Starlight Glimmer Overreacts to Lesbian Ponies
Ponies flocked to the Ponyville Courthouse at nine in the morning. The courthouse was rarely used outside of the occasional sueing of Twilight Sparkle and her friends for destroying the town with their usual antics, but today was different. Today was a case of a concerned parent upset with two ponies in charge of raising a foal, with the claim that they are both irresponsible, terrible, disgusting ponies who are destroying the poor child's future and causing said child great harm.
Mayor Mare – the only town official who was awake so early in the morning – presided as the judge. After the gallery was seated, she slammed her gavel and the trial commenced.
"Court is now in session for the case of Glimmer vs. Holiday and Lofty," she announced. "Is the defence ready?"
"The defence is ready, Your Honour," said Cheerilee, prompting the mayor to raise an eyebrow.
"Ms. Cheerilee, not to discredit your abilities, but are you formally qualified to lead a defence?"
"Well, I studied law in Canterlot while I earned my degree in teaching," she said. "But the defendants asked me personally to represent them, and I believe that our law dictates that the defendants have a right to appoint anypony they choose as their attorney."
"Uhhh, right you are," Mayor Mare said. 'Like I'm going to fact-check that…' Clearing her throat, she turned to the other bench. "And the prosecution?"
"Ready, Your Honour," Starlight Glimmer said, glaring at the two nervous aunts hiding behind Cheerilee. "Ready for justice to be served."
"Riiiiight. And I take it you are prosecuting on your own behalf?" Mayor Mare shuffled through her papers. "Well, it seems that you meet all the right qualifications. Though judging by when you graduated… you must have been only a child!"
"Yeah, funny story about that. Involves time-travel, ask me later."
"Er, no." Mayor Mare sighed. "Well then, can you please give your opening speech?"
"Gladly, Your Honour. It happened only two days ago. I was on my way home from my weekly kite-flying session-"
"HAH! GAAAAAAY!"
"-… And I was on my way to Sugarcube Corner to visit my good friend Pinkie Pie."
"Who I would like to remind that it is a federal offence to break out into song in the courtroom," Mayor Mare said to the pink pony in the gallery armed with a microphone.
"Everything was going well, but then that was when it happened." Starlight turned to the defendants, grinding her teeth as her blood boiled. "These two… ponies, were walking home with their niece, Scootaloo. They seemed to be a perfectly happy, normal family, but then, they started KISSING!"
Mayor Mare gasped. "They kissed their foal?!"
Starlight shook her head. "No, they kissed each other!"
"Oh… So you're pressing charges on…"
"That's right! These two exposed that poor child to an act of same-sex relations!" Starlight slammed her hoof onto her bench. "Now look, I'm not homophobic, but I demand they be put to death!"
"Right, well the death penalty is very much illegal, so I can't do that."
"I'd be perfectly happy to escort them out of the country and do it myself."
"Please don't let her near us," Aunt Holiday said.
"That should be my line!" Starlight returned. "You dyke! I bet you'd just LOVE to rape me, wouldn't you?!"
"This is insanity!" Aunt Lofty cried. "All we did was kiss! Where's the crime in that?!"
"The crime in that is that it is unnatural! And you did it right in front of a child! She's going to be scarred for her entire life!"
"Actually I'm totally fine with it," Scootaloo said.
"Hush, child. I am speaking for you."
"Miss Glimmer," Mayor Mare interrupted with a sigh. "Gay marriage has been legalised in Equestria for the past ten years."
"And it is wrong!" Starlight Glimmer shouted. "God invented two sexes for a reason! A penis and a vagina – that is what is natural!"
"Your Honour, if I may?" Cheerilee began. "I know these two mares. They come to every parents' evening to see how Scootaloo is doing and they are always such a delight. They take great interest in Scootaloo's studies and are always concerned with her personal life."
"And her studies are being affected by it!" Starlight Glimmer shouted. "She's confused and ashamed and it's making her fail in school! She doesn't have a father to guide her and she's going to grow up a failure, addicted to drugs and killing small animals for fun!"
