• Member Since 11th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

AstralMouse


Ponies ponies ponies ponies ponies. And changelings too.

T
Source

Queen Chrysalis has spent years in hiding. She has been very careful to avoid being caught, but her time spent alone and in constant fear has worn away her sanity.

Cover art is by awk44.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 66 )

I think they all know in town it is Chrysalis. The sad part is that unfortunately she is too far gone and she has had the silly stick hit her one to many times on the head. Hopefully they will catch her as she is fleeing and give her a nice padded room that she can feel safe in.

Kind of feel sorry for her.

Thanks author, you remembered the times I went insane. Bad times I say! Hallucinating and all that.

Thanks author, you remembered the times I went insane. Bad times I say! Hallucinating and all that.

Nice little story. Chrysalis's mannerisms were well-portrayed. The ending did feel a little abrupt at first, but upon rereading it began to feel more natural.

Have a Like. :)

This was an awesome little study of psychotic paranoia. If they'd ever let Chrysalis act like this in the show, it'd be perfectly in character. You deserve a like, and you shall have it.

9439369
Thank you! I wasn't really too sure how to actually end it, and I was also worried that it was abrupt. I mean, uh, clearly it was a story about a pile of rocks, and once they were tragically killed off, it had to end! Yeah...

9439129
This comment makes me feel kinda dumb because it somehow never even crossed my mind that everyone in town knew it was Chryssie. But it makes so much sense, and I think the trip into town was just vague enough that I can say that's totally canon now. Now I just imagine a bunch of ponies saying "Hey, Chrysalis!" and she just twitches and denies she heard it. Even better if she just forgot to use a disguise. Sneaky bug.

9439413
This was very much an experimental style for me, written with lots of editing and rewrites trying to get the tone right. I'm extremely glad it has paid off. Hearing that it feels in-character really means a lot, so thank you, and I am very happy that you enjoyed it.

Given how Chysalis behaves in the show... she lost her mind a looooooong time ago.

Poor queen, too far gone to realize she has minders. Not to watch for her vengeance, but to care for her, the crazy mother (?) to the hives. They are in the city and in the woods, they look upon once-royalty from afar, sad with the realization she is but a shadow of her former (still crazy) self. Poor Chryssi.

Gud, MOAR!

9439129
She probably wasn't even in a pony form, probably still in changeling form.

9439369
Have a Kit KatTM

Very well written. I would not be adverse to seeing more but the story also has a concrete ending as is.

Entertaining.

It kind of reminds of the tv trope often used in cartoons. The one where a character pulls a prank on another, and the other just lets it go and moves on, but the character is so paranoid that they're going to get revenge, that they basically end up making a fool of themselves in the process.

9440481
I was making a joke, "Have a like, have a Kit Kat"TM. You know, the kit kat commercials?

To be honest going into this I wasn't expecting something this well done. Color me pleasantly surprised and take my upvote

Might be deserving of a sad tag.

9441181
That really means a lot to me, thank you! I'm glad you found it enjoyable.

9441249
I had actually considered a sad tag, but wasn't sure if it fit by the time I finished writing it. The tags are rather sparse, so I'll add it. I think the opinion of whether it's sad might change from person to person, but since I was on the verge of adding it anyway, I will now. Thanks for the feedback. Hope you liked it!

9441272
I did. Always interesting to read a story that focuses on the degradation of someone’s headspace.

9440595
I do believe it's called "Paranoia Gambit".

It really shows how much she's fallen. Great work.

9440944
Ok. I was worried it might've been a variant of "Dude, eat a Snickers" and you were telling me to chill out or something.

My bad.

So Thorax can disguise himself as a boulder

9441396
Hehe that would have been funny too! "You're not you when your hungryTM."

not everypony can be redeemed, not everypony can be saved, there are just some creatures you just can't reach......

Truly tragic. A queen without subjects is just a mare in a silly hat, and this one's mind has come to match it. And she simply cannot conceive of anything but what she'd do if the tables were turned: Hunt down the fugitive without pause or mercy. Any better possibility must be a trick, must be a lie, for to believe otherwise would mean admitting just how mistaken she was for how long. Excellent work.

9441830
Okay, at the risk of sounding like a total dork... I've seen you in comment sections and just generally all over the place, and I've kind of secretly wanted a comment from you for a little while now. So, it's an honor to finally see it happen. Getting praise from you has made my morning, and I'm kinda ecstatic now. I'm thrilled that you liked my story.

Would love a sequel perhaps from someone’s else’s perspective but you ended it well enough for it you be satisfying by itself.

This fic feels empty. Like it's a start towards something else. It feels hollow. Even her paranoia doesn't seem interesting. Disliked.

9441931
You do realize a "dislike" on a story is the equivalent of somewhere around at least negative 20 upvotes in how fimfiction's algorithms judge ratings, right? That's not something to be given lightly. :derpyderp2:

I have not actually read the story (yet), I just came across your comment while browsing. Perhaps it is deserving of a downvote, I do not yet know. Just, from your comment it seems you were unaware of how severely a downvote affects a story.

I'm not saying "never downvote anything", I am merely saying "reserve it for what deserves it". :twilightsmile:

9441992
No I didn't know that but quite honestly I give my dislike to mostly bad fics or fics I dislike. I don't just dislike because of the theme except if it is badly written.

Honestly the fimfic feature box allows really random things to enter the feature box and in my honest opinion this fic doesn't deserve the spotlight. I didn't just downvote it because of the spotlight thing. I genuinely believe that if one is disliking things they should say why and be honest. A dislike is not a sentence to death. Opinions should be freely expressed and I should be free to dislike something and say why.

