My Little Dashi

by Mica

not cupcakes HD, i swear (also, for an enhanced reading experience, I recommend you turn on text-to-speech)

One day pinkie pie was making authentic Japanese ramen at Sugarcube Corner. She found a recipe for authentic Japanese ramen by breaking the fourth wall and going to esteemed food website AllRecipes.com to find authentic Japanese ramen recipe. Pinkie was saying that Sugarcube Corner was going to need to diversify because Hasbro was going to cancel them if they sell too many sugary treats that promote childhood obesity among their key viewer demographics.

Pinkie said to Mrs. Cake, “We must diversify our menu to cater to the needs of the woke generation and their desire for trendy food options and cultural diversity.”

To which Mrs. Cake replied, “I think you’re going loco, Pinkie Pie.”

To which Ponka replied, “Not loco. Loco moco!” Which is a delicious traditional Hawaiian dish consisting of white rice, egg, and a patty with gravy poured over it. Another dish that Pinkie wants to add to Sugarcube corner’s menu.

Pinkie spent all of her off day inside Sugarcube corner making the perfect ramen broth. And Pinkie Pie was getting real hype about this delicious recipe, because let’s face it Pinke gets hype about everything. She can get hype about a Logan Paul video if she wanted to.

So Pinkiepink was walking around Ponyville on a fine sunny day telling everyopny about her delicious new ramen recipe.

And then she stopped by Rainbow Dash’s house cause she needed to make up for the painful blow to her psyche after she found out that Rainbow doesn’t actually like pies. She doesn’t even like lemon cream pies, but Rianbow Dash is a flaming lesbian so I guess it makes sense.

Pinkie went up to Rainbow Dah’s cloud house by bouncing on the biggest baddest Super Trampoline and she said, “Hey rainbow Dash, wanna come and have a taste of this delicious ramen that I’m making at Sugarcube Corner?”

And Rainbow Dash said “Yes, I’m bucking hungry and I haven’t had breakfast yet. I could kill for a hot bowl of noodles.”

So they walked together to sugarcube corner and along the way Dash asked, “Hey Pinkie, what’s in this ramen recipe?”

“Ooh, there’s cabbage, carrots, handmade noodles, and poached egg, all in a super special broth!”

Rainbow Dash was licking her lips like she licked applejack last night “Wow that sounds really tasty Pinkie! What’s in the broth?”

“It’s really special! There’s shiitake mushroom, salt, miso—ooh, ooh, and then at the end I put a little dashi in the broth.”

Raibnow Dash stopped walking. “Say what noW!?”

“Ahaha, I know, shiitake mushroom sounds like a cuss word if you say it halfway, but don’t worry this is a kids’ show so I’m not allowed to cuss!”

“No, no, no, that last thing you said.”

“Oh, I add a little dashi, finely chopped, into the soup—”

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then rainbow dash ran for her dear life, leaving a rainbow trail.

“Oh come on Dashie, ‘shit’ isn’t even that bad of a cuss word,” Pinkie said.

---

Rainbow Dash stormed through the door of Twilight’s castle and yelled, “Twilight, pinkie is going to butcher me alive like in Cupcakes HD!!!!”

Rainbow Dash ahd actually been butchered alive in a previous deleted episode of My litte pony but because of cartoon logic, she’s still alive, and the deleted episode “Cupcakes HD” was relegated to a degenerate parallel universe of Equestria called BronyLand. And also everypony forgave Pinkie Pie for butchering Rianbow dash because it’s a kid’s show yet they bucking petrified a ten year old foal in the finale episode what the fuck

“Are you sure!?” Twilight said.

“Yes!” Rainbow Dahs said, “Pinkie’s going to boil my body parts in this ramen soup that she’s making. She said, and I quote, ‘I’m going to add a little Dashie finely chopped,’ into her boiling hot soup~!!!!!!”

“LE GAAAAAAAAAASSP!!!!!!” Twilight said. “This is an emergency!”

---

So all the girls except for Pinkie Pie gathered in the friendship castle playset and discussed what to do.

“What to do?” Princess Twiggly wigly said.

“Maybe we should call Princess Celestia,” Futtershy said. And then Applejack gave Fluttershy 10,000 noogies for telling a lie, because everyone knows that Celestia is useless except if ponies played in the NBA, or if you’ve got too much cake in your fridge that needs to be eaten up.

“I know, we should schedule a sting operation,” DWK’s waifu Rarity said. “Just before Rainbow Dash is harmed by Pinkie, a bunch of us will storm in to stop her. We’ll catch Pinkie red-handed, and then hand hoof her to the authorities.”

And they choose that option because that’s how I decided to continue this story and I’m lazy to write any more explanation than that.

So then with all the girls behind her, and Navy SEALs hiding in the bushes surrounding Sugarcube corner in case something went wrong, Rainbow Dash stepped inside Sugarcube corner, wearing a wire. As in any sick undercover operation on TV, the Cake children, clutching their favorite stuffed animals, were secretly evacuated from the building in an armored truck, and driven off to a safe location.

