King
Spitfire was sitting in her office, her usual commander’s uniform itching. She forced herself to not scratch her joints, but it was hard. On top of the still present aches from her race, itching and discomfort were hard to stomach.
Her office didn’t appear different. It didn’t appear to her like she had narrowly avoided the possible end of the Wonderbolts, of her HQ, and the termination of potentially dozens of recruits contracts. It looked… boring. Her in-tray was as tall as usual, and her out-tray by comparison insignificant.
There was a knock on her door. Spitfire brought her sunglasses to her nose. She had been expecting this ever since Rainbow Dash had returned, aching and broken, back to Cloudsdale to celebrate her victory.
“Enter,” she instructed, putting on once again her best Captain’s face.
The door opened, and in walked Clip Busy from the EIA. Spitfire noted the hunted look on his face. He was shaken, and Spitfire liked that. Her meeting with the Director of the EIA, and Princess Twilight, had bore fruit, and she was licking her lips in preparation of the proverbial fruit salad.
“Captain Spitfire,” he said. “A pleasure.”
“It isn’t,” Spitfire taunted. “You look like a pony who just got told be the Director to step away from the Wonderbolts. Among a lot of other horrible things that’ll be happening to your department.”
Clip bit back a retort, cowed. Spitfire breathed in, satisfied. Oh, how she loved this.
Spitfire was not kind. She did not enjoy Clip Busy and his management of the Wonderbolts. She had been all too happy to point out to the Director his questionable choices, in her own words, and how his directives, signed and stamped by his department, had led to the rise of Professor Vector and her jet as a direct competitor to maintaining traditional pegasus heritage. She had been all too happy, as well, to take the opportunity when talking to Twilight about a troublesome element of the EIA who was aiming to sabotage either the Wonderbolts or the development of a magnificent new machine and had backed Spitfire into a corner, forcing her to compete directly against the jet.
The princess had not been amused. And that had just been the beginning of Spitfire’s machinations...
Lesson number one; one should never, ever mess with Spitfire. She’d always win in the end… one way, or another. In that regard, she supposed she had something in common with Rainbow Dash.
“I’m glad to report that your funding is safe,” Clip said. “The matter of Cloudsdale maintaining air superiority has been handled.”
Spitfire shook her head. “It hasn’t, you know.”
“It has,” Clip countered, some of his old belligerence returning. “The public still see the Wonderbolts as the masters of the skies. This was the objective.”
“You think the jet will disappear? It’s been developed. One day, more will be made, and they’ll be better, faster… And Rainbow Dash won’t be a Wonderbolt forever.” Spitfire smiled. “Worse, it won’t be in a Cloudsdale lab either, will it? After all, what good do pegasi have for a flying machine that requires that level of upkeep when they can just flap their wings a bit harder? It’ll be developed again, better, by Earth ponies and unicorns. You know that already, of course. You never cared about actually doing your job at the EIA, and just wanted to be able to tell the Director that you were able to ‘cut costs’ for ‘efficiency’ whilst supporting either ‘traditional pegasus values’ or ‘innovative new technologies conducive to Cloudsdale’s supremacy’, whichever happened to win. But let me guess… things didn’t work out properly, did they?”
Clip hung his head. “No.”
“Aw, sweet Clip. Tell me what’s wrong!” Spitfire taunted.
“The director has… been unsupportive lately. Princess Twilight is… not comfortable with Cloudsdale’s handling of this situation.”
Spitfire knew this already from when she had met with Twilight Sparkle whilst delivering the letter from Applejack. “Unexpected,” she lied.
Clip Busy’s expression turned into a sneer. “And I suppose you have a plan, oh mighty captain?”
Spitfire grinned. “No. I had a plan.” She tilted her head, looking behind Clip. “And that plan is over now. Oh, Professor Vector? Would you like to say hi to our guest?”
