• Published 25th Jul 2012
  • 7,866 Views, 279 Comments

Random Elements - Stryke



An alternate Mane Cast cross over into the normal Equestia, things go down hill from there.

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Epilogue

Lyra was trotting homewards through the night-time streets of Ponyville. Of course it was always night-time these days in all of Equestria, but it was currently late into the evening going by the clock on the town hall. The streets of the town that she’d made her home were far more crowded than normal. Pretty much everypony had been out to see the magic show and were now filtering out from the main square and back to their own homes. It had been a genuinely good night out, as everypony who had been to see it would agree. The pegasus magician had weaved the illusion of being a real spell caster with both flair and consummate skill. Her assistant, while clearly nervous initially, had quickly warmed up and had dazzled in backup with some truly impressive tricks of her own. Course that outfit of hers hadn’t hurt at all either, thought Lyra with a grin on her face as she trotted on home.

She could just do without the sense of unbearable smugness that was floating around the back of her mind.

“I suppose you’re happy then,” Lyra said quietly to herself, so no other pony would hear.

Very much so, Lyra Heartstrings, the voice in her head whispered back. Lyra couldn’t see who was speaking, but she could tell that she was smiling anyway.

It was still risky. She could have got herself killed casting such an uncontrollable spell with nowhere near enough magic. Let alone whatever could have happened to her while she was gone, Lyra thought back reproachfully. It was a sore point for her which she’d raised often, even if she did understand why it had been necessary.

We did help her, remember? Alone she would have had no chance to create more than a few sparks of the spell, even after we’d provided her the book. And without it we would have been stuck with knowing the identity of just the one and now we know all six. You remember what a fluke it was that we even discovered the bearer of Kindness.

Lyra had to admit that was true. If she hadn’t have spotted the connection between the anonymous good deeds being done throughout the town and the illusive recluse in the old library they could have been still searching for their first bearer now. Then she’d had an unwelcome passenger in her head for nearly a year now so she wasn’t in the mood to be charitable.

And now she and the bearer of Joy are together creating a new bond of harmony. The rest will surely follow now that they all know each other and the dawn will come again. All we need to now is wait, and see.

You’re loving this aren’t you, thought Lyra. Why you couldn’t have ended up in Moondancer’s head...

The voice in her head laughed musically. You were closer and I didn’t exactly have a great deal of time did I? Poor Luna, I do wonder if she’ll ever work it out.

Lyra knew full well that’d been the only option not that it made it any easier to bear. A full-on fight would have devastated most, if not all, of Equestria, so this really had been the only way. It’d just been chance that she’d been visiting her parents near the palace in Canterlot at the time and had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lyra looked upwards to the familiar mare-in-the-moon hanging in the night sky. She knew that she was never going to get entirely used to the idea that her mental lodger’s body could be way up there, but not her actual self which was a heck of a lot closer.

So are we going to be seeing Bonbon tonight?

The mint-green unicorn blushed hard. It was tricky enough charting the course of a still relatively new relationship without having a many millennia old princess with far too many ‘helpful’ suggestions whispering away from the back of your head.

Yes, I think we will. Lyra thought back completely unable to hide the bashful smile at what she’d be doing later. Even with somepony else constantly looking out from out behind her eyes that couldn’t bring her down. She was in love, the sun would rise again, and it was all going to be as the princess had promised. Everything was going to be alright.

Author's Note:

If you reached this far thanks you so much for reading my first ever attempt at fanfiction. If you enjoyed this story I'll hope you'll check out the sequel Random Elements: Coincidences may Happen where Pinkamena, Fluttershy, Sparks, Rock, Applejack and the Awesome and Stupendous Rainbow Dash try their hooves at bringing down the Nightmare Moon in their universe.

Comments ( 74 )

Wow, I managed to finish it and before Magic Duel comes along and messes up the whole Trixie returns for the first time angle too :trixieshiftright:

I may come back and do some proper author's notes and I know some of the earlier chapters still need touching up more, but can I just say thank you to everybody who has made it to the end with me for my first every fanfic. Especially all of those of you who faved or watched or thumbed up or commented. I don't know if I'd have done it without you.

Apologies if some of the resolutions aren't to your liking. Especially the DoubleDash, but frankly I was running out of ideas by that point to give every pony their proper closure :rainbowderp: Why I thought a fic with 13 main characters for my first attempt was a good idea I have no idea but it's all done now so :yay:

More importantly special thanks to RK_Striker_JK_5 and Bronetheus for being utterly awesome pre-readers. Seriously go check their fics out they more than deserve it.

Are you going to make a sequel where the Alternate 6 defeats Nightmare Moon?

