No Way Out

by deadpansnarker

The Journal Of A Desperate Pony

It's over.

It's so over.

I can't believe, after all that we've been through together, things had to end this way.

My friends have betrayed me.

My students have turned their backs on me.

And now, I'm being hunted mercilessly.

Celestia knows, soon I'll be a goner.

But I wanted to write all this down, in case future generations ever ask themselves "Who was Twilight Sparkle"?

Well, you're about to hear the answer to that question.

Straight from the horse's mouth, hee hee!

Funny, no?

NO?!

Well, forgive me for not being in the right frame of mind to be humourous!

I'm in kind of in a life or death situation here.

If you want giggles, go and read Pinkie Pie's last will and testiment.

I'm sure it's full of mirth, she never takes anything seriously!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, recording stuff on parchment for posterity.

Twilight Sparkle was a kind, decent librarian turned student turned princess turned teacher turned victim...

Oops, did that last one happen to slip out?

Well, I'm sad to report it's true.

But more on that later.

Right now, let me tell you what I've done in my soon-to-be-shortened life.

I've defeated foes that nopony else in Equestria would've said I stood a chance against.

I've negotiated peace with species that once hated each other.

I've mended friendships, saved lives, even finished ancient magic spells.

And yet...

Why am I cowering like a craven Fluttershy in this secluded place?

Why is this almighty alicorn so mightily scared right now?

Why do I feel so alone, lost, abandoned and... defeated?

What insidious evil of evils could bring me to my knees?

...That's not important right now.

The point is, that I didn't lose them, they lost me!

I'm doing what I have to do!

Why can't they just accept that?

And now, my former friends and pupils...

Seek to impose their new way of life onto me...

By tracking me down like a wild animal...

And forcing me to reject everything I stand for...

What makes me special and unique...

Well, I won't stand for it!

They can search for as long as they like!

They'll never find me in here!

I'm as safe as a...

As a...

Oh no! Do you see what these backstabbers have done to my delicate psyche?

Now I can't even finish off a simplistic simile!

It's their fault my brain is turned to jelly!

It's their fault I'm cooped up in this cramped stinkhole!

(with emphasis on the 'stink' part)

And it's their fault the world feels like it's coming to an end!

(Kind of ironic, when you consider how often I've saved it)

Oh why oh why did they have to do this to me?

Once upon a time I thought the good days would last forever.

That we'd always be happy,

But as all books have last chapters,

All good things must come to an end,

And now I see how naive those halcyon dreams of a young filly were.

Everything has changed forever now.

We are teetering on the precipice of doom,

And there seems no way of stopping us from plunging right to the bottom.

Those darn fools!

Those poor, simple-minded fools!!

Can they not see what they have done?

They have unleashed a plague of misery upon the land,

Of which there will never be an end.

I did my best to dissuade them,

To show them the right path,

To guide them as to the proper course of action,

Did they listen to me?

Did they heed my wise words and step back from the brink?

Well, if that were the case...

Would I really be frantically scribbling this all down now

As Octavia plays while Ponyville burns?

Ironically enough, the distinctly unsanitary conditions I find myself writing this in,

Are far sweeter and welcoming than the oppressive society existing outside at this moment.

Do they expect me to just conform like all those other hapless idiots?

To just ditch everything I've ever held sacred like so much cheap... something.

Well, it isn't going to happen!

I'm not backing down, and that's final!

As it stands, my present options are rather limited though.

If I can somehow leave my current location,

And skip town unimpeded by my pursuers,

Perhaps I can get help from my old friends in Canterlot

Or my parents can hide me until this whole thing blows over.

What's that I hear you say?

Celestia?!

Reader, you must be joking!

She's the one that started this whole sorry mess in the first place!

I'll show her 'give the other ponies a right to choose',

Well, hate to break it to you, former idol of mine,

But most ponies are nitwits.

If you give them any semblance of power to use,

You'll inevitably end up with cataclysmic, apocalyptic decisions being made,

Like this one.

I have to devise a plan...

Raise up a rebel army...

Or even better...

Make a l-o-n-g list of things I need to do.

My personal autobiography can wait for now.

The fate of this school, and possibly all of Ponykind, hangs in the balance...

If I don't stomp out this culture of blithe acceptance to democracy we've fermented.

Oh sure, it's all well and good saying everypony 'deserves a voice',

But if they know not what they do with that power,

Each individual ballot can become a lethal weapon in the hoofs of the uninitiated,

Which leads to the implementation of...

Well, I dare not speak it's name.

But unless I can put a stop to it's spread...

Unless I can reverse the course of history...

Unless I can stem this flow of madness from seeping into the minds of the general populace...

Then this truly will be the final act,

And the last rites can be read on Equestria as we know it.

