Chapter 1
“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Twilight squealed as she put her hooves up on the window of the carriage and watched the lilypads roll by, with bright, twinkling starlight reflected in the large pond. “I can’t believe it! We’re going to a ball!” She zipped over to Sunset Shimmer with a big grin on her face and gave her a hug, knocking over her glasses as she moved. “In Equestria!”
“I’m glad you’re excited,” Sunset said, as Twilight noticed the rather overt display of affection, blushed, cleared her throat and straightened up, to the amusement of her surrounding friends, “but don’t get your hopes up TOO high, okay? Everyone thinks The Grand Galloping Gala is the best thing since sliced oats, but in reality it can be pretty…”
“Boring?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Uppity?” Applejack ventured.
“Filled with rather boorish stallions who act NOTHING like the way a true prince should?” Rarity asked, crossing her front legs in frustration and letting some residual bitterness seep into her voice.
“...I was going to say, ‘awful’, but I sense there’s some history here…” Sunset said. She turned back to Twilight, who was still smiling widely. “Look, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up too high. It’s a pretty formal event, more like an unofficial political assembly than anything.”
“That’s okay,” Twilight said. “I know you guys have all done this before, but it’s a first time for me, so it’s still pretty amazing.”
“Pluuuus,” Pinkie Pie said, “even if The Gala is boring sometimes, it’s still fun if you go with your friends!”
“Speakin’ of which,” Applejack said, “it’s a shame yer friends from Canterlot High couldn’t make it. I’d’ve sort of liked to meet myself...so to speak.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash added, pointing a hoof to herself proudly. “I’m sure the human version of me is the most awesome human out there! Maybe not quuuiiiiite as awesome as I am, but still pretty awesome.”
“Well, yes,” Fluttershy said, nodding a little and giving a tiny, happy smile, “I’d have liked to meet them to. But I’m sure it’d be awfully confusing to have two of each of us around all the time.”
Rarity nodded in agreement. “You’d have to continuously be checking which one you were talking to. And if two of us were standing right next to one another, you’d always have to be clarifying which one you were speaking to.”
“You think THAT’S bad?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Can you imagine if you had to WRITE all this down? Like, you’d have to CONSTANTLY be specifying which version of us was talking at any given time. Whenever anypony did something, you’d need to make a note of exactly which one did it, or the audience would get confused. You couldn’t even really rely on visual clues, because they don’t really come across in writing.” Pinkie Pie looked up to the ceiling, considering something. “I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be too bad with the two Twilights. You could call the one from the human world, ‘Twilight’, and the one from here, ‘Princess Twilight’, to keep it straight...but that may sound weird coming from her friends from Equestria, so I guess WE’D have to call the human Twilight, ‘SciTwi’ and our Twilight, ‘Twilight’. And I guess you could be constantly be making references to THIS Twilight’s glasses, or OUR Twilight’s wings, just to give the audience hints as to who’s talking. But it’d still be a pain.”
Applejack considered this, tapping a hoof against her chin. “I guess if I was writin’ a story like that...I’d find some excuse to keep ‘em separate for most of the scenes. Which reminds me, it’s a shame our Twilight had to head up early to help Princess Celestia get The Gala ready. I’m sure she’d have liked to talk to you more.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said. “She’s finally found someone who can nerd out as much as she can.”
“Hey!” Twilight said, slightly indignant.
“Yeah!” Sunset chimed in, “I can nerd out just as much as she can.”
“That’s the part you take offense to?” Applejack asked.
“No, really, it’s okay,” Twilight said. “Princess Twilight and I caught up a few days ago. It was fun.”
“And conveniently offscreen,” Pinkie Pie said.
“I’m glad Princess Celestia invited you back for the Gala, Sunset,” Fluttershy said. “I, um...heard that the last time you were there, there was some...well...unpleasantness?”
Sunset blushed and awkwardly scratched the back of her head with her hoof. “W-well, I wouldn’t say it was THAT bad...I mean, the damage was...mostly contained to the courtyard.”
“Oh,” Fluttershy said. “Well, I’m glad to hear that everyone’s forgotten about that, then.”
The red hue on Sunset’s face darkened. “Um...w-well...m-maybe not...entirely forgotten.” She pulled a scroll out from her dress and telekinetically unrolled it. “The princess...kind of insisted that I sign this.”
Twilight grabbed the scroll and read out loud. “‘The below signed, one Sunset Shimmer of Equestria-slash-currently-unnamed-human-world, agrees to refrain from doing any of the following for the duration of The Grand Galloping Gala…’” Twilight squinted as she read down the list. “‘Do not burn, skewer, banish to another dimension, or in any way inflict material physical or emotional harm on my nephew, one Prince Blueblood...no matter how much he deserves it’. ‘Visiting dignitaries are to be treated with respect. Turning any of them into potted plants, mice, or any form of invertebrate may sound fun, but it’s a serious diplomatic hassle to clean up later.’” Twilight unrolled more of the scroll and stuck her muzzle closer, the disbelief in her voice growing with each item on the list. “‘Don’t try to take over the world. Just...don’t.’ ‘Any magic items locked away in Canterlot Castle are locked away for a reason. Don’t touch them.’ ‘Don’t summon anything bigger than your head.’ ‘Stay out of the Starswirl the Bearded Wing.’ ‘If, at any point, you feel the need to refer to your actions as Technically Legal, don’t do it.’ Sunset, is this...all stuff you did?”
Sunset slid back in her her seat and gave a tiny, guilty grin. “I...wasn’t always the most...well behaved student, okay?”
Twilight gave an acknowledging shrug. “Still, I thought you and Celestia had patched things up? I’m surprised that she’d make you sign something like this.”
“Um…” Sunset said. “Well...you see...the thing is…”
***One week earlier
“-‘Yes, I know there’s also a lawyer named Technically Legal. If he should feel the need to get involved, you’ve done something wrong.’” Sunset read from the scroll. “‘The castle gardens are currently free of any lakes. Please keep it that way.’” Sunset raised an eyebrow and dropped down the scroll. “Isn’t this...kind of excessive? I mean, I’ve reformed and everything. Do you really need a signed contract that I’ll behave?”