You’re probably wondering why it’s Navy SEALs, and not the Royal Guard or the Wonderbolts. It’s because the Wonderbolts are pretty useless, they couldn’t even save Rarity from falling from the sky in that one episode, and the Royal Guard is pretty shit at protecting Canterlot considering the number of successful invasions there’s been in just nine seasons.

So, Princess Twilight had to go through the portal to Earth and talk to President Joebiden and ask if he could loan a cartoon pony nation in an alternate dimension 10,000 Navy SEALs. And President Joe Biden said yes and signed the paper while Kamala Harris wasn’t watching and his teleprompter was being rebooted.

Inside Sugarcue Corner, Rainbow Dash saw Pinkie standing at the stove, stirring her giant cauldron of ramen soup, big enough to fit a pony.

“Hey, Dashie, ready to dive into this steamy hot soup?” Pinkie said, with the scariest toothy smile Rainbow Dash had ever seen.

“AWESSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~!!!!!!!!!” Rainbow Dash yelled, but she wasn’t acutaly saying awesome, she said awesome because that was the designated safe word if she felt like her life was in danger.

And so then the Navy SEALs broke down the door, all the windows, and they all pointed their snipers at Pinkie Pie but they didn’t actually kill her because this fic is only rated T, and Pinkie is absolutely precious and what would the world be without her smile to brighten up our days.

Pinkie was panicking and sweating and biting her nails even though horses don’t have nails. “What the hay is THIS!? YOU’VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!!!!”

And then meanwhile on the other side of town, Autumn Blaze the Asian pony just got out of the Ponyville jail because everyone thought she was saying the n-word while speaking in her traditional Kirin language. (True fact though, the word in Mandarin Chinese for “that” sounds exactly like the n-word, a USC Chinese-language professor literally got suspended because they thought he was saying the n-word.)

And then Autmn blaze ran over to Sugrcube Corner like a flaming night in Shining Armour’s ass and she was like, “GIRLS! THIS IS A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING! Dashi is a traditional Asian fish stock! It’s not made of Rainbow Dash!”

“Oh, you mean you guys didn’t know that?” Pinkie said, leaning casually against the wall.

“Wait so you’re not trying to kill and butcher me?” Rainbow dash said.

“No she’s not!” Autumn Blaze said. “But for future reference, Pinkie, it’s pronounced ‘dAH-shee’.”

“Oooooh so this was a huge misunderstanding,” Twilight breathd a sigh of relief. She let all the Navy SEALs go back to Earth and paid the US government with 10 truckloads of gold Bits that she had lying around. At the current rate, that's enough to pay for one week of health insurance in the US.

“Thank Celestia this was a misunderstanding,” Twilgiht said. “I don’t know what we would have done if Rianbow Dash were gone.”

“We’d have one less narcissistic blue cunt in Equestria to worry about!?” Applejack suggested. “But then Rainbow Dahs isn’t dead so my point is irrelevant I guess.” And also AJ, everyone knows Rarity is a far bigger narcississt.

“Well, now that’s settled, who wants some ramen?” Pinkie said, opening the big metal cauldron of steaming soup.

So Pinkie served six bowls of ramen for everypony. Spike didn’t get one because he was forgotten and neglected as usual, and Applejack didn’t get one because she’s a background pony, even more background than Autumn Blaze, even though Autumn isn’t even technially a pony.

“My goodness, darling, this fish consommé is absolutely divine,” Rarity said the most stereotypically Rarity thing in the most streotypically Rarity tone.

“This noodle soup is so tasty!” Twilight said. “Thank you so much for preparing this, Pinkie!”

It was quiet as everyone ate the dashi broth ramen. About two spoonfuls in, Rainbow dash broke the silence.

“Wait, aren’t we all supposed to be vegetarian?”

Author's Note:

I had been wanting to write a story based on the titular pun for a long time, but I couldn't come up with a story idea until this afternoon.

Comments

[Mica]

oopsie i think i have a typo in the title

[The Lone Doctor]

Instructions unclear: Fic now has flaming cancer.

[Mica]

10765792
Flaming cancer is bad. So bad that I actually wrote a ponyfic about curing cancer.

ECuring cancer...by magic

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life

I am a unicorn living on Earth. I use my magic to cure human cancer.

• Alt. Universe
• Human
• OC

Mica · 1.8k words  ·  118  8 · 1.6k views

[Shadow Star]

Pinkie should also serve Poutine.
Its a Canadian dish.
French Fries, Cheddar Cheese curds and Gravy.

[Hillbe]

Hey Rares you taste a little like dashi...

Who ordered the two extra knee pads?
A gift from Washington DC
fish consommé dear don't be so vulgar
Fluttershy smells like chaos and you smell like smoked salmon
soupy Sales a success !
why me?
Books!

[Darkstory]

10765830
it's not Canadian it's Québecois

[Horseus King of Horses]

Oh right I forgot... Kirins are Asians.