From outside, the tall, elegant sciencepony emerged. She was currently wearing a long white labcoat, and she peered down at Clip, as if she were looking at a bug. Spitfire had heard that she too had been forced to deal with the EIA… and had been no more enthusiastic about it than Spitfire. Vector, like Spitfire, hated Clip and what he represented.
“I take it back, captain. You most certainly are the taunting type,” Vector said.
“I made a deal with Twilight,” Spitfire said, getting to her hooves. “Oh, didn’t you know? We’re good friends. Well, acquaintances. I take care of Rainbow Dash for her, you see, and in exchange, we’re pretty… chummy.” She grinned. “Vector is a part of my team now.”
“The Wonderbolts has a new science division,” Vector explained. “Novel science and experience stand together. That was the arrangement, as agreed upon by the Princess, was it not?”
Spitfire rolled her eyes. “All very optimistic, yeah. Point being, Twilight has accepted to provide funding to me, directly, in order to keep on sponsoring the development of a wide variety of flying related technology.”
“That’s not…” Clip began, stammering. “That’s not something the EIA has approved of!”
“Well, the EIA is on its way out. Where did you think that funding came from? That’s right, all the funding that used to go to an outdated, counterproductive organisation. The Director already knew that his department was going to get significantly reduced; and I convinced him that it’d be a good idea to end his career with some goodwill at the little dance thing. Listening to myself and Vector sparring verbally at the dance was enough to convince him of that. Setting up the Wonderbolts as leaders of scientific and cooperative innovation will be good press for him in Twilight’s court and Cloudsdale. Good press will allow him to seek a new position somewhere a little more… open. It’s just good politics, Clip.” Spitfire’s face became hard, and cold. “You, I have less sympathy for. On account of you being a vapid, insignificant irritation to me.”
Clip fumed. “You were not instructed to do any of this! You were instructed to do one thing; maintain Wonderbolt superiority. This… this isn’t that!”
Spitfire breathed in, and adjusted her tie. “I do not play games on demand. I play them against ponies who get in my way, Clip, and as you can plainly see, this is checkmate.” She held out a document. “This bears her majesty’s seal. Let’s see… ooh, control over budget. Wow. That’s a nice little thing she added in for me, you know.”
“This is unacceptable.”
“You can see yourself out.” Spitfire nearly snarled. “You have pitted two of Cloudsdale’s strongest assets against one another, damaged pegasus image, drained valuable resources, wasted my time, and worst of all, you have annoyed me. Goodbye.”
As Clip retreated for the last time, Spitfire leaned back into her chair, breathing a long sigh of relief. Vector gave her a small look, a cautious one. Spitfire smirked. This was as much for Vector’s benefit as it was for Clip.
“Glad to see everything works out for you,” Vector said, appearing a little shaken by Spitfire’s sudden and brutal putting down of Clip, even if the waste of space had been their true opponent.
“Always.” She looked at her in-tray. “I’ll get Soarin to throw out everything from the EIA to celebrate.” She opened her drawer, and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Want some?”
Vector sat down opposite Spitfire. “After seeing Clip Busy’s face? I could hardly refuse.”
The captain smiled. Everything was coming up Spitfire. Vector was a part of the Wonderbolts now, the jet was hers, and the Wonderbolts future was more secure than ever before. She had control over the fastest machine in the world as well as the fastest ponies. Cloudsdale’s image was secure and in a way that was inclusive and progressive, not stifling. Funding wouldn’t be a problem with Twilight aiming to support the sciences, and realistically, the Wonderbolts wouldn’t struggle either thanks to the endless contests they could win that the jet and similar machines simply couldn’t practically compete in.
If you couldn’t beat them, get them to join you. Spitfire had done it for Rainbow Dash, and now, she had done it for Vector and the jet. Mach could come along too, if he wanted. Who cared? She’d make him a commander; finally give him a title so ponies would take him seriously.
Integrate and evolve. Adapt and overcome. If chess didn’t work, change the board.
Perhaps Spitfire would remain captain a little longer… so long as it was fun. And for when it wasn’t…
Spitfire eyed a list of potential replacements she had lying on her desk. On top of the pile was Rainbow’s name. She snorted. Well, she’d have to demonstrate a little more stability, perhaps… but maybe someday.