Princess Luna looked down at Sunset Shimmer, giving a strict gaze. “Even if you have reformed, you had quite the tendency to cause trouble, even as a filly, as I hear it.”
Sunset cringed a little at the memory. “E-even so, I-”
“My sister,” Luna interrupted, “has made a habit in recent years of inviting guests to The Gala who she believes will...lighten up the festivities. Twilight’s friends one year. Discord another. I suspect this year is your turn.” Luna paced across the room and looked out the window. “It is…understandable. For a thousand years she had to host this event, by herself. It has gotten rather boring for her. So, she entertains herself in this way. I cannot say I blame her.” Luna turned back to look at Sunset, and a glint appeared in her eyes. “However, I was not here for those thousand years. And since then, I have yet to experience one Grand Galloping Gala that went as planned. Not one. I do not think it is too much to ask that for one year, we refrain from destroying the castle.” Luna looked back outside. “I have prepared a rather spectacular meteor shower for that night. Some of my best work, I believe. And I would like for the guests that night to be able to see it, without having to peek out from whatever hiding place they have been driven into.”
Sunset sighed. “Alright, fine,” she said, then looked back at the scroll. “Can we at least define what you mean by ‘material harm’?”
“It’s a few lines down.”
Sunset scanned down the scroll. “...‘If I need to define what material harm means, you probably shouldn’t do whatever it is you’re thinking of.’” Sunset shrugged. “Fair enough.”
***
“-and it turns out there’s a soldier named ‘Material Harm’ in Canterlot too, which just led to more confusion,” Sunset finished. “But there’s a clause in there specifying that I’m not liable for anything HE does, so I’m good.” She rolled back up the scroll and put it back in her pocket.
“Princess Luna really doesn’t pull any punches,” Twilight said.
“Aww, she’s a sweetheart when you get t’ know her,” Applejack said, waving her hoof. “She’s just nervous about her meteor shower tonight and wants everything to be perfect, but she’s real nice. Why, she even helped out my little sister when she was havin’ some anxiety about her cutie mark.”
“Where is Apple Bloom, anyways?” Sunset asked.
Applejack gave a little huff. “Apparently, she wanted to go on ahead in a carriage with the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Guess she’s too old to arrive with her big sister, ‘n all.”
Rarity gently patted Applejack on the shoulder. “Now, now, Applejack. It’s perfectly normal for our little sisters to want their own space. They are growing up, after all.”
Sunset looked at Rarity, carefully reading her countenance. “You miss Sweetie Belle, don’t you?” Rarity’s composed expression immediately shifted to one of anguished desperation.
“LIKE THE DESERT MISSES THE RAIN!”
***
Twilight gaped at the entrance to the castle, her jaw dropping in awe as she watched the parade of sharply dressed ponies enter the gala in a neat, orderly line. “It’s...amazing!” Twilight said.
“It’s...alright,” Applejack said. “Nuthin’ to get TOO excited about.”
“Oh, don’t listen to her,” an amused, echoing voice said. “From what I hear, she was just as eager as you are now for her first Grand Galloping Gala.”
There was a flash of light, and a Draconequus in a purple and orange polka-dot suit and tophat uncoiled itself from thin air in a clockwise spiral. He snapped his wrist and a top hat appeared in his hand, which he dropped on top of his head. “Pleasure to see you again, SciTwi.”
Sunset raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Twilight. “You two...know each other?”
Twilight broke into a nervous smile. “Uh...maybe?”
“Oh, you didn’t hear about that?” Applejack asked. “Seems Twilight and Discord here nearly started an’ international incident a little while back. I-”
“Nothing big, really!” Twilight said, shoving a hoof over Applejack’s muzzle to keep her from talking. “Just a little, uh...misunderstanding. No one nearly blew up a diplomatic convoy over a bet. That’d be wrong.”
Sunset’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Uh-huh…”.
Discord leaned down and ran a finger through Sunset’s mane. “Oh, don’t worry your pretty little universe-hopping haunch about anything tonight. I’ll be on my best behaviour. Honest.”
Sunset looked up at Discord, skeptical. “Because you’ve reformed and embraced the value of friendship?” Her voice was deadpan and disbelieving.
A halo appeared over Discord’s head in a flash of light, and he clasped his hands together in an exaggerated, prayer gesture. “Of course!” he said. A moment of silence passed, and he coughed. “Plus…” he snapped his fingers and a long scroll materialized and unfurled, hovering in midair, “contractual obligations.” Sunset levitated the scroll over to herself and examined it closely.
“She got to you too?” she asked. Discord scratched the back of his neck.
“Well…”
***Two weeks earlier
“...‘No trapping ponies in hedge mazes and turning them against one another. I shouldn’t have to write this down, but apparently, I do.’” Discord read from the scroll Luna had presented to him, shuffling further and further down with no apparent end to the parchment in sight. “‘No impressions. No one here gets what you’re referencing anyways.’ Oh come on! Everyone LOVES my impressions!”
“No one understands them,” Luna said. “Except maybe Pinkie Pie. And whenever I ask her to explain them to me, she just says she can’t because of ‘copyright issues’.”
Discord gave a ‘humph’ and continued reading. “‘No taking ponies' figurative expressions and making them literal. In particular, I expect for there to be no flying pigs, elephants in any of our rooms, or for anyone’s ears to be literally burning.’ ‘If something did not start the evening sentient, it should not gain sentience over the course of the evening.’” Discord dropped the scroll and gave a smirk. “And why, exactly, do you think I’d sign this? Have you forgotten? I’m Discord! The King of Chaos? Spirit of Disharmony? I’m not exactly one for playing by the rules.”
“I thought I would ask nicely, and you would listen to reason,” Luna said. Discord gave a loud, boisterous laugh.
