• Member Since 9th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Jackelope


I hope you have a good day, every single day. (Also accepting commissions.)

Comments ( 86 )

I saw this on my feed and almost died

10177796
I hope it's a 'died and went to heaven' rather than a 'died of a heart attack' :twilightblush:

10177799
More of laughter, but semantics.

10177813
I'll take laughter. :twilightsmile:

10177799
Nope! I went the other way.:twilightsheepish:

10177848
So now I'm banking on tears of joy, or crying from your penis versus sorrow and misery. :trollestia:

Author's Note:

This was very enjoyable to write, mostly because I was able to keep describing a great big penis. :twilightblush:

And, whilst I would ordinarily think it went without saying considering the extreme nature of the content I do think it's warranted here:
I DO NOT AGREE NOR CONDONE MOST OF THE ACTS COMMITTED WITHIN THIS STORY.

And yet you written it out anyway. πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

Anyhoo, that ending sounds like a possible sequel is in the works.

Dear whoever paid for this:

They're horses. Someone actually went and plugged the relevant proportions into the eight-foot-tall candy cane formula, and they still end up slightly larger in that area on average. Not enough so to prevent, ahem, relations, but enough that he's lucky that his hosts are lesbians. Otherwise they'd have probably laughed a little.

10177945
I left it open because I don't necessarily like leaving something entirely shut. If I ever wanted to revisit this idea, then I can thank the opening I left for myself.

Edit: Also, kept writing because of the penis first and foremost.

10177949
According to the math here: Penis math
The average pony is 7.2 inches. The protag's size of 12+ is still very large by their standards.
I had to delve into a mini rabbit hole to find this out. I was originally going to make him eight.

10177953
Fair enough, I should probably have noted that I didn't actually read the story. The correct response to the short description being "yeah, he's a freak by human standards too" wasn't something I went deep enough to find out.

A sick horse πŸ–•, in the home of two dykes? :facehoof:Why?

*<>* im sure princess celestia will hear about this in bon bons report ...sequel needed

10178031
because its fucking hot

The length is intimidating, but i can already tell i'm going to love this.

that's what she said

Squeal please!
Also give them hybrids! allow the patter of satyrs/centaurs be brought to the house.

Bon Bon seems the human as an intruder

Deergenerate can be forgotten for his contribution.

...Am I reading that right?

10177953
Then again, the actual size of these ponies is very debatable. In some cases, they are depicted as being even shorter than an average person's thigh, which would accordingly change the size of their genitalia.

10178031
For porn to happen :twilightsmile:

10178093
10178130
I've got a full plate of commissions right now so I can't commit to writing a sequel until I finish all my other commissions unless someone commissions me to do a sequel, then I can do that. However, if I have a long stretch of free time I might take a crack at it unless I need to complete something else first.

Regardless, I'm glad both of you enjoyed this story. It means a lot to me. :yay:

10178122
Hear, hear! :pinkiecrazy:

10178187
10178286
Fixed both of these.
Sorry :twilightblush:

10178404
Various sources including from canon put stallions around 4ft to 4'4ft whilst mares can almost be an entire foot shorter. The penis math put them around 4ft also. So in my mind, the average is around 7 or 8 inches. But this doesn't take into account draft stallions such as Big Mac, who could have something more accurate to real life. But these aren't set in stone obviously, I change things almost arbitrarily when it comes to size as do other authors. Wanna make ponies 5ft tall with average penis size or 46 inches? You can do that.

10178125
S+ tier comment material

Amazing would love for this to continue

10178489
I'm glad you thought so. :twilightsmile: As for a continuation, I answered why it could possibly take a while in my previous comment. Someone would likely have to commission a continuation or wait until I have completed all my current commissions for me to consider starting on a sequel. Regardless, I'm glad you thought so highly of it to desire a sequel. :twilightsmile:

Certified Bruh Moment

I want to hear what Cadance would compare him to her Shining.

10178540

10178557
Without a ton of detail and description, her reaction would probably be:

"Woah."