Anyway, enough pretentious ramblings,

It's time to start strategising.

As long as I remain undetected in this fetid sanctuary to plot my insurgence,

There might still be a chance for ponykind.

A glimmer of hope.

A shaft of light.

A...

Oh no!

My worst fears have finally been realised!

The 'shaft of light' is coming from the door!

There are many hoofsteps...

Whisperings all around...

The enemy has breached my fortress!

There is no escape now.

No changing the fates that have been set in motion.

No turning back the hands of time.

I will be captured, interrogated...

Forced to watch as countless atrocities are committed in front of my eyes...

But I'll not go down without a fight, no siree!

You might take me, but you'll never take me aliv... Aargh!!

..........................................

As a not-entirely cooperative Twilight Sparkle was dragged kicking and screaming out of the boy's bathroom by a pair of burly stallion caretakers, the rest of the staff at the school can't help but watch on in dismay.

"Honestly, considering all she's ever taught us, you'd think she'd be a bit more mature about being on lunch duty." Rarity opined disappointedly.

"What a lot of fussin', over basically nuffin'!" Applejack said rather more bluntly, as was her nature.

"Even I think she's acting like a silly billy!" Pinkie Pie chuckled to herself.

"I mean, if the pupils opted for quesadillas on Friday mealtimes instead of hayburgers, what's wrong with that?" Rainbow remarked quizzically.

"She doesn't even have to eat any, just sit there and supervise everyone! It can't be that difficult." Even Fluttershy was taken aback by Twilight's lack of courage.

"It's just like the first Hearthswarming I spent with her all over again. Gee, that was an 'experience'." Spike reminisced when his best friend had first came into contact with her most irrational of fears.

"Really? I don't think I've ever heard that story before!" Starlight raised an intrigued eyebrow upon hearing this, and even the other ponies around her who'd known the princess for much longer seemed to agree. "Would you mind telling it to the rest of us, please? F-For purely professional reasons only, of course. As the school counsellor, I am duty bound to know about anything that might impact..."

"Please, you don't need to think of any excuses to get me to talk." Spike smirked slightly as everypony gathered round. "It all started one peaceful Winter's morn, when Night Light came in from the snow and the cold to announce: 'I think we shall have a change from our usual festive fare this year'..."

Author's Note:

Hope you like this little experimental work. I'm trying to write more stories that take me out of my 'comfort' zone, and I think this scenario fit the bill nicely.

Anyway, don't fret. My next story will be a slightly more traditional effort... or maybe not. Only time will tell...

Comments

[Jamin P Rose]

.....k

[moviemaster8510]

How does Kevin Costner keep getting work?!

[deadpansnarker]

8954297 Hey, That Dances With Wolves was a great film! Same with Field Of Dreams. Robin Hood has it's merits, I particularly loved the sheriff. Also, um... uumm... Tell you what, I'm a-gonna have to get back to you on that one.

[moviemaster8510]

8954301
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/143/613/488.gif

[Huk]

You have no idea how close to home you hit me with that story Nice one-shot.

[deadpansnarker]

8954486
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. It's good when you try something new in writing, and your readers say it's paid off.

[Huk]

8954497

No problem - it was nice little thing, especially with the twist at the end.

And as a guy who has to fight an urge to commit murder, each time someone changes some routine - I can fully relate to Twi's pain

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

I had no idea what to expect with the ending. I thought it was going to be that Twilight was upset that they were changing the organizational system in the library or something!

Good work all around

[Starlight Glimmer1]

You had me going there. The whole time I was thinking some horrible apocalypse had happened when it was actually Twilight avoiding lunch duty.

Also

Now I can't even finish off a simplistic metaphor!

What Twilight was making was a simile, not a metaphor.

[deadpansnarker]

8954635
'Simplistic simile'...

That goes together even better! Cheers!

[Eroraf86]

I knew it would be something silly and mundane, but I didn't expect quesadillas. Well played.

[ferret]

quesadillas

derpicdn.net/img/2014/4/19/604676/thumb.gif

[River Road]

I kind of want to see an epilogue now of the various types of fire, destruction and reality-distortions that are left of the school after forcing Twilight to face a large room full of quesadillas.

[FTR2017]

For a moment there, I thought that she was talking about how Equestria had turned into a Communist/Fascist nation through democracy and she was in hiding.

Then the scene switched at the end...

It was genious!

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Now I'm hungry for quesadillas.

[Aether Spark]

little dramatic on how filthy men’s bathrooms really are, Good ending to the story though

have two moustaches

[Jubilee Bloom]

My emotions after reading this:

[Coolmathgamer124]

Dammit, you got me, I thought it was something like she was in the middle of a tirek, changeling, and any other apyctolyptyic stuff outbreak