"Actually her grades have steadily improved since she started spending more time with her aunts," Cheerilee said. "Both mares are well-educated and help her when-"
"If they were well-educated they would know that two mares can't raise a foal! And it's not just Scootaloo who's in danger; what about other foals who just happen to see it?! They have done nothing to deserve witnessing such acts!"
"I see straight couples fighting and yelling all the time," Scootaloo said. "What's wrong with seeing a gay one kissing?"
"Did you hear that?! She doesn't even understand what is wrong with two mares kissing each other!"
"Then please explain it," Cheerilee said, her voice stern. "Because frankly I think it is wonderful to let children know from a young age that it is perfectly okay to be who you are, and that two mares or two stallions can be happy together."
"NO! Children should not be exposed to such… debauchery! The only time they should find out is when they're adults and they know that being a dyke or a fag is wrong!"
The entire room gasped, and Mayor Mare slammed her gavel. "Miss Glimmer, I will ask you to please mind your language or I will hold you in contempt of court."
"You're just pandering because they line your pockets with bits! This cannot go on!"
"Miss Glimmer!" Mayor Mare shouted, reading over the case file before her. "Are you even a parent?"
"No!"
"Then why are you raising such a fuss over it?"
"I'm being offended for the parents here!"
"Well I'm okay with it," Derpy Hooves said.
"Me too," agreed Berry Punch.
More murmurs from the crowd sounded their agreements, and Starlight Glimmer stamped her hooves on the floor as she turned to face the gallery. "OH, SURE! SURE, let's just let them have the same right as normal ponies! While we're at it, why don't we just legalise sex with animals, too?!"
A quiet yay sounded from the audience as Mayor Mare slammed her gavel.
"Miss Glimmer, I want to declare the defendants not guilty and have you pay a huge fine for wasting the court's time like this, but I'm afraid that you will rip a hole in the fabric of space and tear out my insides if I did that."
Starlight scuffed a hoof along the floor. "I… can't deny that as a possibility."
"Therefore, if I agree to simply outlaw homosexual kissing in public, will you please just drop the charges."
"Hey, so long as I- er, the children, can't see it, sure!"
"WHAT?!" Aunt Holiday cried. "That's unfair!"
Mayor Mare slammed her gavel. "Then it is settled. Court is adjourned."
Starlight glimmer trotted out happily, a great victory achieved that day. The rest of the court remained behind until the doors closed.
"Well great!" Aunt Lofty shouted. "Another victory for anti-gay ponies!"
"This is so not cool!" Scootaloo shouted. "They weren't hurting me! Or anypony!"
"Look," Mayor Mare said. "Just… don't kiss where she can see you, okay? Just… She's so annoying, just let her have that much to shut her up, okay?"
"No, this isn't over!" Aunt Holiday declared.
"You'll be hearing from our lawyer!" Aunt Lofty added, before turning to Cheerilee and saying, "Thanks for sticking up for us, dear."
"Oh, it was no problem at all." Cheerilee turned to the mayor with a glare. "If only some other ponies could have the same courage."
The mayor groaned and slumped over as the courtroom emptied. "Can't make a single side happy without being the villain. And ponies wonder why I let Twilight run this town."
I apologise. I agree that this fic is an abomination and has absolutely no right to exist. There was no need to have a fic like this on the site one bit...
An entire courtroom drama without a single "OBJECTION!" 
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Oh, this is too damned funny. :D Although now we need a third story where Starlight gets her ass kicked.
Not funny
Boy, is Trixie in for an unpleasant surprise.
It has been a long time since I have laughed this hard at a fanfiction XD Thank you
That quiet "Yay" in the courtroom though...
starlight was beyond OOC in this fic hell she is more or less in a relationship with trixie
also i doubt gay marraige was ever not legal in equestria hell they have far more mares than stallions so make of that what you will
Lesbians~
Lesbians~
Happy and free with each other~
THE MAYOR'S HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH PRINCESS TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the first I've heard of the aunts.
