this is my [second] favorite thing
_{edit: i remembered my old favorite thing}

Lyra is amazing, and I'm caught on the edge of loving everything about her, and thinking she goes just too far to be unsympathetic and unrelatable. I think the balance works out though, given that this is ridiculous smut at its core, and she has to contrive herself into victimhood.

Bon Bon is also great. I deeply enjoyed the clop scene – I think it meaningfully adds to the piece (more than just being more porn in a piece of porn, so that's already a win), it really helps keep the tone light and on target. It sets up that this is a ridiculous porn world relatively in general, and not just for the crazy supervillains, and if we had an entire chapter of mostly just Lyra being innocently comically incompetent, the transition back into smut might seem too whiplash. Highlighting Bon's character more is just a bonus. Her crush on Lyra is friggen' adorable, but going back to the original point, it can start straining credibility a bit with how consistent Lyra is at doing the wrong thing while we see her.

But yeah, constant constant smiles the entire time, I feel like I've been waiting for this story for half a decade.

(You do have some major editing issues though, most notably there's like four duplicated paragraphs early on at

"Lyra? You home?" Bonny's voice echoed through the house as her hooves clip-clopped up the stairs toward her room.

I don't have the energy to comb through the entire thing unprompted, but it you want my expertise, I love this story so much I'd be on it in a heartbeat.)

I think we repeated the first part in the beginning

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Thanks guys! Not sure how we missed that one! Fixed it now.

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Encino, thank you so much for the feedback! I think we are of a kind when it comes to our opinions in the tone. You nailed it when you said that if it wasn't for this being a ridiculous smut piece it would come off as Lyra being a touch insensitive and unbelievable!

I'm also glad that you thought the clop fit right in - you're right that one of the main reasons for the sequence was to prevent things from feeling too 'whiplashy'... The other main reason is that I can't help myself and love writing clop.

Regarding the duplication error, that one's actually my fault and not my editor... A laggy interface and some hasty copy-paste. That being said I would love to have your eyes on my story if the offer is there... Shoot me a pm if you're still up for some light feedback!

Don’t you just love it when someone says something sarcastically and it immediately happens?
And now Lyra is fuuucked. Literally and metaphorically.

I would think doubling the guys doses of poison to get him to fall in love with his wife again would put him in a stocker mindset or even worse
make him dangerous to her and his kid.
I know what you were going for but when Bonbon asked to use it again and Luna says no it kinda comes off as it would change you.
It just seems odd to me that Luna wouldn't even list one possible danger from a sea of possibility to convince bonbon to let go of this idea.
But that's the only thing that stood out to me.

Anyway liking the story so far and reading that little sjw (forgot her name) moment felt too weird to be in a mlp story... said a lot about our world when its normal here.
lol

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Hehe, not quite yet but it's definitely upcoming! To be fair, she did a pretty good job as an investigator... She found the criminals in a single day!

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You're right that the poison could just have a different negative effect, but what I (through Luna) wanted to stress was that even if it was a positive fix, it raises very troubling ethical questions. In the scenario I've laid out, you're effectively 'killing' the current Captain's love/mind/fate. If you could inject a criminal with a serum that wiped out their desire to do crime, would you? Would you do it if it prevented them from even having criminal thoughts? Would you do it if the criminal didn't want it? Free will is a tough thing!

You're right that the poison could have been just bad on its own, though.

Regarding the SJW, I had fun writing a teasing look at how ridiculous those 'fields of study' are... I am sure such a peaceful society as Equestria would be beset by similar well meaning idiots who are way out of their league of experience.

Anyway, so glad you're enjoying!

This story is fantastic! I think the characterization ist great and even though it is supposed to be clop, I enjoy the non-clop story very much. Keep it up!

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Thanks! Means a lot that you liked the non clop too!

You are severely overthinking the backstory to the clop here. Your editor was right, that scene in the train was entirely unnecessary, as were other large portions of this story, like showing the aftereffects of the love potion on Stalwart, which just kind of killed the mood. You can't seem to decide whether you're writing clop or a huge spy thriller\heist story, and a lot of the sex so far just feels tossed in to keep people reading until you get to "the good stuff." Which maybe would've been fine were this story not based off of a specific series of pictures, and you've put in 20,000 words of either an uncomfortable rape scene specifically written to twist the knife, or random liberal college teens waking ponies up on a train because they're in heat, neither of which have anything to do with the original images. I can kind of see how you got to the first scene in your thought processes, to establish the poison I can only guess is going to be used on Lyra and Bon Bon, but that second half is bizarre, and It seems like the human subplot was only thrown in as a justification to have Lyra included, as opposed to the two already being in a "friends" relationship and that alone being good enough reason to include her, as well.