Spitfire poured herself and Vector a glass of wine.
“To victory.”
“To a long lasting partnership.”
Spitfire chuckled as she guzzled on her wine. “Same thing, really.”
Rainbow Dash lay down on the grass, the picnic next to her going on rather comfortably despite the intense pain in her wings… and her core, and her legs, and her neck for some reason…
“I’m sorry I’ve been kept busy,” Twilight Sparkle told her. “I suppose I thought everypony else was adjusting, and I didn’t want to mess with that too much…” She tilted her head, smiling sadly. “I should have known once I realised you weren’t sending letters as regularly.”
Rainbow closed her eyes. “It’s okay. I… I kinda suck at talking.” She groaned as she rolled onto her side. “And thanks… for the message.”
Twilight smiled. Applejack handed Rainbow Dash a tankard of cider as the noon sun beat down on the small gathering. “You’re welcome.”
“How did you know I was going to be that high up?”
“Crystal ball, of course,” she replied with a little smile. “I actually was quite surprised. If you had been anything other than a pegasus, I’m fairly confident your brain should have leaked out of your ears…”
Applejack nudged Rainbow, causing a jolt of pain to shoot through her side. “Ain’t no chance of that happenin’... her skull’s too thick and her brain too small.”
“Hey…”
“What about the jet?” Applejack asked. “I can’t imagine it’d just… go away.”
“Spitfire assures me that she has it handled,” Twilight said. “She’s quite a devious pony, I think.”
Rainbow nodded. “Too devious! She’s got more plans than I have hairs!”
Applejack and Twilight both giggled. It was true. Rainbow wondered what it’d be like if ever she had to actually compete against Spitfire… properly. With conflicting interests…
It wasn’t a pretty picture.
Rainbow felt Applejack lie down next to her, her soft fur rubbing against her own. With Twilight there as well, and knowing that all her friends were still paying attention… were still connected to her… she felt whole.
She couldn’t believe that, a while ago, she hadn’t been enjoying flying. Now, she felt like she enjoyed it more than ever.
Life was good… at last.
Things would have been different if Applejack hadn’t been there. She might not have made it this far at all… at every step along the way, Applejack had been a constant support.
She felt herself drift off to sleep again. She had been sleeping a lot more after the race… who could blame her?
“Thanks, guys…” she muttered. “I’m just gonna nap for a bit now…”
Rainbow was jolted awake by Applejack pulling at her wing. “Now hold up there, partner. I’ve got something to show you.”
Rainbow, puzzled, got to her hooves. “What?”
She was pointed towards the East, towards Ponyville. Rainbow strained her eyes, looking at the buildings that made up the town, from the large colourful staples of the community such as the town hall, the school, and Sugarcube Corner, to the little houses, getting smaller and smaller as they reached the edges of the town, becoming little more than cottages.
“It’s Ponyville,” Rainbow pointed out. She gave Applejack an unimpressed look. “I’ve seen Ponyville before, you know.”
Applejack pointed towards one of the cottages, not far away, nestled neatly between one of the paths leading to town and the orchard. “I wanted to bring this up when we were in Cloudsdale… Rarity said that I should… but I didn’t really find a good time, what with… well, everything.” She smiled. “I was talkin’ to the folks at the town hall and I can easily afford that little cottage now that the Apple Family has come into a little money, especially if you help out with your Wonderbolt salary.”
Rainbow stared at the cottage. Was Applejack suggesting she move out of the farmhouse? She felt her heart leap. It’d be better than moving into her old cloud-house… less risk of magic malfunction… but Rainbow never really thought, not really that Applejack would even consider moving out of her old home.
“Really?” Rainbow asked. She pictured not feeling like she was perpetually in the way, and liked it. “We could live there?”
“Well, it ain’t like we take up much space…”
Rainbow chuckled.