1702545hopefully not. I actually hope that nightmare is convinced to release celestia by fluttershy. also I hope that nmm stays in her current form and power after freeing celestia.:twilightsmile: but that's just me.

1702487i'm assuming their's going to be a sequel yes? I shall be waiting.

anyway cheers:twilightsmile:

Your new idea for the two Dashes was indeed good. Dashie finally got her fantasy, and Dash got to display admirable loyalty by refusing to imagine her as Fluttershy. I know they're not together or anything, it's more that Dash is trying to stay true to her feelings and her self. I love that stuff.

Pinkamena's resolution was my favorite in the first draft, but your additions to Rock's scene bumped it to the top. That was a really touching moment.

So, congratulations! I, for one, am glad you decided to have your first attempt at a fanfic include 13 main characters. As I'm sure you remember well, that ambition created a lot of openings for readers and reviewers to rip into. But it gave you just as much opportunity to get things right. By throwing so much out there in one go, you've probably hastened your growth as a writer significantly, simply because you took all the feedback on what you were doing wrong and what you were doing right to heart. Not to say that everyone should just dump the kitchen sink out and see what happens, not at all. If you've got a great idea that you're serious about making good, write it, whether it's an epic adventure romance or a background pony eating breakfast.

Also, thanks for the plug. :pinkiehappy:

I want a sequel. i want a sequel so much just to get to know what happens to these ponies. Do they try to get Celestia back? do Fluttershy get NNM to releac Celestia and they live happy? or do none of them happen.

Wanderer D
Moderator

:twilightsmile: I really enjoyed this fic! Thanks for writing it!

That worked out pretty well in the end.

So :
Loyalty: Rock
Laughter: Dashie
Generosity: Appletini
Honesty: Capt. Fluttershy
Kindness: Sparks
Magic: Pinkamena

Fun stuff.


Overall I felt the story and writing were decent, but the plot was too spastic and frayed and way too much fanwank with the characters. Good read, and thumbs up, but not a "favorite".

1704674 completly agree with you.

1702545>>1702666
1703273

Given based on Pinkie's end and the epilogue I can't see me doing a sequel set in the other Equestria as it's a foregone conclusion that the sun is coming back one way or another and that things are going to work out nicely. I do have very tentative ideas for a lightly connected sequel though in the regular Equestria as I mentioned in an earlier comment. Will see how that goes.

1704674

Ah well can't please them all. Given one of the main reasons I wrote the fic was for some proper fanwank I'd wanted to get off my chest for ages so I consider that a feature not a bug anyway it was tons of fun to do so :pinkiehappy:

Also 4/6 not bad :raritywink:

1706024
Well a possible idea is for the Mane 6 to go to the Alternate 6's world and they try to return home.

1706024O maybe have the portal have a minor back lash/back fire with twilight from the cannon dimention and her friends getting sent to the nmm dimension for a few days to help ease things through. eh:twilightsmile:

1706024

Ah well. I didn't mind the fanwank with the Alt characters, only the extraneous stuff with the canon ones to make them accommodate the alts' development. And a bunch of the lore.
Generosity was pretty obvious or so I thought.

As for the guesses, Magic, Kindness and Laughter were confirmed, I wasn't too clear on Shy and Rock, but I guess they could be switched.

1706049 1706041

Hah, but no. One of my main ideas with Random Elements was to do an inversion of the usual mane cast stranded in a usually Nightmare Moon ruled world but have the AU ponies come to the regular Equestria. So I'm definitely not going to end up doing the standard setup by having them crossover :pinkiehappy:

1706059

You've said that before and I must admit to still being confused by it, as while I did try to stick with the show in the main, when stuff that doesn't come up like romantic interests I've gone with some of the more common fanon ideas. To take Rainbow Dash as an example. The four main takes are AppleDash, PinkieDash (neither of which I'm keen on), FlutterDash and her being completely and utterly clueless. See Five's Company for a great example and probably my single favourite one shot pony fic.

I'll admit I don't think I did Pinkie Pie justice as I know she's got way more depth than I gave her here, but I hope it still works as far the whole story goes. Plus I kinda like the tragedy that she doesn't know just how close she got to breaking through to her other self.

To be honest the only thing I think that's really out there is the Tyrant Rarity bit, and well that's my very favourite thing in the whole fic :raritystarry:

1706813
It wasn't specifically the portrayals of the characters that I had any problem with. I wouldn't expect nor really advise many fics go for 100% show-like depictions. It was more that a lot of the alternative characterization of the canon characters was there primarily to serve the character and plot development.
When you alter characterization or lore to make a plot work better it ALWAYS comes off as contrived.
A character should affect the plot or be affected by the plot, not be compromised or altered to suit the plot without progression.

