• Member Since 17th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen 18 hours ago

ElDee


Person who writes horse stories~

T

In the months that followed the Day of Sunshine and Rainbows, groups who backed the Stable Dweller allied together in spite of their differences to help create a brighter future for Equestria. New Canterlot now stands as a beacon of light and civilization for the rest of the wasteland.

Meanwhile, a born wastelander named Roulette, still rocked by the havoc of the events of Operation Cauterize, must come to terms with the bitter realities of what happened that day. She remembers the days before the Sun and contemplates her life in a changing wasteland. For a mare who lost everything, she can only hope to make something of herself in this ‘new’ wasteland and be like the hero she admired in her foalhood.

Her travels take her to the Outpost 52 on the border of now civilized New Canterlot territory for a bitter reunion with an old friend, but when her foalhood hero's name comes calling again, it brings up painful memories and questions from her wasteland days. What's a wasteland mare to do? 

Sometimes you have to take a gamble...


A Fallout Equestria Side Story
Original FO:E by Kkat
Edited by: Aezaelia
Past Editors: BasicJasioh, Relentless, Shady
Cover art by Jowy
Font by Calistomaniac

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 122 )

Time for this grumpy neighing horsey to turn her life around.

We shall see how she pulls it together soon, hopefully!

Nice start! Well written and engaging look forward to seeing more!

8649877
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback!

8631047
Indeed we shall!

Good beginning. It introduces us well to what kind of pony we are about to learn about and what her upcoming mission might be.

Also points for the choice of timeline spot. I don't see many stories handling the time AFTER Littlepip's adventure. Showing us it wasn't all happily ever after right after her big adventure. Ponies will still be struggling, the Wasteland is still harsh and the Wasteland life still stuck with the ponies.
The struggles with the pegasi now having to live on ground along with the tension between fractions is a good element too. Not too in your face, just a mood setter of what kind of world this story will be exploring.

Looking forward to more.

Ooooh~! Can't wait for Chapter two! Well I mean, I can but, y'know what I mean! I hope this goes uberly well and I'm giving it my support! Awesome so far! :heart:

8684599
Thanks! I really hope you enjoy it! I saw your comment when you posted it not too long ago. Sorry for taking so long to respond!

8677586
Thanks Raven! You know I've been sitting on this story idea forever, so it's a kind of surreal to finally be putting it out after all this time.

Keep hammering them keys, my man!

8715826
Thanks man, I will! Much appreciated!

8751240
Thanks for this huge review post! I'm glad you liked it, that means a whole lot to me!

Another good chapters, furthering the story and already providing more crossroads for Roulette has to pick a direction from. It's an interesting theme focusing on a pony who has more than one path she keeps skipping between. Who does she wanna be? Radar. But who taught her how to survive? Fair Trade. She wishes to be wise, she wishes to be right, she wishes for revenge while wishing to be better. Seeing these things come up a few times already after only two chapters sets up a story about picking who you want to be but also what is right to do. All while also having to survive on terms that doesn't allow you the luxury of choosing.

If I have to make a nitpick... I know it's still early in the story and I'm not one to dictate someone's writing style, but I find the narration style too heavy on narration. It misses a better balance between ongoing thoughts from the main character's pov and the action. It's hard to explain, I just miss a better feel of being right there in the moment. Like the conversation with Cotton Tail would skip between the here and now talk, and the overall narration of Rou that felt like jumping around a bit much.

But I do love the use of the conversation with Cotton to get to know her, get her story, make her no longer just a background cut out standing around. Just to make the sudden loss of her that much more effective. Both for Rou and the reader. Feels like a warning and assurance that things are for real, even characters we care about are at risk of dying and not necessarily has 'main character protection' where you just KNOW no one is at risk.

But these are just my thoughts on this second chapter. Looking forward for more.

8767848
Hey, thanks for the feedback Raven. That's definitely something I've been hearing from some of my readers, and I'm trying to work on that a bit more in chapter 3. I also want to go back and clean up things between 1 and 2 just so it reads more easily. Not change the overall story, because i don't want my current readers to have to go back and reread those chapters. Only quality of reading suggestions, like paragraph flow, word choice, formatting etc. I like the way the story paces itself so far, but I feel that my technical proficiency writing-wise could still use a bit of refining if I'm being completely honest.