“I think it looks like a lovely little place,” Twilight said. “I’d also be very happy to pitch in if there’s ever a struggle regarding price… although by the sounds of it, you’ve got that covered.”
“That’d be so awesome!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I can’t wait.”
Can’t wait...
Fin
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Excellent. This was a fun ride.
I do like the idea of combining pegasus magic with the new jet technology.
I envisage a miniaturised version of the jet engine, possibly combined with unicorn space expansion charms to create a set of rear hoof boots, that when in flight expand out into twin jet turbines, Strike Witch style, allowing a pegasus to go far faster than they can on their own wings. The excess thaumic power for the jet power plant is fed into the pegasus's own thaumic field, allowing them to shape and amplify their weather manipulation abilities to form windshields for hypersonic flight, or an air pocket at high altitude where there's no longer enough air to breathe.
The ultimate goal would be to add some sort of dimensionally expanded propellant tank, and a mode where the jet becomes a pure rocket. Or directly use the inertial and gravity control aspect of pegaus magic directly to create some sort of reactionless thruster. The goal to allow pegasi to fly into space (seriously, Rainbow Dash once took a right angle turn at super-sonic speed, there's inertial control involved) .
10108285 Obviously one of the major complications is that the jet has to find a way to exist in a world with magic. The reason Vector was trying to get it to fly faster than the Wonderbolts was to make a big splash, but as far as transport and military goes, I would argue that a jet engine as it exists in our world actually isn't all that effective... It needs a runway, lots of fuel, a highly trained (and rare!) pilot, it's larger, more maintenance heavy, requires massive amounts of infrastructure, and in many ways would limit what a pegasus can do in the air (such as weather manipulation and tight manoeuvrability, which is displayed here). A fighter jet (I modelled this jet after one of the more advanced versions we have on Earth, which is capable of flying three times the speed of sound... many jets cannot do this) may simply not be able to compete practically with pegasi, who are far more versatile, require way less infrastructure and maintenance, have the potential to perform extraordinary magical feats (such as Rainbow Dash; she may be a one-in-a-million but she is an example of extraordinary pegasus ability that, because of how magic is represented in MLP, can in many instances transcend conventional technology) and most importantly, are way cheaper. The argument of which is more useful militarily will likely also be context dependant, as I'd argue that a team of pegasi being able to throw a tornado at an enemy position is outrageously potent (especially considering they can do that with basically no prep, ammunition, or whatever) compared to a jet, but in a dogfight, it seems clear (to me) that the average pegasus is going to be outmatched by a fighter plane.
This doesn't negate the advantages a jet might post in some situations, particularly when it is applied in a manner sensible in-universe (which as a racing tool I'd argue it is not), but in my opinion it's a far more nuanced prospect than simply tech > pegasi or vice versa, which is why in the end Spitfire does what we do in real life with new tech that competes with existing methods (as opposed to a complete paradigm shift): incorporate new advances into existing systems. How we don't yet know; that will very much be up to Spitfire and Vector.
It's a bit of a complicated topic and frankly, there may not be a straightforward answer that doesn't involve embracing ambiguity, but I hope you enjoyed my interpretation of it, and I hope that it might encourage people to form their own opinions on the matter! One thing I wanted to see was whether people would take the jet's side, or the pegasi's... or both!
10110839 I think Equestria has a very interesting technological future to it; it's anachronistic at the best of times, but there are many weird examples of the universe that lend itself to fascinating technological advances that would be impossible in our universe. It'd be nice to see more examples of folks writing about tech and magic in Equestria in a way that's still compliant with what the universe offers, whilst introducing new elements! : )
10111815 Apart from the combination idea, I have another scenario where jet technology would complement the existing pegasi abilities.
Tilt-engine jets or turbo-fans derived from the jet technology, possibly combined with whatever levitation magic they use to make carts fly (and there must be some, even if it's just extending the pegasus's own magic into the cart, or they'd hang straight down) would make for a capable VTOL cargo transport. Something that could carry far heavier loads than a pegasus chariot or cart over longer distances, far faster than an airship, and with a smaller and less vulnerable footprint.
