• Member Since 14th Aug, 2020
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WriterStorm PenKey


New to the brony fandom and love the Anon-a-Miss storylines and love the Sunlight ship

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When Sunset Shimmer is accused of a crime she never committed. She tries to convince the public she never did this but when harmful words are said the only thing she thinks she is not worthy to live but a certain special person in her life comes along and saves her life, will they make it? or will it be too late.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 39 )

Twilight is here. Then the Rainbooms have some explaining to do with their highly unacceptable behaviour!!! :twilightangry2:

11124638
yep they definitely have to explain big time

i'll post a new fanfic chapter every 3 days because of writing it and to spell check too.

If fluttershy was so sure, why not go after sunset? Could've stopped her before she jumped.

11124771
Fluttershy was hesitant about going after her because of the other girls but she she then realized that moment sunset was innocent and was worried about her well being

11124847
Still felt out of character. As shy and afraid as she is, she's not someone to just stand there when one of her friends are going to die. I know she informed princess but going after sunset feels more natural. What she did here felt forced. Did it just for the sake of doing it.

Twilight's got your back sunset

11124870
this is an alternate version of the comic or AU so it would be a possibility for the characters tend to be out of character and also the reason Fluttershy didn't go follow sunset is because as she says in the fic that she had a bad gut feeling of what she did, and she regret it also she was scared of applejack and rainbow dash more if she did go after sunset because of what rainbow did in front of her.

11124870
Yes but she not good at standing up to her friends. Remember how she became flutterbat all because her friends were sure their way was right even though she told them a different answer. And the personalities of the 2 worlds are very similar so her not standing up for what she believes in isn't surprising especially against her friends. Standing up for them is one thing but to them is another.

11125503
And fluttershy saw how violent rainbow dash was and you would think she is very afraid of getting punched by rainbow in the sugarcube corner scene I mean she did warn princess twilight because she had a bad gut feeling because of sunset's eyes showing a lot of negative emotion especially betrayal so she called for help instead of going after her because sunset would probably run away from her and push her more into the edge you have the think of the mental state of the person because going after them yourself can be more worse than getting help to calm the individual down I learned that from a therapy classes for mental health advice and someone told me that info so I thought fluttershy can take that position plus that's going to be in the next chapter as well of how she knew sunset was going to do something and she deeply regret it.

11126041
I think sunset would have taken anyone who might care at that point because she had nobody by her side and as much as twilight might care she not there she doesn't have see the pain sunset feels or the hate the students are giving her. She needs someone in the real world by her side and twilight is not willing to go over to offer emotional support if nothing else.

11126061
probably, right but my plot of the story wouldn't be the same.

uh oh why do I have a feeling that Sunset Shimmer will in a coma for a long time or dead?

11127200
don't worry mate she won't be for long she just having a conversation with Princess Celestia in her head

Accused of a Crime

What's with the random capital letters?

Personally if I was twilight this wouldn't be something they get off easily. They were all selfish and cruel.

11127219
alright fair I think there was a quote that fits this right now and its by Roboute Guilliman himself "What does not kill me... is not trying hard enough."

Updated! She's awake...

11237248
yep she finally woke up after two days in a coma

How did she do that?

How is celestia talking to her?

“As far as i’m concerned you all have been total assholes to Sunset after i specifically told you all to look after her and show her friendship then one little thing happens, and now she’s in the hospital only Fluttershy had the guts, and common sense to contact me, to tell me to help her, but also if i wasn’t here Sunset would be dead instead in a coma from the cold water.” Twilight spoke of anger then looked at the CMC’s with more rage.

I’m surprised no one is telling her to shut up.

So she was able to decide whether she lived or died?

So applejack still sees sunset as a she-demon?

Comment posted by MatTheBook deleted Nov 22nd, 2022

11127219
The big problem is lack of puncuations (Full stops and coma's) and spaces of parragrafs

Sunset looked at them with calm but saddened look she had tears in her eyes, she was contemplating if she wanted to forgive them, she got hurt by them even felt like she was being lied to, she then looked up at Rarity and said her answer “i don't know if i can forgive you but i’m willing to try.” Sunset said Rarity looked like she was relieved and sad at the same time.

This is an interesting route.

I hate to say it but this really feels rushed.

11430124
I had to because of how many routes of sunset not forgiving the rainbooms a lot and we haven’t seen many fics with this route

11430240
Yeah sorry about that I was just tired writing this was taking a toll on me because I kind of almost lost my spark because of a certain person that I was inspired by broke me and I felt like I lost it all, and I got writers block so I’m trying to pull ideas just to make it interesting but I did rush it because I was worried about the people who read the fic thought this fic was dead, sorry about that but all in all what did you think of it?

11430034
Ummm sorry isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Commas, end of sentences, paragraphs are punctuation my friend it’s the first thing you learn in 1st grade 😂 but anyway how did you like the fic besides the “lack” of “punctuation” when it was written correctly in a way a published author would do.