[Mica]

10765853
Only implicitly, but it's my personal headcanon.

[Horseus King of Horses]

10765869
But it makes sense. Kirins mainly exist in Asian culture.

[ObamaPrism]

“Wait, aren’t we all supposed to be vegetarian?”

Well well well
look who found out

[Prysmkitsune]

10765853
actualy your thinking of the neighponese (mistmane's people, long legs, curved horns)

[Shadow Star]

10765849
which is part of Canadia.

I had Poutine when I went to Niagara Falls when I was a kid. Sounds weird but like the Loco Moco is pretty good, and fairly simple to make, but difficult to master. The trick in both cases is the gravy and the other spices to balance it.

[ANW]

8 oz. of noodles but 1 cup of cabbage
So it's more cabbage then noodles?

Are you sure you don't mean 1 ounce of cabbage?

[Horseus King of Horses]

10766044
Well yeah, but kirins usually exist in Chinese and Asian mythology.

[Herald of Opera]

10766424
Because someone way back when was very bad at describing a giraffe.

[Horseus King of Horses]

10766560
Kirins look more like dragons than giraffes actually.

[PacifistDoodl3r]

what the shit was that!
and beforw you say language- shit isn't even that bad of a curse word...

[Herald of Opera]

10766564
I know, right? Then again, what in China looks anything like a giraffe for them to compare it to?

(For the record, I am describing the ACTUAL means by which the kirin were invented)

[Horseus King of Horses]

10766714
I searched it up and apparently, "Kirin" is the Japanese version of "Qilin". It just so happened to evolve from associating the word to a "dragon deer horse" to becoming the Japanese word for giraffe.

Edit: I just researched it again and apparently in the 1400's, the Chinese traveler, Zheng He, captured two giraffes, brought them back to China, and called them "qilins". Before that, kirins already existed in Chinese mythology as a "dragon deer horse".

[Mica]

10766419
8 oz avoirdupois = 224g
1 cup = 8 fluid ounces
Also I literally made up those recipe measurements on the spot so I can't attest to their accuracy.

[Mica]

10766376
Thanks, glad you liked it.

[Mica]

10765925
Ahaha, someone got the ending joke

[Mica]

10765830

Poutine. Its a Canadian dish.

10765849

it's not Canadian it's Québecois

10766135

which is part of Canadia.

I'm a US citizen, but I've read enough Polandball to know that this a'int gonna end well. Jokes aside, thank you for staying civil in the comments.

[Smithers888]

10766836
I'm pretty sure the cup only exists in US customary units, not avoirdupois; why are you mixing the two? Yes, I'm aware the dry ounce is equal in both.

And measuring (presumably shredded) cabbage by fluid volume? Is that normal in the US? That's going to vary a lot depending on how finely chopped and how tightly packed. Or do you intend carving a chunk from the whole cabbage of the correct volume?

a little dashi, finely chopped

Isn't dashi a broth? Last I checked you can't chop liquids. Actually, scratch that, I forgot to apply Pinkie physics. She'll probably manage it somehow.

[Mica]

10767224
Dashi comes in shaved flakes that you boil in water to make a stock. It's technically dried and shaved bonito (a type of fish).
dreamsofdashi.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Dashi_Ingredients-small.jpg

[ObamaPrism]

10766840
i am big brain

[Smithers888]

10767366
Bonito flakes aren't dashi though, they are an ingredient from which dashi is made.

[WARGAMES]

So when I decided to actually use the speak thing, its pretty bad.

AllRecipes.com

"AllRecipes Inhale com

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

" Kay why ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ad nauseum"

[Mica]

10807583
The key word is that it is "enhanced," not necessarily better.

TBH though the first time I listened to the KYAAAAA on text-to-speech I was using headphones and my eardrums suffered.

[WARGAMES]

10807845
i had headphones on too, Not the worst thing ive ever heard. (hamsterdance is leagues below this) but I feel your pain

[TheMajorTechie]

Forgot to post it outside of PMs but have a story reading by one lispy vtuber boio.

[SparklingTwilight]

Since no one else commented on one particular clever use of text-to-speech, I wanted to commend you first generally for your cleverness and parody but specifically with the aural experimentation you implemented by transmogrifying Awesome into umami!

[Mica]

10832768
Appreciate the compliment but not sure if I can take credit for that. The text-to-speech program recently got an upgrade (with different voices and adjustable speed) and so the audio playback is different now then it was when I published it. In any case I never intended for it to sound like "umami", but listening to it I agree with you.

[Buck Swisher]

This shit is perfect man

[SparkapocalypseVanguard]

Masterpiece!

[Doctor NOOOOOOOO]

“Oooooh so this was a huge misunderstanding,” Twilight breathd a sigh of relief. She let all the Navy SEALs go back to Earth and paid the US government with 10 truckloads of gold Bits that she had lying around. At the current rate, that's enough to pay for one week of health insurance in the US.

In West Virginia the insurance would last like a day