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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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They screwed up big doing that
This hit popular!
Do i need to read the Version by the original author to understand this?
10841397
Nope. If you’ll check the story front page or the author’s notes of the initial chapter, you’ll see that I’ve heavily edited and updated the first few original story chapters, but due to fimfiction site rules about reposting another author’s material to a different story, I had to store them off site in google docs. You can find the edited and updated chapters here:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1tNoM0lHctalck9glHglanLtRYJUnNx-x
No account is necessary to access them. They’ll get you caught up to the point my all-new chapters with all-original content takes over. A full explanation of why I had to do it this way and what I changed over the original is here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/941586/feathered-hearts-continuation-chronicles-introductory-blog
10841062
I think you have a missing word there, but indeed they did.
10841245
I've been very pleased with how the Feathered Heart: Eros release has gone. It's pulled in 12 new likes and 40+ new tracks on C&C thus far!
10841574
ty, corrected
Hooooboy. Doesn't sounds like the fallout of this was very well hidden. On top of that, it got pretty well entangled in diplomatic affairs. This is gonna be fun to eventually explain to a wide audience unless a way is found to hide it.
...Now onto reading the mature stuff.
Okay, I have to give major props to Firesight here. I tried to read the original story years ago, and I couldn't. In my opinion, the original writer did a poor writing job - and I say that knowing that the story was very popular. There was too much 'atmosphere' missing for me, too much talking and not enough exposition. I went back and tried to read the original story again, in case I just got a bad impression. But no, I still can't read the original. Too many things happening without knowing WHY they did them.
But Firesight's additions have hooked me like Zap Apple Cider. Even the first rewritten scene between Gilda and Marco showed me more of the love they had for each other than the original. Word choice matters! At least, it does to me.
Excellent job, Firesight. Looking forward to reading more.
10841691
Well, the Ibexians thought the events of that night would cover their tracks well. Needless to say, they made a few mistaken assumptions about the course of events. And now everybody knows what they did. Yes, they got some human tech, but getting it back for analysis is going to be another issue now that the entire Kingdom and particularly the Ravens are looking for them. For the record, ’Capricorn’ adepts are basically the Ibexian version of the Ravens or the former pony Black Lances.
Appreciate your enthusiasm, and all the comments both here and there!
10841884
Why thank you, sir! In fairness to Demon Eyes Laharl, this was way back in 2012 [groan] and he just wasn’t as good an author back then. By the time of the later chapters and stories like Changeling Roan were written in 2015-17, there was considerable improvement. That’s not a slur against him, as I’m the same way. Believe me, I look at stuff I wrote back then and find it painful, especially for my overuse of ellipses and awful case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.
But yes, the flaws you noted are the ones I spotted as well when I went back to the story after a few years away to read it again. It was too rushed in early chapters, there were some serious plot holes, certain sequences/actions made no sense (like Gilda getting promoted), and early characters like Dana or Lieutenant Nantz just up and disappeared a few chapters in.
I guess it’s a measure of my own progress as a writer that I can see those issues clearly now and fix them. In editing and updating the old chapters, I’m fixing those issues and bringing the story up to my much higher current standards, and I also took the opportunity to incorporate my own developed lore along with a couple of my author friends.
Thanks again! And to me as well. Before I updated it, I actually thought DEL shouldn’t have included that opening chapter, which I found jarring and set a strange tone to start. But I think I found a way to make it work, and it appears you agreed. I haven’t heard much commentary about the updated chapters out on Google Docs, so thanks for chiming in!
Appreciated, sir! You won’t have long to wait. Hope you enjoy the side story as well!
Well they can use this as a perfect example of why Dana being there would have been bad as that most assuredly would've led to bloodshed.