11430349
That’s good. Especially since her not forgiving them doesn’t make a lot of sense.

11430352
Take your time, both in writing and in healing.
We can wait.
I'm literally waiting for updates from stories that haven't been updated in years. :twilightsmile:

This story is in desperate need of editing, particularly around punctuation and grammar. Even just in the description and first two paragraphs alone, I'm having to re-parse sentences and mentally add punctuation to figure out what it is you actually meant, and I just can't go through that kind of effort for a whole chapter, yet alone six.

Just to show what I'm referring to, I'll go through all the problems I can see in the description and initial paragraphs.

When Sunset Shimmer is Accused of a Crime she never committed she tries to convince the people she never did this but when harmful words are said the only thing she thinks she is not worthy to live but a certain special person in her life comes along and saves her life will they make it? or will it be too late.

  • "Accused of a Crime" should be "accused of a crime".
  • There should be a comma after 'committed".
  • "the people" being used as a noun is strange here, since 'the people' beginning with a 'the' tends to be synonymous with 'the public'. Either this should just read "people", or preferably be changed to "everyone". Alternatively, this could be swapped with a more descriptive noun, like "her friends", "her school".
  • "she never did this" should be "she never did it", but I would use "she didn't do it".
  • At least a comma—although preferably a period—should be before "but when harmful words are said". Would also consider changing "but" to "however," to avoid the double "but".
  • There should be a comma after "but when harmful words are said".
  • "worthy to live" is more ordinarily phrased as "worthy of living".
  • "the only thing she thinks she is not worthy to live" is just all around clunky. With the current wording, there is a missing 'is' to make this make sense, which would result in "the only thing she thinks she is, is not worthy to live", which has an inelegant double 'is'. Phrasing it like "she no longer thinks she's worthy of living" or "she can only think that she is not worthy of living" is more natural.
  • There should be a comma before "but a certain special person".
  • There should be a period after "saves her life".
  • The "will" in "will they make it?" should be capitalized.
  • The "or" in "or will it be too late." should be capitalized. Should also end with a question mark, not a period.
  • The whole bit of "will they make it? or will it be too late" is confusing, because the previous sentence already explicitly says that a person saves her life. Asking if they'll make it just adds confusion because you've already said that it has happened. Could be remedied by changing "saves her life" to "tries to save her life".

Chanterlot is busy with the holiday coming around people spreading holiday cheer, all but a certain girl with red and gold hair 17 year old Sunset Shimmer a reformed bully, savior of CHS from the sirens, And now accused cyber bully when she never really did her friends had planned her slumber parties to help her to not be lonely during this time they called her family, and she believed that but now she's wondering alone in almost negative temperature weather tears rolling down her cheeks,

  • "Chanterlot" should be "Canterlot".
  • "the holiday" should be "the holidays", or to be less ambiguous and to avoid the repeated use of holiday in that sentence, could be "Christmas" or "Hearth's Warming Eve".
  • Should be a period after "coming around".
  • "people spreading holiday cheer" should be "People are spreading holiday cheer".
  • The comma preceding "all but a certain girl" should be either a period or a semicolon to avoid a comma splice.
  • Should be a period after "red and gold hair".
  • Should either be a comma or an 'is' added after "17 year old Sunset Shimmer".
  • "And now" should be "and now".
  • "when she never really did" should probably be "for something she never did". Also needs a period added after.
  • "her slumber parties" should be changed to "slumber parties" to avoid repeated 'her'.
  • Should be a period after "during this time".
  • Should be a period after "and she believed that".
  • "wondering" should be "wandering"
  • "temperature" should be "degree"
  • Should be a "with" added before "tears rolling down her cheecks".
  • Comma at the end of the paragraph should be a period.

“Why…why can’t they see I’m not doing this.” Sunset choked a sob, “I'm just not worth having a family.” As she just arrived at the bridge, she had just got away from her former friends yelling at her telling her she wasn't welcomed at Sugarcube Corner that just happened moments ago.

  • The dialogue "Why…why can’t they see I’m not doing this." is missing question marks and capitalization. Should be "Why…? Why can’t they see I’m not doing this?"
  • "choked a sob" should be "choked back a sob". Should also be using a period, not a comma leading into the second dialogue bit as it's not following a "says" word.
  • "worth having a family" should be "worthy of having a family".
  • "As she just arrived" should be "As she arrived" to avoid the double 'just'.
  • Should be a comma after "yelling at her".
  • "welcomed" should be "welcome"
  • Should be a period after "Sugarcube Corner".

Every time one of these errors comes up, I have to restart the sentence to make sure I'm not misreading it. The missing punctuation is especially bad because it can take a few words before I realize that I'm supposed to have started a new sentence in my head, or that what I'm reading no longer makes sense. Result is just exhausting to read, and I haven't even gotten that far in.

11299201
Unless you don't know how to word your statement properly she has the right to see these things to people who nearly put her friend in danger

11663653
Not really when we take into account canon.

Looking forward to seeing more. :twilightsmile:

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