"Violence for violence is the rule of beasts" - Barack Obama
A sleepy bar in Dodge Junction becomes a charnal house, as the Mare comes looking for a certain pegasus...
Written in 100 minutes, partly to get the idea out of my head and partly as a love note to TheyCallMeJub's utterly sublime Eyes Without a Face. Have at it!
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Lyra as Vengeance? Niice.
Although I'm pretty sure your throat would be hot enough to melt a bonbon enough for you to swallow it whole before you choked to death on it.
Maybe you could bake a mutant parasprite into a bonbon and watch your victim be eaten from the inside out. Imagine the facial expressions...
1159295 Parasprite eating somepony from the inside out?
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSiBQJhVLHTwo4HmlT9okrCSMmYfw2LWJopzGcfQakG5a5S76yEOg
Challenge accepted.
Well... I think theycallmejub will appreciate it. You've certainly hit that good old' fashion ultra violence.
Damn looking at both of your stories makes my little "dark" ideas just seem empty.
Good job with this one, I think it'll make all the other eyes without a face fans as happy as it did me
1159334
I wonder though, given their method of reproduction and an ample food source, if the parasprites would multiply enough to burst the victim's stomach before he or she had a chance to die from internal hemorrhage.
1159374 All I know is it would closely resemble a well-known scene from Alien
Dodge Junction, where have I heard that?
Interfesting.
Chuck, what the vaginas man.
Whoa, that was fucking solid. Just fucking solid. I can't even begin to explain how blown away I am by a story less than 1,500 words. Damn, this left a hollow feel in my gut. I want to see this finished, but that last line was powerful enough to give it closure.
1159272
Not scary, just a little bit of ultraviolence...
1159295
She had a hoof on his throat to stop him swallowing. Also, are we talking about the same sort of sweet here? In the UK bonbons are crazy-chewy, fruit flavoured toffees that take a good five minutes to chew through. They won't just melt, I can tell you that much.
1159367
Yay praise!
1159537
It's the place with the cherries.
1159724
I have made Mr Ignorable go "I can't even." I have not seen this happen before, and I'm not sure if this is good or bad...
1160283
More praise! Yeah, this was going to be part of a much bigger, alt universe thing (not technically an alt universe, but the fic would be set as a movie, with different ponies 'playing' rather than being their roles, and interviews with cast and director at the end) but I wanted this bit out and didn't fancy waiting months and months until all my projects are finished.
1160630
So this is what I get for pushing that "Watch" button.
I wouldn't call this ultraviolence, though. It was so much milder than I expected. I mean... bullet wounds are hardly shocking anymore, and you skimped on the details. Seeing as how ponies have no supporting structure and function solely on high-pressure liquids (mostly tears) I would have expected some gushing, maybe spraying or splattering, or maybe even a geyser.
So BOO! MOAR GOAR! RAPE! PILLAGE! JAYWALKING!
Why let the narrator live, though. She had no qualms about offing the rest of the saloon. Were they in on the coup and had it coming? Some of them didn't even draw before getting shot, some even tried to flee or avoid fighting. Also how does Lyra know how to set a broken leg? She's a doc now?
You used the Tragedy tag? I seldom see the term used so aptly. I must confess I took satisfaction in reading the descriptions of suffering and pain, but I've always been a fan of avengers. Ever since I saw The Crow when I was a teen. Also the use of flashbacks was very appropriate for the style of narrative.
But choking a perp on a candy? That's a sweet way to go. I would maybe personally have described how Shady's last moments were a mixture of pain, panic, fading vision and a sugar high, but maybe that's not something you can do in a first person fic. Still, points for style. Should I be anticipation more of this, or are you actually going to write me more of The Pipster & Crew, or Lord forbid... Banisment Decree? Also you promised to write something about Scootaloo. Pony up, pops. Imma running out of Burn Notice soon.
1161386
Yup. Come for the dark comedy/comedy comedy, get random flash-fic instead
There were three reasons I didn't stick in much gore description. First, extra description would have slowed down the pacing, and I was very much aiming for a cold, efficient and brutally fast shootout. Second, by describing injuries where gore is inevitable with very little description of the actual gore, like glass to the neck or bullets to the kneecaps, the reader visualises gore both for those bits and for the other, unstated shots. I like to let the reader do my work for me. Third, this fic took 100 minutes, and was meant to take sixty. I need more time than that for effective gore.
Two possible interpretations of why she let the narrator live. My interpretation is Lrya knew the other ponies in the bar were Shady's associates, so she took them out both because they were dangerous and to make Shady fear her more. The other interpretation is she let him live so there would be somepony to tell the story...
Yup, tragedy tag. Hideously over and misused, but it's apt in this case.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!
No, this was pretty much a one-off one shot. I'm bashing out more Pip right now.
1161030
Thank the stars...it wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be. Just a little Kill Bill style revenge.
Anyway, I've decided to hit the dusty trail on the motley crew for now. I figure the ol' get together could use some gettin' together.
1161665
Fantabulous. I've got about a page of your stuff edited, going slowly because I took a three-day break from all writing related activities this week. I'll send you bits back when I've stuff worth sending.
1161679
That's cool. Take all the time you need. Meanwhile, I'll be gettin' it together. It won't happen here, like we discussed, but I'll send you an invitation if you like.
1161705 You guys putting The Band back together?
1161741
I'll neither confirm nor deny that statement.
Dear Celestia in heaven thats messed up.
Can we have some more?
Nice. I can definitely see the influence of Eyes Without a Face.
Mulekick is dead. The sheriff and his two deputies are dead. Gonzo is dead.
You son of a bitch, you killed my favourite muppet.
1992002
you owe me a new keyboard
1992005
Drinking something, were we?
1992010
you owe me another can of coke too
1992016
Sure, tell me your home address and I'l main you one.
Hah, first comment in 140 weeks!
'Tis was good. Old but good. Nothing like a bit of methodical pony violence before bed.
6478246
Oh god, you found this mildly embarrassing relic. Hope it wasn't a total waste of your time...
6478266 Heh. That's what you get for making good blog posts about the finer points of writing and editing. Someone may trawl through your story list and see what's down there in the depths... and I keep returning to do that anyways.
And no, it wasn't a waste of time, I found 100 minutes avenging angel Lyra quite enjoyable. Better than so much else I've read ;)