Madhouse

by Closer-To-The-Sun

Chapter 1: Blackout

She opened her eyes to a ceiling she had never seen before. She was confused as she tried to raise her head up to look around. However, her pounding head stopped her doing so. It was as if some unseen force was weighing down her body.

With her head resting against the pillow, she started to investigate her surroundings. She knew she was on some sort of bedroom, filled with furniture she would expect to see at her grandmother’s home. Resting on top of the nearby dresser were little knick-knacks that gave her an unsettled feeling. The flickering candles near them didn’t help them look more unnerving. Turning her head, she saw a window. Through the portal, she saw frost and snow on the other side. Slowly, things were returning to her. However, her thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the sole door.

“Oh, goody, you’re awake!” the mare who opened the door said as she entered. Her coat was white save her grey hooves. Her mane and tail were a seafoam color.

“Who are you? Wh-What’s going on?” the bed-ridden pony asked, her head still pounding in protest.

“It’s okay, Ms. Yearling, I’m here to help,” the pony answered as she arrived at the bedside. “Oh my Celestia, who would have thought that I would have the A.K. Yearling in my own home! It gives me goosebumps.”

“Who are you?” Yearling asked again, this time, her voice was more stern.

The white pony gave a smile to Yearling. It was a smile that seemed to have some sort of sinister motive behind it. “Me?” she started speaking, her words sounding a bit too cheerful, “Why, I’m your biggest fan! My name is Snow Script and I’ve loved your work ever since I can remember. I love your Daring Do stories. Just so much.”

Yearling gave a small smile to her fan, “Well, it’s always nice to meet a fan. But why am I in your home?” She tried to sit up in the bed, but her body was still feeling too heavy for anything like that.

“Oh, let me help you with that!” Snow Script insisted as she trotted out of the room quickly and returned with more pillows. “Just like back at the hospital!” she mused as she helped Yearling up and placed all the pillows below her, allowing Yearling to sit up in bed.

Yearling, still directing her attention at the mare, asked again, “Thank you, but can you please answer me: why am I here?”

“Well, you took quite a nasty spill out there in the snow storm,” Snow pointed to the window, “if it wasn’t for me coming across you….well, I would shutter to think of what would happen if Equestria lost it’s famed author of the Daring Do series!” She raised her hooves up to her face, looking as if she was about to cry at the thought.

“Snow storm?” Yearling asked herself

Snow Script jumped back to her former emotion, the unsettling cheeriness, “But that’s okay! I found you out there and brought you in and I’m here to nurse you back to perfect health! Your leg and wing will be as good as new!”

“Leg?” the brown-coated mare asked as she looked down at where she thought her leg was. Right on the bedspread, her legs were resting in front of her, the left limb bound together with a splint next to it. She looked at her leg in horror. How did it get broken in such a way? Just what happened? “M-My leg! What the buck happened to it?”

“Now now, no need for such language. It’s not going to heal any better with such a filthy mouth,” her words were both scolding and jolly. A combination that Yearling didn’t like.

Yearling paid no mind to Snow’s words. She looked at both of her wings, finding that the left one was bandaged up. Yearling tried to move it, but to no avail; the bandages were wrapped too well. “What happened to me out there? How did you find me? Just exactly what happened?” Yearling was becoming more animated, as if she was fighting back against the numbness of her body.

Snow still had that smile on her face, “You should just try to relax, Ms. Yearling. I’ll bring you lunch shortly. You did say like fresh baked bread, correct?” Snow Script started walking trot back to the door.

“Ms. Snow Script, I need to go a hospital, please!” Yearling started to beg.

“If don’t settled down, Ms. Yearling, I will have to sedate you again, and you won’t get your painkillers with your applesauce,” she turned to speak. “Besides, the snow storm is making travel completely impossible on all the roads. But the second the roads open up, they promised that they would send a crew to come retrieve you.”