10842473
The first chapter is more of a 'hook' to get the reader interested, especially for those of us that like human & gryphon pairings. Such a 'hook' can keep your readers reading if the first few chapters of a story don't have a lot of action. And to be honest, that's true for this story. Until the humans arrive, everything that happens is mildly interesting backstory and world building. It's necessary to set the stage for later chapters, but not that interesting on its own. So a 'hook' can help the reader understand that more interesting times are in the future. I added a single paragraph 'hook' in my story, Hoof and Claw Versus the World for that same reason.
And I have been appreciating your work in the side story. But it's taking so long to get to the real action! You are such a tease.
Now this is taking an interesting turn, the story is well written and have a good pase, better than the original, which made things happen too fast, well not that fast, but still this is a better and more expanded version, definetely an improvement :D.
If the griffons are interested in human fighting and weapons skill, I think Ong Bak 2 would be a good candidate movie, considering it takes place in ancient South Ease Asia I think, so no modern weapons or any modern stuff, and way better coreographied than kill bill XD, though not sure if they will let Marcus put movies now considering what happend.
Intriguing thus far, and kudos for integrating the M-rated side story into the larger plot. Some very good intrigue and tense interdimensional diplomacy along with the slow-burn relationship. Definitely looking forward to more.
10844795
Thank you! That was one of my goals; to try to fill in some gaps of the original and flesh things out more.
I’d never seen that or even heard of it before, but I admit it looks intriguing. I’ll have to check that out, thanks. We’ll have to see what they let Marco do! But there’s also the possibility that the laptop he stored his movies on got lifted by our two thieves...
10845634
Excellent! Thanks for saying so. That’s exactly what i’ve been going for, and it’s very nice to hear that somebody thinks I succeeded.
I was hoping this would be a straight continuation from where the old story left off. I got invested in that story and having much of the background get re-done before it catches up.... eh, it’s not really what I’m interested in.
10846221
It's your call, but I would respectfully recommend you try the updated story. I started over from the beginning for two reasons: first, I needed to re-familiarize myself with the story after so long away, and second, upon rereading it I found the original story had issues I hadn't noticed before--a badly rushed early pace, lack of realistic explanation for certain events (why did Gilda get promoted for attacking a human, again?), and disappearing characters (Lieutenant Nantz and Dana) among them.
That's not a slur against DEL, as he simply wasn't as good an author back in 2012, nor did he have as much material to draw on. I'm the same way; I look at stuff I wrote back then and wince. But I've got 9 years of additional writing experience now, and thus sought to not only correct the issues, but bring the story up to more modern specs with additional lore, both from the show and my own canon. So far, the updated chapters and story have been well-received, to judge by the bulk of the comments I've gotten.
In any event, the chapters you see posted in this story aren't updated original chapters; they're all-new content--the first new content this story has seen in many years, set between chapters 3 and 4 of the original. Give them a try; you might enjoy them. Updated chapters from the original story are posted to Google Docs instead, since I'm currently not allowed to repost old chapters from another author's story to a different account. Not even if they're heavily edited and expanded, and not even if the author has apparently abandoned his account.
If you still aren't interested, then the eventual continuation will be written so it works with both versions of the story.
10846377
I agree some of the elements in the original plot were quite thin - but explained well enough for my means that it's part of the story now, and I'm not keen on "suddenly it's different". It's like not having a finished story before someone AUs the same story. It's just not working for me. No offense to your writing; I complete and totally enjoyed Five Star Service.
When you say "works with both versions of the story", I'm wondering how. In of what I read, you changed language (Aeric is now Latin), and ranks, and a number of other things. That's some pretty significant change. If someone had read all of DELs work up to the last chapter, then started reading your continuation from that point on - would they say "what the heck happened? why are all these things different?", or not? Because I wanted a continuation of the original, not a remake.
10846439
All the major plot points and characters remain from the original. You're acting like I'm completely changing it. I'm not. I'm just fleshing it out more and taking care of some of the issues present in DEL's early writing.
Cool. I'll actually be making some minor retcons to 5SS to support what I'm doing here.