The warfighting applications are obvious. The Wonderbolts might not have the logistical tail a modern mechanised cavalry batallion needs, but they still neeed to eat and forage isn't always available. A single jet transport could replace several flying carts with food and other necessities and not slow the Wonderbolts down. Or in EUP combined operations, you no longer have to detail some of your pegasus strength to tow flying chariots for your earth pony infantry and unicorn mage support.
Peaceful applications include disaster relief and search and rescue. A pegasus might be able to swoop down and pluck an earth pony or unicorn from a sinking ship or a collapsing building in an Earthquake, but where are they going to put them afterwards? It's not like they can stand on a cloud without expensive magical horse shoes. And once again, and airship is too slow to act as a first response vehicle. A VTOL jet transport could also deliver rescue pegasi to the disaster area, allowing them to save their energy for the actual rescue operations.
That's just off the top of my head, I'm sure there are other potential applications. A mobile command centre or a field hospital spring to mind.
You did a damn good job writing this. I genuinely think you deserve to win this contest, and would seriously be surprised if you didn’t. I cannot stress this enough, Proper good job.
10117780 Cheers boi! Very glad you enjoyed the story. We can only hope the judges agree with you!
Okay. I saw your blog. And after reading the story I’ve decided to give my thoughts on it. I have to mention that this is the opinion of just a reader and not a ‘experienced’ writer. So my thoughts don’t have all that much “weight” and can just be ignored. I also like reading your stuff. Also also SPOILERS.
First off, I really liked the idea of Dash competing against an airship. I think it’s one of the two most original ideas on this contest. And personally I don’t recall reading something similar in an Appledash story before. So bonus points for that.
Epic moments are epic. The way you write the ‘action’ parts and even before that, the build-up the two parties have before the race made me enjoy the ‘off-action’ scenes a lot more. There’s something about your writing that makes this kind of scenes very vivid and thrilling.
On another topic, while I like how you write, there are some parts I think would be better if they didn’t rely too much on description. Sometimes a character would have a thought/reaction and you would explain why he/she feels or reacts like that. Especially while they are talking to another character. It would give more fluidity to the story if they expressed what they felt or thought through dialogue. (Excluding the ones that are purposedly kept for themselves).
Speaking of characters, the way you write Spitfire matches the way I would see her as the Wonderbolts’ chief. Her vision of the world and the way she thinks and calculates every move she does. Like a game of strategy. The way she speaks too. Her interactions with Vector were really enjoyable.
I like how you added more to Vector’s character and not just have her as the ”story’s villain”. Because, from where I see it, there’s no villain in this story. Every character has their interests and reasons that motivates them to make their actions in the story and none of them are “wrong”. Well, except for Clip, but I don’t exaclty think he would fall into the villain category.
As for AJ and Rainbow Dash, there were some parts I had to reassure to myself that they were already a couple in this story. Some of their interactions seem very distant. Like they have just recently become a couple. Normally I wouldn’t mind about this, and just assume that “that’s just how the author sees their relationship”. But seeing that this is an entry for the contest, I was hoping to see more displays of affection and closeness from their part throughout the story.
Finally, I feel like the way you ended Rainbow’s race against the airship was very brief. I think you could add more to it especially now that you have been given more time. Like adding more dialogue, different reactions from the audince, her friends and adversaries, and Rainbow’s celebration afterwards.
I think this covers everything I had in mind for now. I hope your story wins in the contest. I have much fun reading your long words. And like I said before, I’m just a reader, my thoughts can be easily dismissed and in no way I would like to make you feel wrong about your work.
Cheers!
10120998 Cheers, that's pretty helpful!
A lot of what you're saying was to a degree touched upon by my editor, and whilst I did try to address things after their comments, I'm not inclined to disbelieve that these were things that may have sprung up to a reader. In particular, if you have any examples of where I've gone overboard in description, I'd be very happy to take a look (though would understand if trudging through 37K words is perhaps not anyone's idea of fun). I generally quite enjoy my rather verbose prose (I'm a wordy bugger in real life as well), but if it's standing out in a negative way, I'd be interested in double-checking how necessary it is.
