I'm just a brony that enjoys writing fics, likes drawing pones, an aspiring artist-- Nah, none of that ... Well, maybe I like drawing ponies... https://www.deviantart.com/mr-minati
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Starlight is off to meet with her pen pal, Princess Luna, on a mysterious forest called Wisteria, after receiving an friendly invitation from her. How will this magic expert going to manage traveling through a forest where magic is useless. And which secrets will she discover on her quest.
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This has a good premise, but it seems to be truncated. Like it's not actually complete. We get to the area of close interaction between friends, and... the story ends.
7608253 Sorry for the abruptness, I have to admit that I struggle on character development, so I was more focused on the event than the interaction between friends on this story.
Alright I've only read a bit at this point but it looks like you are alternating between present tense and past tense which is bad. You need to be consistent with which tense you're presenting the story in.
That unfortunately is not the only issue in this story. I gotta ask how would Spike have a book that Twilight wouldn't notice? This sounds contrived to me. Also the fact Twilight being unaware of the book is MEANINGLESS to the plot. The conversation surrounding it is mere fluff with next to no substance to it. Perhaps if it showcased the characterization of Spike and Starlight it could be salvaged but alas it does not. The bigger sin is it could easily be fixed that Spike TOOK that particular book without notifying Twilight hence why Twilight and Starlight were unable to locate it in the library.
Also there is no characterization in this story. The characters lack any sense of distinction and as thus the whole story feels flat. This can best be seen through the lackluster dialogue throughout it. And lastly Starlight just jumping into some random magic pool is so uncharacteristic of her it hurts. But at least she wasn't Luna. Why would Luna trick Starlight into a place with very real danger just for a joke?! Either Luna knew about the danger in which case she is a jerk OR she didn't making her an idiot.
Still I do like the concepts presented in the story. But good ideas do not translate to good storytelling so I have to say this story is bad.
7627635 Thank you for being honest, and for the time you took to check my fic and point out the issues. Know that they won't be ignored, I'll use them for future reference.