• Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
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Closer-To-The-Sun


You gotta kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.

T

"Trapped in this nightmare,/I wish I'd wake,/As my whole life begins to shake,/Four walls surround me,/An empty gaze,/I can't find my way out of this maze." -Anthrax, 'Madhouse'

After being caught in a blizzard, A.K. Yearling awakes in a strange cabin. She had been saved by a pony who claims to be her biggest fan. But something seems to be wrong here. The cabin, the circumstances of her injury, the pony who claimed to save her, all of it seems off. Will Yearling be able to survive the encounter with her number one fan?

Written for Halloween 2016.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 14 )

Stephen King's Misery? You have my attention.

ohhh a.k, your ass is in trouble,good luck with hobbling and no longer being daring do

Y-You ponifed "Misery"?! :pinkiegasp: That's right on top of my reading list for this year's Nightmare Night now! :scootangel:

heh, it seems ok though im sad to say this chapter was rushed to fast, the fact was we didn't know what the novel was about,why she thought it was rubbish, or how it acted, this might've been more inspired by the movie where it just said untitled and we didn't know what it was about though really you should've set more time, letting us know the character, it's obvious it's a setting for paul Sheldon, and Annie Wilkes, but most haven't seen the movie or read the book, wouldn't know this. I'm just saying maybe adding some more would've made the chapter abit better and more interesting.

Excellent adaptation so far! It's only the second chapter, but I can already see that you're preparing steps to take this into a different, unexpected direction.
Only two things I don't understand about it:

In the first chapter, A.K. Yearling already seems afraid of Snow Script and even begs to let her go, even though Snow Script did still act normal there. Why is that? It seems a little OOC, considering that she's actually an adventurer who has seen a lot of scary or dangerous stuff.

And this here might be a little plothole:

She pointed to the bookcase across the room. As Yearling thought, it was full of books she had written.

A.K. Yearling saw all her Daring Do books in the shelf in the first chapter already, but now she acts like she's seeing them the first time. Has she forgotten about them?



I eagerly await more chapters! :scootangel:

Hey, you've got a pretty cool story going here! I just finished Chapter 1 and you've got this really nice stage play vibe going. I'm feeling a direct homage to Stephen King's Misery and I haven't seen anyone write a story like that, so kudos! :D

She opened her eyes to a ceiling she had never seen before. She was confused as she tried to raise her head up to look around. However, her pounding head stopped her doing so. It was as if some unseen force was weighing down her body.

With her head resting against the pillow, she started to investigate her surroundings. She knew she was on some sort of bedroom, filled with furniture she would expect to see at her grandmother’s home. Resting on top of the nearby dresser were little knick-knacks that gave her an unsettled feeling. The flickering candles near them didn’t help them look more unnerving. Turning her head, she saw a window. Through the portal, she saw frost and snow on the other side. Slowly, things were returning to her. However, her thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the sole door.

This is the only major point I want to make so far about the story. This part is near the very beginning and is literally the 2nd paragraph we see, so it's good to focus on here.

I do like that in paragraph 1 we have an interesting setup. The only major thing that I think this needs is more elaboration in the description itself. It feels too bare bones right now, and I didn't quite get a vivid picture of where she was or the dread she was feeling. I do know what the area looks like, but I'm not feeling it. Try to hone in on the key parts of the scene a little more. Get really in-depth with those words and choose more vivid imagery. Try www.thesaurus.com to see what you can come up with in terms of synonyms for the words you already have.

“Now now, no need for such language. It’s not going to heal any better with such a filthy mouth,” her words were both scolding and jolly. A combination that Yearling didn’t like.

Oh that is a creepy tyrannical-maternal type of expression... O.o

“Besides, the snow storm is making travel completely impossible on all the roads. But the second the roads open up, they promised that they would send a crew to come retrieve you.”

If I were Daring Do, I'd be wondering who "they" were...or if "they" existed at all. Good little detail!

Across the room was an old roll-top desk with some sort of typewriter, an old one she hadn’t seen in years. The last item in the room was a large bookcase, filled to the brim with literature. It did make her happy to see the books, but it bothered her just a little that she recognized every single Daring Do book she had ever written, including reprints.

Oh...I see where this might be leading...

Taking a calming deep breath, Yearling spoke to herself, convincing herself of everything, “She wants to help, and she did say she used to be a nurse, so that should help. It’s all going to be okay. I mean, how bad could this be?”

Nice hinting there at the end that things aren't going to be good for our protagonist.

Great work! upvote and fav <3

you're doing most of these too early, sorry I'm not trying to be an ass and I can tell your cranking these out, as fast as you can. You're having snow do this too early giving her the over niceness, and having her break darlings legs for environment, I'm thinking you only did a wiki read of misery, and not read the book or movie, what made Annie frightening, was because she was so kind over kind, but the moment paul had done something she didn't like she punished him showing her rage and anger first in small doses, and she only broke his legs like that was because, he had gotten out of the room, and she knew when he could walk she'd leave him. The book Annie or the movie Annie, wouldn't hobble someone legs this early even with sedative for she might've been insane she was smart, and bringing out this much pain too early would kill the person, and resulting in her not getting what she wants

Oh, fuck, you have the sledgehammer scene in it too! :twilightoops: I shudder here.
You nail our insane fan's personality very good so far. Reading this really reminds me on the movie, with every sentence.
The only thing that bothers me is that the story progresses too fast. You got the atmosphere just right, but the chapters are very short and you could drag it out much longer.
7639092 has a point there. Now I wish I would remember the movie better.....

That's the creepy version of collecting ringlets of the one you adore. :twilightoops: I feel nauseous now. :pinkiesick: Good job!

Comment posted by Pyro The Reader deleted Oct 25th, 2016

Man, she needs to get outta there pronto, dependency is a mind-killer!

And now I'm finished. A very interesting ponification of "Misery", interesting own ideas thrown into the mix, but I wish it would be better developed and much, much longer.
It's not a boring read, but you can constantly feel that so much is missing here, which is disappointing, after the Nightmare Night fics that you wrote for the last two years.
I really hope you can step up your game again next year, because usually your fics for Nightmare Night are much better crafted and I really like them. :fluttershysad:

7688170 I would first like to say thanks for reading this year's fic. I do understand where you are coming from and I actually agree with that this is far from my greatest work. I wanted to do this to write something out of my normal comfort zone and I succeeded in that. But I guess writing a homage to Stephen King is harder than I thought (and an actual injury caused some issues with writing, oddly enough). But don't worry, I'll be sure to try again next year with something new.

7688590

Writing like one of the best authors ever is a high-wire act. You can fall, but the important thing is that you get up again. Unless your skull is crushed. Uhm, yeah, bad example..... MOVING ON.

Anyway, now that you already tried your hooves on Stephen King, I would love to see you ponifying "Pet Cemetary" one day.
With proper preparations and training over the next year, this would be a very good read by you for sure. :yay:

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