Painkillers. That would explain why her body was heavy: the painkillers were numbing every single one of her senses. Yearling couldn’t feel anything from her hooves to the tip of her ears. “Okay,” Yearling calmed down.

At the doorframe, Snow Script smiled, “Good to see my patient listening to the doctor’s orders! Don’t worry, I am a trained nurse, and quite a good cook if I do say so myself. You have nothing to worry about, Ms. Yearling, just let me nurse you back to health!” With that, she disappeared beyond the door.

Yearling leaned back on the pillows, partly in defeat and partly because her body refused to allow her to move. She let out a sigh and took a better look of her new quarters for the time being. It was certainly a mountain cottage, complete with the log walls and the hint of pine incense mixed with the burning candle in the air. Across the room was an old roll-top desk with some sort of typewriter, an old one she hadn’t seen in years. The last item in the room was a large bookcase, filled to the brim with literature. It did make her happy to see the books, but it bothered her just a little that she recognized every single Daring Do book she had ever written, including reprints.

Taking a calming deep breath, Yearling spoke to herself, convincing herself of everything, “She wants to help, and she did say she used to be a nurse, so that should help. It’s all going to be okay. I mean, how bad could this be?”

Comments

[Matthew Penn]

Stephen King's Misery? You have my attention.

[mrmidnight]

ohhh a.k, your ass is in trouble,good luck with hobbling and no longer being daring do

[Fluttercheer]

Y-You ponifed "Misery"?! That's right on top of my reading list for this year's Nightmare Night now!

[boardgamebrony]

Hey, you've got a pretty cool story going here! I just finished Chapter 1 and you've got this really nice stage play vibe going. I'm feeling a direct homage to Stephen King's Misery and I haven't seen anyone write a story like that, so kudos! :D

She opened her eyes to a ceiling she had never seen before. She was confused as she tried to raise her head up to look around. However, her pounding head stopped her doing so. It was as if some unseen force was weighing down her body.

With her head resting against the pillow, she started to investigate her surroundings. She knew she was on some sort of bedroom, filled with furniture she would expect to see at her grandmother’s home. Resting on top of the nearby dresser were little knick-knacks that gave her an unsettled feeling. The flickering candles near them didn’t help them look more unnerving. Turning her head, she saw a window. Through the portal, she saw frost and snow on the other side. Slowly, things were returning to her. However, her thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the sole door.

This is the only major point I want to make so far about the story. This part is near the very beginning and is literally the 2nd paragraph we see, so it's good to focus on here.

I do like that in paragraph 1 we have an interesting setup. The only major thing that I think this needs is more elaboration in the description itself. It feels too bare bones right now, and I didn't quite get a vivid picture of where she was or the dread she was feeling. I do know what the area looks like, but I'm not feeling it. Try to hone in on the key parts of the scene a little more. Get really in-depth with those words and choose more vivid imagery. Try www.thesaurus.com to see what you can come up with in terms of synonyms for the words you already have.

“Now now, no need for such language. It’s not going to heal any better with such a filthy mouth,” her words were both scolding and jolly. A combination that Yearling didn’t like.

Oh that is a creepy tyrannical-maternal type of expression... O.o

“Besides, the snow storm is making travel completely impossible on all the roads. But the second the roads open up, they promised that they would send a crew to come retrieve you.”

If I were Daring Do, I'd be wondering who "they" were...or if "they" existed at all. Good little detail!

Across the room was an old roll-top desk with some sort of typewriter, an old one she hadn’t seen in years. The last item in the room was a large bookcase, filled to the brim with literature. It did make her happy to see the books, but it bothered her just a little that she recognized every single Daring Do book she had ever written, including reprints.

Oh...I see where this might be leading...

Taking a calming deep breath, Yearling spoke to herself, convincing herself of everything, “She wants to help, and she did say she used to be a nurse, so that should help. It’s all going to be okay. I mean, how bad could this be?”

Nice hinting there at the end that things aren't going to be good for our protagonist.

Great work! upvote and fav <3