Fall of Harmony

by Moon-Lite

Fall from Grace *EDIT*

Author's Note:

Here it is! The first chapter of Fall of Harmony edited and ready for reading!

Hope you all enjoy~ ^^

Sunset let out a tired sigh as she pulled the collar of her leather jacket up, attempting to wrap her face in as much protection as possible from the raging of the wind and ice that was whipping around her face, freezing the slow tracts of her tears on her reddening cheeks. Pausing from her endless march, her leaden legs thankful for the pausing of motion, Sunset turned her eyes upwards, attempting to pierce the veil of snow and sleet that was hiding everything past her nose. She sighed again before starting once again to lift and place one frozen leg in front of the other, wondering where she went wrong.

Not even an hour ago, she had attempted to meet her friends- or rather former friends it seems from their actions- and give one last argument as to why she was innocent, that she was not behind this Anon-A-Miss on MyStable. She thought back to the start of her week, her emotions high from the enjoyment of the sleep-over at Applejack’s, and how much she now wished that those emotions could have continued, unsullied by the threat of fellow students attacking her, first verbally then physically, and the scorn of those she thought of as more than just friends.

They were family. They said it themselves.

Obviously it meant nothing, as come Wednesday, the day after the Rainboom’s sleepover at Rarity’s, she had been disowned. Somehow the photos of the group’s little fashion show had been uploaded onto the internet, somehow acquired by Anon-A-Miss, and used to both embarrass her former friends, and to slander the good name that Sunset had attempted to gain for herself since the Fall Formal. Everything she had done, ranging from community service, to donating what little time or money she had… She thought it was getting somewhere.

Then the Battle of the Bands happened, and it appeared that it was all for naught. In the end she helped save the school from the Sirens, playing a major part in the final defeat of the three Equestrian beings, and it seemed like she was finally forgiven…

So why was she slogging through ankle high snow drifts in the middle of the biggest blizzard the region had seen in years?

The Rainbooms made it clear that they no longer wanted her.

The students of CHS made it abundantly clear that they shared that opinion, as Sunset had spent all of the day skipping school, afraid she would be attacked again.

One of her hand sorted through one of the pockets of her leather jacket, before bringing the object that caused her so much panic that she skipped school. It was a simple piece of black plastic with a little yellow slide that, when pushed, caused a small, thin, but very sharp blade to come out. Commonly known as a box cutter, this item had been used by a student to attack Sunset, attempting to gain vengeance for the spreading of a secret that she had once again been framed for. Sunset managed to avoid the attack, the student heavyset and obviously not used to such motion, and used the student’s charge to trip the forward moving youth, causing the knife in his hand to fall to the ground.

Sunset had scrambled to pick up the small blade, holding it shakily in front of her, brain frozen for a moment in shock at the fact that someone had just tried to attack her, before she ran away from the school, away from students so hellbent on getting rid of the fiery haired young woman. She flipped the item over in her hands, sliding the blade out and looking at the sharp glint of the blade from the overhead streetlights.

She should have let the student finish the attack.

Fresh tears assaulted her eyes, as she paused once more, looking around and trying to get some kind of landmark to help her recognize where she was. Bright light poured out of a building ahead, a business perhaps she thought, still open even as the blizzard tore through the city.

She couldn’t feel her legs, yet still she tried to will them forward, slowly rising from one shaky leg to the other before, without warning, the frozen ground rushed up to greet her. She laid face down in the snow for a moment, just trying to find something to grasp onto. Her former friends had abandoned her. The princess who reformed her refused to respond to desperate pleas. If she attempted to return home…

Sunset slowly rolled over onto her back, her arms flopping uselessly around her before contacting something. It was small, her fingers slowly grasping it and bringing it before her eyes. The box cutter. Sunset made her decision. If no one wanted her, if no one cared about her, then she would leave. Leave everyone, and everything. She slowly reached her freezing, aching fingers across, up to the cuff of her sleeve, before pulling the pop together clasps apart and rolling the leather down her arm.

She took the blade, broken from the fall somehow, and drew the ragged, chipped blade down her arm.

We trusted you, Sunset.

Crimson liquid bubbled and pooled around the blade as it broke her skin.

We thought you were our friend!

She drew the blade down, the crimson continuing to bubble up in a maddened rush to meet the frozen air.

How could you do this?

The blade continued its slow path down the frozen skin of the teen, who was completely unaware of any feeling now, everything having gone numb.

After all we’ve been through together?

A single tear came to Sunset’s face, freezing instantly from the cold.

You must’ve just been pretending to be our friend, when all along you were just after our secrets!