9441931
Hm, I'm not quite sure how to reply to this. Partly because her paranoia is kind of supposed to feel empty. It's not a start to something bigger, but a continuous miserable empty experience, so making it more interesting or giving it some divine meaning kind of seems like it would be forced for the sake of plot convenience. I might be wrong, just your reasons for disliking it kind of show that I succeeded in portraying her situation the way I had intended. A bleak and pointless existence. The implied continuation is supposed to be more of the same for her, just a slow self-induced torture, not like some huge redemption or grand quest of revenge (despite her desire to seek it out).

You're absolutely free to dislike this and despite disagreements that may occur from others, I am grateful for your input. I want to improve my writing, so if this was overall a mistake, I would indeed like to do better next time. I will keep it in mind, perhaps strike a better balance. Anyway, I will personally thumbs up your comment, as I do appreciate all feedback, positive or not. Thanks for reading!

9442062
First. I didn't say that her paranoia is empty I said that it felt uninteresting. There's no buildup to it. It's just there. There's no escalation from a starting point, there's no justification for it becoming like it is. Sure Thorax and the rest betrayed her but from the show I know her to be angry and you show her straight up insane in this fic. It's like going from point A to point B without moving from your chair.

There's a little poem in Greece called "Ithaca" by C.P. Cavafy http://www.cavafy.com/poems/content.asp?id=259 It describes the importance of the journey to a certain place. I am berefit of that pleasure. It's like you describing me your headcanon.

Second. I said that the fic is empty because it feels too little while delving on an issue that feels like it just started. I feel like I went in the theater to watch a good movie... came halfway... and then you yanked me out of it in an abrupt manner. It feels like this fic should have started LONG before this, have had multiple chapters, then end long after this fic. I get that not all stories can be like that, but damn me if it should.

So the reason I disliked this is totally different than what you said.

9441421
He does disguise himself as a rock in The Times They Are A Changeling, and his brother Pharynx does similar in To Change A Changeling, so it is canonically possible.

9442491
Fair enough, I didn't know what you had meant by empty, and you mentioned her paranoia, so I figured you meant that it should have had some kind of bigger purpose. And I suppose it is just a description of headcanon. It was never really my goal to describe the journey, just to try to portray a slice of her life after spending a lot of time living in fear. I mean, I tried to imply how it had happened in the story, and that it was a slow process that took time. I figured that would be explanation enough for her current state, just so I could play with her in that state. I guess it kind of clashes with The Mean 6 Chryssie, adding traits she didn't show there, but it was still a mental state I wanted to explore, and she seemed like a reasonable candidate. I didn't want her to be insane, like full-on running headfirst into walls insane, but kind of on the edge of it. Her obsessions and feelings were rooted in real worries still, just blown kind of out of proportion. It didn't seem like she was unrealistically far from inwardly feeling this way while still outwardly acting like she did in the show. She still mostly has herself under control.

I dunno. This was just kind of my thought process. I specifically wanted to write something short, so I was hoping the implications were enough to fill in the beginning and end yourself. Sorry that I didn't really pull it off well enough. I haven't been writing for very long, so I hope to eventually be able to handle a story like this and still make it satisfying. I know I have lots of improving to do, so I'll try to do better. I'd really like to be able to make something short that hits hard, I guess. This was still a very early attempt for me and much more successful than I expected as far as its reception, but I'm very aware it's not perfect. Thanks again for the feedback, and apologies for misunderstanding your first comment.

Comment posted by Disappointment-Incarnate deleted February 6th

9442814
Honestly you're dead wrong. I won't ramble anymore about it. I have my opinions. I express them. That is that.

I don't "expect" or demand anything. And how suddenly I became an evil jerk because I provided feedback because of my dislike of a fanfic is news to me. People don't often provide feedback for their dislikes. They should and it preferably should be done with as less sugarcoating as possible. I don't hate this fic, I dislike it.

Maybe you should use Occam's razor theory and see that things are simpler than they look.
9442594
It's not that you didn't pull it well enough, it's that it honestly felt short. I understand your need to write this and you shouldn't stop but I just felt that this story delved in a way too interesting and complex issue to last just one chapter.

At the very least I felt like this fic could escalate in like... Journal entries. I'm providing examples here not mandatory guidelines. The journal could have been found when she was caught with entries of deteriorating progressive grammar structure until it's just gibberish. At least her arrest would be a good ending point. There could be other good ending points but you get my drift.

I won't ramble on any longer. Have a nice day.

9441421
I can spot him easy.

9443305
Well you can do that sort of thing when you're family

9442869
Yeah, I don't want the comments to just be this back and forth. I still appreciate the feedback.

This feels like half of a story. There’s no actual plot here, just a short, lacklustre exploration of paranoia. The start needed more buildup, and the ending, while serviceable, is a little... dull? Uneventful? I can’t really think of the word to describe it, but it feels like there should be more to it. If the story had been longer and her descent into madness spread out across a longer time period, it probably would have been a lot more impactful and interesting. As it stands, it’s the sort of short, headcanon-y thing I’d read and then forget about an hour later.

9443948
Fair enough, thank you for reading. I specifically wanted to try to write a shorter story for this, so it's short on purpose, but perhaps another setting may have been better for it. Thanks for the feedback!

I really want more. Fav

I liked this—the obsession over a meaningless pile of boulders is an excellent vehicle to show Chryssie's declining state of mind. I will say that having the narration flip between present tense and past tense so wildly made it hard to read at times. I understand why you've written it that way, but it was still tough to read, for me.

Also, this is the type of story that is begging to be expanded upon, don't you think?

Thanks for writing!

s1

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9439781 9441280
This story remind me of the time when Eggman had a mental breakdown within the archie Sonic comics like here.

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