I'm working on chapter 3 and 4 atm. Got hit by a number of medical issues in February (which was also a short month) that made it difficult to get words down on a page, so I'm playing catch up.

I could understand it better if it was coconut 56

8890720
Thank you for your feedback. That's what the sequel will be called though.

That was an excellent read!

Roulette has a grudge and got a past with the Enclave she needs to avenge. But does she realize it may be affecting her to a point of delusion? It takes some guts to come up with an extremely arrogant main character, because it's very easy to make them unlikable, but you've pulled it off very well.

Sunny looks like a very promising addition too. A good contrast to Rou's anger, (Rou is a cute nickname.) and again a very well imagined character with great potential. Everything was described beautifully and I have to say other than the occasional spelling error, of which there were only just a few, this is one of the more solidly written FoE fics out there. Up there with the likes of Gardner or Murky Number Seven.

I can't wait to see what happens next in that town! Got a feeling there'll be some fun stuff to come.

8894324
Wow, that's some huge praise! I appreciate the comment!

Thanks for letting me know. I'll take another look back and try to fix them soon, I was doing frequent nights writing up to 4am trying to get all three chapters out by the end of April so some things slipped through the cracks. In regards to Roulette, that was one of the exact things I knew I'd need to focus on when I decided to write her. Arrogant hotheaded characters can get really annoying if you don't do them well, so it means a whole lot to hear that. I think that when you have a character like her there has to be some reason that the audience will want latch onto her and support her goals, otherwise it's highly dependent on the supporting cast. Like in chapter 1, Fair Trade wouldn't put up with any of her garbage and it's clear they have similar personalities. When you're a jerk to people who don't deserve it, that doesn't really get the audience on board with the character. However, I'll still show her as being kind and gentle from time to time, especially when dealing with her family so we know she's capable of being more than one note. I hope this upcoming chapter is as good as the other ones and I live up to your expectations! Thanks for the support!

Why did you make the chapters so long?

Go Rou-Rou show everypony who's the boss. XD

8912292
I'm glad you like it! Also oof, that's a lot of errors. I was up doing frequent all nighters to get all this done by the end of April, so I'm not too surprised that some things slipped through the cracks. Wasn't expecting that many though. Thanks for pointing all of those out!

Red 36, standing by!

Hey, I wish I'd gotten to this sooner! I enjoyed what you've written thus far.

The first chapter felt like it took a little while to find its footing, and it didn't hook me right away, but the second chapter was a big improvement in my opinion; the brahmin Steve was fantastic, the raider attack unfolded in an entertaining and sufficiently brutal fashion, and the conversations between both Cotton and the raiders were solidly worded. I also liked the sighting of the Enclave ships and the effect that had on Roulette. The flashback felt a little lengthy for the middle of a firefight, but hey.

Your descriptions are excellent. I always had a strong sense of place and felt that all the environments so far have been well-detailed. Dialogue is fun and the line "Celestia damned cloudfucking flying turkeys!” was just... mmm. 👌:ajsmug: Roulette's characterization and ambitions have been well-written, though I am embarrassed to say that I'd actually forgotten about Radar until I read this and his name kept popping up again and again. :facehoof: Nice way to further tie it into the original story, though!

I did find quite a few typos, most of them punctuation-related. For instance, in the first paragraph:

“Ugh. It’s bright” I grunted, squinting at the bright ball of light in the sky.

Missing comma! :twilightoops:

Then, just a little further on:

"Maybe I should’ve thought about buying a pair of shades first." I griped, shielding my eyes with one hoof.

A comma should be used instead of a period when a direct quote is immediately followed up by a verb. The correct punctuation would be:

' "...shades first," I griped...'

There were also some sentence fragments, but while I noticed these issues, they were never enough to derail the story. I'm just cursed to forever read like an editor, I can't not spot typos :pinkiecrazy: If you'd like, I can PM you everything I found, since I'd rather keep your comments section free of mundane editing work.

All in all, keep at it, my dude! I think this story has a lot of potential, especially since it's one of the more uncommon post-FoE stories, and I will definitely be tracking it and staying up-to-date!