10178404
10178454
I once spent about half an hour fiddling with tapes, rulers, and a Twilight figurine to calculate the height of a pony assuming the official toys are made to scale and the average height of a pony and human's hips were the same.

I wrote it down on paper, though I have no idea where it went.

humangous cock

I see what you did there :unsuresweetie:

Thoroughly enjoyed this. A little bit too much on the rapey side for me, but the core concept is rock solid.

10178717
I'd like to know the end result of your measurements. Try to find it if you can. :twilightsmile:

10178803
I can't believe it took this long for someone to point out that pun :trollestia:

10178822
Originally it was going to be less so. Basically, similar to Lyra, Bon Bon would get over her initial shock of the scene, see his dick slide out of Lyra and become immediately enthralled. However, and you sorta see this in the finished product, I was worried it would feel too samey. The end result was both at the behest of the commissioner and to add some greater variety in the tone of the scene. If I ever did a sequel, I would probably lean more into the 'Lyra reaction' side of it – They see his dick, become obsessed with it, they can't help themselves, etcetera. It's less rapey and more 'dick hypnotism/loss of inhibition'.

I'm glad you liked it regardless. That means a lot. :twilightsmile:

Are you planning of making a sequel with that ending?

10178861
The ending was to leave it 'open' for a possible sequel. I, however, am swamped with commissions at the moment so I can't in good conscience divert attention away from stories people have paid me to write. Maybe if I get a free moment I might come back to this concept but it's somewhat unlikely unless somebody paid for a continuation.

9.5/10 loved it.

Anon gives off the same vibes as the guy in the lusty argonian maid

I really enjoyed this. Normally (considering how this fandom is) a fetish fic with a human in it usually it's a submissive male human getting fucked by a futa mare with a huge horse cock. So it's nice to see a human fetish fic were the human isnt being shit on, well done.

I do hope that this gets a sequel.

HERETICS EVERYWHERE. HERESY! HERESY! HERESY!!!

I feel like the "it's so big" genre is overused some times. Ponies/horses naturally have a larger staff to work with so the Idea of a human having a bigger one stretches the imagination. Granted its a fantasy so ...:ajsmug:

Still I think it would be interesting if it was other features humans have that "addict" their pony counterparts.

Example; Hands. Hands are dexterous and highly maneuverable especially compared to a pony hoof.
Humans also have a fierce libido compared to other species since we can mate at any time and arent limited by a time of year, or mating season.
I see the whole idea of human nudism being erotic to ponies as an idea as well.
Still, I think human sex-drive would be the contributing factor.

However, this story was amazingly fun to read. I almost wanna take notes at how creative and fun the word choice and plot flowed.

I was really hoping it would turn out to be a dream or a fantasy in the end :fluttershysad:. It's hard for me to get into smut when everyone acts cartoonishly debauched. Like how despicable the guy is, or how Lyra does a complete moral 180. But besides my personal grievances and the errors I've seen, this is pretty hot.

OMG THIS IS SOOOOOOO GOOD THAT THIS NEED A SEQUEL! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!... sorry for the shouting. I really enjoyed this story. This is definitely going on my favorite bookshelf list. :heart::twilightblush::pinkiehappy::yay:cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/710628688722395220/713949971384369192/danoubo-afcfce7a-c176-4c1e-a3f9-595162eec79c.gif

10179952
But heres the thing that a lot of people either intentionally or unintentionally try to ignore, MLP ponies arnt horses. Not only are they not horses they're barely even ponies by human definition. A lot of writers and artists portrayed MLP ponies as having extremely large penises because that's their fetish... and that's fine, but saying that's anatomically correct is disingenuous. This is not even mentioning that most pony dick on derpibooru are already oversized, I'm pretty sure that actually horses don't have a dick longer and thicker then one of their legs.

10178840
That'll take too much time.

I'll just calculate it from scratch. With new, better data.

