Caught it on the upload and I must say, I'm impressed so far. It was a great first chapter, and I do believe our villains are firmly established. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.

Thanks bud! Means a lot that you like the opening salvo, it's been fun to write this far, especially the villains! I can't wait to do some of the later chapters where I'll get to play in the scenario you built!

there's a very very tiny part of me that's upset that the description promised me a laundry list for the hottest clopfic i've ever read, but then all eight thousand words so far are basically an entirely different fic; but the rest of me is busy being amazed at how great this is. i have a lot of appreciation for female on male rape making the genre feel a lot less misogynistic than it often comes off, and the emotional sadism here is wonderfully over the top. never going to complain about a cute bat, either.

seriously looking forward to how you develop this into intersecting with your main plot, keep it up

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Thank you! It is a prologue chapter, so most of the elements of the main story are yet to arrive. Very happy that you liked the flavor thus far though!

Really good first chapter, I have to say, I the pictures you're basing this off and the great little mini-clopfic in the comments for one of them.

I do think I would have enjoyed the prologue a little more without Blackheart there, getting upset, brings me a little bit out of the kink-focused mood but overall, really enjoyed it. The sort of thing that Dusk was doing was great, heh, though the way she made him see her ass first gave me the lovely thoughts of him falling in love with her asshole and her making him kiss and lavish it with attention.

Can't wait to see more!

Wow that was amazing. What a start to a fic. I really enjoyed this and cannot wait to read more.

Also that ending with anon, made me laugh. Villians are interesting as well. All of this goodness and haven't gotten to Lyra or bon bon yet. Most enjoyable indeed.

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Thanks to both of you! As I said in the A/N this story really blossomed as I was knocking out what was supposed to be a short prologue.

Blackheart is an ambiguous character, still coming to terms with her fall. She's meant to keep things a bit grounded... To make the reader understand that corrupting someone's free will / free love is a truly terrifying thing. It's always good to have at least one villain with some complexity.

Re: the ass-worship scene, I had a blast writing that. It shows just how juvenile the young thestral is. A certain of the scene where Stalwart literally fell in love with Dusk's tailhole was considered, but was just a little too ridiculous .

We’ll get ‘em next time.

Anon needs to enslaveThat little thestral with his human sex ways to the point of worshiping Or obsession

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Have a bloody thumbs up!
Was thinking the same thing and hoped someone would have comented it!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_lLJGvygENo

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Hahaha! I didn't even know this was a meme, I'll have to stick an oblique reference to it in the story now.

You did great at establishing these characters as villains, I hate their fucking guts.
At this point I want to keep reading just to see if they get any sort of comeuppance for their actions.

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Oh it is definitely a meme

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Thanks! I wanted to give them a grimdark villain vibe. Hopefully you see that Blackheart is still going through a moral struggle, and Dusk has had some kind of past trauma and is a bit young and stupid though. I think villains are best when you hate them but understand them. They'll develop more as we go along.

Oh and they will get their comeuppance

I'm only like half-way through the first chapter. Unfortunately I have to go do other things at the moment, but I needed to leave a comment.

Holy shit do not stop this train. This is great on a few levels.

I can't exactly remember how I found this story but I found the prologue amusing and I can't wait to see what absurdity you'll give us in the next chapter.

I also can't help but wonder what the role of anon will be and if he (Assuming he's from an alien planet and has a different biology) will be totally immune to this powerful love poison.

Great work on the prologue anyways and I'll be sure to read the next chapter whenever it does come around.

Finished the first chapter.

This is like a hilarious love letter to my fetishes. Even if it wasn't sexy(which it is), it's amusing enough on it's own that I'd read it for the humor. But that's not all! It's intriguing, too! I'd follow it solely because it looks to set up a good story. But wait! The characters have character! Hot damn!

My advice is just keep doing what you're doing. Don't get wrapped up trying to make a masterpiece or get derailed by the comments.

Just keep on track.

Choo choo...

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Guys, thank you for your praise! I'm so happy that I hit the right tones for you!

Next chapter is nearly done, has a little less clop and a little more comedy...

Trust me when I say 'masterpieces' and/or comments are not remotely in mind when I write... I basically hook my hands up to the keyboard and discoennt the conscious mind, low effort stuff meant to be fun and light...

That being said, I love the feedback and it will help that stream of consciousness writing style!

I leave the hard work for everyday life, this is all about goofin' with pones!

Wow! And I thought the Maid to Please fic by Pajama Pudding was dark. I am shocked...yet intrigued. I look forward to the next chapter.

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Thanks! I was also surprised how dark it got, the mind can lead to interesting places!

Well, if I'm going to edit this fic, I suppose I need to read it. This story doesn't immediately jump out at me as one I'd grab off the shelf and read as it were, though back in 2014 I was reading M-rated LyraBon — from Bronystories of all people! — and enjoying it. And of course The Haunting of Ponyville is required reading for any Lyra-Bon fanatic, especially fans of horror. I always rather enjoyed the bloke-y way Lyra is written and incorporated some of that in my version of Twinkleshine, though I tend to think of her more as an Extremely Online Guy these days.

Introduction over, time to read.

The desert night was cool and silent, bathed in a moonlight glow from Luna's night sky...

Those aren't stars studding the open sky but ellipses twinkling across the heavens as countless as grains of sand.

