Argonaut44
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Come on Fluttershy. Discord knows where Chrysalis is. Actually get some use out of that fool.
I hope this gets a good ending
Rats eat meat
10036249
Don't worry, it does!
10038956
That's good
Great chapter can't wait for the next one I hope that Starlight will be able to be saved and would not have falling to far to be saved.
10046271
Thanks! Guess we'll just have to wait and see...
It's getting interesting can't wait for the next chapter keep up the good work
10057959
Thanks!
It's getting very intressting now keep up the good work can't wait for the next chapter
Damn bro, Chrysalis is a top-notch bitch.
Thanks for another good chapter can't wait for the next one. I wonder if Chrysalis is going to pick them of one by one until it's only Twlight who will then have face both Chrysalis and Starlight but i do hope that Starlight is not to far gone and can be saved.
everyone in this story is drinking stupid juice
10135473
Bruh how, I'm lovin’ this story.
I would say i like the story, but too many actions that characters have taken make 0 sense, why would they potentially send a scout into chrysalis’s lair, alerting her. Why wouldnt twilight inform people where she was going, so that she doesnt disappear off the face of the planet? Why would starlight believe anything chrysalis says, if she knows that chrysalis is evil, and obsessed with her?
10146376
Hey, thanks for the feedback. I can answer those.
They sent the scout ahead to make sure the path was safe, he wasn’t meant to go into Chrysalis’ lair by himself, he made that decision.
Twilight didn’t inform anyone else because she saw no reason too, she really believed she could handle this by herself. Also, just for narrative convenience, this story is more about the dynamic between Twilight, Starlight, and Chrysalis. Throwing Celestia or Luna in there would muddle things up.
Chrysalis is playing at insecurities Starlight has had her whole life. Chrysalis knows what to focus on to make Starlight overly emotional and corruptible. And anytime Starlight is being compliant/obedient, it’s not because she truly believes it, it’s just what she needs to do to survive.
Hope that answers it!
Man, i just hope that everything is gonna be fine at the end. I just hate bad endings.
10140541
unpopular(?) opinion inbound, but I'll try to be kinda constructive; definitely got lengthy (my bad):
Alright, let's count some of the ways: Would Twilight not tell Celestia and Luna anything, under such an extreme circumstance, that she's going after a villain as dangerous as Chrysalis (in my mind, she would probably not underestimate Chrysalis after ACW, TWABA, and after this happened)? Would she hide this from her own brother, her BBBFF? Would she not alert Cadance, at least (who would be probably be more than willing to kill Chrysalis already, before this story; more on the "kill" topic later)? Would she not at the very least tell Spike to send a letter to Celestia and Luna that something went wrong, where they went, if he hadn't heard anything back from them for X amount of time, as a backup plan?
At least do that with Cadance, have her be in the know, and be ready to spread word, worst case scenario, no contact for X amount of time? (especially because Twilight has no idea where Starlight actually is for sure at that point in time, which the fact that Luna can dreamwalk means it's at least worth attempting to get her onboard) If Chrysalis got around that method of getting to her, look around everypony's dreams for Chrysalis appearing, because it might end up being a lead (especially considering that in this case, there's a group that are not the biggest fans of Celestia and Luna's rule, so while they might not know at first, there might be a lead as a consequence, and one of Chrysalis' fatal weaknesses is her arrogance, being overly satisfied with her capabilities, so she might forget/neglect to warn them about Luna dream-scrying, even if she personally took precautions).
Necessary Weasel as it may be for the story to work, because "It wouldn't work otherwise," which, fair enough I suppose, but Twilight literally took some of the stupidest/most foolhardy actions possible (when you'd think she'd be more liable to take precautions due to how the situation is dire, hunting down Chrysalis, who has a home turf advantage, in this case, since she must go to an unknown area to rescue Starlight), and she's not who I consider to be an arrogant pony.
Why would Twilight need a spiel or three that she's probably gonna need to kill someone? Under these circumstances?
To elaborate, this doesn't check out to me, in multiple ways, considering. She seemed like she wasn't far away whatsoever from pulling the trigger on killing or seriously injuring the real Cadance (trying to fry Chrysalis' "Fake Cadance" apparitions over her saying "the plans I have for your brother of course"), she went berserk against Tirek, was plainly trying to kill him, not just wound, and it's not like anything stopped her from killing Sombra, and even only going by the first time he died, discounting S9 as a whole, where and when she didn't do it personally in S3, she didn't exactly show remorse that he died, that she was indirectly involved in his death, ever, at least in regards to the show, so it feels out of place to me here.