10178924
Fantastic score - I'm glad you think so highly of my work. This type of thing keeps me going.
10178984
Well, he does have a mighty big spear. It needs diligent polishing if it's to be presentable or useable in 'combat'.
10178994
Glad you enjoyed it. When I'm given a lot of creativity I try to be unique if I can or original. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with those ideas you've described but there's also nothing bad about variety.
10179173
I'd like to do a sequel but I have way too many commissions to do. Maybe sometime down the line.
10179952
The 'it's so big' is a kink I enjoy quite a lot. Since porn is fantasy, I tend to drift towards the unreal or unlikely when it comes to what gets me off personally. And whilst I try not to let my kinks bleed into the work I sometimes can't help it – you'll typically see me spend overly long describing a penis, which often leaves you confused on if the work is straight or not.

As for your other ideas about how they can be attracted to the human I'll keep them in mind if I get paid to do a sequel or have enough free time that I can pursue it myself. The hands and his sexual stamina are good things to focus on. Thank you, not only for the ideas you put forward but your praise as well. :twilightsmile:

10180035
With the scenario being what it was, there had to be a bit of malevolence to get the whole thing rolling. In my other stories, ones written of my own accord not commissions, I tend to take the lovey-dovey route when it comes to sex and character interaction, it's just the way I am. However, if I did a continuation, I'd be sure to have our human try to make it up to Bon Bon in some way or for Lyra to maybe soften, except in the area of showing the world the greatness of human dick or something. :rainbowwild:

10180092
Love the enthusiasm :heart:
I'm happy you're happy. As for a sequel, read my other replies. :twilightsmile:

Welp, 12 inches is to much, we know of one or two guys in this century with that size, so I find it unrealistic in a natural way, the explanation may be that when he entered equestria, his friend grew, along with the desariability, anyway, will there be sequels? the end suggest it.

10180156
There is cut dialogue that his dick did grow when he entered Equestria

Lyra looked upon the shaft with widened eyes, her throat suddenly longing for a drink.

"I-it's... big."

"Yeah, it is," he replied, almost as taken with its size as she was, his thumb at its flaccid base. "It wasn't always this big. I think I grew an inch a day until it stopped here – that's why I was in my room so much the first time I came here. But hey, just another thing proving this place is heaven. Good food, good company, and a massive dick."

However, it came from a scene where the sex/BJ unfolding differently, with Lyra being less obsessed and the two almost casually exploring one another. I found the pacing of this too slow and with the escalation of Lyra's obsession from when she first sees it, I didn't think it'd make much sense if she was less enthralled with it the longer time went on. In this version, also non-sensically, Bon Bon becomes cock-crazed just looking upon it once, which didn't make sense in context. I also thought about bringing it up in the shower but it was disruptive. If I do a continuation, I might bring it up there.

Also: I like big peenie weenies.

As for a sequel, you can check with my other comments. Basically, not unless someone commissions me or until I finish all my other commissions.

I should really check the tags before I read a story.......

10180083
True but humans do exist. Seems kinda backwards to reduce the male pony size while increasing the human size just for the sake of ego.:derpytongue2:

But it's a kink I get that. I just dont feel the need for the whole "I've never seen one so big before" kinda expression. Like...yea you have why u lying? Maybe said mare has never seen an "alien" genital before and that's the kink which makes more sense I guess.

10180113
I figure that a MLP male pony will have the genitalia of...well a pony. A pony is a small horse. Given that horses have really big dongs even if reduced to the size of an MLP pony that still makes it roughly as big as a human's genitalia if not slightly bigger.

So in these stories when the mare in question goes something like "Oh I've never seen it so large before" I kinda raise my eyebrow. I think people feel a little insecure if they arent the "biggest" in the room, so they play to this trope. Im more interested in features that human beings actually posess that would enamor an interspecies relationship.

For example humans have a fierce libido, meaning our sex drive is much higher than ponies. Ponies have a mating cycle, while humans are always "ready to go" so to speak. Another thing is hands, hands are dexterous and would probably feel rather nice compared to hooves.

But I totally get it if the specific fantasy is to have a "big dong" it's just kinda self scrutinizing to me and not honest. :unsuresweetie:

Welp... I hope someone paid you for this drivel man because I sure wont.