Sunset pulled the blade away and held the arm above her head, unfazed as she felt droplets fall onto her face, splattering sloppily across the pale flesh. She put the blade down momentarily, using the now bloody arm to tear the sleeve down her other arm, before grabbing the blade once more.

You’re not our friend!

Sunset brought the cold metal down her arm, quicker than she had with the previous arm.

Yer not welcome here, Sunset!

The instrument clattered to the ground, followed by her arms, as she stared up at the falling snow. At least here, in some unknown part of a city, on a world that she wasn’t even born on, she could make things right...

~

The cerise skinned woman waved farewell as she exited the business, a long black bag protecting the coat that she had just picked up from the elements that were raging outside. She hoped that her old beater of a vehicle would start in this cold, suddenly regretting not listening to her boyfriend of many years when he suggested she buy a new one. Shaking her head she started down the road, before pausing. There was something laying in the snow, judging by the way the fluffy white flakes were piled. She slowly crept forward, wondering what it was, before pausing in shock when she noticed what it was. She screamed as she dropped her bag, rushing forward and kneeling as she dug the sunken figure out of the freezing snow. Her cries went answered by the shopkeeper, and older, portly gentleman, who rushed out, broom brandished to help defend his customer. Instead he found her cradling a young woman.

“Quick! Call 911!”

Comments

[Rixec]

Very nice, well handled and smooth. I'm glad everything is going well with your stories back up.

[Moon-Lite]

8814032
So am I~ ^^

I just hope I can edit things well enough >.>

[Frankie2]

I don't mean to be dense, but what was edited?

[Moon-Lite]

8814665
Yup~! ^^

I'm going to be going through Fall of Harmony and Contest of Rivals and editing the stories~ ^^
And by editing I mean fixing spelling mistakes and such, not removing anything ^^;

[Frankie2]

8814931 Ah, fair enough.

[Maldarach]

Hi there :)

I don't know if you're still here some days with this account, but here I am, just for saying my thoughts about one of my favourite stories ever I've read countless times (bear with me ^^).

For many stories, I don't usually look at the dates where it has been released, it's more about when did this story came, according to the episodes or movies of the show.

My point is, you made a really great use of EqG Twilight's family, the Sirens and the Shadowbolts, mixing the events of your own perception of AaM with Friendship Games (I'll talk about Contest of Rivals and most importantly Phoenix in the respective comments) at the time.

I'm not aware about what made you deleting your stories back then (not that I want to know) but I'm glad that you're back with them.

Anyway, I don't have much to say, because I think I'll say more in the other stories, I mean saying I loved it is enough, but I could detail some things yeah.

The whole caring of Sunset by Twilight's family is sure good.
Another "Tartarus hath no fury like Twilight Sparkle scorned" is still something in a story :o.

For now I'll keep up with your other account for Reborn, but keep going!

[TheShadowKnight]

8850512
Who are you talking about?

[Moon-Lite]

8848338
Hiya~! ^^

Thank you for the high praise~! ^///^
I had a lot of fun with these stories, changing elements of the cannon to fit a different narrative, though I am the first to admit that I pretty much blatantly stole ideas from other stories >.>;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I had indeed deleted all the works off of this account in the past, just like how I temporarily unpublished the works on my other account. While I say that I am writing these stories for myself first and foremost I want others to enjoy what I'm creating, and if I get a lot of negative feedback it affects me pretty harshly xP

I am glad the stories are back on this account, and I am currently going through to try and edit the chapters to read smoother, fix errors and the likes, WITHOUT altering the storyline, since there are folks that like this version of the story.

Thanks again for the compliments, and hopefully you continue to enjoy my works, regardless of which account they go on to~! ^^

[ToMahkAros]

Just want to say, I have favorite'd the story and became the 243rd to like it.

[psychosis]

8909620
Well, sure, I don't doubt she knows that kind of language, I do as well. Doesn't mean any high schooler would ever use that kind of language in typical conversation. It just messes with me.

[Golden Fang Ryu Shenron]

“Quick! Call 911!”

Sunset no!

[Golden Fang Ryu Shenron]

8991619

Eeyup, all they succeeded in doing was giving Sunset more emotional scars.

[TheShadowKnight]

9012241
YOU TOO MAN

[Golden Fang Ryu Shenron]

9036322
I know that, I was just surprised that the Sirens not only wanted, but needed to collect the negative energy of people, since its now shown that they didn't really have a choice in the matter.

[fanreader999999]

Stretching.

[Mystic Sunrise]

Yeah. Even the au tag can't save this from the clusterfuck that was the inspiration. It's worse actually because you changed quite a bit.