Also, a lot of the extra lore tidbits you added, like fake wing Cadance, statue ponies, Gilda, and just a lot of the stuff the characters did seemed to just be bits of your headcanon you threw in whether they made sense, worked for the story, or went anywhere. Most of these were completely irrelevant and only served as tiny nudges toward your headcanon, mature themes, or "darker and edgier".

Like I said. None of it ruins the story. Just dampens my overall enjoyment.

1707594

Fair enough. Thanks for the feedback.

CONGRATULATIONS, STRYKE

YOU MANAGED TO END RANDOM ELEMENTS ON A DECENT NOTE

THE ENDING WAS NOT COMPLETELY AWFUL OR INFURIATING ENOUGH TO MAKE ME STOP LIKING IT

YOU WIN

SO PUT THAT IN YOUR WORD PROCESSOR AND FORMAT IT

Ah, alt-Lyra and Celestia. I did not see that coming. :twilightoops::raritystarry:

1709622

Remember how I said absolutely ages back I was saving Lyra for a reason and so didn't want to include her for when Pinkamena was doing her bouncing around Equestria thing? Yeah, this was why dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

1790993

I did grin like a crazy man when I saw that :pinkiehappy:

If one of them had nabbed Trixie's hat to wear I think my head might have exploded from the pure awesome.

Too be honest, the ending was just a teeny-tiny bit lacking imo.
Other than that this story was really good, and for a first story quite amazing.
I look forward to more of your works!:twilightsheepish:

1795405

Thanks for reading and thank you very much too for the compliments :yay:

Would you mind letting me know though what you thought was weak about the ending though as that'd be really useful to me to improve. Especially if it's something fixable, or did you just just feel it was too abrupt?

Feel free to send me a pm instead if you don't want to make it as a public comment.

1795727

Just the abrubtness really.
I would have personally gone with more of a 'having to embrace the elements' scenario before the magic kicked in to send em home (if only to lengthen the end). Plus it would have made some interesting scenes with the normal Mane 6 seeing their AU counterparts control entirely different elements.
Still a very good story otherwise, well worth my fav & thumb-up!:raritywink:

P.S. With how well done the AU characters were I wouldn't mind reading a follow-up of them, if you ever feel inspired to do it that is.:pinkiehappy:

Not bad. Not Bad.

Although Tyrant!Rarity just baffled the heck out of me. Its the sort of thing one could pull from an alternate dimension, but it's our Rarity. Heck, you could have had Tyrant Rarity instead of Rock and nobody would have batted an eye. A total BLAM, to be honest, so it's not too off-putting.

The resolution felt wierdly rushed, like they're just derping along and then POP, back they go. And the Celstia-In-Lyra's-Head thing seems... interesting, but at the same time, kinda redundant in mentioning it. If it were going to become relevant as the Alt!Elements get their biz together and try to get Celestia back, it'd be fine, but as is, it just feels like an idea you didn't wanna let go. Ditto with Tyrant Rarity.

Dash seemed a little quick to snog herself, and Alt!Fluttershy went from asswaffle to nice pretty darn quick, especially during a scene-cut.

I liked a number of things though, Rock in general I found I liked. Sparks too.

There's some good things here, but it's kinda all over the place and a bit rushed in places. I'd probably read a sequel if you made one.
#firstreviewohgodthey'relookingatme

1859593

Thank you for your review. This was my first fic and that was your first review I see so we can learn together :yay:

For an explanation TyrantRarity was a meme on a board I frequent along with a bunch of far better pony writers than me like Clavdivs, Bronetheus, RK_Striker_JK_5 and several others who I highly recommend checking out. Still I didn't think it was too way out there though for the Rarity that we know especially, is by miles my favourite bit of the fic for sheer fun and it does explain nicely why we don't see her going out to look for gems any more :raritywink:

Idea with the resolution is that it wasn't the distance as Twilight had assumed back in the first chapter, but the six doubles having their own individual moments of harmony. What I was trying to convey was each of those moments in the last chapter were happening fairly simultaneously but I fear my lack of craft let me down there.

Umm'd and Ahhh'd over whether I was going to include that epilogue from the start. The main idea of it was to explain a few things about how the spell was pulled out but without being too in your face about it. Still might do something with them though. Will have to see if I can get it into a decent state or not.

Thanks once more for your thoughts.

* takes a deep breath *

I am surprisingly furious. Why? Because THIS bucking story deserves so much more publicity! I have been tirelessly searching for this type of story... for months upon months... and by pure, absolute luck I stumble upon this gleaming glorious gem. *swallows* I-I don't know how this story lacks the "thumbs ups" and-and-

*takes a deep breath*
But I digress... Let me just say - Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

++
Now the criticism.
I THINK this story lacks views, because of the synopsis. It was a tad confusing and discouraging. I almost didn't want to read it, because of it...
But when I discovered that the "alternate versions" would interact with their canon-ish counterparts... I was OVERJOYED!!!
Who doesn't love watching dirty-Rarity or pampered-AJ meet themselves? *me being rhetorical*

Wow-!!!
Additionally, the fact that this story's grammar, vocabulary, and plot were brilliant helped tremendously.