Originally I added this story because I rather liked your story with Apogee and the developing sequel, but in hindsight I can see the same core problem; you keep widening your scope larger and larger, including new characters and introducing new plotlines that did not need to be introduced. Don't get me wrong, all of this is extremely well-written; but it's not what I read the story for, and including it just feels like clutter.

In short, you may want to take a step back from both of these and consider what you want to write, and more solidly plan it all out. Your editor seems to have a good head on their shoulders. Write out an outline, bullet points or something, then run through it with them. They should be able to help you trim the fat, reduce the number of unnecessary sideplots. And if you feel like you need to add in random clop just to keep people interested in your clopfic, you may want to examine why that is, first.

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Hey thanks for the feedback! I can tell you've put a lot of thought into it!

Actually,this fic is meant to be a bit more sweeping and epic! I always try to push my boundaries with each new fic I pen, and this one's new boundary push was going to be an overarching plot that involved more than just clopfic, as well as dark elements which explored free will!

I actually, do have a story skeleton laid out on this one too! The train scene was always in there!

I totally get where you're coming from with respect to a plotline that expands and expands and ends up never getting closer to the final purpose of the story - I've seen many of my favorite writers do the same!

But this (and Any Landing for that matter) do actually have story skeletons, which both probably have 2-3 more chapters in them. Sometimes that expands out a bit as I often write much more into scenes than I originally planned, but trust me - these are not 'neverending stories' with plot creep!

I could see how if you'd read my earlier stuff you might worry about exactly that, as these two stories are definitely more ambitious, and I could see how you might worry that I've left this one since I haven't updated it in about a month (Any Landing has just been too much fun), but don't worry! That's sort of the point of these two stories: to stretch my abilities and continue to grow, by writing slightly more complex plots!

Thank you though for the kind compliment and well-considered feedback, I hope to hear from you when I've wrapped both stories up - hopefully I'll have shown you that I can manage a true story (versus just a clopfic scene!)... but I have yet to discover if I can do that myself!

I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter of this story more than the Apojet sequel, and that is one of my favorites. This chapter was great and Lyra's characterization was awesome and genuinely funny. I agree that the random clop scene kind of stuck out and agree with your rationale with keeping it in. Otherwise, it would have been like 10k words between scenes. Maybe changing the details of their back story to have more relation to the rest of the plot could have helped.

I just suddenly had a random idea for a "plot related" scene you could have done. Maybe for therapy, the captain's doctors created a sex doll for him... and because he now has particular taste, ended up recreating a very good "mug shot." Luna then has to show it to bon bon as a lead, but it's just caked in semen.

Anyway, hopefully your other mega popular story doesn't overshadow this one from being finished eventually! I'm working backwards slowly through your catalog.

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Wow! Wish I'd thought of that, that's hilarious! Bonny's reaction would have been priceless!!!

I'm glad you like this story... Keep it a secret, but this story is actually my favorite too... The original scene that it's based on is why I started doing this writing in the first place!

Thanks for supporting my work! My stuff is getting better (I think)... Which means unfortunately as you work back you'll probably find that things get simpler and more cloppy! Still, hope you enjoy and leave comments, I'd be interested to hear what you think!

Please sir, may I have some more?

I hope the story didn't come down with a terrible case of Death.

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No sir. Just a bit of delay as I finish other space related things.

8694084 Space related things?

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The space ponyos adventures that had been consuming all my writing time for the past two months, lol

8695104 I sadly don't know what that is

Loves this story so far, can't wait to see more.

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Thanks! I really shouldn't let it stew much longer.

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I agree! This one has potential in my opinion.

A story from the best clopfic writer on this site based on my favourite N0nnny pictures? Damn, this is gonna be amazing when it's finished.

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That's seriously touching! Maybe one of the nicest comments I've ever received, especially considering how many amazing clopfic writers there are out there!

I liked this. I think I will take a look at your other stuff too. Space stuff?

We'll get 'em next time.

This is still ongoing, right?
I'm not a big fan of "shoehorned clop" but I do seem to like the fact it's actually got a proper story with good writing behind it.

Is this history dead?

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Nah I'll get back to it soon! Are you eagerly awaiting another chapter?

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are you kidding right?

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Haha glad to hear that!

Hopefully this story gets completed. I would like to see more. If there's still enough time.

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Soon!

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YEEEEE!!! That's good to hear!
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!!!

I guess I'm back for more. But you're going to promise me you get that poor Guardsmare some fucking therapy after what you did to her! And if you don't?