Little confused... Are they sisters or sister-in-laws? If they're sister-in-laws, is it still incest?
8498140
Or where she gets counter sued for her hypocrisy when photos of her and Trixie get out to the public
8498380
They were in one of the recent books. According to the writer they're NOT sisters and are indeed a couple - so basically I guess one married into the family.
8498387
Ooh, that's a good idea!
This is the best bit.
8498214 I believe Starlight would explain that what they do in the privacy of Trixie's trailer every night is not shown to any foal.
....except for any foal with ears within a 5 block radius.
.....or ones why can see all the fireworks that go off at 12:07 every night.
8498517
still she can get counter sued for hypocrisy about everything she said was unnatural and doing it with Trixie
8498386
its in the books
"Now look, I'm not homophobic, but I demand they be put to death!"
I swear I've heard some real, very scary people say that.
This is hilarious, btw.
8499800
Edit:
Eh better let things rest then.
8499753
Fortunately you don't hear a lot of that around where I live.
UNfortunately, in its place, we get "I'm not racist, but [incredibly racist comment]".
If you act crazy enough people will do what you say.
While we're at it, why don't we just legalise sex with animals, too?!"
A quiet yay sounded from the audience
LOL!!!!
There is no God in Equestria. This fanfic indeed shouldn't exist. Apology not accepted.
Umm .... we're talking about a species that has a 1.85 female to 1 male species split (or 488 females to 264 males) ... I'd think that same sex marriages would have been legal for much longer than that. Seeing as how mares are more predominant to males, and how little we hear of herds being a thing.
________________
Honestly this entire fic was kinda blah, and didn't really make sense within context of Equestria's universe setting. I mean ... when 65% of the population is either homosexual by preference or because there are no more males around for a monogamous relationship (only 35% of the population). Then homosexual rights or laws really aren't a thing. It's a given that it'll happen.
If she had a different reason for her trigger, or this was handled differently. This would've been an interesting concept. But handled as if it was the USA, and mentioning God (when they have immortal, physical deities who rule the world and control the heavens. So they don't have Christianity (a human faith), but Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and now Twilight.). Kinda ruined it.
I mean sure, you can have ponies who view it as unnatural. Or look down at it with hatred. I mean while it's a part of their society doesn't mean it wouldn't piss some ponies off. But all in all, it could've been better (although I won't downvote the story. Cause grammatically it was well structured; it was poorly conceived, but not atrocious, and the premise is somewhat amusing. I just think that it ignores Equestrian canon, and could've been done better.)
8575764
Wow, if that statistic is accurate, then Equestria is one small country. And apparantely they've consistently kept those numbers throughout their whole history! Good job you guys :D
Also, that's now how attitudes to homosexuality works. During WW1, there were VERY few men in England. That didn't mean that suddenly everyone was okay with gay marriage.
Must've missed the part where this statistic was canon... Also, that's not how being gay works. You don't look around, find a lack of opposite genders and go "Welp, guess I'm gay now."
Again, must've missed the part where Cel and Luna being gods was canon. Even assuming their immortal (long lives doesn't necessarily mean that), that doesn't mean they're gods. Even if it does, that doesn't mean there can't be more. Equestria religious policies are never really addressed in the show so it's open to interpretation however one pleases.
Which mentions nothing on attitudes/policies towards homosexuality :P
8585350
That isn't the entirety of the species. But is what was shown in the show. Following the Show's Wiki, looking at every instance of male to female. It's slightly more of a female to male ratio than in Civil War USA.
But you are grossly ignoring A:
Situational Sexual Behavior. And I mean grossly ignoring.
and
B:
The fact that they aren't the Americas or Britain. We are talking about a society that was Mare Predominant for longer than recorded history (looking at the past (show canon), pictures of past ponies, they usually go with showing females over males), and in a modern area that goes for Monogamous relationships over Herds (like you'd find in nature with a single / few males to numerous females (a polygamous relationship).