Nobody is 'just' a reader, and if my work doesn't get through to people the right way, then it's work that needs improving. You guys may say some weird shit sometimes, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be listening. : )
10121022
I can certainly post a comment with examples of the parts I’m referring to in the upcoming days. I’ve no problem in reading this story again. Until then!
So sorry for the delay. I couldn’t find time to read the story on time, oh well.
I took my time re-reading the parts that I had some doubts with, and I noticed that I missed a few paragraphs and dialogues the first time I read them, this may have caused my doubts then, because this time it doesn’t feel like there’s too much description. It also may had something to do with me reading the whole story in one day. Oops.
I also noticed you added a few more moments of AJ and RD. Well, at least I don’t remember reading them the first time. Did you do it? If so that’s neat!
Man, I can’t get enough of that race. It’s just so well written. I wonder if you did some research on jets before writing this. Anyways, good luck on the contest! I hope you win.
10134312 I actually did add some AJ and RD stuff! Or at least, I tried to layer on some stuff on some pre-existing elements to try and move it closer to the forefront of people's attention. I also did tweak some of the description, but not a lot. The story is pretty meaty though, with a lot of chonky chapters, so it wouldn't surprise me if there's info that gets a bit lost on the first read through (which is a problem, but not one I'm sure I can easily fix...)
Believe it or not, but back when I was still an undergrad, I was very close to actually specialising in aerospace engineering, and took a whole bunch of aerodynamics and aerospace modules. In my final years I changed my mind and specialised in biomedical (which is what I do now) instead, though... I'm no expert on jets or flying in general, but I do have a passing knowledge of the science and stuff. It goes without saying that a lot of what is depicted in this story isn't exactly 100% accurate (especially the pegasus stuff, but I'd argue that they're magic, so they count a lot less), but I've tried to keep it at least credible. For instance, three times the speed of sound is the speed that fighter planes frequently fly at, and neither the jets nor pegasi perform 'double sonic booms'. Potential and kinetic energy also works roughly as I've described it. It's more qualitative than quantitative, though, for the most part. I didn't estimate specific drag or acceleration numbers for this story.
10134317
Dude, I’m not gonna lie to you. That’s awesome. And I get it, putting all that theoric stuff into this story would require a lot. I think it’s good as it is.
Some parts feel a bit forced or require just a tad too much suspension of disbelief, and I foresaw the ending pretty much the moment you introduced him, however given that the conflict/challenge in this story essentially centers around a machine, which is, for all intents and purposes, inanimate, I am willing to overlook that.
It massively helps that the suspension of disbelief only really extends to some physics, and not the characters' feelings and stuff, which were spot on, by the way. I especially enjoyed this Spitfire.
10337336 Cheers! I really enjoyed writing Spitfire here. She was a bit of an unexpected joy to play with.
Physics is always pretty weird to play with in a cartoon environment. Glad you enjoyed the story regardless of my realism-defying shenanigans!
Не знаю почему я обходила эту историю стороной на протяжении нескольких месяцев , которые провела фимфике. И сейчас, когда я решила её прочесть она показалась мне невероятной.
Я прочитала некоторые комментарии под последней главой, которые были явно сконструированы лучше, чем у меня, но мой малый писательский опыт позволяет сказать, что любой комментарий ценен для автора. Каким бы он ни был. Поэтому я пожалуй напишу свой отзыв.
Во-первых, меня поразила продуманность взаимоотношений и чувств персонажей. Не то чтобы меня не тронул сюжет, но то как вы описываете персонажей принесло мне истинное удовольствие. Обычно я не люблю пару Эпплджек/Рейнбоу, но тут она показалась мне как нельщя кстати. Также меня зацепило, то как Дэш переживает расставание с друзьями. Ну и конечно Спитфайр в вашей истории невероятна. Не то чтобы она полностью соответствует моему представлению о её личности, но в большей степени вы попали в точку. Думаю, именно части с ней меня в большей степени заинтересовали.