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This tiny Franziska von Karma GiF will make you pay!

Lyra Heartstrings regarded herself as one of the sneakiest ponies in Equestria.

I regard her as a bohemian Ellen Degeneres.

Sliding back in the closet for more concealment, Lyra felt something slimy on her butt... levitating it away, she caught a quick glimpse of what it was. "Oh ew, Bon Bon... you've gotta clean these after you use them and before you put them away..."

Ugh! I'd expect more cleanliness from an elite spy! No real surprises here from Lyra though. She's basically a staple headcanon of the fandom you can't mess up.

The cream-colored earth pony hurriedly entered her room, completely missing the obvious signs of a Lyra infiltration (such as an ajar closet, mint-green hairs, and a light-gold magical glow illuminating the closet’s cracks)... Instead she rushed to her blinds and pulled them shut before returning to her room's door and sliding the deadbolt lock (a necessity when rooming with a mare like Lyra) closed.

Why didn't she notice all these tell-tale signs if she was prepared to lock her door? You pointed it out so it's your responsibility to explain why at some point.

on Bon took a couple of deep calming breaths, trying to take stock of what had just happened. Reaching forward, she put the small silver pendant she’d just been given onto her desk. She'd just been returning from working at her sweet shop, when she'd caught sight of a familiar pegasus - though one she hadn't seen in a few years now, before he'd swooped down to her. She used to know his name - now she could only remember that it had 'Feather' in it... which unfortunately was fairly common when it came to pegasi.

So I guess she's shaken by something she saw and her guard is down. I'd have gone the other way, having her be more suspicious considering she's about to start doing the James Bond bit. This is fine though. Maybe she's just not anticipating this pegasus knows about her place or whatever.

"Agent Drops," the pegasus had nodded to her before handing her the pendant, "good to have you back."

This is highly subjective but I despise breaking dialogue with a comma and having to see a quote begin with a lowercase letter. It just looks like something a fifth-grader would write.

Continuing to view this Top Secret classified correspondence is a serious offence and will be punished to the fullest penalty permitted. This note is required by law. Thank you."

And if you're a Zebra spy, shame on you! A lady's mail is private!

"Greetings, Agent Sweetie Drops. I apologize for any confusion you may be feeling now." Luna looked apologetically at the camera.

Best Princess is in on this? Perfect! Nothing says stealth like having 18-inch long ears.

Bon Bon watched, shocked to her core, as Lyra burst forth from the closet, slamming her hooves in frustration on either side of the pendant and screaming at the Princess as if expecting a reply, "HUMANS ARE PEACEFUL, NOT DANGEROUS!"

Spoken with all the subtlety on an anti-free speech crusader.

"WHAT!?" Lyra shouted, "Why? I... I could help! I could help you with the human... nopony knows about humans like me! I'm the head of the Human Enthusiasts Society!"

"Lyra, you're the only member of the Human Enthusiasts Society..." Bon Bon deadpanned.

I know that feeling of being the only enthusiast in the society. You just gotta try to make people understand your perfect vision!

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"...and if there's anyone in Equestria qualified to conduct an investigation on a human, it's Deputy Secret Agent Lyra Heartstrings."

Well that was nice of her to give Lyra something to do.

She could teach her all about oppression with some of the toys she had back home. Bon Bon grinned.

Oh to be young and new to writing again! You do have an adorable, if unpracticed, narrator in this story. Also, it brings me some comfort in knowing that even back in 2017 you had it in you to start trouble with the "habitually offended" crowd.

His taupe fur complimented his short-cut black hair and well-cut jaw.

I had this exact-same tic when I was a new writer of excessive description. Siege of Castle Harmony is easily my most unreadable story and stuff like this is a big reason why.

"Glitter? What is it? There's no way we're there yet." The stallion groaned, yawning.

"We're not, but I can't wait anymore - I need you inside me, NOW."

I was just about to say... You've been showing surprising restraint up to this point!

"Glitter - y-you... umnn... you're making too much light!" Glint whispered, pointing out that her blue field had essentially made a giant glow-stick out of his penis.

That's a practical issue of levitation auras I'd never considered before. I offer you kudos for thinking of it.

'That girl must have been a sword swallower in a circus in a past life,' Bon Bon thought.

Ew, dat sentence structure! You didn't need to mention a circus, we get the point!

"Celestia damn it, Glitter." Glint whispered in agony, "you are such a buckin' little slut."

Do people talk to each other like this? The fuck are the younger generation doing out there when they're not using gamer words while playing Fortnite?