Homosexuality would be more seen as it is in the Eastern Parts of the world. With much less taboo, and something that happens. So your fic has no basis in cannon in how it was handled. Yes. Starlight could have problems with it. I have no doubt about it. But how it was handled was poorly done, and never would have gotten as far as it did.
Cause homosexuality (situational or normal) would a cultural norm enough not to be an issue. Not to mention their cultural prevalence of "Love and Tolerate" / "Friendship solves everything". Again. Their world isn't America / the Western world. Nor do they have the homophobic hate generated by the Abrahamic Faiths (Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Catholic, Mormon, etc. (aka faiths that build hatred and intollerance towards homosexuals or people who don't follow the exact same form of their faith that they do.).
8585621
At my workplace there are 10 women and 3 men. That's what I see every time I go to work. Does that mean I can safely assume that only 3/13 of the population in my country are male?'
Again though, population sizes mean NOTHING in regards to homosexuality, nor attitudes towards it. One gender CAN outweigh the other, and yet people can still be opposed to the idea. You're also assuming that everyone WILL find a mate at some point in their life. Or that this mare > stallion thing has always been the case. Maybe there WERE more mares than stallions in the past - then more stallions than mares - then more mare, then even ratio, then more stallions, and so on.
And just because you see more pictures of mares, that means nothing. That just means there were more mares IMPORTANT ENOUGH to have photos taken of them, if even that. It's not a representation of population ratios throughout history.
And polygamy and homosexuality have no relation to each other. One man could have 5 wives, and none of those wives are into other women. One woman can have 10 husbands, all of whom aren't attracted to other men.
Again, the CANON of the show doesn't even TOUCH on homosexuality. You can't counter a headcanon with your own headcanon.
You don't know that though. Again, the show's canon does not address their attitudes towards homosexuality. For all you know there WAS a religion way back when that condemned homosexuality and that attitude stuck. For all you know they are against it for other reasons. Unless the show actually addresses the issue, it's open to interpretation, whether you agree with it or not.
The same culture that shunned a zebra simply because she looked different and call minotaurs "monsters". And shuns Twilight for not sticking to a tradition. Speaking of, traditions clearly have a powerful hold on ponies - suppose one of them is grounded in homophobia.
Also, friendship really has nothing to do with attitude towards homosexuals. Especially not if they view it as wrong - I mean, if they view something as wrong then usually they try to get the other person to change, and if that person doesn't, it's off to the curb with 'em. Or at least, that's what the M6 do - we really have no idea what most other ponies, past or present, do when they see someone doing something that they find wrong.
8585929
Wow. Okay. Ignoring your ignorance.
We are talking about show made for little girls. So there naturally will be more females there (both background and foreground). But:
1) They have magic. Thus F/F impregnation is a thing (we're talking about a place where flora and fauna can be merged, where physics and laws of nature are constantly broken, and life can be created. In canon.)
2) They don't have the God of the Abrahamic Faiths. They have 4 (now 6 Physical Deities (Discord; The 4 Princesses, and Flurry Heart)) already. So worshiping a deity that would not exist there is immersion breaking. Especially if they did worship "Creator Deity" they'd worship Faust.
Who did make the world a majority female. Because the world setting is geared towards little girls. Where males have less purpose in most (99%) of story settings / stories outside of villians or very, very few side / support characters.
3) This was never about Starlight Glimmer not being alright with homosexuality. It was about the fact that there are more parts of the world where either situational homosexuality is a thing than not; a culture where we see that all throughout there history was majority female compared to male. And how with a movement away from herds, how most of society wouldn't bat an eye about homosexualty than there would be those disgusted by it.
__________________
___________________
Equestria isn't USA. Nor is it UK. It's Equestria.
The whole "God made X"; or all the homosexual rhetoric here doesn't mesh with the canon setting.
Starlight seeing it as unnatural thing? Could be a thing.
Starlight rising a fuss over it? Totally works.
Putting it into a court setting, or anyone giving a damn about it past her? Nope. "Love and Tolerate", nor SG's whole "Hate and Damn" thing she had going.