Во-вторых, я вижу, что сам сюжет был не из простых. Мало кто описывает техническое развитие в мире дружелюбных магических понях, потому что это сложно и зачастую нелогично. Хочу поздравить вас с проделанной работой и похвалить за инициативу. Вот вам грамота)
Ну и в третьих, мне понравился ваш слог. Я часто пишу подобное многим авторам, просто потому что это заставляет чувствовать их лучше ( основном, когда мне негде уцепится за сюжет), но тут я реально восхитилась вашей способностью писать и увлекать читателя. Любой может заинтересовать сюжетом, не каждый сможет удержать внимание до конца.
Я бы могла добавить минусы работы, но этот итак комментарий затянулся. К тому же если я еще и пропишу минусы, то моя фраза о том, что у многих отзывы сконструрованы лучше станет ложью. Поэтому пусть это останется полностью положительным коммеетарием к вашей работе.
Надеюсь прочитать у вас что-нибудь ещё. Успехов и счастья)
***
Don't know why I avoided this story at a party several months spent fimfiction. And now, when I decided to read it, it seemed incredible to me.
I read some of the comments under the last Chapter, which were clearly better constructed than mine, but my little experience as a writer allows me to say that any comment is valuable to the author. Whatever it is. So I think I'll write my review.
First, I was struck by the thoughtful relationships and feelings of the characters. Not that I wasn't moved by the story, but the way you describe the characters gave me real pleasure. I usually don't like the Applejack/rainbow pair, but it seemed like a good idea. I was also hooked on how dash is going through the breakup with his friends. And of course the Spitfire in your story is incredible. It's not that she completely fits my idea of her personality, but you're more on point. I think it was the parts with her that interested me most.
Secondly, I see that the plot itself was not easy. Few people describe technical development in the world of friendly magic ponies, because it is difficult and often illogical. I would like to congratulate you on your work and praise you for your initiative. Here is your diploma)
and third, I liked your style. I often write like this to many authors, just because it makes them feel better ( mostly when I have nowhere to cling to the story), but here I really admired your ability to write and engage the reader. Anyone can be interested in the story, not everyone can hold the attention until the end.
I could have added the disadvantages of the work, but this comment was delayed. In addition, if I also write down the disadvantages, then my phrase that many reviews are designed better will become a lie. So let this remain a completely positive commentary on your work.
I hope to read something else from you. Success and happiness)
10549369 Cheers man! Very glad you enjoyed the story. A lot of what got written here ended up serving almost as a prototype for future stories featuring some similar themes, such as the Applejack/Rainbow relationship in Coming Home and Spitfire in Not My Rescuer, which are both romance-focussed. Even if I diverge from the ideas in this story a lot, I do think it served as a sort of blueprint for a lot of vibes I've been using recently.
It's often easier to focus on one aspect of something, rather than a lot of then. Despite this, every now and then I like to combine loads of ideas into stories like I tried to here. Always nice to see folks enjoy them!
Удачи в жизни!
It’s a perfect story, so breathtaking, so beautiful.
11156078 Glad you enjoyed it! you should check out the other entries to the contest too. There should be a folder somewhere on the AppleDash group.
You may also enjoy Not My Rescuer, which I wrote after this story (they're not related) after enjoying writing Spitfire in VJ.
This was such a lovely story. Greatly enjoyed Spitfire's characterization. Applejack and Rainbow had such a sweet dynamic full of domesticity, and I really liked the exploration of Rainbow's mental health. Adjusting to changes like that would be very difficult, so it was nice to see that touched on in as much depth as it was here.
11838498 very glad you enjoyed it! I liked writing it, especially Spitfire; I even decided to write a whole story with her later. I quite liked writing a character who is a bit of a sly bitch, but is playing for the good guys.