(Glitter had dismounted the bench to get a better angle at Glint's shaft and now had her flank up in the air as she rested her fore hooves on Glint's lap) and playfully slapped at the taut, fleshy globes.

Glitter's blue aura re-lit and went back to her rear-end, pushing Glint's magical field out of the way. Bon Bon watched as Glitter formed a small cylindrical magical construct and plowed it into her marehood, fucking herself with her magic as she fellated Glint. Even more surprisingly, she saw the same blue aura direct Glint's magic up to her asshole, inviting the red magic field to play with her backdoor.

This scene is ambitious, I'll give you that. I can't give you any more than that, though.

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"Gl-glitter... slow down. I'm going to-!" Glint tapped on her head to get her attention.

But Glitter didn't slow down.

Oh God, I can actually hear the narrator voice on that second line, deadpanning it.

Bonnie could see Glint's flare widening out and throbbing, obscenely making it seem as if Glitter's neck had some strange bulge in it... he was obviously cumming deep inside the mare's throat.

This is why I use an omniscient narrator. This way I can just say what's happening instead of having to engage in speculation.

A moment after Glint stopped shaking, Glitter withdrew. The long slow process of pulling herself off the thick, long stallionhood culminated with a *smack* and *pop*, as the aftermath of Glint's explosion flowed down the sides of his shaft, which now limply sat in his lap like a floppy thick sausage.

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"If you think I'm going to let you blue-ball me Silver Glint, you've got another thing coming." Glitter whispered as she reached with one of her hooves and picked up the limply deflating cock, stroking it harshly. "My heat is totally peaked, and if I don't get your spunk in my pussy, I swear I'll walk out this door and buck the first colt I see."

Do it on your own dime, bitch. I'm dumping you for even suggesting making me into a cuck.

Glitter's impassioned demand aside, Glint's stallionhood continued to shrink and retract into its sheath, even as Glitter struggled to hold onto what was now a small slimy noodle. "S-sorry babe... you know it takes a few hours before I'm 'back in the saddle'... I'd do anything if I could to speed it up, you know that."

Three hours? Jesus. I'm good for back to back shots even to this day and I got gray hairs on my head. If I try a third one, it's going to take quite a few hours to recharge though.

"Woah woah woah, I know what you're thinking about, but we agreed no spells in th- *hrk*!" Glint shuddered and his eyes twitched as Glitter's blue magic aura slipped around his tailhole.

I'm skipping the rest of this sex scene. Suffice it to say, I don't care what my bitch looks like. If she treats me like that, the only thing she's wrapping her lips around is the fucking curb before I stomp the shit out of her.

Rarity stood up from her table. "I understand, Ms. Heartstrings. And how might I hel-"

"Oh very well, Rarity." Lyra sighed, sidling up to the white fashionista and leaning in close to her. "I'll read you in on the mission, but only because I know you're so good at keeping secrets and resisting the urge to gossip."

That got a laugh from me!

Lyra tipped her fedora

You really do loves memes as much as I do!

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Guess that explains why it's a bit tight in the flanks and roomy in the waist."

Man, she really is courting disaster, isn't she?

"...and then the vile-wretch did dis-entrench the Captain's stallionhead from her toxic, slatternly gulch, which did pour his seed upon the prostrate-" Luna recited angrily before being interrupted by Bon Bon.

This line is pure win. Great job, Cloppy! Great job!

Luna scoffed, "Pony-society has become so prim and proper since my banishment. A thousand years ago my covert-agents would seduce and bed stallions utilizing far more seductive tactics than such feeble rutting - I was the one who instructed them after all. It was a welcome benefit of the job for them."

It's not how I imagine Luna but there we have it.

Still better than the version I read about in the Gordon Ramsay "Kitchen Nightmares" crossover.

"Hey Lyra!" Roseluck smiled and waved as she trotted past Lyra, recognizing her instantly by the completely apparent mint-green mane.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit! It's my girl! My muse!

The goddess of glue! The diva of disaster! The floral, musky sex-scented certifiably sexy earth pony and stallion aficionado herself! Oh, I can already hear the boss music!

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"Hello there Ms. Heartstrings" a middle-aged unicorn yawned as he looked up from his work filling a prescription bottle, "strange to see you here this time of year... are you having another out-of-season heat? I'll go get the industrial-strength suppressant then..." the unicorn, Pill Popper, turned and used his magic to float down a box from the top of his medicine shelving.

And just like that she was gone and replaced by an OC. DAMMIT!

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"No, Agent Drops, the insidious nature of these spells is such that there is nothing to undo... The black magic overwrote whatever the captain once was - that pony is gone forever." Luna had murmured, staring sadly into the cell.

