Anon awakes in a blizzard in Ponyville, vaguely remembering a past life. Anon tries to reconcile his understandings with an enigmatic new world, and Twilight tries to understand her. During this, Anon is given the opportunity to venture to Canterlot under Celestia's offer, and prepares.
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Nice start.
That is a long first chapter.
I like this so far, though some paragraphs seem a bit long, makes it feel slightly blocky. Keep up the good work though.
Such a bizarre start. HUGE intro chapter. The vocabulary level is a bit excessive. Anon is strange, or at least a different strange from the usual Anon. The writing and some of his knowledge tries to frame him as smart, or at least well educated. Then when they worry about him being hungry and cold, they go for ice cream. Not a warm meal, literally a frozen dessert. Then this well spoken individual advises for very brutal and violent revenge on hearing about children being bullied. Sounding more like a psychopath. Not sure what to make of this story so far.
11841978
I'm glad you find the Anon here strange, since that was my intention. In later parts I will do a better job at fleshing out her personality, since not very much happens in this one. Sorry for the length also, my mind tends to wander when writing, but I've learned a lot from just doing this much. The next part I think will be more palatable, less meandering. I do have a plot in mind but it's somewhat secondary to the ideas I want for the story. As for the ice cream thing, when I wrote that I imagined Twilight thinking benightedly, "What would a filly want?" and framed her as more perfunctory regarding the presence of a random filly on her doorstep. She doesn't find Anon overtly offensive but doesn't care for her to be around, since this is sort of implied to be early Twilight, and her concerns lie elsewhere. Hopefully I did okay framing her this way, it was difficult to write the main characters in a sort of early nuanced way. I will spend more time on the next part to make sure the characters are more penetrating. I had originally intended to write this in third person, but decided on second person. I find that it's far more difficult to make broad strokes, metaphorically speaking in terms of detail and pace, with second person than with third, so I need to give extra care to that.
I like where this is going, please continue!
Neat
That title makes me think of a book i read once.
this is feeling really chatgpt given the rather extensive use of multiple high intellect words that never end up being used with this level of frequency and scope in a normal story.
I'm not a fan of the second person narrative, but this story is very enjoyable. I like the characterization of Anon being an intellegent, or at least not be afraid to show . And she doesn't laud it over others, I'm really excited to see where you take this story.
Someone’s been eating their thesaurus flakes.
Edit 3/14/2024:
Obviously you haven’t met me but I’m a colt so there’s that.
I mean, there's also good old magnets. Entire trains run on them.
Starting Go with the full board is a bit extreme. Calm down, Hikaru! Something like 9x9 is perfectly good for beginners.
I understand that this is closer to an AU (and might require the tag eventually), but it seems more likely that she blows all of it on books and weird lab equipment, lol.
"this life", I'm guessing.
"to be done/to do"
"aligns"
duplicate word
There's also a fair amount of word usage that's technically correct, but seems a little off.