So with that in mind, why, other than so the plot can continue, would Twilight not be willing to kill, or at least more thoroughly wound Chrysalis, less half-measures taken, under these circumstances? She watched her torture Starlight in the first chapter, she's watched Chrysalis commit murder (both of which are worse actions than ACW [what prompted the aforementioned linked gif], and Twilight's Kingdom, where she very much so did seem to possess the will to kill), which would probably at the very least fuel shooting her a few times in a magic duel, after she's on the ground/blown against the wall, for good measure, in a fit of rage. It kinda felt out of character for Shining Armor and Pinkie to need to tell her those sorts of things, to me personally. Twilight isn't that soft, even if I personally consider Starlight to be more generally willing to kill than she is (under less deliberation/thinking generally, at least, weighing the options), a more skilled and ruthless fighter, even if I headcanon Twilight to be more powerful. (and I'll admit, I've been surprised to see that people think that Starlight wouldn't kill anyone, post-reformation)
And 10146376 has a point, IMO; you'd think Starlight would be less liable to have whatever Chrysalis says get to her, at the very least without mind-control magic aiding her words (which, of course, Chrysalis' ego is probably soothed by doing it the hard/"mundane" way, in my mind). She knows Chrysalis is a liar, she knows she's a vengeful Malignant Narcissist that would do anything to make her life a living hell, so why would she think she wouldn't simply lie to her, even if she didn't already know she was a liar, if she has everything to gain in terms of gratification, in regards to psychologically breaking her down, breaking her spirit? You'd think she'd put more of an effort into resisting her words, regardless of if her self-esteem is questionable. (and for that matter, Starlight is capable of lying too, could make attempts to manipulate Chrysalis into thinking she's doing a better job of breaking her spirit/will/morals down than she actually is. [like, lying at least once when she's asked if she's good at X] Not saying she's "too tough" to be broken down by torture and abuse, both physical and mental, but she's also intelligent.)
Also, aside from actions and characterization, in regards to plausibility, I'm not quite sure why Starlight's supposed to be getting more muscular when she's being both tortured and starved... or why Starlight would be familiar with cooking chicken, unless it's explained that "alicorns are on the omnivorous side," (ponies seem to eat eggs, granted, but that's not the point here) or "dragons like Spike eat meat on occasion;" and speaking of alicorns, I think Twilight feels more underwhelming than she should be, more minor gripe as it is; like it'd be more plausible if she just blasted straight through the door which Chrysalis' lair was behind, after she left the lair.
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely more than onboard for an idea of Starlight Glimmer being tortured by Chrysalis, broken down, or a story that might primarily deal with the aftermath; in fact, I have at least one idea in my head for a S9 AU where Chrysalis doesn't lose, and Starlight has lost everything (Twilight being dead, and Chrysalis would probably murder more of her friends to break her down, realistically...), and she ends up getting away from Chrysalis after a period of time, whether it's a direct result of Chrysalis enslaving her or not, screwing up in some regard, via puppeteering magic along the lines of what's described under "Obey", or something, via a loophole, and say, Cadance might end up taking it upon herself to be there for her afterwards ("Oh, how you're just too good at manipulating alicorns into caring about a worthless pet such as yourself," Chrysalis may say for instance), down the line; of course, Starlight couldn't kill Chrysalis alone in such a case, because why would it be that simple? (Hurt/Comfort is appealing to me, must admit)
It's an oddly appealing thought in the morbid sense, having a powerful character be broken down/damaged physically and/or psychologically, all-in-all.
...but tangent aside, I'm not trying to self-promote, because I don't have much confidence in my ability to write, due to inexperience (afraid to write crap, starting out), and such; my old S6 AU idea that I've given up on year(s) ago was worse, IMO.
All of that being said, I think one of the worst aspects of this story, the thing that's the easiest to fix, is the fact that it's lacking linebreaks, so perspective shifts are much more jarring than they need to be, which here's one below:
I think this was an error, author:
...and it'd be a disturbing turn of events if it wasn't one, to say the least, lol. I think the name should've been "Chrysalis."
Edited to add:
Also, I think another aspect of this story that's more than a little questionable is how Chrysalis is as good at magic as she is.
Her being portrayed as being capable of teleportation is one thing (you let it slide, it's a fanfic, really, it's not an uncommon event, for her to be portrayed as being able of doing such), but for instance, this:
...is an odd ability for her to pull out of her ass, for the purpose of tormenting Starlight. She's not Discord, or, well, Starlight, she can't do that, she wasn't there for it, she can't time-travel, was never shown or implied to have an affinity and/or knack for anything of the sort beforehand (like she can be safely said to not be a stranger to mind control spells, imperfection or not), and this ability isn't properly explained as to how she "discovered it." It doesn't make much sense at all.