"You can't possibly expect to just turn back World of Warcraft to the last patch of Vanilla. It's impossible!" - Blizzard Entertainment the same year this story came out.

You are bringing this guy back in the sequel, right?

Luna flared her wings and glared angrily at the cream colored earth mare. "I would caution you to cease this line of thinking, Agent Drops. Two wrongs cannot make a right."

I'm not sure I agree but you'd really have to poison both of them to make it work and they'd both be more or less unproductive as individuals. I wouldn't do it either.

Bonnie frowned, she hated trite responses to complex questions.

Luna's in charge; she doesn't have to explain shit.

"There have been many times where I could have changed a pony's fate with force. Criminals, addicts, murderers. When I was young and foalish, there were many times I did. That road leads to darkness, Sweetie Drops." Luna turned away, tears in her eyes. "Forcing the changes against the creator's will, you are destroying fates... lives... all because you think you know the Truth of this world, that you know how everything should be."

If you want to see a world created by force, look around you.

Luna sighed, obviously bearing the weight of millennia of experience. "How could you know if a pony's fate was not to find redemption on their own?

The guy can't do anything on his own anymore. His mind is fucked. So society shouldn't do anything to improve his situation? Is Luna a Randian Objectivist or something?

Or to allow another pony to triumph over their evil in pursuit of a greater good?

I thought that was what American foreign policy has always been? Luna, we can't brook this anti-American speech of yours! Prepare to be "liberated"!

Why stop with criminals? Why not change the fate of liars and the immoral? Change the fate of the disrespectful and disobedient?

This has all been accomplished through decades of institutional control. Sad, isn't it? Can't wait until they start putting anti-racism drugs in our food supply.

THAT is how tyrants begin Agent Drops. The world needs individual free will, not black-magic wielding spellcasters, well intentioned though they may be..." Luna looked down and murmured to herself, almost imperceptibly, "the moon needs the sun."

That was a nice little scene. It's entirely from the perspective of a neo-liberal worldview which is a bit odd in my opinion for a mare from a different time like Luna but it was competently presented.

"Not a good idea." Bon Bon was interrupted by Stalwart himself. He gave a strained smile before going on, "I-I... I asked for these restraints... I get some pretty dark thoughts... I worry I may *hic*, may follow through on them." Stalwart looked ashamedly at the ground, hating that he was so weak as to consider suicide. "I-I know its no excuse to think that way b-but... when I think about wh-what I did to that poor mare... the one who used to be my wife." He sobbed, tears streaming down his face. "I-I've tried... I've tried so hard to feel the love for her and my daughter again, but its just... empty." He was close to crying inconsolably now, "I'm just so-some useless idiot who's in love with a te-teenage cr-criminal's tail. All I can do is hu-hurt others."

Cloppy, you really are a good guy, aren't you? I'm glad you went with this angle.

"TWILIGHT!?" Lyra shouted from the top of the castle library. She never like coming to the new crystal palace, she always got lose in the maze-like corridors, and the library section was buried deep within the castle, making it much less inviting for the citizens of the town to frequent than the previous library.

At least the fandom can agree on the castle being utter shit. That and Kirin being for sexual.

Twilight again pointed at her wings.

"Uh... senior princesses..." Lyra babbled. "Now I need every book in this library about humans, immediately!"

*chuckles*

Your last paper spent 40 pages detailing how you thought a human hand would be the perfect masturbatory tool for a pony mare, for Celestia's sake!"

I see Lyra is a drumfire clopficcer as well. You and Lyra should go bowling, Cloppy.

Lyra brushed her trenchcoat off. "Of course, Twilight. When it comes to humans, I could sniff them for days."

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rubbing one of her forelegs with the other hoof, Lyra looked out at the criminal gang she'd just tailed right into their hideout.

"Uh... hi?"

And then the story just ended. Forever. Without an update.

Well, I can see why people want to see you recreate it. It certainly has some promise but it needs a reboot. Looks like I'm going to update your sequel after all.

Looking forward to working with you again!

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I swore I had replied to this yesterday, but I guess I didn't somehow.

So sorry about that, I've gotten spoiled to the point I'm not treasuring these like the lovely gifts they are.

Unfortunate that you slipped the last bit of the clip scene, as you missed the two dumbasses getting their comeuppance... Though admittedly when I read it back I was scratching my head writing why I had put in the clop scene at all. I think even in my AN at the time I was trying to justify it. It might be that back then I felt every chapter needed some clop.

The latter bits with the comedic lyra sneaking are really my jam, and I'm glad to see you liked it too!

Can't wait to get more of these comments from you.