So premise of Starlight getting blood curling pissed, or it really grinding her gears. Could have been interesting if handled correctly. Shoe horning American / Hetero-normative cultural view points. Or acting like it hasn't been a thing for millenium / pre-Fire of Friendship doesn't work. At all.
8586446
Not at all, and unless the show SPECICALLY STATES/SHOWS THAT, it's NOT. CANON.
Not canon - even if SOME unicorns can do it who says all can? But again, never address and thus not a confirmed canon. Even if it was - that has ZIP to do with sexuality. All that means is lesbians can reproduce - that doesn't turn straight women gay or make straight people suddenly okay with gay people.
Show me the episode where this is addressed. Show me the episode where it's confirmed ANY of the alicorns are deities. The only one reffered to as a spirit is Discord, the rest aren't. They can move the celestial bodies? So can enough unicorns working together. Enough humans working together sure can't replicate God's powers.
Show me the episode where it shows the history of Equestria BEFORE the sisters and confirms they had NO religions at all.
Situational homosexuality is when one is encouraged or compelled to it, not when it's "Y'know, there are more girls here than boy. Guess I'm a lesbian now."
Show me this. Show me, IN THE SHOW, where this lore is given to us. Not "Well OBVIOUSLY it is", show me it actually HAPPENING. I don't care for theories, I care for canon.
Again, show me the relevance, if any, herds have ever played in Equestrian society that's actually been canonised.
Also, again, polyamory and homosexuality do NOT go hand-in-hand. They don't even relate. Nor do population sizes. In a town where 68% of the population is one gender, belive it or not, its people aren't suddenly compelled to have gay sex. In a polyarmorous relationship, one partner can have multiple STRAIGHT partners that aren't into the other ones.
Just FYI, my typical headcanon is that no, ponies DON'T have a problem with homosexuality and gay marriage is not an issue in Equestria. Hell, Starlight doesn't have a problem with it either. But again, this is headcanon. The CANON of the show never touches on the subject and as such, a fic like is just as viable and can't be countered with "WELL I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY LIKELY!"
Yes, it's unlikely Equestria works this way. It's equally unlikely that Flurry Heart will grow up to be a biker gang member who robs a bank and kills a pony because he saw her face, but unless the show strictly shows she DOESN'T grow up that way, it doesn't contradict canon and so it's a viable viewpoint.
You'll notice though that it's ONLY Starlight who has a problem here. As Mayor Mare said, gay marriage has been legal for ten years and clearly nopony in the town has a problem with it - that's progress between Equestria's history and their present, similar to how many years ago the three tribes were at each other's throats, and now unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies get along like nothing ever happened. Things change, and attitudes change.
Just because something is bright and colourful in the present, doesn't mean it didn't have a dark history.
8587250
It does show that. The link I showed you was me specifically looking at every foreground and background pony and counting each one individually. So Again! The show shows more females to males. And I'm not counting the comic since Hasbro told me in an Email that both they and the CCG aren't canon. People buy the rights to use their name, but they aren't canonical.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/201457/canon-gender-split the numbers in that link were me looking at Earth Pony, Pegasi, and Unicorns and listing how many were shown before the next gender popped up. And this was the entirety of Canterlot, Ponyville, Appleloosa, and Dodge Junction shown in both fore and background. Of all age groups. From infants to elderly.
And with any control group (aka. Every pony shown. Literally every pony). The female to male ratio holds at 1.85 to 1.
______________
______________
Where it's addressed? Alright.
In Celestia's name (an epitaph ponified version of "In God's name")
As Celestia is my witness (an epitaph ponified version of "As God as my Witness")
By Celestia (an epitaph ponified version of "By God")
All of those things are canon.
Then you have:
Neigh Indestructible
Biological Immortality
Control over a province (Sun / Prophesy; Moon / Dreams; Reality; Love)
Good chunk of the tropes of a Physical Deity. And are listed as such in the tropes page (And character pages). (Aka. Immortality (could possibly be killed); Flight, teleportation, and enhanced strength / durability (in one being); attuned to a concept; not balanced.).