10181806
I wouldn't take money from someone so rude anyway. :twilightsmile:
10181509
:ajsmug:
10181000
It's more fun not to. :rainbowwild:
10181407
I recommend giving this a read
Basically, MLP stallions (except Big Mac and other draft horses) would have an average of around 7 inches - a whole two inches larger than the human average. The phallus Lyra asks Bon Bon to use on her is a novelty 10 inches, inferring that it's so oversized it could only be used as a gag gift or by the most hardcore of... sexers? It's possible somebody else in this version of Equestria could feasibly have a dick the same size as the human but they'd be a world record holder. So, yes, it's entirely possible that the human's dick is the biggest she has ever seen.

Also, on a tangent, the largest verified dick in porn for example (verified as in actually measured on camera, no tricks) is 10-11 inches, belonging to Danny D. He's in the 1% worldwide for dick holders, double the average size of cocks world wide. Theoretically, the largest stallion in this world going by Danny D could be 14 inches. But size wouldn't matter anyway considering the human's stamina and ability to just go and go, again and again.

Also the lack of name and description of the human is so that people could 'self-insert' into the role. It's a power fantasy. So yeah, biggus dickus is a given.

10181806

Holy fucking shit I can't search mature slice of life fiction and find any non sex fics it's fucking boring. I dont WANT clop stories I want confident writers to write fiction I can relate to! No I don't realate to equestria girls lesbian bondage trash like FFS were do I go to find good writers?

>hates clop
>clicks on clop
>leaving a comment on clop
Either you actually jacked off to this and left a comment of hate out of guilt or so you're pathetic and hateful that you can't help yourself.
Also, this blogpost reveals your bias against clip – no criticism you offer or any hate you give has any weight or meaning, you're just a loser.

10178840
Here I go! (I spent entirely too much time on this; such is the life of someone with pedantic tendencies.)


Oh wait, before that, let me clear one thing up:

In real life, horses are measured to their withers, not to their heads, in the unit of hands (10.16cm, 1/3 feet). Unlike us humans, quadrupeds can move their heads in a wide vertical range of motion, so a more stable point had to be found. The withers, a ridge between the shoulders of a horse, was chosen, being the highest part of the horse's body. For this comment, however, I will be treating the top of their head as the main measurement so that we can more easily compare visual heights, though I will use the withers for calculations.


So, I make two major assumptions for this part of the calculations:

  1. The average heights of the hip of a pony and a human are the same (arbitrary assumption)
  2. The Twilight figurine(s) I have are made to scale with ponies from the show*

*: A flawed assumption, to be explained later

Figurine measurements:

  • Hip*: 4cm
  • Slightly below dock: 3.7cm
  • Withers*: 4.4cm
  • Top of head: 7.8cm ~ 7.9cm
  • Tip of horn: 8.8cm ~ 8.8 cm
  • Body length: 3.7cm

*: It was difficult to measure the hips with Twilight's wing in the way and fundamental anatomical differences, so expect a margin of error.
*: Likewise, it was difficult to measure the withers due to anatomical differences, so I've defined it as the midway point of the curve that connects the back and neck of the figurine.

From the only source I can find, the human hip is around 85cm (2'9"~). Dividing that by 4cm yields 21.25, meaning that I just need to multiply my measurements by 21.25 to get a life scale.

The results (Mare) (imperial conversions are rough, not exact) :

  • Hip: 85cm (2'9")
  • Slightly below dock: 78.625cm (2'7")
  • Withers: 93.5cm (3'1" or 9.2 hands)
  • Top of head: 165.75cm ~ 167.875cm (5'5" ~ 5'6")
  • Tip of horn: 187.0cm ~ 189.125cm (6'1" ~ 6'2")
  • Body length: 78.625cm (2'7")

This would be slightly higher than the average human height, with stallions being larger. The measurements aren't as exact as I'd like them to be, however, so I advise an error margin of around 10%. On the other hand, they are, as expected, much smaller than an average horse (around 16 hands at the withers, give or take.)