“Not likely,” he said. He snapped his fingers and the scroll burst into flames.
Luna shrugged. “Suit yourself. Plan B, then.” Luna’s horn glowed dark blue and the doors to the castle ballroom swung open, revealing a small, and very much trying to make herself smaller, pony.
“Um...hello, Discord,” Fluttershy said. Discord frowned, crossed his arms, and glared down at Luna.
“This is a rather transparent manipulation, isn’t it?” he asked. Luna shrugged.
“Sometimes, the simplest plans are the best.”
“Um...Discord…” Fluttershy said, hiding her face behind her pink hair. “Princess Luna has asked for me to ask you, very nicely, to agree not to cause any trouble at The Gala this year.” Her eyes darted, left and right, clearly nervous. “I-I mean, y-you don’t HAVE to, if you don’t want to. But, um…” Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper. “Luna’s been working really hard on the meteor shower for that night, and she’s really looking forward to it. So, um, you know...if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, if you could-”
“Alright, alright!” Discord said, waving his hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. “I’ll sign, okay? Just, make it stop!”
Luna smirked, her horn glowed blue, and another copy of the scroll appeared in a puff of smoke. “To think, if we had had Fluttershy around one-thousand years ago, we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.”
***
Discord crossed his arms in a huff, comically overextending his lower jaw past his upper teeth in an aggravated expression. “Luna fights dirty…” he mumbled.
“I think it was very nice of you to agree to behave for a night,” Fluttershy said, giving a small smile. Discord immediately dropped the sour expression.
“Well...you know me,” he said, placing his hand on his chest proudly. “Always happy to help.”
Normally, an eye roll does not make a sound. But when four ponies roll their eyes in unison, the aggregate effect can add up to something audible.
“Well, I need to be off. Ponies to see, chaos to sprea-wait,” Discord examined the scroll. “Well, ponies to see, at any rate. Be seeing you!” With a snap of his fingers he vanished in a flash of light.
“He seems nice,” Twilight said, with an innocent smile. Twilight, Sunset noted, was a girl of many talents. In the time she and Twilight had been dating, Sunset had been mentally cataloging those talents, in a kind of secret admiration for her girlfriend. And, with that admiration in mind, she very consciously did NOT add ‘good judge of character’ to that list.
The group made their way up the steps of the castle, chatting lightly until they came to the top of the staircase.
“Girls,” Princess Celestia said, giving a small, welcoming bow. “Welcome to The Grand Galloping Gala.”
“I’m so glad you all could make it!” Princess Twilight said, twitching her wings up in excitement.
“Me too!” Twilight said, quickly adjusting her glasses straight.
“You see what I’m talking about?” Pinkie Pie said, to no one in particular.
“We’ve got to stay here for the moment,” Princess Twilight said, slighting pointing her horn down to the line of ponies behind them, “but we’ll be in The Gala shortly, and we can catch up then.”
“Don’t worry,” Sunset said, “I won’t burn the place down before then.” Then added, “I’m...legally obligated not to.”
Celestia gave a small smile. “Yes, my sister is rather insistent on keeping the festivities...calm this year. But I’m sure we’ll all have fun.”
With that, the group moved into The Gala. Twilight’s eyes widened as she saw the extravagant ballroom, the crystal chandelier, the enormous, golden statue of an alicorn standing on the golden and purple pedestal on the far side of the ballroom. “Wow…” Twilight said, all the splendor of The Gala reflecting in her eyes. “It’s...it’s...incredible!”
“Yeah...bit of advice,” Rainbow Dash said, flying up over Twilight’s shoulder and pointing to the golden alicorn. “Don’t get too close to that statue. It’s waaaaay more unstable than it looks.”
“Come on,” Sunset said as she trotted forward a little bit, “I think I see Starlight Glimmer over by the punch bowl, and I could use a drink.”
As they approached, the light purple unicorn spotted them and waved. “Hey guys!” Starlight said. “Sunset, Twilight, nice to see you two again!”
“Thanks!” Twilight said.
“We just got here,” Sunset said, “how’s The Gala been so far? Anything blow up yet?”
“Nope,” Starlight said. “Just...lots and lots of ponies I don’t know...all gathered in one place, trying to make eye contact and conversation with me…” Starlight’s smile started to appear rather forced and nervous. “Asking about me...inviting me to visit them later...nothing that makes me uncomfortable at ALL!” Starlight started to breathe heavier and produced a brown paper bag, which she blew into desperately.
“Whoa there,” Applejack said, gently patting Starlight on the back. “It’ll be okay girl, don’t worry.”
“Of course it will,” a confident voice interrupted and a light blue unicorn in a star-adorned dress and pointy hat trotted forward. “Because I, The Great and Powerful Trixie...am here to help you get through it.”
“Oh...hey there, Trixie,” Applejack said, “I didn’t know you’d be here this year.”
Trixie gave a smug grin. “Well, Starlight got a ‘plus one’ ticket. So, naturally she invited me, her BEST and CLOSEST friend, to come along with her.”
Twilight bit her lip anxiously. “Um...no offense, but I did see your stage show a little while back. And I liked it and all, but...well, it was kind of...over the top. You aren’t...planning anything like that for tonight, are you?”
Trixie put on an exaggerated offended expression. “Twilight! I am surprised at you! I’m here as Starlight’s FRIEND, a comfort to her in a stressful situation! Don’t you think that’s more important to me than putting on some show?”
Twilight looked down at the ground in shame. “You’re right, Trixie. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“-and then there’s this,” Trixie said. Her hat levitated off of her head and a scroll fell out and unravelled, revealing a long list and Trixie’s signature at the bottom, surrounded in stars and looking altogether more like an autograph than a legal proof of identity.
“Wow,” Sunset said, “Luna’s been really thorough about this.”
