I Look Back
I didn't want this.
I never meant for any of this to happen... but whenever that feeling—that terrible, horrible, wonderful, beautiful sensation grabbed ahold of me, I just... couldn't... help myself... not anymore.
I tried—for years I tried to hide it... keep it a secret from everypony, my family, the Princess, my... well, I didn't really have any friends to keep it a secret from.
Nevertheless, I somehow managed to keep it hidden for years.
But then I came to Ponyville and my illness got worse and worse and worse. Up until then I had alway wondered—always thought about it, dreamed about it, fantasized about what it would be like... but I had never acted on it... not once.
In that regard, I had a will of iron, or at least... I thought I did. But then I moved to Ponyville, and everything changed for the worse.
Or maybe it was for the better?
No... no it was definitely for the worse. I wouldn't be here right now if it had been for the better. She wouldn't be here with me if it was for the better. My friend... the first true friend I had ever made wouldn't be...
Things had spiraled out of control.
There were so many things that should and shouldn't have been. I should've told somepony about my condition before it was too late. Well... I actually had told somepony.
She... she was like me.
I thought she could help.
I thought we could both work together to overcome our mutual... problems, but in the end, us banning together only made things spiral out of control faster, and I only ended up dragging her down with me.
Now it was too late for the two of us.
The Princess shouldn't have sent me to Ponyville. In a big city like Canterlot, the ponies were wary, guarded—emotionally and literally. This was especially true during the later hours when the moon was high in the sky and the Royal Guard patrol doubled.
In Ponyville I had discovered that ponies were far more open, friendly, trusting... vulnerable. It was the kind of place where you could leave your door unlocked and not have to worry about burglary or crazy ponies invading your home.
Crazy ponies like me.
I have a problem, I can't deny that. Ever since I realized there was something wrong with me, I've never denied it... but I could always control myself, put a strong hoof down on these terrible thoughts and feelings I've had ever since I was a filly.
Ever since the exam.
Celestia asked me to take care of the baby dragon I had inadvertently hatched during the incident, but I flat out refused, something that caught both the Princess and I off guard.
Even as young as I was—even when I still had no idea of the true depths of my depravity, I realized taking care of a baby with the issues that I had begun to develop wouldn't be a good idea.
So I left the dragon alone to be cared for by somepony else entirely under the guise that I wasn't responsible enough to handle such an undertaking.
It was a true enough statement after all.
In the end, I didn't know who it was that raised him in my stead, but at the very least, I was able to spare him from the corruption that had already taken hold of me.
I'm fairly sure I was a normal filly before the exam, but after that happened, something changed. To this day, I'm still not sure what had happened exactly, but ever since the entrance exam I nearly failed, I began to have strange, dark thoughts about the ponies around me.
Thoughts I wouldn't dare to voice... not even now. Suffice it to say that there were several times I couldn't even look at the color red without feeling ill.
For the longest time, I had written it off as some kind of waking nightmare I was having, and the content of those nightmares I kept well hidden for fear of being called a freak or worse.
Many years went by, and over time, the content within those 'nightmares' began to bleed into my waking thoughts. It became harder and harder to push them aside as I grew older, and it was when somepony had pointed something out to me one day that I truly began to worry.
I had been ruminating on my dark thoughts as was normal by this point, when one of the maids I had grown acquainted with in the castle addressed me.
She had asked me who the lucky stallion was.
At first, I was incredibly confused, but then she explained it to me. Apparently I had been wearing a silly grin on my face and she had assumed I was daydreaming about some new coltfriend I had just gotten.
That was when I began to get scared.
I knew something hadn't been right for a long time by that point, but it was only then that I began to realize just how wrong it was becoming.
I didn't start feeling urges until I came to Ponyville.
I don't know if it was seeing all the innocent, happy, oblivious ponies that did it, or if it was simply my illness just gradually getting worse, but something else had awoken in me during my stay there, something I tried to keep under control.
Something I failed to keep under control.
I wanted to tell the Princess.
I really wanted to tell the Princess.
I should've told the Princess.
I'm glad I didn't tell the Prin—
NO!
It was because I didn't seek help in the right places and at the right time that any of this happened in the first place! Now it's too late and I'm about to pay the ultimate price for my sins.
It's... it really is better this way.