Also how she can just shut down an alicorn Twilight's magic via spell, and same for Starlight and the others. It would be one thing if she had horn restraints in use, like a horn ring, horn cap (one relevant headcanon may be that changeling slime can stop a horn from casting magic, and the victim must burn it away), but... Chrysalis is, all-in-all, probably the inferior mage overall to Twilight, Starlight, and so on, by a notable margin, even if she's still powerful; seems arbitrary to give her that ability to "cast and forget."
(Admittedly, I think the above paragraph is more nitpicky than the one above that, less important)
10146632
Lots of good points, let me try and respond
So first I think you’re totally right about page breaks, gotta admit I forgot to add them in.
About why Twilight didn’t tell Celestia or Luna: So I guess this has become a big point of contention about why she would or wouldn’t. It can be assumed that Spike, who knew about everything, would alert Celestia without having to be told to by Twilight, if they none of them had returned past when they said they would. Twilight believed she could beat Chrysalis very easily. I didn’t outright mention Spike being the precaution, mostly because that comes back at the end and it’s meant to be a sort of saving grace. Twilight rushing into things is mainly due to their being a threat of time. The more time she wastes gathering support or making a complicated plan, the more time Chrysalis has to break Starlight. Twilight isn’t being arrogant, just concerned about time and, you could say, overly confident. All this on top of keeping it together mentally, knowing one of her closest friends is being tortured to death.
About Twilight not being able to kill-I don’t think that makes her ‘soft’. Now she’s not naive enough to think Chrysalis could truly be completely redeemed, but was sort of counting on her giving up and submitting herself to justice. Twilight trying to kill Tirek is a bit of a special case. He just destroyed her home and is ready to destroy everything and every person she cared about. It’s a much larger of a scale situation compared to what we have here.
And she didn’t directly kill Sombra in Season 2, and I don’t think she was going to kill the fake Cadence, maybe seriously injure, but I doubt kill.
By the time Twilight is actually fighting Chrysalis, she only gets like on good shot in, and it did effectively wound Chrysalis long enough for them to try and escape and find Rarity. I didn’t spend too much time on it, because it was mainly from Twilight’s perspective. Chrysalis isn’t particularly weak either. I wouldn’t look to that fight by itself, Twilight didn’t even really want to fight Chrysalis, she’d rather find Starlight and Rarity, but sticks with the plan reluctantly because Shining Armor pressured her to. The larger fight in which Twilight has far less restraint happens later.
About Starlight being easily corruptible:
Starlight goes through a few phases on how to deal with her situation. She begins, mostly terrified, not knowing how to process this all or exactly what to do. The best way to manipulate someone is to scare them, so Chrysalis immediately tortured her after she wakes up. Now, Starlight isn’t happy with her situation but knows she can’t do much about it. Until, Chrysalis begins getting in her head. Obviously Starlight knows Chrysalis is trying to manipulate her, what’s troubling her is that she isn’t lying by any means. Starlight becomes more susceptible to domination as she is forcibly reminded of her insecurities. And Starlight is pretending to be more obedient than she really is. It’s really the only way to survive without getting hurt. She’s being treated like an animal, and if she doesn’t comply, it only gets worse. There’s no sense in physically resisting it. Starlight is intelligent, but also highly sensitive. Before she is being psychologically manipulated, when she had a clear head, she was trying to figure out every possible way to escape, but found none, which didn’t help her mental state. Social isolation, fear of her friends never coming for her, and most of all, fear of punishment all contribute to her breakdown. Mind control was a possibility, but that just seemed too easy. Like it wasn’t earned.
Twilight’s goal is to rescue Starlight and Rarity, and all the others with minimal confrontation. She was looking for another way out, because the route they took there was extremely long, and the ponies in the cocoons haven’t moved for a few weeks. Of course, it’s possible, but she’d rather try and find an easier escape route and avoid an unnecessary fight in which more of her friends could be captured.
Now it's getting very intressting. Thanks for another good chapter I hope that everything dose not go accordening to plan for Chrysalis and Starlight becomes to much to handle and I hope that there is a little spark of light left in her and the only way to save Starligh tis for Twilight to turn her back into a foal and raise her. Keep up the good work I hope you will be able to update again soon
Great chapter I hope that Twilight sees Starlight in the next chapter or Starlight goes rouge and Chrysalis can's stop her keep up the good work can't wait for the next chapter
I am starting to wonder if you have something against Starlight. ):
And if she is just going to be a broken pony by the end of the story, ):
Oh dear it's just got real. I do hope that Twilight will be able to help Starlight in the end. Keep up the good work i look forward toi the next chapter.
