• Member Since 29th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen March 28th

EqueTitan


Comments ( 13 )

Incomplete and an epilogue? Are you sure it wasn't a prologue instead?

8910897
Thank you for catching that ^^;

8911203
I gotta ask, is this it or is there more to this story?

8911921
Given the fact that the story states that it's incomplete there is still more to come

Comment posted by Phoenixcolt45 deleted May 8th, 2018

8912189
I know that, the way it was written and how short it was confused me a little.

I hope you plan on continuing this, i love storys where spike is the main, but 1 where he's a hero are rare.

8912544
Don't worry there's more to come 😉

OK... I think, no, I believe that I fallen for this story.
Is time to wait for the next chapter (creo que voy a estar ansioso asta que este el siguiente capítulo, y que no lo avandonases EqueTitan :'/)

Pero solo es de tener un poco de paciencia verdad
ヘ(≧▽≦ヘ)♪

If I may say as a retired fan-fiction author reading this, your writing skills are seriously underdeveloped. You have small chapters of just blunt exposition. Informing your audience of the story's context is important, but it would be far more appealing to the readers if the details and contextual circumstances were being told by the characters during the story. The best exposition is always subtle. Your story is riddled with errors, has poor punctuation, and the sentence structure is bad. I'll dissect one of your sentences and hopefully highlight some of the problems.

A group of creatures called Viperichonyc lead by their alpha King Serpinataur had appeared and had attack(ed) the Dragon Lands and manage(d) to make their way to Ponyville.

I'm confused. Are the creatures only called Viperichonyc as some sort of nickname, or is it a group of Viperichonyc? The past tense of lead is led. What do you mean "they attacked the Dragon Lands"? Did you mean the Viperichonyc were attacking the dragon population in the Dragon Lands? Again, I'm just confused. How did they appear? Like, from nothing at all? Was the attack successful? Why are they assaulting Equestria while still also attacking the Dragon Lands? To give you some inspiration, I'm going to rewrite the sentence.

Viperichonyc surged into the Dragon Lands from the seas, invading and overwhelming the dragon kingdom. Attacking in huge hunting groups, the great invasion was ruthless and no dragon was spared. Natural predators of the dragon species, Viperichonyc numbered in the hundreds when they took the skies over the Dragon Lands. The dragons were crushed and beat utterly, now fleeing their homelands. The largest male Viperichonyc, Sky God Serpinataur, now invades Equestria using the same blitz attack strategy he employed in the Dragon Lands Assault.

Please update

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