You clearly read the introductory blog, for which I thank you--not everybody does. I don't see that making Aeric Latin changes anything since we heard nothing of their language in the original story, and as for ranks, I did mention there that additional battlefield promotions for Gilda were possible (read: certain) to bring her up to the rank she was given in the original. Nor do I think making Captain Narada a Tribune (which are more or less equivalent) is somehow a showstopper, though I do have a means to integrate the two ranks you'd see in due course.
As for Gilda's rank, jumping her from ? (she was never given a starting rank in the original story) all the way up to sub-Tribune is just too big a leap, never mind the lack of justification in the original story for it--that was one of the main items I tried to address in the updated chapters. Giving her a rank and a valid rank structure for the griffons in general right out of my Firefly series doesn't detract from the original, but enriches it, in my view, and makes her progression as a soldier and officer more realistic.
I meant what I said--it will be written to work with both versions of the story. If you think I can't do it, watch me.
You'll get the continuation in due course. but I'm still going to make these updates. I'm sorry you don't want to try the new version of the story, but it's your call.
Look, if nothing else, please understand--I don't have to do any of this. This is an ENORMOUS commitment of time for me, but one I willingly accept. Both because I wanted to see one of my favorite stories finished, and also because I recognized its flaws and that its earlier chapters especially needed some serious love. I'll say without humility here that you're not going to find a better author or option for it than me, given I write both G4M stories and war fics. I'll do it justice. I'm sorry if it's not in the manner you wished, but I'm not changing my approach to it. If DEL came back to finish this, we'd all be overjoyed, but he's not--he's been gone for four years and all my many attempts to reach him failed. So it's up to me now, and this is the means I've chosen.
Have a good one.
With apologies, I’ve been so busy on the side story over the past week that I neglected to answer a couple main story comments. Let me take care of that now.
10843202
You know what? I didn’t think of that, but you’re absolutely right. I will be sure to mention that later in a coming chapter.
10843245
That’s a very good point. I’ve certainly used that idea of a ‘hook’ to good effect in other of my stories, and those that lacked it had trouble taking off and attracting initial interest. Hell, even with the side story, I decided to open with a heavy X-rated chapter instead of setup chapters in hopes of grabbing reader interest early. I don’t know if that’s what did it so much as the Feathered Heart name, but it featured within an hour of launch!
Yes, I left the initial release of chapters end right on the cusp of the first major clop scene, but it’s now a week later, so you’ve got the real action in spades! Hope you’ve enjoyed, and thanks for commenting here!
O fuck... Didn't think something like that was coming... A Assasination/ sabotage and heist ending in a huge orgy... Wonder if the confiscated the Laptop. I hope not. First interspecies porn must survive ♡
10855303
Yep. Needless to say, it didn’t quite work out like they thought! That doesn’t change the fact that their motives were decidedly not nice, nor was what they were hoping to happen.
Well, I’ll spoiler the answer: The Ibexians stole Marco’s laptop. That’s necessary to make sure they don’t find the video, because I don’t want the events remembered for now. But that doesn’t mean they won’t get it back eventually! The Ibexians will yet play a major role in this story, and be assured we’ll meet them directly later.
10855474
For the recording survivel and the humans enjoying it
Anyway... I could imagen the Cloven have them as allys. Would explain how they set up a nationwide attack. Or was it rather they strictly attacked the leadership and major citys?
10855479
Huh... Clever idea. I have all my storys unpublished do to moderation not allowing publication for years since i never learned to use punctioation despite my test readers generaly enjoying it. Odd i didn’t think about it. Thanks 👍
10855484
Ops my bad!
10855486
You’ll have to wait a while for that to happen, sorry.
Sorry to disappoint, but the Ibexians are not their allies and will be just as endangered by the cloven when the time comes. But that lends itself to other possibilities, like alliances of convenience where we get to see what the Ibex can do and why the griffons consider them such dangerous foes.
You need to fix something in the pre reading google drive pqges.
Chapter 4 , page 15, paragraph 5. Marines do not wear hats indoors.