Trixie cleared her throat dramatically and started to read through the list in a projected stage voice. “‘The Great and Powerful Trixie shall leave the smoke bombs at home.’ ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie will be held accountable for any visitations of Ursa Major, Minor, or any as of yet undiscovered species of the Ursa genus during The Grand Galloping Gala.’ ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie will limit any stage magic performed at The Gala to card tricks.’ ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie shall refrain from bringing along any item that requires any form of identification to legally purchase.’”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Did Luna really add, ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’ to every one of these?”
Trixie smiled proudly. “Yes, she did.”
“It was literally the only thing she had to do to get Trixie to sign it,” Starlight said.
“Wow,” Twilight said, “it seems like Luna’s gotten just about every reformed villain in Equestria to agree to behave themselves tonight.”
“Uh…” Fluttershy said, gently scraping her hoof against the floor and looking down at her own reflection.
“Yeah…” Applejack said, in a tone that was likely a competitor for the Equestrian Book of Records entry for ‘most obvious evasion’. “It...seems like she did!”
“Definitely...JUST the reformed villains,” Rainbow Dash said.
***One week and one day ago
“‘The Gala has dedicated weather pegasi on hand,’” Rainbow Dash read. “‘As such, there is no need for you to so much as touch a weather cloud for the entire evening.’”
“‘If I find, am given, or otherwise come into possession of, any magical object covered in spikes, I will first bring it to one of the princesses or their staff before using it myself,’” Rarity said, reading from her own scroll.
“‘I am completely allowed to visit the palace gardens to see the animals. However, if at any point I find my eye twitching, I should probably come inside and cool down,’” Fluttershy added. “I, um...well, that’s fair…”
“‘Get some sleep the night before The Gala,’” Applejack read.
“‘In the past year, we have had to rebuild or repair three of the walls in the castle ballroom,’” Pinkie Pie read from her scroll, which was considerably longer than the rest of her friends'. “‘Please keep from breaking the fourth one.’”
“Doesn’t this all seem a little...excessive?” Applejack asked. “Ah mean, these are all mistakes we’ve made before. We learned from ‘em, it’s real unlikely we’re gonna repeat them.”
“Yeah,” Pinkie Pie said. “We’ve got the benefit of hindsight.”
“Be that as it may,” Luna conceded, “I’m taking no chances with The Gala this year. Speaking of which, can you three give these to your sisters as well?” Luna produced three more scrolls, which she levitated over to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.
“‘You already have your cutie marks,’” Applejack read. “‘Therefore, there is no need to attempt to become any of the following: Cutie Mark Crusaders Demolition Experts, Cutie Mark Crusaders Artillery Experts, Cutie Mark Crusaders Ghost Busters…’ Wait, no Cutie Mark Crusaders Ghost Busters?” Applejack asked. “Then who you gonna call?”
“I have a question about this section here,” Rarity said, turning her scroll around and tapping it with her quill. “The section referring to your nephew...can you define what you mean by ‘material harm’?”
“That should be fairly self-evident,” Luna said.
“Well then, suppose-and this is merely a hypothetical, mind you-that he, completely by accident you see, found his way into-”
“If I need to define what material harm means, you probably shouldn’t do whatever it is you’re thinking of,” Luna said and then, as a thought struck her, she lifted up Rarity’s scroll. “In fact, you know what? I’m just adding that right in.” She jotted down a few more lines in blue ink and returned it to Rarity.
“You do realize that it’s mostly Celestia who enjoys making The Gala more exciting, right?” Rainbow Dash asked. Luna nodded.
“Yes, and she should be getting HER contract any moment now.”
Echoing through the halls of Canterlot Castle, a distant, regal voice could be heard yelling, “Luna! Why is there what appears to be a small forest’s worth of paper where my desk normally is?”
***
“So,” Twilight said, turning to Starlight Glimmer, “I take it Luna made you sign some comically long and detailed contract too?”
Starlight smiled proudly. “Actually, my contract is very short.” She levitated up a small piece of paper, containing only a single line, written in intricate, blue cursive:
“No magic.”
Sunset and Twilight exchanged glances, then looked back to Starlight Glimmer who was still smiling broadly. “Um…” Twilight said. “That’s...very nice.”
“Yeah,” Sunset said. “Good...job, Starlight.”
“Isn’t that sort of the worst one?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I mean, even for Discord she felt the need to spell everything he couldn’t do out, doesn’t this kind of imply-ow!” Rainbow Dash glared down at Rarity, who had poked Rainbow Dash with her horn and gave a ‘shush’ gesture. “I-I mean, great job, Starlight. Only one item on your list. That’s...great.”
“Good evening,” a regal voice came from behind the table, and Luna approached the group. “I trust you are all having a good time?”
“Oh, yeah,” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing up and down in place. “I can’t WAIT to see all my friends from Canterlot while I’m here!”
“I’m just glad not to be on door duty this time,” Sunset said, then shuddered at the memory. “I do NOT pity Princess Twilight.”
“It’s all so amazing,” Twilight said, gesturing to the splendor surrounding her. “I’m still sort of taking it all in.”
Luna nodded happily. “Well, I am glad. I hope that you-”
“Now, now, dear sister,” Celestia broke in as she trotted over to the refreshment table, with Princess Twilight by her side, “I hope you aren’t bothering our guests with even more contractual obligations?”
Luna lifted her muzzle proudly. “I think you’ll find, dear sister, that I have no need to do any such thing. I have this evening planned out to perfection. I have contingency plans within contingency plans. Every possible point of failure has been accounted for and addressed. I assure you, dear sister, that absolutely nothing will stop this from being the best-”
A bugle played a few, quick notes in the background. “Announcing-” a formal voice spoke from the entryway.
“-night-”
“-the Crystal Prep Academy Shadowbolts!”
“-ever! Wait.” Luna’s eyes went wide as the bugler’s announcement registered in her orderly, royal brain. “The Shadowbolts? I thought I made those up.”
“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Twilight said as the ponified versions of her schoolmates made their way into The Gala. “What are you guys doing here?” she asked as soon as they had come within talking distance.
“I believe it’s called a ‘running gag’,” Sugarcoat said.
