The Unswaying Oak

Mystery Stories273 stories ·198 members

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Two colts, Blueberry and Tumble, take a shortcut from their village into Vanhoover, passing by an oak tree that seems to emanate some kind of odd, unsettling aura. They don't know why it's so strange, but Blueberry wants to find out.

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Comments ( 4 )

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Miller Minus

Miller Minus #1 · Feb 6th, 2019 · 1 · · The oak tree ·

Well I'd be interested in more!

You write interesting stories, AM, and they're paced well. Nice distinct characters too, though I think they could do with more vibrant physical descriptions (metaphors and similes go a long way with ponies).

Not that you asked.

No, this is good. I'm interested in what this tree is about, I am invested in Blueberry's timid character, and I enjoyed his interaction with his mother. Vanhoover is a strange choice for a town, since it's one of the largest cities in Canada, but that's a tiny thing.

Cool stuff.

AstralMouse

AstralMouse #2 · Feb 7th, 2019 · 1 · · The oak tree ·

9444246
No no, the advice is very much appreciated! I am super happy you commented, and descriptions are something I feel are rather lacking, so hearing a confirmation is great, so I will try to focus a bit more on that! As for Vanhoover, I dunno, in my mind it's a city bigger than Ponyville but much smaller than Manehattan. I guess I should have described the city to avoid such confusion. I deeply appreciate the input, and I really should work on adding to this story. Thank you for the comment, it's a great help.

Ice Star