Thanks for another intrssting chapter I was on the edge of my seat when Starlight had to make that decision this chapter really lives up to its name. Kepp up the good work and I can't wait for the next chapter.
...son of a bitch...
Thanks for the update I hope that they can fix their friendships with Starlight and I wonder where she has disappeared to? I hope you will able to update again soon keep up the good work I can't wait for the next chapter.
This ending is very out of character for everyone
10230990
No offense, but uh... I think you should've elaborated more, with that criticism.
I wouldn't be surprised if you (the author) are surprised I was still here for the end, all things considered, with that long comment maybe one or two people read.shrug...Not gonna lie, uh... I'd have thought there'd be more to it in the end, like showing more of how Starlight ends up processing all of what happened to her, what she has had to deal with in the aftermath, and... there's not a lot in the way of "comforting" (though that's more of a personal preference, with "Hurt/Comfort," admittedly, and I do like the friendship between Twilight and Starlight, and such).
The pacing is... less than ideal, in my opinion, too tell-y (regarding the ending; quite possibly is an issue in general, but I think it was definitely prominent here, regarding Starlight's portion of this chapter).
It also ultimately feels too... unresolved, considering that Starlight ended up being an aimless, damaged vagabond, ultimately resulting in her settling down in some backwater coastal town, until she might eventually end up deciding to see Twilight again, after she deems herself worthy. Might.
There's also the underlying tension that Chrysalis is still out there, had karma bite no deeper than "she failed this time, needs a new lair probably," can still decide to go after her and/or her friends, after finding somehow, someway to one-up them again, and Starlight has at least one less thing going for her now, than when she did at the beginning. (And even if Chrysalis got desperate enough to attack without any sort of power-up, she's still strong enough to get a cheap shot in and possibly be a threat)
She's... practically no worse off than after she was after the S6 finale, or S8, in any meaningful way, except she's perhaps not getting mercy, if she gets caught up with again.
Starlight just... left her life behind, left all of her friends behind, for this ending, which considering her character, I'm not at all sure it feels right for it to happen like this. Chrysalis basically won in a way, in that Starlight's not around her close friends anymore, the ones that we know, to help her through this, and she most certainly won in that she isn't entirely out of the game, she isn't indefinitely incapacitated and/or dead.
To be honest, this ending just feels like one big loss for Starlight. To read about her going through all the pain and suffering, just for it to end like this. It just makes it feel like the story wasn't worth reading with how unresolved the ending feels like.
Thanks for the final chapter. I do feel that there should have a been more of a redemption for the mane 6 for the things that they had said about Starlight. If you do a sequal for this story I hope the mane six will be able to redeem themselves I'am aweare that Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie didn't say anything about Starlight. I hope that if you do write a sequal I hope that Starlight becomes a new element of harmony the element of forgiveness because forgiveness is a major part of friendship and harmony. keep up the good work I hope you will write a sequal in future.
10231122
Totally agree with a lot of what you said
In retrospect, I probably should have killed off Chrysalis to add more to the ‘victory’ aspect. I didn’t because of continuity, but narratively I think that would’ve been better. I rushed this one and it shows lol
But thanks again for the feedback!
10231365
I might do a sequel, that’s one of the reasons the ending is so undefined.
10231246
I get what you mean. I intended for Starlight’s ‘redemption’ to come about in her own terms instead of someone else’s, which is why she’s struggling with going back or not.
The ending wasn’t meant to be a ‘everybody ends up right back where they started, happy as ever’. Maybe that would’ve been more satisfying for the audience, but it didn’t feel like a fit conclusion for me, personally. I still think Starlight got the best version of a ‘happy ending’ that would’ve made sense: she’s free now, and has the chance to find a real redemption.
10231746
Hello thank you for your reply I look forward to the sequal when you choose to write it keep up the good work
Well hot damn nigga, that was a good book.
Problem. The parts comprising the Main6 are interchangeable. That is to say that we could have put them in any other classic adventure scenario and will fit perfectly. While here, we have at least 2 of their relatives who were kidnapped including 1 who was tortured in front of their eyes.
10016100
Discord is not omnipresent. He doesn't know where someone is this because he can control reality. And I'm pretty sure there are rules. Even discard has to follow.
Olympic but caves can be anywhere they don't have to be in mountains.