“Hi Sugarcoat!” Pinkie Pie said, standing on her hind legs and waving enthusiastically.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Twilight said, sighing and massaging the ridge of her muzzle over her glasses. “You guys would go this far to stalk me? Crash an event like this in another dimension?”
“Relax, Twilight,” Indigo Zap said, flapping her wings and lifting herself into the air. “We’re not here to stalk you.”
“We were invited,” Sour Sweet said. Sugarcoat’s horn glowed, and five, golden tickets lifted up and hovered in midair. “Which was soooo sweet to get. Even if this place looks a shinier version of a dollhouse.”
Twilight looked at the tickets Sugarcoat was holding up in confusion. “I don’t get it...how did you guys get tickets?”
Luna immediately swung around to Celestia, who was whistling nonchalantly. “Tia,” she said, through gritted teeth, “what did you do?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Celestia said.
“I checked the guest list,” Luna said. “I knew everyone on there.”
“Really?” Celestia said, her voice full of feigned surprise. “I suppose someone must have left a page off of it...silly, really, it’s so easy to lose things like that…”
“How did you even get tickets to them?” Sunset asked. “They live in another dimension.”
***Six days earlier
Parcel Post stood in front of the lunch table at Crystal Prep Academy, carefully examining the students sitting there, then the address on the letter he was carrying. “Are you five, ‘The Crystal Prep Academy Shadowbolts’?” he asked. The five bewildered girls nodded. “Oh, good. I have a letter for you, then.” Parcel Post dropped the letter on the table, which Sour Sweet picked up.
“What’s in it?” Sour Sweet asked.
“Believe it or not, I don’t make it a point to open up the mail I’m delivering,” Parcel Post said.
“Wait…” Indigo Zap snatched the letter out of Sour Sweet’s hand and examined the address closely. “How in the world did you actually deliver this? The address just says, ‘Crystal Prep Academy Shadowbolts, Unnamed Human World’...then the next line just says, ‘I don’t know...I hear there’s a city pretty close to the portal. Maybe ask somewhere there where to find the academy?’”
Despite having apparently crossed dimensions and undergone a body-changing transformation, Parcel Post seemed completely unfazed. “I deliver mail to Discord,” he said. “In a horrifying pocket dimension filled with pony-eating monstrosities and no fixed layout. At least once a week. This is comparatively simple.”
“That sounds terrifying,” Sugarcoat said. “Your job sounds terrible.” Parcel Post shrugged.
“You get a ten-percent pay bump for interdimensional travel, and any time you spent trapped in an alternate dimension counts as overtime, so it’s not that bad.” He reached into his satchel and pulled out another letter. “Maybe you can help me out with this one, though? I’m looking for, ‘The Smooze’. And the address is just a line of question marks.”
***
Luna’s eyes were wide and her pupils small as the pure shock of the moment overcame her. “I...don’t have any contracts written up for them…” she said.
“Hey!” Sour Sweet yelled, charging towards a passing stallion and backing him up against the wall. “What’re YOU looking at, hotshot?”
“I-I-I’m not Hot Shot!” the stallion said. He pointed across the room. “Hot Shot is over there!”
“You see, dear sister,” Celestia said, trotting around her with a tiny smile, “your mistake here is that you spent all your time and energy trying to solve for past mistakes. Which is all well and good, but in general those are problems that are already solved. Sunset Shimmer, Discord, Twilight and her friends, they were all very unlikely to repeat the mistakes they’ve made in the past.”
“This music’s boring,” Lemon Zest said, flying up on the stage and pushing the band off with her head. “Here, this’ll be WAY better!”
“But a group that hasn’t been here before, and hasn’t had nearly the same amount of experience with friendship is far more likely to make The Gala a little more...exciting.”
“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” Indigo Zap yelled, waving wildly. “Check THIS out!” she flapped her wings and took off into the air, circling around the ballroom in long ellipses, blowing over cups, silverware, and a large ice sculpture of a pegasus, which shattered on the floor.
“She’s actually pretty good,” Sunset Shimmer said as she followed Indigo Zap’s orbit around the ballroom with her eyes.
“Uh-huh,” Twilight said. There was a moment of silence as a realization hit Sunset.
“Did...she ever learn how to land?” she asked.
CRASH
“Apparently not,” Twilight said. The chandelier Indigo Zap had smashed into came loose and swung unbalanced for a moment before crashing down onto the ballroom floor.
“Oh! Oh!” A mare yelled from underneath one of the arms of the chandelier. “I think I’ve twisted my hoof! I need a lawyer!”
“Did someone say ‘lawyer’?!” A male voice came from the panicked crowd, and a brown earth pony zipped up to the mare. “Hi! I’m Technically Legal, and I’m here with my brothers-and law partners-'Barely', 'Arguably', and 'Kinda'.” As Technically Legal said each name, another brown pony ran up next to him, each sporting a wide, overly friendly grin.
He flipped down a business card, which read, “Law Firm of Legal, Legal, Legal, and Legal: No, we do not think we protest too much. Thank you for asking.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow and gave the lawyer earth pony a questioning look. “Don’t you have a sister too?”
“Oh, you mean, ‘Completely’? Why, yes, but to be honest, she’s sort of the black sheep of the family. But we have high hopes for her daughter, ‘Perfectly’!”
“Are they doing a bit?” Twilight asked, tilting her head questioningly.
“It’s tough to say…” Sunset said.
“Noooooo!” Luna yelled, causing a bolt of lightning to flash in the distance. “All my hard work! Ruined! Ruined!”
Princess Twilight leaned into her unicorn doppelganger's ear and whispered, “I’m going to give you the same piece of advice Princess Celestia gave my the first time I went to The Grand Galloping Gala.”
Twilight tilted her head quizzically. “What’s that?”
“Run.”
“That’s our cue,” Sunset said, wrapping her foreleg around Twilight and pulling her away with a quick, ‘whoosh’.