Captain Stalwart was taking no chances... he himself had acted as the designated spell-crafting unicorn and cast the required anti-tamper wards... The level of seriousness the Captain was treating this mission had increased dramatically since he'd received the cargo to be moved...

Oy vey! That's 3 ellipses for 3 sentences. I'm glad I'm not going to have to edit this.

Firstly, instead of being met by the usual stuffy poindexter, holding a tiny dust brush and obsessing over some tiny bone fragment, he'd been called into the camp's central canvas tent for a briefing by the legendary explorer... freaking Daring Do!

That got a good laugh from me! Good stuff. But I'm a fair man, there's plenty of cringe in my old works too. Especially my third story. Oh God... my third story.

Defeating the cult with her usual flash of panache

Nice one!

"AMBUSH!" Stalwart shouted, retreating immediately to the wagon and drawing his blade with his telekinesis in a well-practiced action. He could see 4 or 5 shadowy figures emerge from behind the various desert detritus ahead of the convoy.

5 ponies.

One unicorn, two earth ponies, a thestral, and a pegasus.

Sadly, they never taught the guards to deploy mangoes and let nature take its course.

"Shut it, copper... we didn't leave you ungagged to hear you spew manure." The earth pony said in a distinctly Massachoofetts accent...

That's an ambitious use of ponification, I must say.

Stalwart noticed her cutie mark, a red cross with little hearts in the empty quadrants, all over a green back-ground splatter that dripped onto a small skull and crossbones beneath the cross. Stalwart couldn't help but wonder: why did the bad guys always have such obviously evil cutie marks?

Because it says so in the script!

Blackheart clicked her tongue and glared at the bruiser before putting away her clipboard. "Well I care, Mr. Tough, I'm not some two-bit, fly-by-night, poisoner

This is a nice little MLP action-adventure-ish type line right here. You were pretty versatile even back in the day.

"So, let me be perfectly clear as to the effects of this poison, Captain." Blackheart continued, her expression pleading with the guards-pony to see reason. "Once I have you consume some of this, for the next 5 minutes you will be in a state of complete love receptiveness." She motioned around her with her hoof. "During those 5 minutes the first mare you lay eyes on... you will fall into true love with her. Forever."

Just open the box, guy. These things always work in fiction.

Blackheart tapped the vial, "and I'm not talking about some lustful romp after a good night's drinking that you'll forget about by lunch... the mare you see will replace all other true loves you have... hobbies, jobs, friends... wives and children.

They managed to bottle Roseluck?

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I have a feeling they're not going to make him fall in love with Roseluck though as if anyone would need help with that.

"If I gave in here I'd already be betraying my two loved ones: I'd never be able to face them... and I believe in my Stalwart Heart resisting your evil ways... I believe in true love conquering all... so screw you all... I WILL NEVER OPEN THAT DOOR WILLINGLY!"

The real twist to all of this is Zala the Zebra showing up out of nowhere. Now that story gimmick would actually get me to clop, straightaway.

Directly in front of Stalwart was a shapely rear belonging to what looked to be a 19-year old female thestral. Her fur was a dark grey, with a purple mane and tail. Her haircut was messy and short, revealing her ears which were embroidered with blue studs that matched her big, slit-pupil-led eyes. Her bat-wings were spread out to either side of her lithe body, she was definitely a bit on the smaller side.

Sounds pretty fucking hot to me. When do we eat?

Captain Stalwart took a moment to think about how he felt... nothing! He was OK! This young little mare in front of him had nothing on Merigold and Daisy! It must have been an elaborate ruse. Such a cute little criminal, with such an adorable face and smile meant nothing to him. Just look at her lovely little face, and her charming hair... all it did was remind him of his daughter, Daisee.

Is this some three-dimensional narration where the Captain has started forgetting how to spell her own daughter's name? Yeah, it probably is.

It was so shapely, part of such a perfect rear end. Ever since his... partner? NO, no... she'd been his wife... ever since she'd had given birth to... -Dizzee? Dazzee?... she'd gotten a bit looser down there. Not a hot little minx like Dusk Wing... and her tailhole was so tight looking and cute... he just wanted to plant a kiss on it. Maybe, maybe he could find a way to convince Murrigul, uh... no... it was Merylgild... well... convince whoever she was that Dusk Wing could join their herd as lead mare... she'd be such a good fit, she really completed him. If not, oh well... it wasn't like whats-her-name was the best catch in the sea and they'd only had one foal together.

Is it bad I kinda agree with Stalwart's poisoned logic? I mean one foal? You need at least 2.2 to maintain your population. Whats-her-face really should have stepped up her game. She was probably one of these "a woman's role isn't to breed" kind of people. Fuck that shit! Dusk Wing, you're about to give me no less than twelve fruit munchers, now BEND OVER.

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"Nah. I fuckin' hate little fillies, 'specially guards-pony fillies. If you didn't watch me with her I might beat the shit outta the little snot." Dusk Wing chuckled as Merigold sobbed.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh... dear. What have I gotten myself into?

I'm skipping the rest of this scene. This is just completely repulsive and I didn't see it coming.

The strange hairless ape-like creature within raised a hand in bemused greeting, "hey weird criminal ponies... my name's Anon, how's it going?"

So they put a human in a cart and he's now with a bunch of bad guys. If that's the part of all this that's important then great. If anything in this prologue ends up being important, I don't think I'm going to be able to edit this. Nothing personal, but this is actually worse than rape.

We're still cool though. This just isn't my thing.