exactly a good response if you want to give your opinion on something. I'm sorry but to me that just seems really lazy and doesn't exactly tell me what they didn't like about it. Maybe it was the whole thing but it doesn't really tell me anything and it actually seemed quite rude to me myself. It's like just disliking a story for no reason and saying nothing about it.
Yes, I know my story isn't the best out there and honestly, I knew that when I begun writing it. I do this for fun and as a hobby and I honestly wasn't expecting for people to even read it. I was never trying to be the best out there I was just trying to have fun and provide something fun for people to read. If they don't like it then they don't like it. I can always try and improve my writing but I'm not going to bend over backwards to try and impress people when all I want to do is have fun with what I write.
Now, on the actual story part, I did leave a lot of things out that probably should have been described further. Sometimes I do that for the reader to interpret what's going on in their own way but sometimes I forget to add those things in too.
When it's described that Twilight is being chased after again, Celestia did actually chase Twilight to the front doors but she didn't really full out chase her like Sunset did. Again, I can see why that can be an issue though because she didn't necessarily chase her.
Yes, Sunset didn't have any emotional connection with Twilight. Twilight was just a fellow peer to her for a long time and she didn't even notice her until after she became a princess. It's not that she has a emotional connection with Twilight, it's that she sympathizes with her and she knows that if she let Twilight go, Twilight would be losing out on another chance to be Celestia's student and make things right but she'd also be losing Celestia as well, again. Celestia cares about her and even if it wasn't shown in the fanfiction, she was quite upset losing Twilight. So yes, Sunset couldn't lose Twilight because it wasn't for her own feelings, it was for Twilight's own feelings and what she deserved.
However, like many have said, this story probably would have done a lot better as a longer story because I would have been able to explain Twilight's neglect and moments of disappointment in better depth so readers could see it better but that was my fault. I didn't want to make this too long because it was for a contest but it probably would have done better with at least around 10,000 words to better explain Twilight's struggle.
The last thing I will say here is that Twilight arrived through the mirror searching for Princess Celestia. She was looking to seek revenge on her after everything that happened. I could have described that better too but again, that was another problem I could have fixed.
I've never been someone who's believed my stories were the best of the best but I believed they were at least decent. And if at least a good amount of people like them, then that's all that matters to me.
Well, at last is different
10879762
I think they're just a troll.
The feedback was good but the ending was pretty rude, I won't lie.
Sure, maybe it makes me sensitive or petty but it did bother me. I guess it's what I get sharing my work around.
10879977
Don't take this the wrong way, I enjoyed reading it, and I didn't feel like anything needed to be said until I noticed an ongoing conversation.
I am also personally a proponent of criticism, and no had really done it yet.
Ooh, this story was interesting, will it be get a sequel/prequel? I would love to see some of the topics in this in more depth
10880237
I'll think about it but for the moment I'm going to take a break from this story after some recent events I experienced. It would be nice to continue it though. x3
10879977
"Don't like, don't read" has NEVER been a valid counter argument.
You can't tell if you like it or not unless you read it, at which point, you've FUCKING READ IT.
10880051
She asked for critique by posting it here, on a public forum, meaning it's open to criticism from the reader base. This isn't a hugbox.
10880051
That one, specific comment may not be constructive, but the rest of the comment gave a lot of information as to what exactly that reader took fault with the story.
10879977
"lol if you don't like don't read"
This is the single most awful, re-re-re-regurgitated take that's been plaguing the internet and fan fiction as a whole. It's a non-argument. You have to read a story in order to like it, and if you don't like it - if it's on a public site it is inherently open to criticism. Alternatively, there are stories that you may not like initially, but then like ultimately.
10878595
Since this is the boiling point of the issues brought up by the comment section - if you dislike the story, just putting "eh" instead of something a little more specific is always helpful for an author ;0
All in all, it was an enjoyable story - but I do agree with the criticisms that other viewers have put forth. It's lacking a bit in depth, motivation, and feels a little rushed.
10880771
Yes, but at the same time I didn’t ask to be critiqued. It’s my work and if I wanted to be critiqued I would have said so. I’m not bothered by it anymore and they did have some valid points I could have fixed my story with but I really didn’t ask for them to tell me my story “is a first draft”.
It might be a public forum of some type but that still means I have a valid opinion on if I want people to critique my stuff. It’s MY work. I’m not going to just take it because it’s on the internet. Call me sensitive if you’d like but I felt shitty about my writing and this fanfic after. Other people might like their work being critiqued but I didn’t.
I appreciate people helping me improve my stories but what they said at the end was just plain rude and not helpful for me.
10880999
I agree, their entire comment wasn’t entirely bad. It did help me see what my story was lacking, they just did it in a very poor way in certain parts. I can see where people are coming from.
10881027
get off that high horse and take a chill pill :0 if you're getting this heated over this, it might legitimately be worth taking a step back from the topic at hand and distracting yourself with something
you've mentioned they're a minor but that isn't relevant to the conversation, the criticism wasn't rude and this is an overblown reaction if i've ever seen one. and...also...you literally were saying that...and you're defending your point of having said that...so
the "first draft" comment is a pretty nice summation of what's wrong with this story that honestly doesn't seem rude - there's the outline for it to be good instead of just enjoyable, but the story doesn't expand on it too much.
10881033
10881038
this is all rather overblown, is it not?
you're going off about how she's a minor again and again, responded to my comment two different times, contradicted yourself just as many times, and how this one comment that honestly, wasn't rude in the slightest is getting rid of her will to write ;0
it's a fanfic. not everyone is gonna like it. people are gonna like it. people are gonna leave criticism because that's part of what this website is.
since you're clearly quite young, a tip for discussions over the internet: devolving into swearing, repeating your same point with no further elaboration and generally being rude even to people who you personally consider are being rude will do nothing to make people listen to you, it'll just make them laugh
I put this fanfic back up after a bit of debating. I hope this doesn't result in chaos again-
I loved this take on a reversal of roles. Not just a copy and paste of Sunset and Twilights story but swapped names, this was great! Completely original, really would have loved for more of this story's universe.
10883268
I'm thinking of doing a continuation of this with more chapters rather than just a one-shot. It might take a bit but it'll expand more on the universe and changes in the story. x3
10883269
Poggg