***
“Where are we?” Twilight asked as Sunset guided them through the empty castle hallways.
“Just another section of the castle,” Sunset said. “It’s normally off-limits to guests, but I lived here for a good chunk of my childhood. I know my way around. Here,” Sunset came to a staircase and gestured up it with her hoof. “This is what I wanted to show you.”
Twilight started to walk towards the staircase automatically, then stopped as she noticed the plaque by the side of the doorway. “The Starswirl the Bearded Wing?” Twilight read, then raised an eyebrow teasingly. “Aren’t you supposed to keep out of there? There’s a whole contract about it.”
Sunset shrugged and gave a flirtatious smile. “Well, I am a criminal, afterall. But, if you don’t want to come along…”
“Hey, I didn’t sign any contract,” Twilight said, gently galloping after Sunset Shimmer.
The look on Twilight’s face as Sunset toured her through the Starswirl the Bearded Wing reminded her of a little filly on her first Hearth’s Warming Morning. Each historical artifact, piece of etheric equipment, and antique painting held her complete attention. And while Twilight was gazing on the pieces of Equestrian history, Sunset was watching her. The smile on her face, she thought, was the most beautiful thing she could imagine.
“This is amazing,” Twilight said, spinning around and looking up at the bookcases that surrounded her. “How did you know to bring me here?” she asked.
“Call it a hunch,” Sunset said. She walked over to the balcony and sat down. “Come on over here, I want to show you something.”
Twilight followed and sat down, laying her head down on the top of Sunset’s foreleg. A shooting star flew past, followed by another, and another.
“Wow…” Twilight said, as more and more meteors fell, covering the sky in a blanket of white. “It’s beautiful,” she said, and gave Sunset a small kiss.
“I’m...sorry,” Sunset said, blushing at the kiss. Twilight looked up at her, confused.
“For what?”
“I really wanted this to be the best night ever for you,” Sunset said. “I...really didn’t want The Gala to be ruined. I hoped that you’d enjoy it.”
“But I did enjoy it,” Twilight said, giving Sunset a playful nudge with her head. “Yeah, it got kinda crazy down there...but, well, that’s fun too. It’s certainly something I’ll remember.” She nuzzled Sunset’s neck affectionately. “And this is nice. Just the two of us.”
Sunset wrapped her forelegs around Twilight and petted her mane. “Yeah. It is.” She levitated a small, wooden box out from her dress and passed it over to Twilight. “I...wanted to give you this.”
Twilight opened the box, and gasped at what she saw inside: a heart-shaped locket with the words, “Will you be my very special somepony?” engraved on the inside, attached to a gold chain.
“Well, I’m not usually a pony,” Twilight said as she put on the necklace. “But I thiiiiiink you know that the answer is ‘yes’ by this point.”
With that, Sunset and Twilight watched as the meteor shower continued to paint the sky in streaks of white, wrapped in each other’s forelegs.
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Awwwwwww! Very sweet
and funny! 
very good story i loved it this unvierse still needs more stories
a story with celestia telling scitwi embarrassing stories from sunsets child hood would be great
write it or else ill tie you up and trap you in a room with a drunk pinkie pie no wait BOTH pinkie pies drunk
7831020 Thank you so much!
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!
7831029 Hehe, I'm glad you're enjoying this series! To be fair, there is a brief scene in the previous story with Celestia sharing some stories that Sunset's...less than proud of
But you're right, it's not a complete story. Thanks for reading! 
Since Sunset is living in the other world would it be possible if she has a pet?
The meta is strong in this one. I'm not sure where to even start with all the stuff that made me laugh in this story, but suffice it to say that you pulled out all the jokes and executed them perfectly. Especially the contracts and the name skits.
I'm also not sure if I'm glad or disappointed you didn't go with the other running gag of the Grand Galloping Gala; namely, Princess Celestia giving the exact same talk to Twilight at the end (I'm not sure if she was paraphrasing in the Smooze episode, but when I watched it I could've sworn that they copied her lines at the end word by word from "The Best Night Ever").
P.S.: I think it's spelled "Uppity", unless it's her accent.
7831092 Yeah, I don't see why not...we never really see anything about her home in canon, so why not, right? Why do you ask?
7831103 Hehe, I really like meta humor, so I kind of went all out with it this time around...I was kind of afraid I was going overboard, but I just couldn't resist...I honestly hadn't noticed Celestia giving Twilight the same talk every time...I think the themes are pretty similar, buuuut...I'm just not sure how I'd work it in this time around
Aaaaaand it looks like you're right about the spelling...thanks for pointing it out, I fixed it! Thank you so much for reading and faving! 
I hope you continue to like what's coming!
I'm writing a story involving an infinite number of Twilight Sparkles right now.
I KNOW THIS PAIN.
I also greatly appreciated the meta-humor for the same reason. Another very fun entry in this ongoing story/ universe/ thing.
7831310 Hehe, as much as I love Equestria Girls, that's the danger in writing fanfic about it, unless you keep the universe completely quarantined from Equestria...sigh...at least in a visual medium, you can put in some simple visual cues to tell them apart (I'm lookin' at you, SciTwi with your glasses and distinctly different hairstyle!)
Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the meta humor
Thank you for reading, and for following!
7831166 Sunset's house would be kind of lonely and she needs a pet to feel like a part of her heart more whole. You get what I'm saying?
7831068 im getting the pinkies liqured up so you better write something in a few days
On one hand, poor Luna. On the other hoof, the sunlight was cute as hell. As always
7831524 Why thank you!
And if it makes you feel any better, Sunset and Twilight really enjoyed her meteor shower for the night. That's gotta be worth something.
Sorry Luna, but you cannot beat Celestia. Also, Blueblood gets everything he deserves, you shouldn't stop it.
I like how Pinkie was the first to break her contract by breaking the fourth wall right as they arrived.
Okay TECHNICALLY it wasn't the ballroom's 4th wall, but Technicalities were pretty well covered in the contracts.
