When i was expecting the final rest after giving my life for my loved ones , I wake up in a extrange and colorful world stuck in a strange and colorful body. And for more grief, im a child . But two kind musicians mares take me in their lives and a second and happier life began
seems promising
9804016
Thanks , today the next chapter
You asked for comments so here you go.
I like the premise of your story but it is a really rough read. The first thing you should look at are breaking up these wall of text paragraphs that tell instead of showing what is happening.
Example:
Could maybe be changed to look something like this:
This is a rough example edit (takes to much time to do it like this here) but I hope it shows how some of these longer walls of text can be broken up into something a bit better.
I have a bit more constructive criticism but I will hold off on that till later.
Thanks for the coment . Feedback is very useful for improving
Looks good
Thanks!
Come on, if Zipporwhill, Bulk Biceps, Pound Cake and Flurry Heary can fly, I'm sure you could too.
10091274
Mighty interesting story.
10092427
I agree. Grammar needs a serious overhaul, but it's interesting nonetheless.
10095420
I'm not a native English speaker but I'm trying my best! XD
10095851
i.pinimg.com/originals/6d/bd/45/6dbd45f3459d1c3323ea3cefe56e7aa1.jpg
10095876
XD no problemo
10095877
I'll still read any future chapters that you may put in.
10096058
Thanks! The next chapter is a very musical one. And I expect posting it this sunday
10096091
I'll look forward to it.
Doesn't sound familiar in the least.
#Easter?
That, however, I can come up with a reference for.
10136747
yes but also no
10136744
thats the intention
Reminds me of this story.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/254824/distorted-fate
Get a frickin EDITOR!!!
Awwwww
I knew it was a fighting song before I looked at the translation. And I thought the first line the guy said in the video was, “hello and goodbye.”
10154721
That fic was my inspiration for starting my fic, I hope to achieve almost a fic worth of comparison
10154797
......yes, you want to do it? Pliiiiiis
10155301
If you have each chapter as a google docs so I can edit then then I could.
10156009
I can share the Google Drive but we have one problem. I write the chapters in my mother language first and later I translate the result to English
10156038
Then send me the translated version then.
10156045
Ok, i Will send you the chapter when is done. Thanks for all
when will the next chapter come out cuz im going
10380946
You like the fic?
yes do continue it
10400588
Hello, I'm sorry but this story is in a hiatus. I don't have the talent writing English for continuing this story in their deserved cuality standard. Now I'm working in a new fic more casual and accessible for me. I ll start publishing when I have at least 5 chapters written. Again, I'm sorry
Lesbian pones have a filly
10502675
Yes
so when will the next chapter come out?😎
next chapter?
10544936
Eres molt pesat amic, quan estiga estará , ostie
10544980
?
I give this story a 10 out of 87
10812562
do continue it
continue it