I'm a monster, she's a monster, and we both deserve what's coming to us. If anything good came out of this though, it was that I had finally met a pony that was just like me—had the same issues I did, suffered the same as I did.
Savored every single moment the way I did.
Meeting that thoughtful, caring, understanding, wonderful, terrible, evil pony that was so much like me almost made this all worth it.
Almost.
Princess Celestia told me to make friends when I came to Ponyville... and I made a friend.
Octavia... thank you for sticking with me, even now. I know it's too late to apologize now, but I'm sorry you had to go through all of this with me.
I'm sorry that you'll never get to realize your dream of being the Princess's personal court musician, or help Vinyl achieve her own dreams of making it big in Manehattan.
I don't deserve a friend like you.
Those poor ponies didn't deserve the horrid, vile things we did to them.
Their friends and family didn't deserve to suffer such terrible loss just so that we could sate our own sick urges.
There's a lot of things we don't deserve, but above all, there is one thing that we've earned without a doubt, one thing—perhaps the only thing that we deserve.
We both deserve the noose around our necks.
The hatred, the scorn, the contempt, the anger, the sorrow, the horror, the disbelief, the betrayal in each and every one of these ponies' eyes...
It hurts, but I can't fault them for it.
I can never fault them for it.
I'm sorry mom, dad, Shiny, Cadence... Princess.
You were all so proud of me, and I failed you. I banded together with a group of ponies to save Equestria and returned your sister back to you after all these years, Celestia... but it wasn't enough.
I felt the spark, but it wasn't enough to quell the urge.
I tried to make friends with those ponies—made an honest effort... but they didn't understand. None of them understood, and I couldn't just tell them... not like with Octavia.
She understood.
But that's all over now.
In a few moment's time, my life will come to an end, but that doesn't matter. It won't bring back all the ponies who suffered, all the ponies who were left, brutally maimed, mentally scarred... and murdered.
Yes, that's right... murdered.
I'm sure you've figured it out by now, but Octavia and I... we aren't like other ponies. In fact, I don't believe Equestria's even seen ponies like us in... well... centuries.
And they won't see any ever again... not like us at any rate.
What we did, the things we accomplished... we practically made murder an art form. History will see us as nothing but demons, but there will be those that will wonder.
I can see them all now, there in the crowd.
I can see the ones looking on in awe and curiosity. They'll look upon our hanging corpses and wonder what it would've been like to do what we did.
What it would've felt like.
Most of them will not act, I'm sure... but some of them... some of them may just be insane enough to try. Some of them will act, and be horrified at what they've done.
Some of them will find it to their liking—develop a taste for it like Octavia and I have. Most will get caught, but there will be a rare few who won't make the same mistakes we did.
I only wish I could be there to see it all happen.
Like it or not, Celestia, we've made our mark on this world.
We've done things nopony has seen or even heard of in several hundred years. You tried to keep 'your little ponies' clean and free of such terrible sins for so long, but we brought them to bare.
It may not happen for many years to come, but the seed has been planted, and soon, others will know how good it feels... and it does, Celestia.
It feels... so... good, to cut the flesh, to break the bone, to hear the screams. The sights, the sounds, the smells! Do you hear me, Celestia? Can you ever understand how much joy it brings me to snuff out the life of another pony? How much it—
NO!
It's over now.
It's... it's over.
I'm done... we're done.
Nothing will come of this, nopony will follow in our hoofsteps, and with us gone... everything will go back to normal. This... I never figured out what caused me to be this way... but I wish I had never taken that stupid exam.
It will forever be my greatest regret.
My name is Twilight Sparkle, and Octavia and I are the first two serial killers to taint the land of Equestria in centuries, and I can only pray that we'll be the last.
Now we stand together, side-by-side atop a tall wooden platform surrounded by thousands of screaming angry voices calling out for our own blood.
Crying out justice for what we've done as we await the Princess's final judgement. The wooden floor below us has yet to give way, and the noose has yet to tighten, so we are left to watch the crowd and ponder.
I look across the crowd with nothing but sorrow, regret, and shame at what I've done. My eyes fall on my former mentor and her sister, standing atop their altar above the crowd in the back, and I see nothing but cold, hard judgement there.
No... there's more.
My own despair reflected back in Celestia's eyes. I could see the same in my brother's eyes—my mothers, my father's... Cadence...
Cadence won't even look at me.
The other Elements, my other so called 'friends' are there too—well... most of them.