... and on that day, a loud smack could be heard across all dimensions, which came from a single teen facepalming...
*inhale*
... *exhale*
... FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
... Oh, that's nice...
Overall, an excellent story.
The Rule of Murphy has spoken...
“Did someone say ‘lawyer’?!” A male voice came from the panicked crowd, and a brown earth pony zipped up to the mare. “Hi! I’m Technically Legal, and I’m here with my brothers-and law partners-'Barely', 'Arguably', and 'Kinda'.”
Their mother, Minor Technicality, is very proud of her boys.
I am SO stealing this. I don't even know what sort of fic I can use it in, I just know I have to use it. :D
This had a lot of funny moments. I don't often break out into a grin when I read something, even when I'm appreciating the comedy, but here I definitely did it a few times (at the "then who you gonna call?" bit and when the Shadowbolts arrived, and probably a few more times I forgot). I feel bad for Luna, though.
Though more than anything it does make me wish we had a more detailed account of how all of these ponies met, because IIRC the only previous story with them in Equestria was that date one, and it sorta glossed over everything too. Seems like a bit of a wasted opportunity when the Shadowbolts have all been in Equestria several times and yet we didn't see them meet the mane 6 and Starlight and others. And I don't think we've seen Sunset and Sci-Twi meeting the pony versions of their friends for the first time... Unless I'm forgetting a bunch of flashbacks or something.
Ah, I love the running gag of the Shadowbolts showing up. Though it really says something that Starlight can't be trusted to use any magic unsupervised- even Discord has more common sense (he knows the things he does are crazy).
Poor Luna, Trollestia got her.
Well, they say plans don't survive contact with the enemy. At least Luna didn't get (Princess) Twilight's help in trying to prepare for everything possible, that would have probably led to everything be covered in bubble wrap.
This was hilarious. But poor Sci-Twi can't catch a break from her former schoolmates.
Well now I know it isn't going to go well. So much for suspense. Meh, whatever...I'll at least check this story out.
This right here is a beautiful use of a meta joke.
Once again I am remebered why I hate trolls, Trollestia and probably Celestia. What she did was pretty inconsiderate of her to ruin Luna's plan and just call it a "lesson".
Still it was a good one-shot and the ending was very sweet. Also, while I love the Shadowbolts running gag, their life must be pretty boring If they love so much to spy on Sci-Twi's love life and dates.
WOW, that's a lot more comments than I was expecting! Thank you all so much for your kind comments!
7831795 Hehe, maybe he does, but family is family...and Luna would rather the castle not be destroyed while somepony is trying to teach him some manners
thanks for reading!
7831835 Haha, I was wondering if anyone would notice that. Though, to be fair, for most of the time she's just leaning on it...though her comment when Twilight and SciTwi are talking to each other probably crosses right into breaking it
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the fave!
7831887 Hehehe...I really couldn't resist with the meta joke there, or having The Shadowbolts show up. I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks for reading!
7831942 I'm sure she is!
Though she sort of wishes her daughter would mature a little bit, and stop worrying about little things like, "scruples" or, "whether or not this is ambulance chasing." 
Thanks for reading!
7832044 Go for it, made. I'm glad you liked the joke
I actually considered leaving it out, I was afraid it went on for too long...but I couldn't bring myself to do it! Thanks for reading, and thanks for the fave!
7832180 Achievement Unlocked: Made SuperBowl grin
For whatever it's worth, Luna's meteor shower was still enjoyed...even if it was, in many cases, from underneath rubble. Most of those moments you mention, you're right, they haven't come up yet...the only exception maaaaay be that it's mentioned that Starlight Glimmer gave The Shadowbolts directions to get out of Twilight's castle, but yeah, that's about it. There are a couple of reasons why a lot of those meetings haven't come up yet. The biggest one is pretty boring: I haven't thought of any good jokes to make about them yet 
And I like to write these stories at basically the pace I can think of jokes for them, figuring I can fill in the details. The second reason is the same reason why I didn't really show Sunset's reconciliation with Celestia: I feel like it's a concept that's been done a lot, and I'm not sure I have much that's new to add. Having The Shadowbolts meet them might be new, but there are a lot of stories out there with Sunset and SciTwi meeting the Equestrian counterparts of their friends, and I don't want to just copy that, if that makes sense. But, if I do come up with some ideas for it that I like, I'll definitely write them 
Thanks again for reading!
7832201 Hehe, I imagine that Luna TRIED to come up with a complete, inclusive list of all the things Starlight wouldn't be allowed to do, then just went, "You know what? It's probably best if she doesn't use magic at all that night." And yeah, it's probably for the best she didn't enlist Twilight's help with this
Things were getting obsessively checked enough as it was. Thanks for reading!
7832359 hehe, not at all! Though, in this universe, they're still her current classmates. I'm writing based off of the alternate ending to Friendship Games where Twilight goes back to Crystal Prep. I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks for the fave!
7832408 I sort of see The Grand Galloping Gala as being like a Roadrunner cartoon. No one really expects the coyote to win, but we keep watching to see him fail in an entertaining manner
Thanks for reading!
7832425 Meta jokes are best jokes
Well, some of my favorite, anyways. I'm glad you liked it! 
Thanks for reading!
7832459 Hehe, those were some of my favorite lines to write right there...and Derpy would have made a good delivery pony for this section, but I also sort of wanted to make that callback to Parcel Post delivering Discord his ticket
Thanks for reading! 
I'm so glad you liked it!
7832623 Awww, I'm sorry to hear that. My intention was for it to come off more as playful and comedic than inconsiderate, but I could see how it could come across that way. I'm glad you liked it anyways! Thanks for reading, and thanks for the fave!
7832657 Oh... The extra scenes. Forgot about them.
7832657 And thank you for thanking me. now thank me for thanking you for thanking me and we can start a bizarre thank-ception here!
Especially the Shadowbolts showing up AGAIN!
Cheers to another great story before the New Year!
Cheers!