On another note, this is much higher than the usual height assumed for ponies, around 105 centimeters to 120 centimeters, or 3 feet to 4 feet. (To the head)


Now, if you'd like to know the penis size as extrapolated from these results, I've produced them too, seeing as I'm posting in this particular comment section.

I've looked at the link to the penis math provided by the author (10177953), and while I will use the same 16 hand stallion as a base, I'll set the average penis length to 16 inches (40.64cm) instead of 18 inches, derived from this Reddit thread. Also, to compensate for the size difference between a mare and stallion, I will be adding 10% to the previous results (horn excluded):

Stallion

  • Hip: 93.5cm (3'1")
  • Slightly below dock: 86.487cm (2'10")
  • Withers: 102.8cm (3'6" or 10.1 hands)
  • Top of head: 183.6cm (6'0")
  • Tip of horn: 195.6 (6'5")
  • Body length: 86.487 (2'10")

Now, 16 hands equals 162.56cm, so our pony stallion is 63% the height of a real stallion at the withers. A simple calculation of 16Γ—0.63 yields 10.08, so that would mean our not so little pony would have an erect penis length of 10.08 inches, or 25.6cm. However, if you compare a horse and a MLP pony, you'll visibly notice that the body's (withers) height:length ratio is different, so now we have to account for that as well. From pressing my ruler against my screen, I've estimated that a horse has around a 1:1.05 ratio.

Now, here's where I deviate from assumption #2. Remember the note that said the assumption was flawed? Comparing the figurine to ponies from the show, I've figured that the figurine actually has a longer body than in the show. So, for this purpose I'll be using measurements from the show instead of the figurine. Doing that, I got a ratio of approximately 1:0.75, a much shorter body than in real life.

So, after accounting for the difference in ratio by dividing by 1.05 and multiplying by 0.75, we get a final result of 7.2 inches, or 18.288 centimeters. For comparison, the average human penis is 13.12 centimeters in length, or 5.16 inches. A lot of little errors can add up in this calculation, however, especially since multiplication and division is involved, so an error margin of 20% might be wise.

End results according to (mostly) figurine

  • Estimated erect penis length of stallion: 14.6304cm ~ 21.9456cm (5.76in ~ 8.64in)

Now, that's all fine and dandy, but ponies with an average height of over 165cm aren't exactly little, are they? Assumption #1 was arbitrary in the first place, made for a hypothetical scenario I envisioned. Others have come up with more grounded estimated heights, so for this last section I'll be cracking out one last estimate penis length derived from these.

I'll set the average height for a mare to be around 120cm (4ft), as any shorter (3.5ft) feels a little too short for me. For stallions, let's say around ~137cm / 4.5ft.

On the percentage of withers height to head height, the figurine measures and show measures actually match on around 56%, so I'll be using that. We can now say that the withers of our stallion is at ~76.8cm (2.52ft). That means it is 47.25% the height of a 16 hand stallion. Applying that to a 16 inch penis, we get 7.56 inches. So far, this is the same process as the link provided by the author. Now, however, I'll once again account for body length.

7.56 Γ· 1.05 Γ— 0.75 = 5.4

So, in the end, we get a 5.4 inch average for the length of a erect MLP penis. In centimeters, that's 13.716.

That's not much different from the human average of 13.12 centimeters / 5.16 inches. In fact, if we apply a 5% margin of error either way (10% total), we get an estimated length of 13.03 ~ 14.40 cm / 5.13 ~ 5.67 inches, and can say it's the same length. Neat. :twilightsmile:

If anyone wants to calculate the estimated penis size from a given head height (centimeters) with my method, the equation is:

Length (cm) = height (cm) Γ— 0.56 Γ· 162.56 Γ— 40.64 Γ· 1.05 Γ— 0.75


Afternote:

There. Now you all have my take on pony sizes, body and penis.

... Celestia, three years ago I'd never, ever have thought I'd be spend hours writing and calculating the size of a fictional pony's sexual organs.

One last thing. WHY DO YOU GUYS STILL USE THE BUCKING IMPERIAL SYSTEM!?!?

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