A couple of them weren't so lucky as to get away from me in the end. Still, like everypony else, they have nothing to show but hatred, betrayal, and sadness.
I turn away from it all, unable to stomach anymore of their rightfully caustic glares. Then my eyes fall on the grey, raven maned earth pony mare beside me.
She's calm, collected, stoic, and almost defiant as she stares out at the crowds. Deep down I know she regrets what she's done as much as I do, but unlike me, she has the strength to face her fate with her head held high.
I can see it in her mulberry eyes.
She won't give them the satisfaction of seeing her break. She'll remain as graceful, as prim and as proper as she always was, right to the very end.
A steadfast rock in the roiling ocean of fear and despair.
As I continue to stare at her, she finally takes notice and glances in my direction. For a moment, her expression doesn't change, but gradually, her stoic frown curves ever so slightly upwards into a small smile.
I recognized that smile.
It was a smile of encouragement. A smile that said not to worry—that everything would be alright in the end. I glance at the thick rope still loose around her neck, and wonder.
Just how can she be so strong, even now?
Even after what happened to Vinyl?
That was the last thought I had before Celestia's harsh words, carried across the entirety of Canterlot by the Royal Canterlot Voice, cut through the fervent crowd of enraged ponies.
This was it.
I started shaking.
It started with my legs, then moved upwards and out until my whole body was shivering with fear. I felt sick with it, consumed by it, and my breathing got heavier, faster, more uneven as I listened to Celestia's decree.
I turned to Octavia with wide frantic eyes and saw a face as calm as a summer breeze. She looked back at me and gave a warm smile. It wasn't much, but it did a little to calm my own frayed nerves and I manage to give her a weak shaky smile in return.
We both turn back to Celestia and Luna as the snow white alicorn gives the word. Her voice is strong and commanding, but I can see the unshed tears in her eyes, even from where I'm standing.
With one final command, the ponies standing just behind us pull the lever.
My eyes slam shut reflexively.
An instant later I feel the wood beneath my hooves drop out from under me. There is no time to scream, and in that last second of my life, only one thought crosses my mind...
May Faust have mercy on our wretched souls.
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Merciful emperor...
Interesting how it's told as well, with no actual dialogue as such. Overall it's a nice little one shot.
Well that was haunting. Thanks, but I don't think I need to see how we got here. I believe you are entirely too good at this.
I wouldn't mind a prequel to this
I am loathe to admit it, but I would love to see the sequel/prequel to this. May Faust have mercy on my soul
Interesting tho i wonder how you would handle a sequel would Twlight and ocatavia be involved? Would it be more a prequel that lead up to this? Or something else entirely?
Nice job on this!
(Music pones are also best pones)
I definitely would be interested in more of this premise. You've been one of my favorite authors to write darker stories recently, and I believe that you could pull it off nicely.
Nice choice on Octavia actually, her stoic and upright demeanor could potentially make her terrifying in a prequel.
You're quickly becoming one of my favorite authors in this genre.
i would love to be able to read more of this. if you have the time, could you gift us with more?
Gosh... I'm left wondering... I do wanna see what led up to this.
Great storytelling as always by the way! It left me on the edge of my seat!
Eh
9192328
9192366
9192369
Thanks for the praise on the story, and my stories in general!
It might be awhile before I work on the sequel, but in the meantime you should check out the story that originally inspired me to write this one.
An intriguing story. Hoping to see more of it.
Why do I like this story so much? Every facet of every sentence intrigued me in a sickening way. I love this story. Take my upvote and enjoy insanity!
This needs a sequel
Please make a backstory.
BTW what does the bold text represent? Is it supposed to be some kind of emphasis or something?
9193001
It represents another side of Twilight.
I would actually like to see a more in depth prequel or such to this.
9193014
😈
So is it like her extra evil side or her better side?
9193484
I prefer to think of it as her 'fun' side.
I hope they survive in the sequel.
9192447
Read it, loved it.
Really wanna know what happened, or how Octi got into yours.
9193545
Hehehe
I liked this. Characters being portrayed as serial murderers or something along those lines have always been a personal favorite of mine. That's one of the reasons why I like Death Note so much, honestly...
well damn this was rather interesting to read. loved the way it would told.
