• Member Since 16th Aug, 2017
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Dianabel


T
Source

*Set before the events of The confrontation*
After meeting Smolder´s family, Spike longs to get answers from his past once again. He and Twilight have a huge argument, which causes Spike to run away from home. Twilight and her friends will search for him with the help of Starswirl, who asked Twilight for help on a quest, Stygian, the Pillars and Discord. In the meantime, Spike will meet an ancient Equestrian legend who might have those answers that he´s looking for.

Cover art by Queen Cold

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 23 )

You should link to the previous story. I know you've only written two so far, but it's just in case you decide to write more in the future.

Wow. Impressive and moving chapters, especially the last one.

Great Lion King references.

I wonder who was it that saved Spike.

10201406
I had to. Thank you so much.:twilightsmile:

10200954
Do you mean putting a link?

10202192
You´ll figure out in next chapter:raritywink:

“My kingdom… is no more.”
“It was destroyed, ok?”

How did it got destroyed? Maybe cause by Scorpan’s betrayal, some enemies of Tirek attack it?

I´ll explain next chapter:raritywink:

This is why Twilight will never been in a relationship.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarsh.

Mega Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsh!!

Thank you for bringing the real Grogar in. Ah, it’s always refreshing to see him within a surprise, unlike Discord’s Grogar.

10226140
You´re welcome. He´s a very fun character to write.

Great chapter! Very intense and emotional. There are several typos and grammatical errors you need to correct.

“Nonetheless, we still need to be on alert.” Said Rockhoof.

“Said” should be lower-cased.

“Girls, do you have herbs or things with which you could make a potion? You know, to distract make him sleep or something.”

There should be a comma after the words “distract” and “make him sleep”.

“Obviously you don´t know me very well.”

Again, another comma is needed after “obviously”.

“Says the one who joined my brother.” Scorpan replied back.

“I would never forget my big brother brother´s earth-shaking steps.“

Omit the first “brother” word (Trying not to laugh out loud).

“The ruby stopped glowing and Starswirl to get it and destroy, freeing his tied up friends.”

This should be revised like this:
Once the ruby stopped glowing, Starswirl destroyed it which freed his bound friends.

“But you wouldn´t have if I hadn´t told you those terrible things”

“Yeah” Scorpan replied with a smile.

Both periods are missing at the end of dialogue.

“Tell me about your parents. I´m so eager to know about them.” she asked Spike, as she put him on her back.

Who is “she”? Pinkie or Twilight? I’m sure it’s the latter, but it would be nice to identify who. Lastly...

The reason Discord was so nervous was because he knew somepony was watching them. And he wasn´t wrong.

I really don’t think that part is necessary to add. Remember, show, don’t tell. You can showcase Discord giving evidence of his knowledge that someone is watching him instead of just telling it. You don’t have to rewrite it here in the last paragraph; just omit this part. The last chapter can be a good place to do it. Just a suggestion.

*****

Whoa, that was a lot! Again, I really enjoyed this chapter. You’re doing great, Dianabel. Excited for the epilogue!!

10237643
Wow! I did lots of mistakes, this time :twilightsheepish: but thanks for pointing them out.

Dude I LOVED the story, it was just fantastically written. Good job:raritystarry:

Great job, Dianabel. Really enjoyed it!

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