8930581
Heya thanks for the feedback, I'm glad that best pegascribe enjoyed it! Don't worry there's more to come soon! Also thanks for pointing those out! Oof! Yeah Radar was a character with not a lot about him, that I felt like I had room to play around and give my own take on a lesser thought about FO:E character. In my head, he's a character who's been on a ton of adventures throughout his life, so tying him into Roulette's backstory a bit wasn't too hard since she's just a minor chapter overall. I'm planning to expand on the nature of their relationship as the story goes on. It also makes a nice contrast I think to what's going on between her and the Enclave, vs her childhood hero being a pegasus.

Thanks and sure thing, feel free to PM me anytime.

8946261
I'm slightly embarrassed that I missed so many obvious errors in the rewrites, but I appreciate you pointing those out. I'm grateful for the feedback as always, thanks.

Must say, this chapter already shows writing improvement. The first chapters had a few problems with the flow, too much on the thought pattern which made the feeling of action lacking and felt a bit jumpy at places. This one had a perfect flow though.

I'm fascinated by Sunny's introduction and how this mare manages to get under Rou's skin just right to be trusted instead of cussed out and sent running. Rou is very impulsive and as witnessed in the story, can turn nasty quick if the situation demands it, even if she feels bad after. Sunny balances that well.
It does feel off the way she acts in a world like the Wasteland, even Rou can feel that. But her happy go lucky and sweet demeanor is effective to disarm for sure. Looking forward to see how this goes.

Learning Rou to know better as we read, I do like how she's not a Light Bringer 2.0 like with some other fics. She's obviously acting on selfish reasons, barely excusing them to herself. She's not a hero, just another soul in the Wasteland getting by with her own making-it-as-she-goes agenda, with no saint complexes or gritty dark anti-hero attitude. It's refreshing. She's petty, impulsive, bad tempered and stubborn like a mule.

I also like the detail of the bullet now stuck in her shoulder after that healing potion without risky surgery, in the past chapter. It's an interesting lasting injury. Instead of letting her just heal up without a hitch to resume to full HP with no issues, she now has to deal with whatever comes with an object still stuck inside of her. She can still function, but with the occasional complications. And stuck where she is during what she is, who knows when she'll ever get a chance to have it removed? And what lasting damage it might cause until then?

Looking forward to more of this story, things are still cooking up.

8956248
Thanks for the read, I appreciate the feedback. Question though, did you read the updated chapter 1 and 2, or are you referring to the old ones? I know there were a couple of parts where I flashback and broke up combat, but barring those I ended up cutting a lot of the exposition that was there originally. I was trying to address that critique in the newer versions of 1 & 2 , so I'm wondering if you're referring to the old ones.

I'm also really glad that people are liking Sunny! More to come with her! Also pay attention to that bullet in her shoulder. Originally it started off as a ballistics mistake that Belmor informed me of, and so I treated it as a character building trait. Pay close attention to it though! It may not be exactly what you think ;)

8957307

Oh yeah, definitely referring to the old version of the chapters. Haven't had time to reread the edited versions yet, sorry about that.
If the flow has been fixed to match how it's written in this chapter, they are definitely better.

And oh I shall keep an eye on that bullet and Sunny as well!!

8958026
Lol phew, you had me worried for a second! Yeah, I knew if I left 1 & 2 as is it'd just bleed into the rest of the story, so best to just get it out of the way early on to a point where I'm satisfied. I took all the criticisms you gave me last time and tried to take all of those into account during the rewrites. I imagine there will still be problems here and there, but hopefully a notable improvement ;) I've heard as much from friends and prereaders anyways.

Either way I'm very happy that 3 met your expectations! Here's to hoping 4 is even better~! Thanks for the read Raven, and stay tuned! Ch. 4 is just around the corner, so I'm going to get back to hammering away at it!

I'm not the only one that finds that AJ's Ranger suspicious, right? Seems like he's probing for information he claims to already know, and while no one's called him out on it, he seems like he'd refuse to take off his helmet if anyone asked. He's hiding something.

9267719
I wonder if the gash in his visor wasn't maybe caused by a sniper. Once the pony inside is dead and the bio-metric security spells offline, it should be relatively easy to take his place inside the power armor and use it as disguise...