...
Thank you. Thank you. :fluttercry:

PS- I've read thousands upon thousands of stories. I've read over several million words of fanfiction.
I am absolutely confident... without any doubt... this story is a hidden diamond.

1946168

Thanks so much :yay:

Honestly I've never been happy with the synopsis at all. It's gone through several entirely different versions and even the one up there is simply the one that I just disliked the least.

Any suggestions for an alternative would be gladly accepted.

1947084

1947084

The Sonic Rainboom never happened... and Equestria was never the same.
Follow the adventures of six confused mares, as they wake up to find themselves in an alternate Equestria. Then quickly find themselves stumbling upon their canon-counterparts.

- - -
Introducing:
The tough, gritty Rarity. The calculating, money-hungry Pinkamena. The meek, but earnest Twilight. The sophisticated, eloquent Applejack. The comedic, flirty Rainbow Dash. And of course... Shadowbolt Captain Fluttershy.

Let the games begin.

:rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp:
Kayssss, that's my synopsis. Seriously though. This story is a bit too short.
But I'll still watch the sequel.

Best of luck.

I liked the nod to Background Pony, but I also like that I can safely assume that Celestia won't give your Lyra the sad ending that BP Lyra got.

Well, this is definitely one of the best fics I've read on here! Takes a bit of darkness, but it doesn't heap it on, and shows that the light shows through in the end...loved how the characters were so well-written, very rarely did any of them seem OOC. How the alternate Mane 6 gradually evolved in the story was masterfully handled. Great work!

1948405

Harder than it looks isn't it :raritywink:

Waaay to much info on the alternate characters straight out of the gate for my tastes and over emphasizes the lack of the sonic rainboom.

Still did have another crack at it and I think I'm happier with this version.

On the length comment believe me I'd stretched it out as far it would go without snapping as the original plan for the fic was only six chapters (mainly due to being far more focused on Rock and Rarity),

1951634

Thank you very kindly :yay:

Ok, I'm a but confused... is Princess Celestia somehow taking refuge in Lyra?!

1995142

Cadance is yet another side effect of starting writing the fic around Lesson Zero and then finally finishing it off just before Magic Duel. So when I wrote about her having implants rather than being a real alicorn I honestly never thought she'd show up in the show again to contradict me otherwise.

Still I might be doing something with that now. Watch this space basically.

Same answer as to what's going on with Celestia hiding in Lyra's head.

I've been grinning since halfway through chapter 11. This is such a fun fic, I wish I'd checked it out earlier.
Also, is it wrong of me to love the idea of Celestia hanging out in Lyra's head and being a letch about it? :trollestia:

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Would have liked to see more of alt-Equestria (Nightmare Moon and Shining Armor you say? :duck:), but other than that I have no complaints. Nice interactions between the two sets of characters and some awesome and funny moments throughout.
I love For Want of a Nail stories, and the Sonic Rainboom isn't so much a nail as it is a huge frigging linchpin.
Oh, and kudos for not going full grimdark with alt-Equestria.

You blew a golden opportunity for a Fight Club reference in chapter 11 though. :derpytongue2:

I really do love the way Nightmare Moon ruled Equestria... really isn't all that bad. Oh, Moon is clearly a crueler ruler than Celestia was, but she's not stupidly evil and killing her subjects wholesale or anything. Because, for all people want to paint her rule as horrifying, that really wouldn't fit her ambition to be loved.

Fantastic story, I really liked how Twilight didn't put up with any of dark Fluttershy's shit and how you made Rarity the ruler of the local Diamond Dogs. Really the only complaints I can come up with are things that either didn't happen, like I was really hoping for some interaction between Rarity and Appletini but she got whisked away before that could happen. Or things that just got glossed over, like the normal mane 6 telling their couterparts more about what had happened to them, I would have liked to see Rocks reaction to Rarity telling her about the rock their magic had pulled them to as fillies being full of gems. I know its stuff we all know since if we are on this site then we have probably watched all the episodes multiple times, but I still like to her a character put the events in his or her own words. It helps us under stand the character more. I was also hoping for some interaction between the alt versions of the mane 6 and Princess Celestia and Luna.

Great story marred by only one thing. Seriously making practically the WHOLE cast gay really ruins the whole thing. And the random shipping did nothing to enhance the narrative. 5/10.

3096097

Don't want to give much away, but that does get addressed in the sequel :raritywink:

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