This story is a sequel to Rainbow Light And Sketchy Clouds 2
Rainbow Light and Sketchy Clouds have been the only blank flanks in their grade for a while, and they are in fifth grade! Fifth Grade! They decide that they are done with the bulling and set out to discover their destinies.
Along they way they may have a little help from the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Hello! This story has been worked on by me and my best friend, PixelMoon. She is the co author, so the story will be posted on my profile as well as hers.
Chapters (3)
You can’t post the same story twice across two different accounts, even if both of you worked on it.
8593670
Okay, will it count as the same story if I change a few lines on mine and add onto the ending of this chapter?
8594181
Yes, that is still the same story. The changes need to be significant enough for it to stand on its own.
8594200
Hm, I thought the rules said that you can post the same stories as long as you are the coauther. I wrote half the story and Puppy wrote the rest.
See?
8594205
I’ll PM you the notifications I get from this story.
8594224
Actually I've changed my version of the story and took out a few paragraphs so it isn't the same story. Plus I'm still working on mine.
8594205
Co-authoring implies equality between the two of you in terms of writing output. In that sense, this rule still applies:
Sorry. Knighty is working on improving quality of life regarding collaboration stories in the future, but for now, the story has to remain on one of your accounts only. I don't want to have to revoke something that you publish that's basically the same story as this.
8594370
... Oh.
I've added a couple hundred words and completely changed the ending. Does that then count as a different story? The ending I've deleted and rewrote completely different. Plus I'm still finishing mine.
8594376
I'll compromise with you on this one. If both of your stories display distinct changes in perspective so as to tell different narratives, then both can remain on the site.
Though that would mean that you each worked on your own stories and said stories would happen to intertwine with one another. That's the best I can offer you, anything else just isn't going to cut it, to be honest.
8594390
Puppy didn't work on mine at all. I wrote a couple hundred on hers, but nothing more. The whole idea was hers. My title and both descriptions are changed also.
8594224
I was the first one to like your story! :)
8626656
Oh yay!
8626850
You are very welcome.
¿Do you mean bullying?
This story has that dreamy feel to time:
¡I love surreal stories!
A large suggestion would be to flesh things out a little more rather than condense every event into a single sentence, give a little more description of the world and what is going on.
Example:
"Just then, a pair of three fillies trotted by the fence. They were heading into the playground, though nopony knew them."
Too little to make it sound like they are important to the story. Dropping the "just then" would also help, instead focus on what the characters are seeing and what the other two are doing. Restructure the sentence to show that the characters are watching, observing (characteristics), where the three are going and finally that show that the other fillies and colts are ignoring them or showing either curiosity or have that "who the hell are they?" expression on their faces.
How it is currently written makes it read like a rushed movie script. What you have written out is a darn good start but you need to bring more life to the world and tie people and events together more in larger sentences.
Drop the divider, has no use since you are not switching time, place or characters only continuing on with events normally.
Good little story showing a child's perspective but add more descriptions.
Not my story and have no idea the circumstances or what kind of bullies you had in mind but here is my attempt to flesh things out a little:
First draft:
"They kept laughing and giggling, talking about inside jokes and what happened in class. The swings were ahead of them by about a foot, and just before they were going to sit on them, two ponies suddenly zipped onto them."
Second draft:
"They continued their laughing and giggling as they trotted along towards the playground passing inside jokes back and forth or discussing what had happened during class earlier. The swing set was not far ahead but when they reached them a pair of ponies rushed past them jumping onto the swings and leered at them."
Not perfect but it fleshed things out a little, now I did not add a description of the two NOR did I state their gender leaving plenty of room to flesh it out a great deal more. Make one blue the other orange, both colts or fillies. You could add another sentence or two on top of this giving the reader a greater view of what is going on and who they are. Since this also has to do with cutie marks you can add that to by giving them unique marks thus setting them apart further from the other characters.
Hope this helps.
8825566
That’s just one thing I struggle with and thanks for your advice.
Thanks I’ll try and do my best next time. It’s still pretty hard for me to put all this effort in. Since your so focused on the character your not really paying close attention around them.
This is super sweet! I always like this kind of story!!
9437601
I’m glad you liked it! Pixel Moon and I worked hard on this story.