• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen Apr 23rd, 2022

The Bricklayer

Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)


Sunset's off on a world tour, she's made it big. She's at the top of her game with several charting albums and rising higher by the day. But she never forgets the one who kept supporting her at her lowest moments. But a lonely motel room does not pleasure make.

Twilight's... well, Twilight. She prefers armchair adventures and romance novels -even if she has a stunningly great girlfriend- and things like that. Qualified introvert. Still, that doesn't stop her from getting lonely on those long nights, and an empty bed and a girlfriend on live TV... well, yeah.

Thankfully Facetime exists, eh?

(Written for Secret Moon’s Self-Isolation Writing Contest)

(Featured on 4/16/20)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

At first I thought she was going to propose to Twilight through the phone but then I thought about how horrible that would be. Although that would be a good idea for a sequel, Sunset finally gets Twilight to join her on a tour and on the final stop of the tour she proposes on stage. That seems like something Sunset would do. :twilightblush:

Gaia I adore those two. Like, seriously, they just work so well together. Its almost criminal.

This was a sweet story.

Ah ah, but proposing would be too obvious wouldn't it? It's been done, really. Now outing your relationship, not sure I've seen that done in stories.

Well then, lock me up! I'm a dangerous man. What I find funny is I was supposed to do a very sappy and mostly sweet story. And yet somehow I got angst into this piece. ...wonder what that says about me.

I aim to please.

This was interesting to read, and it's sweet to see how in love the two of them are. Admittedly, I do think you could have cut down on the buildup some, or brought in AJ and Coloratura giving them the answer earlier on, I was expecting the Facetime conversation to come about a lot sooner than it actually did... and Aria and Sonata's part in this kinda came out of left-field nowhere for me.

Still, this had some fun cute stuff in it. Really liked the moment with Sunset sending the photo from Delhi and Sci-Twi promptly sending back all these factoids. Because she TOTALLY would. :rainbowlaugh:

I... yeah, I do admit some of the build-up could have been cut. Maybe it's a word count thing... But I also wanted to show just how connected the two are, even if that means angst. I think Aria and Sonata were used largely so I didn't have to make OCs, and so I could use characters I'm comfortable writing with.

That's fair. And I'm not saying that what you wrote is bad or anything, I just think it could have done with a tune-up. And I understand the decision prompting Aria and Sonata's inclusion - but it could have used some better setup beforehand, I did a double-take when Aria first spoke up in that scene, like "Where did SHE come from?" Though that being said, I did chuckle at the thought of Aria dating Tree Hugger.

Yeah, I will admit this was not my best fic at certain moments. ...which may explain the lack of views but I digress. I wasn't kidding when I said this had a troubled production. I'm amazed this still got published at all.

That was really cute. Great job!

sorry it took me so long to read this but great story i really enjoyed it

thoe shame on you for not having sunset visit japan she would be super popular their (and you could have had made a joke out of her meeting her JPNS VA)

also i cant see aria and sonata leaving adagio they are just as evil as she is

Loved it, honestly I love what this story did with the ship. Great job, hope to see more sci-set from you soon.

It's a nice, fluffy story, buuut it also does raise a question for me, and a point of concern. First off - this development, Sunset going on a world tour, obviously didn't happen out of the blue. Like... you don't literally get famous over night and start something like that. Not even in the music industry. (Maybe as a serial killer or something, but I wouldn't call that-... nevermind, getting off-track.) What I'm getting at is this: There had to be a lot of planning involved. She has a contract now, there's people that would tell her where to be, when to be there and some-such. And if the Rainbooms have weekly get-together's... why didn't this come up earlier? The story established that AJ already got through this phase. She already faced these problems and had to struggle to deal with them. While I can suspend disbelief enough to accept that sometimes, even the smartest of people can overlook the simplest of solutions - something that, according to my own experience with very smart people, happens surprisingly often -; it's baffling how AJ didn't just say right in the beginning 'alright, so listen, here's a couple of things you might wanna look out for and a couple of solutions you might wanna try' - just to spare her the misery. To acknowledge this problem is rather easy - there could've been a sentence telling the reader that this was the first time in a couple of weeks that AJ actually could make it to these get-together's. Farm work kept her busy and all that.
The concern I have is about communication. This story sets up quite the explosive change, but I don't think that was intentional. Sunset had this great idea, this idea of a grand romantic gesture, of telling the world about her love. That's sweet, really... on a surface-level. But that's something I would expect more from someone like Rainbow, who has a tendency not to think things through. Because as those last lines imply - they will find her. With Sunset being the latest star worldwide, everyone - and I mean everyone and their cat - will want a piece of that. Blogs, shows (TV, radio, podcasts), the different papers, everyone will look for content. New articles, new stuff to talk about. They will dissect their lives without mercy. And once the surface information dries up? If Sunset is still such a hot commodity by that point? They will dig deeper. Interviewing their friends and family and eventually random strangers that barely have any connection to them. Pressing their noses into personal matters. And once even that well inevitably runs dry, they will start to fabricate news - given there's still enough public interest. Can't find enough drama in this relationship between the small town nerd and the world-famous rockstar? No biggie - make some! Sadly, that's just how the world works.
Now, Sunset is smart. While smart people can often overlook simple solutions, they do tend to be more aware of the consequences of their actions. Her 'live confession' was a big romantic gesture, sure - but it could easily spiral out of control. Very, very hard. And backfire.
I just... think she would've known.

All of that being said - and I'm sorry, this looks like it's gonna be one heck of a wall of text - I do stand by my initial words. The story was well-written, the characterization was good, the storyline well-crafted, I had fun reading it. I'm just... yeah, I tend to read into things a lot and thought I might share some of that. I hope it doesn't bother anyone too much.

Thank you.

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