9194136
what? seeing them come back from the dead? welli will admit, i had the image of twilights head poping off for some bizare reason but not dieing only being released and escapes with octavias corpse to be brought back by what ever dark magics that let her survive. ... my mind is weird
9225609
I meant, right before they die from being hanged, some ponies came and rescued them. Then, they're on the run and escape to outside of Equestria's borders.
9233478
Your mind went in an entirely different direction than mine did it seems. Lol
Oooh, now this is interesting.
...
I like it.
Concise, to the point, and poignant. Possibly a bit rought at spots. I like it.
The only thing is that I kept having flashbacks to the Secret Life of Rarity. It and its sequels taught me that I can both love and hate a story strongly at the same time for the same reasons.
9371047
The Secret Life of Rarity and its sequels were some of the first few fics I read on this site that really struck me emotionally, and that I got completely absorbed in, so I have a particular soft spot for the series. While the inspiration for this story lies elsewhere, I hope to write a story (the prequel to this one) that can convey the same emotional impact BronyWriter's Killer Rarity series had on me.
On another note, while I'm talking about it, I'm really hoping he finishes his Killer Applejack story at some point. That seemed like it was going to be an interesting tale.
9371093
I'd read quite a few stories that evoked powerful emotions before reading that series but very few hit that deeply and viscerally. I found that level of insight into Rarity's psyche intriguing, disturbing, and extremely uncomfortable. The abhorrence and disgust her actions caused didn't make it any more comfortable.
I love the stories but reading them wore me out emotionally to the point that I just stopped a few chapters into Broken Blossom, and I haven't continued since then. Every time I consider continuing I involuntarily cringe away from the thought. Some day I intend to finish them, but I'll have to, for lack of a better word, brace myself mentally first. "It's time to go over the top, lads. Once more into the breach, my friends, once more into the breach!"
Are you talking about Probitas? I've read what's been posted, but I honestly can't recall any of the actual events in it.
9371148
The story that inspired me to write this one was actually called The Itch. I don't think its very well known, but it's another story that casts Twilight in the role of psychotic killer, and just the way the author presents it makes it quite an enthralling read, at least in my opinion. It has an engaging buildup and a spectacular, (or rather horrifying depending on who you ask) payoff.
9371184
Hmm, sounds interesting. I'll add it to my list.
9371214
Just be aware that story is, and will probably remain, unfinished. Personally, I'm actually satisfied with where it left off, and based on the author's last A/N, I'm not sure I would've enjoyed the direction he'd planned to take the story.
9371220
Thank you for the warning, but I'm unfortunately familiar with dead stories. I rarely bother reading them when I stumble across them unless they really grab my attention or they're specifically recommended to me.
Oddly enough, quite a few stories I thought were dead have resurrected in the last six months or so.
Finding an author who writes pony serial killers and mature dark stories (over porn) as their niche is quite the treat. Looks like I'm going to be poking around the prequel too.
9524409
Thanks!
Hopefully you'll feel the same about the prequel should you decide to read it.
9524729
There is indeed a prequel. If you haven't checked it out yet it's right here. Be warned though, it takes a bit to build up.
9192447 A fellow man of culture, I see
That aside, this was a wonderful little ride, much as I generally dislike any pony story that includes imagery of public executions, for whatever the reason. I'll make sure to check out the prequel, too, thought perhaps it will take me some time to get there. May you have a nice day
Plot Twist: This is secretly just another Pinkamena grimdark.
Pinkie is the most popular for grimdark murder/death. Rarity is a personal favorite. But Twilight? Now this I have to read.
9561837
Glad to hear you're interested! Just don't expect Twilight to go on a killing spree right out of the gate. The sequel (prequel) starts from when she's a filly and there's no actual murder until she gets to Ponyville. That's said, here's hoping you enjoyed her descent into the twisted mare she becomes later down the line.
9561937
Honestly I would like to hope not, unless it opens on her in the middle of work and thinking along the lines of [Record scratch] "You might be wondering how I ended up elbow-deep in a mare's intestines."
(Which would make for a dramedy horror I think ;) ) Background is always great to have, before their descent into madness~
You can has review!
This was quite interesting! Atmospheric without wallowing in it, dark and uncompromising, and yet with a certain heart to it. Good enough to make me want to read the prequel, for sure.
serial killers?
Boy, I was way off in what I was thinking when listening to the story ^^’
Does that inquire that Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie were the ones who survived?