• Member Since 17th Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

ShiningBeacon


You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

T
Source

Thrust into the role of Royal bodyguard, Lieutenant Shining Armor finds himself in the City of Roam, trying to protect Princess Cadance while avoiding accidentally starting a war with Equestria's oldest rival. His training taught him to worry about Roamish plots or over enthusiastic crowds. What he hadn't anticipated was the focus on proper etiquette, or the way his heart pounds when Cadance smiles at him, or the sheer number of creatures that want her dead. Trapped between love and duty, Cadance and Shining discover that sometimes the greatest dangers are those closest to home.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 3 )

Loved it! Hope you update soon!

I thought the battle scene was good on all those accounts.

All six vessels were approaching in a reverse U formation

Isn't that just called a pincer formation?

The ballista onboard retuned fire, aiming for the enemy portholes and sails to force them to slow down or fall behind. This went on for several minutes, with the Ambassador’s ballista crews knocking out several of their counterparts.

Multiple crews leads me to believe more than one ballista. the plural is ballistae. And since you used spears, I assume you mean the crossbow ballistae. Ballista is roughly translated to thrower, and can also be accurately used in description of catapults and trebuchets.

the enemy switched tactics and began loading canasters with hundreds of ball bearings and darts in an arching shot to fall at lethal velocities on to heads of their hapless victims.

Grapeshot. That's what you're thinking of. Unless you switched from crossbow ballistae to catapult ballistae, not really going to work.

One of the sailors was hit as she was climbing a rope ladder on the main mast and fell over the edge of the ship, screaming as she tumbled into the waves below.

That rope ladder is called rigging.

There was a pause in the action as everyone waited to see what would happen next, then, from the center of the cloud came the largest bolt of lightning Shining Armor had ever seen, followed by a titanic boom, and the main mast of one of the ships shattered into a million splintered fragments.

As I read this, I thought the bolt had come down on the Ambassador. It was at the center, after all. The chaser and broadsider on the port side turn tail moments later, so I can only assume that this is happening to the starboard broadsider. You should have mentioned that.

with all six ships either retreating or stranded with their masts destroyed.

Dismasted is the word you are looking for. Or perhaps demasted.


On to your questions

Was the conflict easy to follow?

Aside from where the cloud came down, yeah. I had little trouble following what happened.

Was the terminology confusing?

Only for two reasons. The first was that you often skipped over the terminology and went with a description instead. That's a good move for people who don't know their franciscans from their tabars, but then I have to try to figure out what you mean. I usually can, but I do have to look back again to know that I have the right word. The second is the occasional spelling error. Very rare, but it happened at least once.

Was it engaging to read?

Yeah, I'll agree with that. Not much to that statement. I was engaged enough to read the whole thing through.

If you want more information on this era of battle, I can't really recommend any fics, as I don't know any, but I can refer you to Shadiversity on youtube. His focus is more suited to land combat, but swords work just as well on a wooden deck as they do among the reeds. And archery is just as useful.

I hope this has satiated your desire for criticism. I didn't read the first three chapters, but I might eventually.

Also, isn't rule zero to keep the army happy?

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