There are very few times I actually laugh out loud at a fanfic, and this is one of those times.
My favourite part is probably…
That's one of the reasons I just love Starlight Glimmer!
Who would it be more entertaining for Blueblood to come across: Sugarcoat or Sour Sweet?
I personally would have liked to have seen more of the damage caused by the Shadowbolts, but it's still a pretty entertaining story overall.
7832711 I'm glad you liked it
And that The Shadowbolts gag apparently hasn't overstayed its welcome. Thanks for reading, and for the fave, and a happy new year to you!
7832943
I take it as a personal point of pride if I'm able to make a reader genuinely laugh, so I'm glad I managed it with you! 
I was building up to that joke from the very beginning, in my mind, sort of with the imagery that Luna's been getting more and more specific with each contract, until finally she gets to Starlight Glimmer and just gives up on trying to solve every problem that can possible come up, and just gets to the root of it. Thanks for the fave! 
7832961 I'd think Sour Sweet, and I'd toyed around with Blueblood being the one she's yelling at near the end there, rather than just some random stallion. I ultimately ditched the idea because I think it would have cluttered the scene, which already had a lot going on, but I imagine it'd be entertaining to see him get chewed out by a girl who's just having NONE of his horse apples
I'll fully admit that The Shadowbolt's rampage got kind of cut short, partly because I wanted to move on to the Sunlight moments, and partially because a lot of the damage they could do would be mostly physical humor that's tough to get across in the written word. Anyways, I'm glad you liked it! 
Thanks for reading!
Pinkie's been letting Sugarcoat in on trade secrets while sneaking off with her
7833121 Oh yeah
I've been writing Sugarcoat like Pinkie's ability to lean on/break the fourth wall has been rubbing off on her. Thanks for reading, and for the fave! 
It's funny how people hate and flanderize Blueblood and completely obvious to a fact that Rarity back then behave like a stupid and shallow golddigger.
7832657 I actually don't remember reading any stories where the Shadowbolts go to Equestria, maybe I'm forgetting something, but most Shadowbolt stuff I can name is Jay-the-brony's series of short stories, then the "Shadowbolt Adventures" series and that one series of second person stuff with Sour-Sweet. If you know of good stories where the Shadowbolts go to Equestria that you don't want to copy, maybe you can direct me to them?
(you're right about Sunset making up with Celestia though, it's pretty predictable how that would go and it's been done by everyone in almost the same way).
This was a good one!
I enjoyed the meta jokes quite a lot, and I really didn't expect
the Equestrian Inquisitionthe Shadowbolts to show up. Score this one for Trollestia!7837476 I think I may have worded that poorly, I more meant that I'd read a lot of stories about the CHS crew from Equestria Girls making their way to Equestria/meeting their alternate counterparts. I don't actually think I've read a lot about The Shadowbolts actually visiting Equestria, and it's a concept I'd like to explore more...just ideas for it haven't been flowing yet
Sorry I don't have any fiction like that!
7837854 NoPONY expects The Shadowbolts! Their main weapon is
Thanks for reading and for the fave!
fearsnarkiness.Fear and surpriseSnarkiness and stalking. I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Meta jokes are my favorite...and I was sort of afraid I was going overboard with them here, so I'm glad you enjoyed them!7838028 Come to think of it, I haven't read many (any?) stories that heavily featured the mane6 meeting the humane6. At most what I encounter is the Twilights and sometimes, weirdly, Celestias. I feel like I remember, like, one story with the whole gang from sometime waaaaaaaay back, but that doesn't count.
7838194 The one I recall most clearly is "The In–Between Place" by "Voidbinder" (though it's on hiatus): https://www.fimfiction.net/story/326177/the-inbetween-place
For some reason I'm having trouble finding them right now, but there was one featured a little while back that had Sunset Shimmer visiting Equestria again, and smuggling her friends from CHS back with her. And there was one really funny one I read where Sunset Shimmer gets turned into an Alicorn, and her friends went with her to her coronation and...well, apparently insanity happened
And the whole story just takes place in a fast food restaurant with her any Twilight reflecting on what happened. For some reason I'm having some trouble digging them up...
So, maybe those stories aren't written as often as I thought
For some reason I was under the impression that they were way more popular than they seem to be.
Dammit Celestia, can't you let your sister have just one nice thing?
It's no wonder the whole Nightmare Moon thing happened.
7838221 If you remember the titles of those stories, I'd love a link
Or you can just go ahead and write about that stuff yourself! 
The struggle is real Pinkie.
YES! Love the comedy! That was really funny.
Very good story, very funny. Well done
7838686 So...very...real...
Glad I was able to make you laugh! Or...smile, at least, hopefully!
Thanks for reading, and for faving!
7838735 Thank you so much!
I'm glad you found it funny! Thanks for reading! 
7838769
Oh it most defiantly made me laugh. I love the fic! Keep up the great work!
As fun as it would be, this is a perfect explanation about why it would almost never work.
7839825 Yeah, there are just some logical limitations when you write fanfiction like this...especially with a cast of characters this long. Doubling it, and making them nearly impossible to tell apart, is a really difficult juggling act, sadly. Not that no one could ever pull it off, but it'd be really difficult, I think.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the fave!
7840188 So you wouldn't write it if someone dared you to write a story involving thirteen different Pinkie Pies from varying universes with the story name being 'The Baker's Dozen Bakers?'
7838333
I know what the one with the fast food restaurant is! It's called "The Coronation". Short, but worth a read. Most of the chaos is left to the reader's imagination.
7840283 Haha, that's oddly specific. But that's exactly the sort of problem that comes up with using duplicates. Normally it's fine in cartoons, when you can give one a hat or something an the audience will at least recognize that character as being the same one so long as it has that same, identifying feature, but it's harder to get across in print...not to mention, having to say their names so often: "So Pinkie said to the other Pinkie, 'Pinkie, I feel like you, Pinkie, Pinkie, and I should...'" Thanks for reading!
7840853 That's the one! Thank you!