And yes I read it before I said that. Just too see if all the upvotes were worth it.

[HeartfireFirebrand]

9168135
I pretty confident Twilight is too much of a nerdy bookworm to play Doom yet alone make a calculator run it.

[SennenRyu]

9168491
Nerds love Doom, dude. Especially classic Doom. I speak from experience.

[HeartfireFirebrand]

9215208
Twilight is a book nerd the kind who lives for studying and has no time for anything else

[SennenRyu]

9215361
That's only provably true of Equestrian Twilight, and only until Nightmare Moon. SciTwi still lives with her parents, who would make her take breaks from studying every now and then, and in-continuity with this fic, has already started learning that there's more to life than study thanks to her association with the Sirens. A third thing, SciTwi is not just a total book dork, she is also an absolute tech nerd, and tech nerds love them some Doom.

[HeartfireFirebrand]

9216019
True still I doubt she would program Doom on Sunset's school use calculator due to the school's reputation.

[SennenRyu]

9217198
I'll buy that reasoning.

[HeartfireFirebrand]

9217625
Thank you

[Nighlocktheawesome00]

9434038
Movie Venom. I liked the movie.

[CosmosGalen]

And that's the end.

[Holydude]

9610139
I would say somewhat true i guess from what i hear now a days. But when i say old school i mean old school. Like high school before the 90's heck in the 80's they could be bad... and trust me back then if a kid got violent then the teacher got physical back. But realistically twilight being from the looks of it not that tough would of been way out matched if she started getting violent. I still stick by what i say. She would of got a nice verbal tuning in for her actions.

[Halloween Spirit]

9626517
well with comic book venom you have to think which era you want to take him from golden, sliver, or modern. Movie you spider man 3 which that is not even Venom more Eddi and then you have Venom the movie.

[Golden Fang Ryu Shenron]

9629476
Thanks....

[CrossoverFanficReader]

“Or the fact that me and Vinyl are dating.” Octavia said, “The public outcry would likely be immense that someone who is prim and proper as I would be dating someone who appears so opposite like Vinyl.”

“Or the fact that you two are actually sisters.”

Octavia and Vinyl both did rather spectacular spit takes, ones that Lyra would take to her grave as some of the best she ever saw.
-
..............you......you.......you beat me.....in a contest of evil!
how!?
-
8967195
foreshadowing the end of the chapter in the same chapter...brilliant!
-
8233544
who says legal consequences need to happen? i know a few guys who work....out of reach of the long arm of the law.
they have yet to be caught, because the authorities cannot stop, what they cannot see
-
“It wasn’t violence!” She called out from her desk, “She ran into my hand!” Sonata stood up with her hands on her desk. “I didn’t want those CHS goons to hurt you again!”
-
aand, that's how i got away with three counts of assault, and battery.
-
One by one they all left the room, some to class, some to the nurse's’ office, but before they separated they all looked at each other, Rainbow taking charge once more.

“Let’s start with the mall.”

this cannot, and will not end well for any party involved.
-
oohoohoohoo! i like angry Sci-Twi!

[Zenk]

This story is true gold!
One of my favourite.

[blargg]

I like the story
Good setup, not dawdling on how broken Sunset is for too long
Long distance projection through the portal is a nice touch

Criticisms
Grammar: Bad but readable, D+
Miss use of the word "bigot." It is not a synonym for the word "jerk" nor does it convey malevolence or hatred. All it means is a person that feels above another based on personal beliefs or perceived status
Some plot points are brushed aside, such as Twilight seeing her eye go black
Velvet not insisting that she come to the assembly, there is no reasonable explanation for this. She would have then bore witness to the black eyes as well as a second Twilight
Pony Twilight rage is dumb. She would not have that kind of authority over the elements of harmony. You can't cry friendship while also claiming authority.
Corruption is brushed aside and never dealt with by Pony Twilight, even though she said she would deal with it the moment Sunset came to Equestria
Sunset never plays with her magic again, despite making a ball of fire in the shower
Twilight's canonical pursuit of magic is recognized and then promptly goes away

A bit too much detail about physique during changing and bathing. A few jokes and innuendos is fine, but the high amounts of detail is just creepy.
Don't care about girl/girl or whatever, but why ya gotta bring incest with Octavia and Vinyl into it?

[Spellflame]

10015050
I meant mean in a kind sort of way

[Theresahall]

Just one question why does the end of the story look like the beginning.

[Hoping for death]

10830766
I know I've been posting way too many comments but there were things I just really needed to get off my chest.

[Yubella]

Realistic is a good word to describe some.