10859612
Even when visiting a different world? Wearing them seems to add to there presentation in my oppinion
That picture is amazing but... Isn't she missing the 'Command Chain'?
10860895
It is not about looks. It is about tradition. In hostile enviroments they will wear a combat helmet but never a hat indoors. Just ask around for any Marines current or Vetaran and ask them.
10861641
Well... Something new was learned in marine behavior
10875860
War heros are war heros, would other say.
Context is key!
No matter how often im re-reading... This chapter's are beyond awesome ♡
Before reading this, I was going to say AJ was going to have a LOT of explaining to do!
Now, I'm hoping you'll do a side-chapter that focuses on the investigation that finally clears her of suspicion. I think THAT would be an awesome story in its own right!
♪♫
Wouldn't it have self-destructed if it was sealed and the marines tried to open it and read it?
Also, this:
There are a few instances of Gilda having blue eyes throughout this story, but unless you intended this as part of the AU, canon Gilda has yellow/gold/amber eyes per the cover art and every screenshot of the show on derpibooru.
Anyway, I've caught up on this story and Eros, and I'm enjoying it as much as I have enjoyed TLatU and the Firefly series. I'm looking forward to seeing what's next!
The pucker factor is over 9000...
So female don't have cloaca? ... Neat.
10989354
Absolutly priceless humor. He so hot he travel back in time to become a playbirb
11121143
Damn good point. Perhaps the seal was incorrect used so it don't activate? She was totaly smashed...
11121143
I’m sorry, I don’t think I ever replied to this. Apologies. Let me rectify that now.
There is an answer, but as you now know by now that Moran plays things very close to the vest, he hasn’t divulged it yet. You’ll find out in future what it is. And that perhaps Moran wasn’t entirely himself in later chapters.
*blinks and checks* You’re right. Why the hell did I think her eyes were blue? This means I’m going to have fix it everywhere, in both stories. That’s going to be an hourlong chore...
And I’m glad, believe me! It gratifies me greatly when older readers pick up my newer works as well, so thanks for being loyal. Thanks as well for commenting, and sorry again for not replying earlier. The one thing I can say about this story is that the amount of feedback I’m getting on it is hard to keep up with at times, and that means stuff is occasionally slipping through the cracks.
11138970
That’s what I was going for!
Nope. Griffons have mammalian hindquarters, so their reproductive systems are mammalian as well. They don’t lay eggs; they birth and nurse their cubs like all other mammals. Excepting platypuses.
When all is said and done in this story, he absolutely would!
She used it correctly, but Moran’s keeping a few secrets of his own. He’s also not himself in later chapters, and you’ll find out why later.
11121143
Just FYI that I finally fixed this, in both C&C and Eros. Her eyes are now the correct color throughout both stories. Sorry again for such an embarrassing and avoidable mistake.
Tara sure will get some badass Talon marks from that night...
The Ibex sure get many eye fulls that night...
So no Griffon sniffed their aroused body's?
That orgy probably could have raised the dead...
deflowering his daughter....
OOOUPS!
11349388
well... as warrior culture, the scars on females are probably considered sexy in Kingdom
11450201
Oops indeed! Not his fault, though, as you’ll see when you read the first couple “night to remember” chapters of the side story.
11450208
Battle scars are definitely sexy to griffons. Especially since more than a few of them are earned in mating rounds!
To be fair, it will be impossible to tell if the Ibex or Raven made a analysis on the objects.
That threat is there for mute...
11450208
Sooo... That reminds me of Star Trek Klingons
or Mass effect Krogans...
Historical orgy, but noone remember the details
The Ibex better keep this historically unforgettable moment documentary safe
And sealed?
Isn't that making it impossible to read?
Or is the magical enchantment a extra step?
After all later the human want to read a report, only for Gilda to warn them that the Scroll will self destruct when opening without disarming the seal.
Equis/Equus KGB hit hard and got away... Putin would be proud
Eros is so mutch fun to read ♡
The night starts always with
Eventually going up to
Only to end always in ✌