9276503
It's locked same way as pipbuck, if I recall originsal book, armor and wearable share that part, so you need an expert to reset or service it, with appropriate key.

Finally caught up again! Still a very good story, of course, a joy to read. Can suggest you doublecheck the chapters some more though, the two latest chapters I just read had a few spots where words got repeated a few times. But that's a minor detail really.

I like the continued buildup of the story. After learning Sunny to know and now revealed what she kept hidden from Rou, there are still some mysteries about her even if just by association with her more mysterious father. I like these latest chapters gave us some answers to ongoing mysterious, while still leaving some, as well new, hanging to keep us reading to truly figure out what's going on. How to drive a story.

Might only have one real complaint, and maybe I'm just overlooking something or maybe it'll be covered later on and we just haven't gotten there yet. After such a vicious attack by an ember wolf, one would think Sunny would have been left more scars on the soul. We were all given the strong sense Sunny was from a pretty life isolated from the horrors of the Wasteland until Sunshine and Rainbows, although doing her best to adjust along with the mentioned training given by her father. But still, some things should leave heavier marks harder to hide away with just a smile. Had they not that last potion on them, she would have been dead, and she knew that. That magic only heals the body, not the mind, that oughta be quite a scare to go through. Beyond all the other things she had to learn about how life is going to be like now, where pegasi can no longer hide above the sky away from the Wasteland horrors. And facing death that closely.

Still good story and as said, I might just not noticed finer hints or just need to be patient for a return of those things later. I still adore Sunny as a character, she's just the perfect counterpart to Rou in so many ways.

Looking forward to see where the story will be going as more chapters are added. ESPECIALLY about the whole complications with that bullet - as expected that only lead up to issues and its full mystery as potential plot device isn't reveal yet!

That was a hell of an updated chapter. I loved it.

9462647
Hey thanks! I'm really glad you liked it. Everything was kind of a slow burn up until this point, and it was a ton of fun to write despite it taking so long to finally release. And now Rou finally has at least a better picture of things than she did before.

Must have more, it is not often I find a story this invigorating. Keep it up!

9551775
Thanks, I'm glad you like it! I've been working really hard on ch. 7, shouldn't be too far away.

Great new chapter. Rou's bitter attitude still isnt gonna help her none but we'll see if it changes later on.

9593113
Thanks, glad you liked it! Yeah, she's really cut up about what happened in the previous chapter, hope she manages to grow as the story goes on. Can you imagine her actually admitting fault for once and apologizing?! Wow.

Aah yes! Another chapter of Red 36! Love it, keep it up :D

9593458

If she does there better be a damn good reason she actually does it.

Alright. Alright. You've done it again. Red 36 really deserves the spot in my favourite Fo:E 'fics.

Stop it man, you'll start making the original look like a children's book! ;)

9673515
Truly, you humble me with that. I'm just happy that you're enjoying it!

It's really fun to write, honestly. There are a lot of constraints to writing in this time period and taking into account events from the original, but there's also a lot of freedom to explore the setting and world build a little.

9673645
Aww! I'm glad I could make you feel that way!

Indeed! I myself even started to dabble in Fo:E but due to other things going on in life, it hasn't progressed past prologue and chapter 1 ;-;

The world is incredibly easy to expand upon in some places (but there again, keeping every detail to the original is definitely not easy!), especially well done by you with Ironclad Firearms being Ironshod's rival. Very well done on that by the way, sounds exactly like an American ripoff of some British company or thereabouts.

Anyway, keep it up, and amazing work as always! <3

HA HA!!
I MADE IT, FU*K YOU BAD INTERNET YOU CANT STOP MY QUEST FOR CUTE WASTELAND PONES WITH GOOD WRITERS, NO ONE CAN!!!

You sure have a knack for writing compellig characters!

9678842
Thank you! I appreciate the kind words!

P p p po, p p p po, poker face!

Your story has been advertised on the Fallout Equestria Books facebook page. A page for Fo:E writers, by Fo:E writers. We welcome gratuitous self-advertisement and all things Fo:E. Feel free to join us. https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/

9731868
Thanks a lot for the feature!

Login or register to comment