And not once. One time. Do they mention any other being that they look forward to for moral and spiritual direction than Alicorns (mostly Celestia since she's the oldest and hasn't been banished for a millenia). All the epitaphs / sayings that people use for the Abrahamic Faiths is used with "Celestia" taking it's place. And people do not, ever, in any part of the show.
___________
___________
For a person who cares about Canon. You are quick to ignore every bit of proof. The Canon Gender Link I Gave you earlier shows canon.
Here is the list for you to go and look over yourself. http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies if you truly care about canon. Then you can double check. But remember. From the comics does not count. Since the comics are not show canon.
If you look there. You'll see just as I already pointed out that there are more females to males in canon. Loads more.
8587413
But that's NOT the entire population of Equestria, that's just what we've seen. There's a difference.
And it's also not the population of Equestria throughout its entire history.
That's not a confirmation of her being God. People say "for fuck's sake" a lot - is this "Fuck" now God? Celestia's their ruler and has been for 1000 years - obviously her name will be used for things like that.
Hell in other animated shows they do that for characters that CLEARLY AREN'T GODS.
NOT. CANON. AT. ALL.
She's 1000 years old at least - that does not necessarily mean she is immortal though. The show never addresses whether she is immortal or whether she simply lives a very long time. It also never touches on whether or not she's invincible. And while she can move the sun, the show's never claimed she OWNS the damn thing. Even if she did, how's that make her God? That's just territory that she owns, y'know, like any ruler ever. And Luna walking around dreams - again, this doesn't necessarily make her a god.
Whether you want to see them as gods or not is irrelevant - the show has NEVER STATED THAT THEY ARE GODS. The lore has never confirmed nor denied it - therefore either headcanon is equally as viable as the other, but neither are set-in-stone facts.
That's not proof, it's theory. Yes, we SEE more mares than male, but the show hasn't stated that Equestria is predominantly female. Like I said, if I go outside and see more women than men that doesn't mean I can safely assume there are indeed more women than men in my country. It's only a select sample, not the entire country.
Yes, they used Celestia's name in expressions... And? As you said, this isn't America, or England, or any country in our world, so why should their expressions mean the same things ours do? Maybe the ponies SEE them as fods but they're actually not. Maybe they're passing themselves off as gods. Maybe they ARE gods. Or maybe it just caught on from some fad that occured 273 years ago among children. Who knows? That's just it - the show hasn't set it in stone. The show hasn't outright said whether they're gods or not, so it's not enough to say that they are as a matter of fact.
8587432
Whatever you ingorant twit. What was just me making a passing observation on the immersion breaking, and problems of the fic. Has devolved into me seeing that this fic was just you being a total moron. So ... good luck on being a twit. Good day, you get a downvote (which originally I wasn't planning on doing), and me ignoring any future replies you make.
Hope you don't mind. But i did an audio reading of your story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk9caURcxeo&t=2s
I don't see where this gets so much hate from. This was clearly (to me) meant to be nothing more and nothing less than a ridiculous, over the top and 'For the lulz' short, that happens to share a similar idea with it's predecessor (Starlight being angry at all the things).
Regardless of any intended social commentary or lack thereof, it succeeds in being a ridiculous short, and at least in my book was worth a chuckle. Do I agree with Starlight? No. Hardly keeps me from laughing about it though.
8623527
It was more a way for me to vent after seeing the angry comments the book got, with some of the comments Starlight made matching ones I'd read back when gay marriage was legalised in New York and later all of the US (including that sex with animals bit, althoguh the full comment was "why not legalise sex with animals and little boys while we're at it?")
Since some people were asking for a sequel to Starlight Overreacts at around the same time it just sorta worked out - I could write a fun little sequel and vent out some anger.
Also I'd be kinda worried if you agreed with Starlight here :P
It's not an abomination! It's a monumental piece of comedic literature and should be studied by all comedy students!
This story is funny, but it really ought to have a profanity tag on it for the homophobic slurs.